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1/29/26
Hi Ok. rantpage made awww.
i feel really useless i dont kmow Its. hard to explain why but i just feel like ive failed my parents so badly and my sisters and everyone around me too since im neurodivergent and can never and will never be normal it hurts really badly
i wish. i was a better person i wish i didnt find escape in the internet the way that i do because it makes me really sad

1/30/26

sometimes i want to give up Really badly
why chase something ill never feel again?

wwould you come to my cottage this summer?

Hiii i am so heated rivalrypilled Hiiii i really liek ilya and i really really like shane he is my babyboo. i am sometimes jealous of the physical intimacy that they have with each other i thnk ive never had that sort of passion. maybe? maybe i guess its more passionate when its a secret just betwren the two and even if ive half been there its never been the same. i guess im not actually jealous its just a sort of longing. maybe thats why i like them so much, i like to picture me and him as them sometimes i thin k that would be nice i would like to be like this someday with him

id like to marry my boyfriend one day i think everything would be so much easier if i could actually see him face to face every day i feel like theres so much im lacking in our relationship from the distance but thats Ok we will betogehter soon and will be so so happy

2/1/26
i skipped a whole day of writing cause i was ? at work.yesterdya. its ok i made money to fix my phone and buy a url i wanted sou im happy

i miss my boyfreifnd aalot it s not even hes faul t he is awau now taht i know more bBut i cant help but miss him and worry for his safety all the time ebery day iwant my baby back

i am sx4maxxed today too and uhhh workmaxxed im tired i dont know i wanted to start writing stuff here since i have nobody to talk to but the knowledge taht anything i put here could and might be seen by anyone i know frightens me. this is like reading my personal diary if u even care
everyone: we dont care sorreyyy
me: thank

2/3/26
DUDE I SKIPPED AOTHER DAY IM SUCH A CHUD!
today was uneventful minus me gettingto talk to my boyfriend for the first time in a qhile yayayayyyy..!!!! I Missed him a lot. also i finished /sunturine if u even care. Hi. ok i need to work on cottage andpuck now goodbye byebye

2/4/26

wwiilll youu come to my cottage this summer? smiling wmoji

atp updating every other day is normal for me now since I cant. find the energy to do much besides School on A days ok.... Lang is molesting me aaaghhhh!!!!
anyways im happy Wait why the fuck is spotify DJ bumping odetari in my headphones be right back

Ok there
hiii today is a good day i miss my boyfriend as always i am happy with my friends i would like to talk to liz more he is so cool to me. i like his art a lot and i complimented it and i like how it made him happy Ok this is making ME happy!!i think a lot of my gratification comes drom making people happy and serving people and just. knowing i am worth something in terms of providing service not just romantically obviously but in general ok? like to EVERYONE ok i love buying things for my sisters i think today i will get a sweet treat from the bakery for my sister since she has the flu and i want to see her happy after being in pain for so long Ok..@enneagram what type am i?
everyone: type 2 boiii
me: Nah i'd sx4

i wonder why i am like this i mean my parents didnt really look at me or pay attention to me unless i proved myself worthy of it so i think thats why i get a huge serotonin boost from people being happy with something i did. sp3 is also speaking to me i think im more sx4 because i have the temperment of one WAIT THIS RMEINDS ME OF THAT ONE IMAGE

i dropped everything i was doing (everythung i was writing mostly) to customize this with whatever types i feel likeBy the way. tell me its good. tell me i made it look nice.

anyways Ok i reread all i had said earlier and i rememebred my heatedrivalrypill Hiiii 6 episodes isnt enough im a hudcon fan now laughing emoji. /HALFJOKE! anywyas hudson is funny to me What prompted him to do this

this is my homosxexual Son please be kind to him he is two days old

Ok i got really paranoid i was gonna hit rentry's character limit soon so i checked and rhus has 5000 characters on it so far AND THE LIMIT IS 200K LMFAOOO i think im safe For a while. if i did the math ive done 5000/200000 which is .025 so 2.5% filled. And its been a week ish... so assuming i rant the same amount every week i should have 40 weeks of this OK GOOD thanks i just need to make sure i wont run out of space thanks~

im realizing now i didnt need to do allat 40 x 5000 equals 200k and i know that CLASS IS ENDING BYW

