hello it's Aya and this is my diary for me to keep track of everything happening in my lifeヾ(≧▽≦*)o you're welcome to follow along on my journey but tread lightly because there's more than a few issues up in my noggin. got it? have fun reading!
12/22/25
third layout remake since october. hopefully this will be the last?? idk. the last one was cute i kinda miss it already... it's just that it didn't fit the theme of this rentry somehow. it was too..... polished. whatever that means. I'm serioufly missing the old yowamushi montblanc theme on here Uhh well its too late now 😂😂
So! what else is new! not much. christmas is in!!! 3 days!!! whoo! i'm especially excited because my brother will finally be getting his own room as a present. we've been sharing a room ever since we were both wee little lads... which gets uncomfortable once you've both reached double digits. but that ends soon! very soon! oh so very joyous. i'll finally be able to decorate my room the way i want it i have soo many ideas for the new year heh. on the topic of gifting when i went to church yesterday the pastor gave out $10 amazon gift cards to me and my brother. wasnt exactly able to afford anything meaningful with that but hey! it's the thought that counts right 🩷 it will come in handy eventually since i am planning to get a huuuge haul from amazon soon soo it all works out.
To raise another topic i sold a few of my urls last night/today and i'm actually quite sad over it Ok well not sad but like Bittersweet. especially /godish and /inumimi Idk they were my babies.... and /hibiki was a gift from a friend. actually looking back maybe i shouldnt have been so eager to trade and i shouldve slept on it or at least considered it for more than 10 minutes :,^( HOWEVER i did get some really cute avatar decos ive had my eyes on for a while. the person i traded /hibiki to was especially friendly and seemed really grateful and i DO like making people smile. it all works out in the end its just very bittersweet to part with them Ahhh
I kinda miss my bf i sent him a message 30 minutes ago and he still hasnt responded LOLOL i think hes at his job. How sad. im playinf saihate station as i write this Oh its soo good. i freaking love shion. And my boyfriend JUST replied!!! The world is alright again. once the weather isnt balls to the walls cold i'm going to get a job......... either babysitting or dogwalking. if that doesnt work i will seek chick-fil-a or some other fast food joint but someone irl told me they dont rly hire anyone under 16 so i dont wanna waste my time searching if thats the case... i jyst need money ok especially to get a phone
Idrk what else to say i think this serves long enough as an entry post ♪〜(´ε｀ ) buh bye
12/24/25
HELLO IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE HERE good evenjng hello hi. i helped my mom cook fried rice (or um. Prep for it anyways) all morning and my brother hung around and it was actually really fun. we had a good talk about how social media is making everyone reclusive and how nobody gathers for stuff like parties anymore and stuff. Very very insightful yes.🐶 then i had a nice nap ohh man this is the life.
Also today wasn't even that cold for december it was enough to walk around in a t shirt. oh and my mom bought these christmas candies they're hard and cherry/apple flavored and they tasted sooo fucking good i had like 15 of them i should know. call me a big back but you'd do the same if you were in MY position. in fact i just had 5 more oh god
i'm going to get 150 dollars for christmas (it's really just 50 but my mom owes me 100 from a while back so we agreed to put it together) and i'm thinking of what to do with it...... do i either save up for that phone i've been wanting OR do i blow it right away on cute room decor and clothing?? i've been tossing and turning it in my head Maybe i'll just split it halfway. save some and spend some. me and my mom talked about why i need a phone nowadays anyway and she was very understanding to be honest. which is nice! me and my mom have never always seen eye to eye but i feel like right now we are making peace. one step at a time :^)! Joy joy joy....
i dont really know what else to say but i really am very content right now. when i decide what to spend with my christmas money i might showcase it here. i am off to finish saihate station C u later
12/25/25
(didn't finish saihate station)
Why am i so slow at finishing games i'm TRYING!
CHRISTMAS DAY!!!! HAPPY HOLIDAYS there's only a week till new years THATS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY. me and my brother and mama watched a movie in the morning. not a christmas one but still a great one nonetheless! it was akeelah and the bee. we stumbled upon it by chance on youtube and we had a lot of fun with it 😊😊. i will give a more detailed review on my letterboxd. agter that i spent a lot of time talking with my friends and i even managed to find time to revamp /watamote i love it a lot right now. Here it is i would normally just put the image but its a bit long.............
i am trying out the names ava and yona right now. My friends said that they fit me! so yay! i love the name aya and i always will but every so often because i have Issues™ i switch around identities to see what works. but to be honest i feel like as of the past month or so i've felt? slightly more stable? for a long time i've always felt like there are parts of myself which i don't understand and so that is why i used to heavily project myself onto others and obsessively copy people's mannerisms or personalities that seemed normal/acceptable. I had some serious untreated issues back then and i still kind of do. but i think having a support system now definitely helps 🐕 i really love my friends now they make my life soo much brighter. they help me embrace the parts of myself i DO understand. and the parts i still dont? we can figure it out together!
