Tora's public diary, as I would rather not spend my money on an actual one (since its kinda tight rn). I do not filter myself nor trigger warn anything, so be aware that there may be content involving self harm, suicide, just anything that would be in a diary. I do not name drop anybody unless it's positive talk for their own privacy and to avoid drama.
04.13.25
i wonder about the day i will die. how old will i be? will it be from a natural cause or will someone truly hate me that much? thats scary. i dont want people to hate me. i hate it. i dont want others to hate me, not at all... especially not to the point theyd kill me?! i dont like how badly of an attention seeker i used to be, i think thats why so many people hate me. I'm trying to get better, i am! i want people to believe me, i want people to understand i truly am getting better... but they never do. why is that? does it not show in my actions? im much less hateful and i dont even cut myself anymore. the biggest thing i wanted when i first started this account up until like 2 months ago was a cancellation thread on me. a thread leaking all the terrible stuff i did and then me going into an episode because of it but id also be kind of excited because of the attention i would be receiving... now whenever i imagine that happening i feel nauseous. i dont want people to be mean to me. every time someone is genuinely mean to me i cry, and crying takes up so much energy and in general just sucks.
04.27.25
i went to a movie theater with my mom, sister, brother, and grandma today (well technically yesterday butttt whatever) and one of my favorites in the movie turned into a vampire and was killed and i was just like Ouhhh 😢😢 noo... IT WAS REALLY SAD HE WAS SO COOL I LOVED HIM. nothing else really happened today?? my groomers birthday is tomorrow and i WILL be a sad sack of shit the entire day idgaf. i am not motivated to write anything else it is currently 00:51 and i am sweating so bad and it soo boring in here
today is the worst day of my life. She didnt even censor mg username and she put it on a url that is probably searched up by hundreds daily I dont want to get harassed i dont want people to know me because of me hating on others. i am a CHILD Yes im pulling the age card i dont care you are like 5-6 years older than me please leave me alone i am not stable nor mature enough for this j almost vomited on the sidewalk. i literally fell down and started sobbinf my jnees hurt so bad why couldn't someone hit me with their car. i don't carr that im being dramatic i literally cant deal with anything like this. yhe last time something like this happened i literally broke down during class and started shakinf so bad i almos5 ran out of the classroom I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF OVER THAT please just leave me alone im sorry i wrote that paragraph im sorry i cant undo it i dojtnknow what you want from mem THAT TWEET WAS SO LONG AGO FUCK YOU ANF YOUR FRIEND JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. youre probably making fun of me in dms. im so nauseous i can feel my eyes getting warm ajd my throat closing up again i need to claw my skin off. noje of this is real I swear to god if i still had my scalpel you guys would s ee the most insane sesh ever fuckkkkffr3 i thought i was more mature than this This is so embarrassing. my mom asked me what was wrong and i literally couldn't speak i wasn't ready yo talk about it to her yet and i feel so bad. this is so silly i shouldn't be this upset about it. SHE LITERALLY SET ME AS HER HEADER PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE it was a conversation between me and my friend how did you even find it God forbid i talk to my friend about someoje indont likee. jm so Desperate for comfort right nww i swewr to gof i am going to text cid i dont care if we broke up almost 2 years ago i Need him rughtbnkow. cid wait for me .dming you for comfort again even though we broke up 2 years ago and you sexually assaulted me is not too far.u
05.02.25
mmm she switched up how surprising. whateverr i downloaded an apk of co9 idk if its legit or if im gonna get a virus i found the link from a reddit post
05.09.25
me and sunny are friends again Yuppp. anyway rin/taboo got outed as a weirdo
05.12.25
05.18.25
I got /yamal on rentry Mmm
05.22.25
I want. my phone back. I have decorated like 5 strawpages and 3 rentries using my dumb school chromebook which has like EVERYTHING BLOCKED. LET ME HSVE MY PHONE BACK?? Ok I'm sorry my allergies got really fuckinf bad this morning and I couldn't speak nor move to get to school or communicate what was wrong THATS NOT MY FAULTTTT "I'm tired of this" ??????WHAT R U SAYING. I LITERALLY GO TO SCHOOL EVERYDAY I haven't missed a single day except for when something happened which forced me to miss school Excluding like A FEW MONTHS AGO when I was a religious school misser. IM tired of this. I got my phone back after like a day and a half and then I fell asleep an hour later Woke up AND YOURE TAKING MY PHONW AGAIN FOR GOD KNOWS HOW LONG. sorry I don't wanna go t o school when there is literally snot and tears uncontrollably dripping down my face Not to mention whatever the hell in my throat making me unable to talk. sorry. I will literally do all the work I missed at home I have NO problem with that if that's what you want. WHYYY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE I THROW PARTIES AT HOME WHEN YOU ARENT HERE AND VAPE ANF SMOKE AND DO ALL OF THAT JUST BECAUSE I MISSED ONE DAY.
