Alchemical Creations: Hollow Horn
Three days after New Years. Two after that blasted dragapult, Drew, decided to go off on his own to that patterned cave or whatever. Now today, for reasons unknown to me, there is a tired-looking dreepy that is sleeping on my alchemy equipment.
“Sloth Peacock!” I exclaim, saying his full name, “remove yourself at once!”
“Fuck off, Ikarus,” I see the mouth of the little one move angrily.
Angrily? I grab him and hold him up to my face. Although he looks sleepy, this one has the signature angry eyes of Wrath, not Sloth.
“Wrath? Goodness, why are you simply moping about?” I ask, while turning my attention to the other dreepy that are splayed across my beloved workshop, all in varying states of unusual tiredness. Save Sloth, who is in his typical deep sleep.
“Fuck you,” comes Wrath’s typical response, so I fling him away and look for one of the more amicable of the sins I now find myself dealing with. I find drifting before the open doorway a dreepy that seems a bit more green than the others and has a tongue sticking out. Envy.
“Envy,” I say, calling the attention of the dreepy who is second-in-command to the sins and the foremost one that actually speaks, “why are your kin all seemingly depressed?”
He grumbles and looks away. How unusual indeed. Fortunately, I know how to get to him
“Avarice~! Wanna get thrown?” I call out in singsong. Sure enough, although the dreepy that almost instantly appears beside me seems more tired than usual, the signature concave-down irises of this one tell me this is Avarice.
I grab him, wind back my arm, and – careful not to throw him to my laboratory equipment as I did when Drew first began to bother me a few weeks ago – let him loose.
The signature “weeee!” that fades out as Avarice flies across the room sounds like mere echoes of the one from a few days prior, but after repeating this a few times, I feel a tap on my shoulder.
I turn around to see a blushing Envy, jealous of the attention his brother is receiving, finally ready to speak.
“Drew went to a dungeon without us,” he says plainly and clearly despite his tongue hanging out of his mouth, “and he hasn’t returned.”
“Aww, do you miss your dearest father?”
“Hehehe, no! Of course not! But… it is hard to sleep at night for us,” says Avarice wistfully.
Hard to sleep? Ah! That might be it! I look around and see all the dreepy laying and floating about. I, genius that I am, quickly determine that they require the hollow horns of Drew to sleep in, lest they be infected by the melancholy of their perpetually-sleeping brother.
Or, I remind myself, what that fire-dog-therapist termed “depression,” whatever that means.
I push the thought away and begin gathering materials.
Ah, how the alchemists of the Court of Caphelon weep for being bereft of my presence, I think as I begin crafting a new device, my thoughts starting to wander, I do wonder why I alone from Terra wound up here, and why everyone else speaks in such a barbaric, non Brittonic accent...
After some hours of tinkering and using my esoteric violet flames to weld pieces of metal together, I finish crafting what resembles a half of a dragapult’s head: a flat wing with two triangle-shaped hollow horns mounted atop.
I set it on the table and quickly hobble over to the fattest dreepy who is too slow to fly away: Gluttony.
To my glee, he fits into the smaller horn with a bit of effort. I put Sloth in as well, but I quickly realize that Gluttony is too fat to remove himself and Sloth will sleep quite literally anywhere.
I quickly remove them, dumping them out where they both lazily float to some other surface to rest on.
I require better test subjects with actual standards.
As I think this, I see Pride float beside me. I give him a smile as I present to him the contraption I created for his enjoyment.
Unsurprisingly, he just blinks and says nothing.
I can see why Drew dislikes you, I think as I snatch him out of the air and stuff him into the hole. He resists with little effort.
Okay, it’s normally two to a hole so I need three more.
“ Avarice~” I singsong again. Sure enough, he appears, but his preemptive “wee!” turns into a shriek as I push him into the same hollow horn as Pride. I smile at the two as they look at me with a little bit of their brother Wrath in them.
“Sorry, but it’s for your own good!” I say as I walk to another dreepy. I can tell it’s lust by the exaggerated eyelashes, but fortunately she doesn’t resist.
I also thank myself for being deaf, because knowing her she almost certainly gave out a loud moan at me grabbing her and putting her in the pseudo horn.
I look around and look for the next contender. Sloth and Gluttony are both terrible candidates and Wrath, though not hiding away, is looking at me as if daring me to try with him. Not wanting to get my fingers bit, I turn to my final candidate, still floating in front of the door: Envy.
I approach him and he instantly knows what is about to occur. “No!” I see him cry – likely in the high pitch that he shares with his kin – and as I try to fit him in beside his sister, he continues to struggle, crying for help.
I begin to grow frustrated.
“Just… let me… STUFF YOU!” I cry as I finally manage to thrust him into the hole.
Before I can congratulate myself, I rapidly realize two things:
Firstly, they don’t seem at all content with the arrangement, so this entire thing might be for null. Secondly, this entire ordeal could easily be misconstrued as something terribly sexual. And knowing my luck...
I turn around to the open doorway to see my new next-door neighbor, d’Alin the vaporeon, looking into my workshop with a look containing an admixture of disgust and confusion.
“Uhm, hello Ikarus,” I see him say.
“Hello d’Alin. If I might inquire, am I to presume you happened to pass by as you heard moaning emanating from my room?”
d’Alin gives me a quiet nod.
Well, there goes my chance at making friends with my new next-door neighbors and the newest addition to the guild.
“Well, farewell!” I say, trying to save face. I wave goodbye and smile and he returns it awkwardly before returning to his room where he is almost certain to tell the other three new members of the guild.
I look back at the lot of dreepy who, quite surprisingly, all appear somewhat indifferent about having ruined my day. Goodness, perhaps something truly is wrong, something beyond my alchemical abilities; I’ll have to inform the guildmaster at once.
With that, I set the false horn down and see the dreepy struggle to escape, all returning to floating around.
“Okay, I’m going to leave for a moment to discuss things about your father with the guildmaster.”
“He’s not our dad!” I see a symphony of mouths say.
“I, truly, care not. Please stay put and don’t mess with anything… Wrath,” I say with emphasis, looking at the dreepy who reappeared and was about to tip over a beaker before grumbling and righting it.
“Alright, I shall be back momentarily.”