On monday my brother and mother will go to the mall to do shopping with their gift money but i've decided to invest towards a phone instead and lean towards a job for any other purchases. i already got my mother to give me 5 dollars today because she and i struck a deal where i write poems and she will pay me for it since she likes to read them :) i think i'm fairly good at it? maybe i will place some of them here... Maybe. for dinner i had leftover fried rice and plantain that isnt related i just feel like flexign. me and my mommy will make bofrot together next wednesday so i'm extremely excited for that. I fucking love bofrot you have no idea
Thats all. Yay
12/29/25
HELLOLOLELELELE.... today i went to the ophthalmologist! i've actually been going for a while now, since around october.... they've mostly been follow-up appointments for my eye surgery since i had a cataract. and the reason why i had a cataract.... i wont be specifying here. it's deep aya lore! you either know it or you dont. but today was pretty good since in a little bit i wont be having to go anymore. very excited about that :^)
in just a week fromnow i will be going back to school THAT FEELS SO CRAZY TO MEE i feel like christmas break passed soo quickly. and in just two days its the new year. i have no idea what i want for a new years resolution Uhh idk if people even still do those. i guess i'd hope for better grades... on the 31st night my parents will be going to church for this all night prayer thingie we do it every year. no thoughts on that... it's kinda boring i guess. but it's a family tradition so there isn't much you can do there
today i found out a friend of mine cant be online for a while :( sad sad sad. i miss her lots Ahhhhhjhhhh.... Moka Riri Reika Mei if you're reading this i miiiiissss youu.... though i guess i can't speak much since when school starts up i won't be able to be on much either! Ahh! i've been playing dol a LOT i rhink it's an issue uhh i lowkey have an addiction but thats okay. i reallylove kylar? can i talk about kylar? of course i can. Kylar is so cute. i wish i could get a free bag of chipsughgghHHHHHH dude i have brainworms. i cant even explain why i like him. i just do. he's so pathetic and i see soo much of myself in him and he's gross and he's obsessive and i likethat. Hehe. first time around i got masc kylar but i got a soft bad end in the forest soo i had to restart my game since i was too lazy to get out. then i got fem kylar. Fem kylar is so?!??!?!!?! i have to admit i prefer masc kylar but its so close ITS SO CLSOE ITS SO CLOSE like i love them both i just like masc kylar better since i feel like the story flows better as thats the default. i got the stockholm syndrome ending/trait for him but when i came back THE GAME DIDNT SAVE! IM SO MAD ABOUT THAT. but i guess it gives me a chance to explore other routes or endings for him. i also like whitney but that mf is TOO hard to please i lowkey gave up after a bit. i might go baxk to her (yes i got fem whitney most of my npcs were fem for some reason) and try again. i loooooooove sydney though. Like a lot. not as much as kylar but still a LOT! i'm on her route right now and shes just so sweet. i like robin too not as much as the others... she just happens to be the easiest to woo and interact with. i feel like her character is better when she is heavily traumatized or drama is happening in the orphanage because otherwise she feels a lot like a stock "girl next door" character. but hey! it just turned winter in the game so there's still time to discover more about her character. I also like harper i hope someday he can be a romance option. i havent gotten too far into other romance options like eden but i'm planning to! And the mod i am playing on is soo cute kyahhh i love this game soo much Ahhh
Here are my kylar headcanons so far If you're still reading.
- All his nails are chewed like bitten STRAIGHT off
- he drools when he sleeps
- also has a terrible time sleeping and requires pc to cuddle him or at least to feel close to them (thats also why he breaks into your room and sleeps on the floor sometimes if he can)
- He plays with clicker pens
- he has very soft eyes almost like a kicked puppy thats why when hes manic or jealous its even scarier
- he self harms with the knife his parents left behind and makes pc cut him or at least watch Eww Eww He's nasty
- kylar doesnt read books much but when he does its all pathetic shit like graphic novels aimed at kids or like manga where theres lots of fanservice
- He stinks. Like not even ironically he has really poor hygiene
- OH AND HES INTO SOME REAL FREAK SHIT i guess thats implied in game but like he's a reaaaaal degenerate................ I cant go into the deets here. But. Ya know.
i really love my baby. Goodbye Lalalalala
1/1/26
HAPPY NEW YEAR YAY oh my god it feels so weird writing 26 instead of 25 now. i cant believe we finally made it. 2026 is going to be my year!!!!!! Trust me!!!!!!!!!!!!! in just over a month i will be turning 15 i'll finally be the age i lied about for so long. umm thats kinda scary honestly i feel like i spent such a large portion of my life being a phony and now that i'm finally faced with the truth i just. Don't know what to do. Today was honestly really chill. i spent some time talking to my friends. new years greetings and all that. then i spent some time with my mom we made tomato stew together. Yay!