2/10/26

its been????six days?????Hi?????? hhaha since when. has it been this long
SOS IM BEIN G MOLESTED BY ALL MY APS NEVER TAKE 4 APS NEVER PUT THREE OF THEM ON ONE DAY NEVER NEV

dude im actuall y getting molested by my ap chem homeowkr make it stop. i hate calorimetry. go away. i ahate math. can we do conceptual stuff aagain pleease oh i miss it so bad liek actually
im in chinese right now booooorrriiiinngggg my chinese teacher is like. a bad teacher and im half asleep and half trying to do my chem lab writeup for nect period WAITT HIS IS REMINDIGN ME OF HOW MUCH I HAVE TO DO SOS SOS SOS
oh ymy godOKkaayy

TO DO LIST FOR THE REST OF THIS WEEK
today:
email youthline back for my interview
ask my ap chem teacher abt our plans for the first week of march lessonwise
journal package for ap paych
email my ap lang teacher about our plans for the first week of march
finish national chinese honors society application
ANNOTATE GREAT GATSBY FOR LANG
~DO CHEM HOMEOWORK~
~DO CHINESE HOMEWORK~
HOMEWORK
????? ill update as i Go. Ok.

tomorrow
JOURNAL PACKAGE DUE SOS SOS
something in history
ask my history teacher about the plan for the first week of march

thursday
idk man ill add to this

i will Kill mysel
STOOOP PP IM OGONNA FILLA speeeddd im going to loseeee

2/11/26

ITS OVER I DIDNT FINISH ANYTHING FROM YESTERDSY
i did draw though. but that isnt worth anything academically booo
im on my chromebook now so im gonna try and finish my journal package at the very least,,,

TODAY WAS SO PRODUCTIVE I STAY WINNING
i uhhhh finsihed emailing all my teachers did some lang homework cleaned the whole kitchen got 10k steps in went to the store bought stuff drew stuff finished my psych journal and Yeah! oh i did the cat litter and cleaned other stuff inside my house too. this soothes my ocd so bad it is not funny. yes i am diagnosed but yes i am also the stereotypical ocd individual. yes i like to clean and yes i like to have things in order and yes it soothes my nerves to an inexplicable degree when i know i have control over myself and the tasks im doing and when iam able to control myself into doing things for my greater good

i constantly have an internal battle going on between my adhd and ocd and.the ocd is winning today but thats good since i cant get distracted and i'll be productive all day and not need to sleep or get distracted and just learn and do as much homework as I can and im typing so fast it hurts a little i had to take my headphones off since it was overwhelming me more than i already am but IDC!!!!!! operating under stress is good for me i think until i start moving fast like this but im notcomplaining im gonna get light years of work done ill be the most productive person ever ill be so perfect ill be able to relax all week and weekend and ill be Amazing and my parents will be so proud of me

kay i changed the font to something more readable and calm. IM ALWAYS CALM!

2/22/26

Its been. ten days or something wait no 11. Sos. ok so in my defense i was deally really sick for teh past week or so so i wasnt updating tjis :)... im still sick but well enough to do homeowrk Nd school stuff now though so thats Ok. but i feel like im dying! my head! hurts! i have the flu or soemthing and its so stipid it hurts my whole head and neck and everything and i had to miss two days of school becasue pf it and now i have a ton of homework to make up. Whatever. i should go do that now afte rshowering :)... will update this more later thiugh Love