wait hello this gif just reminded me of when I used to be a marnie riako. THAT WAS MY PEAKKKK.. I love marnie Shes so. pretty.
Lamine Yamal.. I KEEP THINKING ABOUT HIM Alex fumbled so bad Omg? kyaaa.. I love having so many URLs of him. I want all the Lamine URLs ever. "This ones different" DAMN WELL HE IS. He has so many records too jdsginmioe...... "The youngest player to start a La Liga game, score in La Liga, play in a Clasico, the youngest player to debut in the Champions League and the youngest to score in a Champions League semi-final" WHY IS HE ACTUALLY GOATED. sorry I'm so distracted by this video I'm watching about him right now. Fuckk? THIS IS LAMINE YAMALS WORLD AND WERE ALL JUST LIVING IN IT. BARCA LITERALLY TWEETED THAT. wait I'll make lamine (strawpage URL) an info dump? maybe? he's so cute toooo... hnreuanubeviuebrbv IM FANGIRLING SO HARD RIHGT NOW. Give me that jersey Now. I just need to learn more about soccer/football whatever you wanna call it Before I actually start geeking out with people. WAIT THERE S A VDIEO of 10 stuff he cant live without. wait. THIS IS A PART FOR ME TO REMEMBER OKAy.
- T-16 travel card, his mom got it for him and he has had two of them. one when he lived in granollers and another one when he moved to Barcelona. he moved to la masia when he was 12.
- family photos, a lot of granollers mentions Ok. 304 are the last digits of his postal address in Rocafonda. they call the neighborhood 304.
- hair wax, he uses it after his showers to tidy up his curls.
- his scarf, he's had it since he was little. his mom took that one away because he used it every single day. He loved it because it smelled like his mom, dad, and dog all together. he would hold on to it even when he was sleeping and his mom got tired of it and decided to get rid of it. "its long-lost now". After his mom threw it away he found a blanket and became obsessed with that instead, whenever he visits his mom he covers up with the blanket and he likes to smell it.
- rice with peanut sauce (??? alright), his mom made it so he could fuel up before games. He likes every meal his mom makes (me too. Me too).
- Beats headphones, he uses them to listen to music and concentrate in the field. he plays music when he wakes up, in the locker room, and when he wants to focus before a game. He listens to "Mora" with his friends at night, "Dei V" or "Myke Towers" to get excited before a game, "Eminem" and "50 Cent" with his dad. The headphones help him disconnect very quickly, music makes him feel relaxed.
- Moroccan pastries and tea, "great for any afternoon snack". He saw these pastries at his grandmas and have loved them ever since, he always tries to have some.
- his ps5 controller, he uses it a lot in his daily life. his mom gave him a ps4 when he was in 6th grade and that's when his fortnite obsession began (Ok bro). His favorite games are Fortnite and FIFA. FIFA because football/soccer is his favorite sport and he loves everything related to it, and Fortnite because it was the first game he became addicted to. He always plays with his cousin Moha and he finds it funny when he gets mad. "He's the best PS5 partner". He's really good at FIFA and plays better than Moha and his friends.