i restarted my dol game soo that i could attempt the whitney route... i'm locked in!!!!! i had a really nice chat with a friend of mine today it was really refreshing. she's very insightful and kind. we're in the same gc but we've never taken the time to get to know each other Intimately like that. but i feel like now we're making progress! i'm so glad! i am a bit worried about another friend of mine she isn't doing too well :^( but right now is about the positives. My dad was working on moving me and my brother's furniture around today. the room my brother is supposed to have a guest room right now but we haven't had overnight guests in like ~5 years. but there's a big ass queen bed in there that needs to be dismantled go to the garage. so he was working on that! tomorrow it will be all finished i think. then my brother can move out properly! while cooking my mom and i came to an agreement..... if i pass the remaining quarter with acceptable grades i will get a phone! Ahh! i'm soo excited. i'm happy. I'm hoping for peace and lots of love and happiness this year.!!!!! goodbye i hope everyone who reads this has a wonderful year too.
1/4/26
My dad moved the beds!!!!!!!!!!!! me and my brother now have separate rooms ^.^ it happened yesterday actually but i forgot to write in here. my room still has a LOT of work to do but its looking soo much better already anddd i already have so many ideas for what to do. my mama and i will be going to the store today (HOPEFULLY) to buy some things to spruce it up a bit. i feel like 2026 is seriously off to a great start. manifesting itll stay that way! today has been pretty chill so far uhh it's 3pm as im writing this i spent some time with my family earlier. and cleaning my room... kinda. there's still some furniture that needs to go. Like this big ass vanity ive had since i was 7-ish and its lwk broken. so my dad needs to dismantle that and take it to the garage too. he said he might do it by my birthday :p ive also been chatting with my friends a little I HAD A BADASS IDEA FOR A RENTRY idk how to go about it but its gonna be wicked cool i might put it on /watamote
Tomorrow i go back to school im so sad. It feels like the break went by soo fast.................................... but then again it was pretty fun! i need to fall back into some kind of routine anyways since my sleep schedule has been so skewed. i go to sleep at 3am and wake up at around 1pm help me. this year i gotta lock in for my grades Uhh lets aim for 70% and higher. i have such a good feeling for 2026 i keep saying this but i truly believe itll be my yesr. or well. better than the last 4 years! ive decided on the phone i want for my birthday and i want a samsung note 10+ in white. lalala! and for my birthday too my mom is letting me get my hair done Ok well i always get my hair done but its a kinda tradition in my house to get a special one for my birthday IM SOOO EXCTIEDYEEYYEDDD AAHHHHH!!1!!!! Ok i need to calm down. im gonna watch a movie today by spinning a wheel on my letterboxd watchlist. Buhbai
1/6/26
Hello everywan. i am in history class but it's a free class right now and i'm a little bored. i have some work to do but i will finish my entry in here first. i'm listening to deco*27 right now :) Dilemma was on earlier and right now its parasite. hehe. i looove deco. i still havent been sleeping well and honestly now i rhink its the mattress. Its not really the most comfortable since right now i have the bed that USED to be the top bunk. i'll talk to my mom aboyt it. today is a day 1. i like day ones because theyre more fun. i have geometry on day twos. Kill me!!!! on day 1 i see my two friends in french class and we sit beside each other. wellll... theyre my only friends 😢😢 but i am grateful for them nonetheless. one is a sophomore and she is very nice. she skips class a lot though. i really like her fashion sense we talk a lot about gyaru and we have similar tastes in music. the other one is also friendly. we have the same sense of humor. he got me a bear as a gift and it was really cute. i might put an image here someday. He likes tyler the creator and arthur morgan
today i selected my courses for next year. i really like them to be quite honest. I selected psychology and film theory. oh and culinary arts. My friend chose culinary arts and afda like me soo hopefully we will get placed in the same period again!!! i think thatd be awesome sauce. for my alternate electives i chose guitar and ceramics. I really wanted chorus but for some reason they only had advanced/intermediate chorus and i didnt fit the requirements to be in that class :^( Soo sad. I wanted to choose intro to fashion design but i decided to leave that for next year... along with drivers ed. And study hall. I also found out that the saya pop up parade figure will be officially released on my birthday. i wont be able to buy it of course but I think thats just a fun little thing to mention
i've been planning to watch laid back camp. maybe i'll start over the weekend. Idk what else to say. do people even read these? i hope so. is it entertaining? i hope so! either way it's a nice way for me to get my emotions out. talking about the events of my life grounds me. Makes it more real somehow. ya dig? 😉 ookkaaayyy i gotta do my work now Bye stream android girl by deco*27
1/9/26
i accidentally bought a keychain and earbuds with my gift card christmas money on amazon haul BRUH I DIDNT MEAN TO CLICK CHECKOUT and they already started shipping like IMMEDIATELY so i cant even cancel the order. Oops. im not too mad since it wasnt my Own money and it was only 8 dollars total but still. I wasnt exactly gonna buy the headphones right away i wanted to check the reviews on this other brand..... i guess we'll see when it comes.
