Spencer's Journal           /Deymiks
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05 30 26 front: dave
IHATEVEEYRIONE IIHATE EVEYRONE IM SOFUCKIBG MAD I AHTE EVERYONE I HATE EVEYTHING IMAGAIANQYGWUSYBGHdsfyhja
I LOVE HOW YOU REPLA CE ME WHEN IVE ENVER SEEN ANYONE THE WAY ISEE YOU


05 14 26 front: wylan
hahagdsf wheres calWHERES CAL!!! if hes dormant we are DOOMED whatvervvevrvrvrvr saints im .so bored. i miss my partner. and qpp. i miss my freinds. fml.

05 11 26 front: blurry.really blurry
i think i eneed to die immediately. i dont know who i am and i cantfeel anything physical or otherwise. kms

05 07 26 front: anthony, james
do i need to kill myself oh my god i hate people"you do this everyday and then blame everyone else its a bit tiring" ok do you know hwtas tiring like maybe being treated like genuine poop by all my friends and then going home to????EVERYTHING???? me whne i alsmot cry in class cuz somoene whos supposed to be my bff says that to me liek Ok?????ill kms i guesss?????? fastest way to make me hang myself call me annoying or tiring or say that i blame my issues on others like WHATEVER. this is hwy i genuinely dont tell her anything about my serious life like no you are never learning about my dad or fostercare or anything i hate you i hate you i hate you god forbid im tired of your annoying boyfriend being the worst person alive F PEOPLE IM SO ANGRY i hate people why am i even allowed to solo front chatgpt the others KNOW im a risk to ourself kmskmskmskms thisis actually the end i fear.i needto die why do all my friends justHATE ME and wnat me DEAD AND GONE whatever i am.TIRED of everyone i want to go home. f all my irls except azure actually i despise them all thwyre all so inconsiderate and annoying
ONE MONTH FROM NOW iS ME AND CRAIGS FREIENDAVERYSTAUYAUAU
everything above this was said by Cal. I no longer care. I'm jusr mad and want to play video games or something man. I hate people!!! I miss the friends who I actually like. Shoutout Craig & Bobby & Shaun love you guys. Annd Azure too probably... we haven't talked yet


04 24 26 front as of 05:51pm 04 24 26 : cal , yiffy , anthony
i am so fucjed og mygod im actually doomed oh godgfdhdisjsjd hes gonna leave i can.FEEL it og god this is all my fault why am i the worst eprsom ever actually i needto kill msyelfFUCCKKFUFJCUFKCYCK I CANT HANDLE THIS im so fucked i hate thia i hage this i hate this what is wrong with me im genuinely so fuckinf stupid no wonder he doesnt want to hear from me im a piece of shit and i ndeed to kill msyelf actually


04 22 26 we make a beeline to the auditorium is genuinely me and craigs song holy crap i love this song im so happy lalalala i miss craig i hate queer platonic "romance" where is my platboyf i am so attached to him its crazay
discord suspended my account for age???i am. above 13??? is this cuz dave kept saying hes 12??LIKE HE IS???BUT BODILY WERE OLDER UUUUUGH ill fix it this weekend pmo
for now if u wanna reach me go to .strilondes on dc ok? i hate discord this sux


04 17 26 front as of 08:54 04 17 26 : Hal .
I don't get how people can deal with school I am so overwhelmed. People are so confusing. I don't understand any of them. Blah. I hate when hosts don't do their jobs oh my god Calvin you are a SOCIAL host DO YOUR JOB I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS!
I simply cannot stop doing bad things to myself and I will not elaborate on that.