- football boots, they're the F50 and he uses them for the Euro. they're very light and comfortable and Messi used them as well. When he was playing in La Torreta he had 3-4 pairs and since he signed his first brand contract his mom started to keep them. His two role models in football/soccer are Messi and Neymar. Neymar for his awesome way of playing, and Messi because he is the best player in the whole world. He is left-handed and kicks with his right leg.
- Ipad, he uses it during the team trips and usually sees shows at night. He is watching Breaking Bad and just finished Baby Reindeer (as of 10 months ago). He likes binge-watching Aquí no hay quien viva and La que se avecina. When he's flying he puts on his headphones and watches some shows until he gets sleepy and falls asleep. At night or when he has free time he probably will be watching something.
FUCKKK THAT WAS SO MUCH TO TYPE KILL ME NOW. Bro he has a Fortnite obsession and listens to Eminem and 50 cent. R WE DEADASS. Sorry I forget that he Is just a teenage boy and will have the usual teenage boy interests. IT IS 2:40 AM I NEED TO SLEEP ok a few more videos about him wont hurt.
I did not go to sleep after those few more videos. I'm trying to learn more about soccer/football but I swear none of it is getting to my head. maybe because its like 3:30 AM but. IDK once my mom enrolls me into soccer I'll probably get a better hang of it
I feel like its important to mention since I don't name-drop I ONLY COMPLAIN ABOUT MY STEPMOM like in the 1st rant I was talking about my stepmom. I never complain about my mom I love that woman
wait I wanna be a midfielder. Because from what I've been told they're still really significant and a great position to play? I feel like being a striker or foward would be overwhelming since that's like the most crucial position on the field?. "To excel as a striker in soccer, you need a combination of technical skills, tactical awareness, physical prowess, and mental toughness. Key attributes include finishing ability, speed and agility, ball control, mental toughness, and the ability to anticipate and read the game." THAT SOUNDS LIKE SP MUCH I cant do all that??? Fuck. Lamine Yamal and every other forward/striker you are stronger than I will ever, be wtf
I GOT FCBARCELONA HELLO?????
06.04.25
GO MY TORARIN
06.10.25
EVERYONE SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HYPER RIGHT NOW
She is finally 71 💞 
LOOK AT HOW CUTE WE ALL ARE Hyper is the one with the red hair and nori is the one shes having eye sex with IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. Me and mel on the left yuppp you know it. im in the Barcelona jersey Duh and that cutie (not the red fag) is mel
06.16.25
i think he killed himself What the hell whst the hell what the hell. bbut he cant die because thats not how it works,,,, my Friendw dont die until i do. thats how its always been. Hes my bestfriedn he csnt die i dont want him to. imsorry im crytypinh so badly rihgt now i havent stopped crying in like hours This sucks. ive texted him so many times i hpoe hes ok i really do. hesjjust sleeping and thats why he hasnt resppponded Im sorry i keep thinking of when i tried killing myself teice in january. i probably strsssed my friends out so ba d. im so sorry ill never try t kill myslef again illl never pick up anohter pill bottle ever again Im so sosorry. i hope hes ok i truly do. i would give him the world if i could because thats all he deserves. hes one of the sweetest people you will ever meet his heart is pure but people are just dicks and cant appreciate him. i hqte it i hate it i hate it hes so sweet he doesnt deserve anything except the bset and he especially doesnt deserve this. im no tveen religious but ive been praying to god to let that pooor boy live for hours now. i dont know wby god hates me so much im trying ot improve and i have made improvement but it all seems useless beacuse everything around me just keeps falling apart now. ive stopped being so mean ive stopped harassing people i started being nicer ive made massive improvements in my mental health but the universe just keeps telling me to kill myself And im tjred of it. i just wnat to be happy with my friends i dont know why thats nearly impossible. i just want peace i just want eevruthn=ing to br ok. i know it will be i cant be getting negative at a time like this but it truly sucks. everyone is so mean and i hhat e it i hate it all. i dont hate anybody anymore i believe everyone is worthy of love no matter whst characters they like and thats a huge improvement for me even if it sounds silly. im trying i really am but everyone just sees me for my past actions and i dont know how to make it stop. thsts all ii wanr i want it to all stop i want to stop being reminded of my past actions every single day of my life but thtas obvisouly never gonna happen because every single day i get people asking me "hey arent you that one kid who told other rin fans to die because of blahblahblah" and just constant reminders of how i used to be and i hate it all i really do. nobody listens to me when i try to explain myself and apologize And fucking hell that sucks.
