hello! i am (or was depending on when you read this?) violinist on retrospring ^_^ you may know me as 秀英, sinner, sen, admin, etc... i go by a ton of aliases! i am asian, filipino japanese & chinese! sixteeen... i'm genderflux, sapphillean, and a bunch of other labels! if you want to know more about me, you can go to my extended :) and if you want to find me elsewhere, my cohost is carpeinoctem! you can ask for my socials there too~ anyways i'll be rambling a bit... i hope you don't mind? hehe
08.08.2024 i might come back at another date... i'm sentimental like that! i should probably write down the modify code huh... but anyway! i can't even remember how long i've been on retrospring... okay i just checked and apparently a YEAR? it feels like more than that... so many things have happened since then! so many things you don't even KNOW! i think my life got a bit more interesting because of this hellsite (neither affectionate or derogatory). while i may not have made many actual friends on here, i will say i made many wonderful mutuals! i wouldn't count lanoomf as we originally met on mogaiblr, though i might as well, right?
special mentions~ reignbow! while we met on tumblr, i like to think retrospring has helped our relationship grow at least a little more. it's always fun to see your asks, and i love it when we exchange them! even if we don't post them... that just makes it more fun to me!! it's like passing notes in class... so cute! you're a wonderful friend, and you always brighten my day. AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN! i'm so proud of you for making it this far. rodion! i'm hoping you see me as an acquaintance... at least! but either way, i enjoy being your mutual. while we only just recently started interacting daily, i like to think i know more than i did when we first met! and i probably do!! you're such an interesting person, and i always enjoy seeing your asks on my timeline! thanks for being my mutual :) narrator! it's been a while since i've seen you around, but i thought i'd mention you anyway! i don't think we were the absolutely closest, but i still look back on our interactions fondly. thanks for being so nice to me! especially during that time. i wasn't at my best, let's just say, hehe. sleet! it would be a crime to not include you when you made this! which i must say is so cute... i love reading everyone's messages! i don't think we've interacted much at all besides your qotds, but it was always fun doing them. even seeing your opinions was such a fun thing!! if that isn't weird... i'm glad we're mutuals!!! i hope to see you around in dogpark hehe! and to every single one of my wonderful mutuals! i'm glad i met all of you, truly.
okay that was long, and i'm not even done! i tend to ramble a lot... anyway i've changed a lot since i first joined retrospring! and i mean a lot. i'm sure old mutuals know that better than anyone... even now, i'm always changing! not just themes, but typing styles & personality. well, that's just how it goes! everyone changes, even if it isn't obvious. i think the most obvious change is that i'm less... i'm not sure how to call it other than mogaiblr-y I'M SORRY. but i used to be really focused on aesthetics & how i show my personality. everything i did was calculated. to the point i didn't know if i was acting like myself. this persona i put on was me, but how much of it is me just trying to fit in? i'm definitely not saying i know who i am now. it wasn't just on retrospring i acted like that, it was everywhere. it was basically my whole life. it's hard trying to heal from that, but i'm trying my best!!! i'm acting more like myself, slowly but surely. maybe a year from now, i'd have figured something out!! haha, i have no idea. but you all witnessed that, that change. if you compared me to back then, it would be like i wasn't the same person!! i think, i have no idea... but i'm glad i could figure myself out. at least somewhat.
my mental health has gotten better! well, somewhat. but that's really the best i could ask for. i still have that void in my chest, but i have my wonderful boyfriends, and all of you! well. all of my friends, that is. i can rely on them. i just have to get that into my head, haha. but i'm glad i made it this far. and i'm glad you did too! i'm sure you've changed one way or another, and that's wonderful! i'm so proud of you :) i hope we can see each other at our best one day. ♡