Go back to the Main Page

Accepted Submissions

Weekly Recipe

Grammar edits: Yes
Content edits: Yes
Editor's note: This story also appears to be going for an early-20th-century style (same author as the ads). Feel free to break it up or reformat to serve the layout of the page.

In the sweltering summer heat, one might often feel a loss of appetite or indigestion. In such conditions, and from the dietary habits which result under them, it can be difficult to obtain the vital nutrients your body needs. Coincidentally, soups are not only good on a cold winter's day but can be a light meal during the scorching mid-day. It is for the benefit of our readers that The Weekly Owl recommends this recipe.

Summer vegetable soup

1. Ready half a cup of cooked white beans. Dice three ribs of celery, 1 medium onion, two small carrots.
2. Heat a pot over medium flame and chop half a bell pepper into the appropriate size.
3. Pour in one tablespoon of olive oil and add in the mirepoix.
4. When the onions turn translucent, stir in chopped bell peppers and continue cooking until fragrant.
5. Add half a can of whole tomato and chop roughly with a spatula.
6. Put in a bay leaf, and a teaspoon each of both dried basil and oregano; after adding the beans, pour enough water to cover over the vegetables by one fourth.
7. Turn to a simmer and cover when the soup starts to boil.
8. Clean one cup of green beans and one and a half cup of spinach. Cut green beans and spinach into servable sizes, skip this step if using young spinach.
9. Mince three cloves of garlic.
10. After the soup starts to smell fragrant and the white beans turn soft, add green beans and continue simmering until tender.
11. Stir in garlic and spinach. Season with salt and pepper, and some drops of vinegar to taste.
12. Transfer to serving bowl or dish. Drizzle olive oil on top and garnish with chopped parsley. Serve hot or warm with a side of bread.

Various Adverts (submitted together, this is not a title)

Grammar edits: Yes
Content edits: Yes
Notes: "I kinda wrote them in the style of Early 20th century newspaper adverts, but I can't really replicated that style well because I'm ESL. So if any of my framing example can't be used then just look up some mid 20th century newspaper and that's basically the style I want. Also, if you do get enough submissions to do sections (like that album submission is good for a lifestyle section), I have tagged what section I think the ads would be best placed in.

Framing is really up to you. Because I don't know whether the advert will end up as landscape or portrait. But I attached an image of how I want the ad to look like roughly."

Advert 1: Zoobooks but not zoobooks (place wherever)

Group A:
Does your child have a PASSION for zoology?
The Animal Books series includes colorful illustrations and exciting information that is scientifically accurate.
Each monthly issue includes interactive quizzes and games that stimulate the brain and help your child learn.

Group B:
9 out of 10 dentists agree that a subscription to Animal Books is the best gift for your young'uns.

Enjoy a 10% discount when you subscribe through The Weekly Owl and receive 3 free special issues:

• Animals That Go Through Menopause
• Great Apes
• Dietary Habits of the Eurasian Eagle Owl

Advert 2: Canned Hootsie (Lifestyle section?)

Notes: "If it's too containment breaking I can draw my own hootie (or just omit the hootie on the packaging entirely). Again, final framing is subject to how much space is left. But I'd like the descriptions to stick to the bottom of the cans if possible."

Group A:
The GEORGIA BRAND canned Hootsie is the perfect addition to your pantry.
Our food safe, lead-free packaging and high standard manufacturing ensures a product that is shelf-stable for up to 5 years.

Desc 1:
Want a quick and simple main for your dinner? Warm up the contents in a can of STEWED HOOTSIE WITH TOMATO.

Desc 2:
Or mix in a can of tender SLOW-COOKED BREAST with your spaghetti for a quick and affordable meal.

Group B:
...And more. Visit your local grocery for our whole range of products, or dial our office at 774-047-GEORGIA for our full catalogue.

(The following is fine-print small text) GEORGIA BRAND makes sure our supply of Hootsies is humanely Captured and Slaughtered, in partnership with Spots's Animal Removal.

---

Advert 3: Zinc (lifestyle but it fits most section/pages)

Note: "Product illus. goes in the middle. Both landscape and portrait should be fine with this one."

For a quick cold remedy or boosting your immunity to germs
For rehabilitating from an injury or your older relatives
This Zinc supplement from MERCY PHARMACEUTICALS INC. is great for all ages.