07.02.25
i got my phone taken (currently typing this on my school computer fml) and Guess what!!! my school blocked tetratto so now im really gonna be deprived of social interactions 👎 the only thing i can do is decorate my rentries (like 3 because my edit code is impossible to get onto here)/strawpages, play those mathgame website things, and watch football clips. Whatever i hope she gives in soon because i am not getting out of my room or eating until she gives me my phone back 👎 YES its that serious to the point ill starve myself Fuck off
hashtagwhatever she said ill get my phone back after she gets home from work. Ive been watching pedri clips all day imso serious... Hes the player i look up to the most even if lamine is my favorite.. i think thats becauese lamine is a forward andtheres NO way im being a forward. in My 13 years of living (age drop Sawry) ive only ever thought of being a midfielder and pedri is like. the best midfielder in the world. so obviously im gonna look up to him.. i just have to analyse all his plays in the 24/25 season Maybe the 23/24 season as well if im really desperate. offside rule is SO confusing to me but honestly i havent looked into it that much, and ive only had it explained to me once so. Whatever. ill practice pedris playstyle and maybe practice lamines dribbling as welll?? not sure yet. Bro omg. omg. FELIX GOT aN EXPLODING BALLOONS VIDEO BEFORE LAMINE Sorry this series is lieke my favorite series and ive watched pedris episeode so many times im losing my mind. Also bluelock SUCKS as a resource to use when learning about football. it prioritizes individual success anf goal scoring above traditional teamwork . And individual brilliance is important in football I KNOW THAT but the sport is fundamentally a team effort and bluelock Downpplays that in favor of intense individual competition and itMAKES ME MAD Sorry i do not like bluelock. at all. i only like Otoya my bae and kaiser and kaisagi and allsagi Really. everythging else can #die. ESPECIALLY ITOSHI RIN FUCKING PIECE OF SHITTTTT. Sorry i do nt like him. But anyway back to football,. i have a madridoomf and he is So cool. Did i have madrid fans in my dni like 2 weeks ago? yeah. but i have a change of heart Ok? i only dont like the annoying ones. IM WATCHING A LAMINE VDIEO RIGHT NOW AND HES SO CUTW Yes baby u know so much about football i love you. I miss his natural hair uuuuuuuuhhguhuhuhuhuhuihuogrjiodgrihjuavjaeavij,ijothklgsmklbgsd;knmlgbfo. DO NOTG TAKE THIS THE WRWONG WAY I love his blonde hair so much. but his natural hair was so kyute.. and his curls were so much more visible too anda its like Ouuuwwwh.... how could anyone hate you. i dont even have a ball Man. i want the barcelona ball because I lovelove barcelona so much 😢. Bro imso fucking nervous yesterday the future El Clásico dates were revealed and i couldnt stop shaking and crying Like i have belief in barcelona but its still so scary. October 26th 2025 and May 10th 2026 Fml. i almost killed myself when spain lost Bruh if barca losees any then im not gonna hear the end of it by annoying madrid fans I HHATE THIS Whatever i have hope in barcelona and one match doesnt determine everything anyway
i miss him i hope we're still friends 
Heyy we're like the 😂✌ #coping