OK its like two hours later now i finished studying for chem. thats a lie. i still have liek 3 chem assignmentsto finish before my test tomorrow..but thats OK! i like chemistry i think the owner of /chem and /chemistry or whoever owns them should give the urls to me for free cause im awesome
shoutout to the two people i traded witj recently i love url trading So Much liek actuaally. defeat traded for confusion and puck traded for apricot guys am i winning? i like food themed urls i wish i had more so tke second i saw apricot i got super excited. eyes emoji! im gonna make it yatta themed probably... like all my other rentries for some reason (shocker wya?)//,,, ill also redo sunturine too its my baby and i want it to be CUTE! for me and my boyfeienf. speaking of him i miss him really badly :(( i understand that he's sick and cant talk to me cause of that but i wish the best for him and miss him still alot understand?

ok i keep coughing sos. alarm emoji. i made tea and it isnt helping ,much. but i will go try to finish my homework now bye~

2/25/26
hello it feels like ym life is over. Kinda. not really. but ihave been consumed with obsession (CORNY WORDING A LERT) to the point i find it hard to function without either performing whatever compulsion soothes my anxiety (sh) or . being distracted so severely i forget for a moemnt. waht to do when your boyfriend blocks you during an argument and then unblovks you and asks youfor a break and also has a secret twitter account that you dont even want to find and might be talking about you or worse replacing me with someoene else and finding a better partner? what do i even do? why am i so nervous? theres no way to know or immediately soothe myself sinc i literlaly. dont have the ####ing accoutnnt so im stuck pulling otu my hair in Frustration. it hurts. badly.

apparently for bpd and also severw ocd, both of which i suffer from, dbt works. i looked up some dbt anxiety and episode (split?) management methods today since i cant take worrying like this anymore. i cant eat or sleep or do anything unless im actively talking to him or getting distractef by something that mandates my attention (school). i dont like this i dont like uncertainty its happened before or almost did and im so scared he'll replace me agaun with someone he likes more please am i not enough why dont you text me back why dont you respond to me are you talking to soemone else do oyu not likeme anymore are you scared of me do you not want me anymore whydoes it hurt so bad do you really have to lwave me I understand but do it now befor e it hurts too much pleas e im soscared

3/8/26

it was my birthday a few days ago. i think this is the most miserable birthday ivw ever experienved Now thanks

i do t want rn eb alive ithurts everhthifn hurts Can i die pleas e

3/9/26
is it even march 9th yet? i dont know at this point. my head hurts. i Miss my. ex-boyfreidn? situationship or whatever we ar wnow. but i feel even guiltier saying that isnce he is clearly unwell and i need to wait but nto talkin f to himHurts i just misshim i want m y boyfrien dback im so sicki feel so sickPleas

wwhwyuy ar e We lkike this i hhave somuch t do but all ive done is sleep off my jet lag and cut msyelf today i cant Bring mself to pay attention to antuhing else i dontkno w why ive ltst tenpounts somehow i Weighed msyelf forthe firt time in a while an d was so surpirsed icant beoueve i actualyl havw done that ikmnot proud im happ y yesbut im just Apathetic i feelnothing but wverything at the samw time It hurts i vant look at anythinf withut it remindifn me of him i Haventgiven up yet it osunds like i have since being on a break feel slike rejectioneBecause he isnot my boyfriend anmymroe and it hruts but i dontknnow it makes me feel like i should give up eeven thoufh i know i f i try i canmake it bettweIm just so How do i get my psycjiatrist to giv e me antipsychoti?cs? please amber @amber @amber iNeed this pleaee cnmake kmeabetter prerson i can t Do this anhmore

3/10/26

things are beautifuk again idk whyBut it hurts less nnow. imhappy ive been doing stuff to take my mind off of it andits wokeing really well i Like my friends alot

things are beautiful im tired but happy eeverything wilm be Ok i retyped as sx8 again kindaMaybe to make mysefl feel better and mkrw in control but idk ive been sx8maxxed today and yesterday afternoon and it was all really nice imreally happy

Ok everthing is beautiful Ok By e