This small bottle can last you for more than 600 hours.
Also available: Our new Melatonin capsules that don't make you feel groggy in the morning.
Available both by prescription and in your local pharmacy.
https://files.catbox.moe/t4369h.png

Advert(s) 4: Job information (Some kind of B section)

Formatting & Notes: "Doesn't matter, mostly just for easter eggs. The titles(bold) could use some formatting like underlining and stuff but I'll leave that to you."

ZOOmei Zoo

ZOOKEEPERS NEEDED
Hiring Urgently
Requirements: Basic zoological knowledge, education level of at least Grade 12, passionate about animals. Won't forget to feed the animals, willing to live on worksite, doesn't panic when one escapes.
Provided: Three free meals per day, employee accommodations, free shuttle bus to and from the zoo to the nearest town, training.
Dial 077-418-077501 for more information or to set up an interview.

Watson Industries LLC.

We are HIRING
Join the best
Contact your nearest office

Join the KFP Family!

#WOKE #YOLK #NotACult

Hoofers Construction

Urgently Hiring
Please call Pete: 0774-210-828

Advert(s) 5: Small ones (scatter them throughout I guess)

Note: "I know some of these makes me look like a clipwatcher but I couldn't think of anything else... Also that last one is just a refrence to United Fruit if you think that's a potential yab change it to "Kudamono United Company"."

Neo London

Warmth Security Community
Emigrate now!
https://files.catbox.moe/aubxix.png

Our famous Ina Milk

Also try the new Ina Back Fat
A perfect partner to your bowl of ramen
https://files.catbox.moe/04fael.png

Demeter River Timber

Buy from us or you get turned into compost --- Boss
https://files.catbox.moe/cl6yml.png

Ninety-Nine Bakery

Pretzels Banana Bread Carrot Cake
We sell cakes for animals too!

Kudamono United Company

Try out our new summer specialty fruits
Mumeilon Apple Bananas Watamelon
https://files.catbox.moe/kmsiw7.png

Advert 6: Morton's Angel Bed

Notes: "If you have the energy and stuff you can design a logo for the brand otherwise bold and underline the name of the mattress. Morton (and Angel) is a refrence to Ame from NSO idk why my thought went to the girl on the salt bottle..."

Title/header:
Morton's Angel Bed Gives You the Sleep You Deserve

Selling points & slogan:
Anti-sweat
Anti-flea and mites
Great for sleeping alongside your animal

Mattresses that makes you love your bed

Prize draw:
Cut out this advertisement and submit to your nearest retailer for a chance to win a free Angel Bed!

Eulhaven Zoo Reopens After 3 Months

Grammar edits: Yes
Content edits: Yes
Notes: "Reference to a city in the world building thread. The owl cam is a VERY here and obscure thing that only oldfag ITT knows so I think referencing it directly is okay. It's up to you."

Fans have been waiting with bated breath for the planned reopening of the beloved Eulhaven Zoo after they announced they would be closing doors briefly to remodel and upgrade some of their enclosures and other facilities. Last week's reopening ceremony clearly couldn't contain the excitement felt by both avid fans and regular citizens alike, when more than 500 visitors lined up in front of the zoo a day before the reopening ceremony and the zoological park recorded a record-breaking 12,000 park-goers for that day.

The stars and mascots of the park, a pair of great-horned owl twins, received many visitors. In addition, the zoo's new tropical-themed enclosure introduced lemurs, making it the country's first zoo to do so, and was also packed, so much so that the staff had to limit the number of visits with an ad-hoc ticket system. Also new to the zoo are two bears that replaced the old ones that sadly passed away shortly before the planned closure.

In addition to exciting exotic animals or predators, a new petting zoo was built, which lets children pet different farm animals and deepen their knowledge of how these creatures coexist with our society. The big pig John was quite well-liked by the visiting kids.

The Great Ship War Continues!

Grammar edits: Yes
Content edits: Yes
Notes: "Yeah little iffy about this one..." (editor's note: personally i like it)

After Kronos Steel threw down the gauntlet by launching the SS Kromei, several shipbuilders responded in kind by building even larger and more luxurious vessels. After the likes of Watson Industries' attempt, a new challenger, KHAOS Shipbuilding, floated their new ship the SS Mubae. It displaces a whopping 5000 tons more than the Kromei, and also features a heated swimming pool and a bigger theater. Though there are many controversies surrounding the ship, such as her bulkhead design and concerns over her boiler's design, she is still slated for her maiden voyage soon. But rumors about a new ship design by Kronos Steel still linger. Will Kronos retake the crown as the best shipbuilder? Only time will tell. Although six ship builders have joined the fray, another shipbuilding giant, Aether Shipyard, has yet to come up with their own answer...