04 16 26 front as of 10:44 04 16 26 : dove + sollux + jira .
sol having a dream of us dying like 7 times bro ok can you stop thi is PMO! straightup its so annoying stopstopstop THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! -dove
i miss my friends i really hate thursdays. craig please come to my school -dove
i have been so anxious lately &airing everyone the past few days i feel rlly bad sorry @everyone. doing my best guys. no im not im not trying @all i just dont care enuff ooooops! whateva whateva -dove
this is GENUINELY the worst i hate EVERYONE everything is so ANNOYING everyones so loud i hope you all die god im so mad can i please just go to 2nd period alreayd i want to read this book with lily bro. i miss craig please come back only person who i like. -jira
dude everyone need2 two be quiiet. 2o what iif ii have odd dreams ii hope you ALL diie -2ollux
everypne die asap bro -jira


04 12 26 "I wonder if you still love me even though neither of us can go through that again" i always will and im sorry for that fact -cal


04 06 26 front as of 08:37 04 06 26 : cal + connor . im so tired today i want to tlel lily about what happened but i dont know if she'd care or want ta know. but craig agreed to match aas dirkjake with me on dc which upped my mood considerably i love him he is so wonderful. sometimes it feels like i rely too much on him for happiness and that my mental state shuldnt be determined by if hes there or not buut i dont.reallu care. u know? its jusyt. a thing that happens. i haf another dream of him leaving lsat night i NEED to stop dreaming about that its NOT gonna hapepen:( i miss my qpp hi craig
i really need new freinds i need to learn how to talk to people nd not be anoyed by eeveryone but craig


04 05 26 I ACTUALLY HATE PEOPLE SO BAD YOU ALL GOTYA GO "i dont want to be a part of your recovery" worst friemd award GOES TO.... THAT ONE!!! im so tired of people actually. people act like this shouldmy bother me that was 7 months of my life dedicated to someone whos apparently always thought i was weird snd didmt like me?????ugh why did i try so hard for her. this is gonna kill me but nof actually
at least i have craig o think id actually die if i didnt have my platboyf he is all i have left im so done
you know befpre i checked her texts yesterday i literally thOught to myself "shes breaking up with me isnt she" AND THERE IT FUCKINH IS!!! im s done


04 04 26 spencer single era i guess man


04 03 26 i hate all my classmates oh mygod dude i had like 2 seconds to eat cuz theseFATTIES cut in front of me n now im hunrgy as freaking heck and almost cried?????i dont really care im just frustrated none of my friends even tried to wait before going outside liek Ok guess i am just not worth ur time THATSWHAT IM PICKING UP!!! tomorwooss the weekened adnd my moms out of town life is terirble actially. why r all of these kids racist oh my god i HATE teenage boys "spence rnt u a teenage boy" thats differnet?????ok whatever man im TIRED i miss my qpp i miss craig CRAIIIIG come back i miss mu friends IM TIRED MY LIMBS HURT im too young to be in this much bodily pain s m h ! been so paranoid lately this is nto ok. ummmm front as of 13:33 04 03 26 juliux dave &cal(?) i think. thanks!


04 02 26 ok i like nwver use rentry serously butt this seemed lile fun :) today was pretty umeventful i suppoze ill just makw rhis entry be a intro typw thing ? No ones ever gonna care about this url tho sp who gaf!!! ok my nams is spencer (pr calvin more commonly actuakkg) i go bymirrored pronouns but he/him is ok for simplicity. i have a dumb qpp "platonic boyfriend" who i adore . i am a rreeealy big homestuck &criminal minds &voidbound fan ! diagnosed with did since early 2025 , suspecting since late 2023 , public about being a sys since late 2025 . i am literally dave strider &spencer reid &deymin deuxay sorry its just tha facts ! i really love my wonderful friends in the freckledfruit server, hi bobby &johnny &the other 2 who id ont talk 2 much , i lov u all <3 ovrall i try n be fun buf i am admittedly not the easiest person to get along with but i cherish all my feiends even if i dont act like it . shouout craig shaun bobby azure mika mai peyton vass ivory evan zoe haliv johnny cipher etc ilovvve u guys . i am a big stupid nerd &i read a lot some.may say too much and to that i say Kill yoursslf . reltavibely im pretty smart books wise i am STUPID socially and dont understand peopleso i can be very abrasivs . i am confrontatuonak and prone to jealousy Oops! Ok im tires of typing #RavagelyOnDiscord TEXT ME!

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Pub: 03 Apr 2026 04:15 UTC

Edit: 31 May 2026 03:52 UTC

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