Mumei's Greatest Hoots (So Far!)

Grammar edits: Yes
Content edits: Yes
Story image: https://files.catbox.moe/hdvsx9.png (Disclaimer from author: "graphic design is FAR FROM BEING MY PASSION")
Notes: Author says feel free to change pretty much anything in this (song titles, etc) if they're too "dead-memey" or otherwise. Also they would appreciate anyone willing to make a better image. They'll be checking the thread for feedback.

For her ?????th birthday, record label Fueled By Berries is releasing a compilation of all of Nanashi Mumei's greatest hits (so far). Simply titled Mumei's Greatest Hoots, the double album sets out to accomplish the nearly impossible task of collecting all of the owl's best songs. One could argue not a single song from Mumei's discography should be left behind, from the Barking Karaoke Sessions to the very underrated Mumei canta en brr but unless you're a Time Warden with infinite time to kill, sometimes a more tight and concise pack of tunes is needed.

Obvious classics populate the first disc, from first original song "A New Start" through the highlights of the dark experimental EP You Cowards Don't Even Drink Coffee, such as "I'm Not Laughing (I Promise)", and "The Berry Parade", while never skipping standalone singles like "Mumei Mia", "A New Start pt. XII: This Time For Sure" and "Where Owls Dare". Mumei tackles each genre and style flawlessly, from sweet and gentle country ballads ("You're a Hoot, Madam", "Fix Her"), eccentric musical-like pieces ("Yagoo's Dream / Yagoo's Nightmare", which spawned the popular line "who is this?") to more experimental tunes like the death metal blitzkrieg of "Ferocious Barking of a Voracious Beast", an 11-minute odyssey where the owl challenges her pet Animol in a battle of shrieks and barks over dooming distorted guitars and drums.

While disc one is filled with her more well-known songs, disc two is the real draw of this compilation. Extremely hard-to-get yet top-tier songs can be found here, with not a second of running time wasted. The remix of "Idol Meeting #451" (from the limited release of Cooking With Mumei and Friend) lasts for a whopping three hours. "Life of TOWL" recounts horrific tales of war and destruction ("everywhere I look there's death/death and despair”), but also of hope ("But I ate some berries and thought 'huh, sometimes life is fair'"), while "I Don't Wanna Return to Nature" is a bratty pop-punk gem, which controversially started a feud between saplings and hoomans during Holostock '99. Fauna and Mumei would eventually join forces to annihilate those pests themselves, resulting in world peace.

Even little moments like the hiccups and giggling during the live version of "Oh, Bye" add to the experience. Mumei's idiosyncrasies operate through just the perfect amount of scuff, charming both die-hard and new fans. When Mumei’s voice cracks during “Sonnet For a Ruined Sleep Schedule”, it doesn’t ruin the experience - it enhances it.

August is a month for celebration, and there's nothing better than this greatest hits compilation to remind you of Nanashi Mumei's career highlights. With how cut—, er, gifted Mumei is at penning her songs, another "best of" release is bound to hit the shelves as soon as next year, but for now, enjoying these songs with a nice cup of coffee should heal even the most tired of hearts.

TRACKLIST

Disc One

1. Oh, Hi
2. A New Start
3. Date at Vegan Hooters (feat. Ceres Fauna)
4. For Those About to Watch
5. Mumei Mia
6. The Wonders of Interplanetary Civilization (feat. Tsukumo Sana)
7. You're a Hoot, Madam
8. The Berry Parade
9. Yagoo's Dream / Yagoo's Nightmare
10. Where Owls Dare
11. SUPER!!! CUTE!!! TIME!!!
12. Fix Her
13. I'm Not Laughing (I Promise)
14. Ferocious Barking of a Voracious Beast (feat. Animol)
15. A New Start pt. XII: This Time For Sure

Disc Two

1. Oops, Civilization Eradicated… Yet Again (feat. Hakos Baelz)
2. Life of TOWL
3. It’s Time to Kill :D (feat. Ouro Kronii)
4. Just Digging a Hole
5. Idol Meeting #451 (breakcore remix)
6. HOO-pe! (feat. IRyS)
7. I Don't Wanna Return to Nature
8. Sonnet For a Ruined Sleep Schedule
9. Random Trivia Interlude
10. The Return of Mimei
11. Watching You As You Sleep In a Completely Non-Creepy Way (feat. Gawr Gura)
12. I Don't Have a Gun points gun
13. OK Boomei
14. We Made It to the End, Paper Friend
15. Oh, Bye (acoustic at the Treehouse)

Paper Purloiner Pilfers Tickets No More!

Grammar edits: Yes
Content edits: Yes
Story image: https://files.catbox.moe/lfrnoi.png or https://files.catbox.moe/adrmdp.png (maybe also a black bar over Friend's/Mumei's eyes)
Notes: Probably a small edge story if anything.

The purchasing of tickets will come to an end as the money-pocketing, "ticket"-selling scoundrel known only as "Friend" has finally been apprehended by the beloved Nanashi Mumei! The trial date is still being set, but the evidence is damning and he will surely be locked away in his cardboard box cell until he is rehabilitated!

Horrific Bank Robbery in Hoomansville; Suspects Still at Large

Grammar edits: Yes
Content edits: Yes
Story images:
https://files.catbox.moe/nhdwi7.png (Caption: Police sketch of Suspect 2)
https://files.catbox.moe/bcphrw.png (Caption: Sketch of what allegedly happened during a "duel" between Suspect 1 and a hostage)
Notes: The typesetting/framing can be arranged in whatever way best fits the page.

Disaster struck the quiet town of Hoomansville last Wednesday, when a group of 4 armed gunmen held the staff and clients of a small local bank hostage. The suspects demanded staff hand over all cash possessed by the bank. Fortunately, one of the staff members was able to sneak away and trigger the alarm without the suspects noticing. In the ensuing chaos, a brave client reportedly drew a toothbrush. One of the suspects responded in kind and the two engaged in a fight with the toothbrushes that only ended when the local police arrived. During the subsequent shootout, two of the suspects were shot dead by officers. One officer suffered an arm injury, and another's face was glanced by a bullet. Luckily no officers or hostages sustained any life-threatening injuries. If you have any information regarding the remaining suspects, please contact your nearest police station.

Profiles of the remaining suspects (based on eyewitness accounts):

Suspect 1: Green hair, yellow eyes, medium height, female, possibly in her mid-20s. One witness described her as smelling of cats and moss.
Suspect 2: Brown hair, amber(ish) eyes, medium height, female, also possibly in her mid-20s. Some kind of feather-like hair ornament can be seen poking out of her face covering?

Both suspects were wearing black face coverings and black clothing when the robbery occurred.

Owl Caught Appreciating Backsides

Grammar edits: Yes
Content edits: Yes
Story image: https://files.catbox.moe/isixgb.png

Owl Vtuber and Guardian of Civilization (or is it Observer of Civilization?) Nanashi Mumei was caught greatly appreciating fellow Vtuber and senpai Ninomae Ina’nis' backside on the first of July. A whopping 16 images of Ina'nis' back were spotted on Mumei's Twitter likes, one of which was untagged.

Mumei's Origin Story

Grammar edits: Yes
Content edits: Yes
Story images: 3 (AI generated, pick one):
https://files.catbox.moe/qml25g.png
https://files.catbox.moe/i2iwzx.jpeg
https://files.catbox.moe/7krlfa.jpeg

A long time ago, there was a small town in slow decay. Succumbing to Council's forces of entropy, old men were dying, and young men fled to better lives in bigger cities. People tried everything to save that town, but nothing could be done. No force could stop the entropy. In a last desperate attempt the town's members decided on a certain project. That project was to create their own guardian, no, their own saviour. Soon enough that saviour, that humans today know as “Nanashi Mumei”, was born. While her goal was to save the town from natural decay, a fatal flaw occurred during her creation, making her unable to remember her purpose. That town wilted aeons ago, yet she roams this world to this day.

Missing Persons Report

Grammar edits: Yes
Content edits: Yes
Story image: https://files.catbox.moe/sgx0tw.jpeg

Missing since August 27th, 2021
Age: Unknown, appears to be in her twenties
Sex: Female
Descent: Unknown
Height: 5’1”
Weight: 100 (approximate)
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Brown
Missing from: Construction site in Wolfscheim
Report #: 51-24224135

A young woman has gone missing from a construction site in Wolfscheim, where she was last seen on August 27th of last year. According to her employer, who’d been trying to contact her for the better part of the year, he tried to get in touch with her family when he realized she didn’t seem to have any. What’s more, no one in the area has seen or heard anything about her since her disappearance last year.

“The number she gave me for her mother seemed to be fake. I mean, someone answered the phone but all I could hear on the other side was someone making hoo noises like an owl or something.”

“My clients are furious at me and my business is in jeopardy, so at first I was just hoping to get her back so we could finish digging that hole. But now I’m getting worried. I’m really wondering if something happened to her.”

Militants Take Control of Mellakos Fortress

Grammar edits: Yes
Content edits: Yes
Story image: https://files.catbox.moe/di4bdw.jpeg
Story image caption: Photograph of militants with their banner. ANN Photo.
Revision notes: "Revisions to remove excessive containment breaking, as well as removing direct references to ArmA III related locations for copyright. Kastro renamed to Mellakos, taken from a random Greek name generator, and Altis renamed to Tuto, Greek for Owl apparently."

On <insert any date here>, in the early evening a group of militants calling themselves 'Hoomans' took control of the ancient Phoenician fortress of Mellakos on the island of Tuto. Local security forces mobilized in an attempt to persuade the militants to surrender, however all attempts to move onto the fortress have been met with gunfire. Despite this, no injuries have been reported so far. Within hours of the takeover, the militants began to construct defenses with rapid speed, and with the Mellakos' natural defenses the fortress has proven to be nigh impregnable.

During the day, some militants can be seen patrolling the fortresses walls. At night they seem to disappear, but a strange song can be heard from within, as well as what sounds to be a woman making odd noises. A surveillance drone has captured footage of what appears to be a YouTube livestream featuring an anime girl with a ponytail and a pair of eagle-owl feathers. Upon this stream's end, the drone captured some of the militants appearing to cry mournfully before returning to their normal routine.

Currently, security forces are convening on how to evict the squatters.

Hoomanity's Second Home

Grammar edits: Yes
Content edits: Yes
Story image: https://files.catbox.moe/r13nuh.jpeg

It is year 100 of the Mars Terraformation Project, dubbed locally as "Hoomanity's Second Home". The planet's magnetic field has now strengthened enough for it to hold a livable amount of atmosphere. Ice has been brought from ice caps on the planet's poles and then melted into oceans. The latest and greatest fertilizers of a new generation were used to revitalize Mars's soil, and seeds genetically modified to grow better in Mars's climate were planted in it. The first city of Mars, Wholexandria, is waiting for new residents. The project is near completion and everything is going smoothly.

Iron Hooman

Grammar edits: Yes
Content edits: Yes
Story image: https://files.catbox.moe/o8sxhl.png
Notes: Reference to the song "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath

Yesterday, a man made entirely of iron was spotted near Boomei Avenue. He was wearing clothes nobody had ever seen before that, along with his body, were comprised of iron for reasons that remain mysterious.

"Has he lost his mind? Can he see or is he blind?" asked the first witness.
"Can he walk at all, or if he moves, will he fall?" questioned another.
"Is he alive or dead? Has he thoughts within his head? We should just pass him there. Why should we even care?" argued a third.

Surely, nothing bad will happen if we just ignore that bizzare man of iron...

Pending Submissions

Generally this will be used when the content is borderline and needs to be reworked and/or additional opinions from the thread are needed.

EN Cavemen Visit ID Utopia

Grammar edits: Yes
Content edits: Yes
Image: Link provided but we don't have permission from the artist. (For reference: https://twitter.com/PXadon/status/1552541918357204992)
I recommend replacing with a screenshot from the stream itself.

When the Owl and the Rat entered the ID world, they could never have imagined how much it had progressed beyond what they thought was possible. Massive underground railways, infinite fields of windmills, flying islands, automated mechanisms, storage systems, colossal portals - all of that was just a tiny portion of what this world had accomplished. It is worth saying that our guests were in a complete awe from what they saw, their minds completely blown away. They were mere ants before the Gods, so great was the difference...