these past few days have been fine. last night wasnt too good :(. or i guess it was? in a way? im still processing it. it's not really something i can list publicly but it did have something to do with standing up to my parents. i dont know. right now today has been okay i had a killer headache last night but thats all gone now. Uhh. what else can i talk about. i honestly havent been doing anything lately im a fat fucking chud all i do is stay in my room all day. my friend recommended this youtuber to me i really like her. Her name is sabrina lilliane and she is soo mecore she does dolly fashion and vlogging and its soo pink and pretty :^3 ive also been watching misstada as well. very happy she collabed with moka from illit!
i'm kinda hungry right now but i think i'll thug it out till dinner. i'm in art class right now. i had a talk with my teacher this morning about my academic progress. I dont want to talk about that. Yesterday someone my friend was messaging who kept acting like her best friend spontaneously blocked her. thats not relevant at all but its funny and i just thought of it Omfg niggas really do be fake sometimes. i need to make the list for my mom of the things i want for my birthday. I love mynmom. And i dont like school. gootbai
1/13/26
Hi! its me. Again. did you miss me? 😊😊 i hope you did. or maybe you didnt. thats ok too. Whatever. Today i dont feel that great i didnt sleep early last night and i forgot to do my skincare so i feel almost Naked not literally but you get the point. Also i have a runny nose and i feel like i ate too much Fuck my stupid nigga life man im just gonna ramble
im in art class again. i always write these during specific times of the day, ive noticed. its a pattern methinks. Yesterday was a day 1 and it wasnt that fun as usual we had this assessment thing i probably totally bombed it. But after that my friend talked to me about pokemon it was fun. And i talked to my other friend aboyt jfashion. Yay!
I figured out how to cancel the order for the headphones but not the keychains. rather disappointing. i ended up getting headphones (another brand im more confident about) and nail polish. in pink! it was really hard to choose which one to buy honestly since all the shades on sale were just so adorable. But at the end of the day it all came down to budget. oh and i got eyeliner too.. idk i needed to spend my money on SOMETHING it was like only 6 dollars left anyways soo. the headphones are really just for school nowadays i always lean towards wireless but i need music during school because i'll go crazy otherwise and my headphones dont connecy to my school laptop for some reason and i lost the wired headphones i was using. i think my school blocks that type of technology. so i need some shitty wired earbuds to get me through the day....., theyre better than nothing....... Ive also been meaning to learn how to do my own makeup (i can already do my mascara fairly well) so i am especially happy to be getting my own eyeliner huhuhu
i have been doing lots of research and ive decided to get a samsung s23 instead of ghe note 10+ :^) still tossing and turning in my mind over whether or not i should get the fe version or the ultra... decisions, decisions! i am not good at things like that at ALL to be really honest im soo indecisive but i think its also fun to do research on technology as a hobby. i quite enjoy window shopping and browsing whats available. for now i think ill probably hold off on the "ultra" versions theyre much too expensive as of right now and so i'll (PROBABLY) just get an fe. which is a tad disappointing as i did want a stylus pen because ive wanted to learn digital art for a long time now but i think itll be ok i can just get a universal stylus or maybe a tablet and call it a day. Bwaaaghgh.h.g....
ive been talking to a friend of mine nonstop lately. Only one! She is so nice! I love her so much! Ahh! Ok but i have also been working on myself too the past two days i got a fuckton of missing assignments done and have actually been PRODUCTIVE 🩷 so proud of myself. i really think i have a chance to DECENTLY bring my grades up they wont be anything to write home about but at least ill be out of the failing zone. Lellelelele. 2026 is the year of the horse. i think thats interesting. Lately ive been watching winx club too. i bingewatched up to episode 7 and ill definitely be continuing i think its very fun and i love stella the most shes suuuuch an icon. But i heard after season 4 the show falls off❓❓❓idk about that ill just keep watching and see. Ive had thetheme song stuck in my head all day. when i finish s1 i will give my full thoughts. And i never did watch laid back camp. Oops. I wanna watch totally spies though
There is nothing else to talk about. 👋 bye bye
1/15/26
Hallo yesterday i went to the ophthalmologist again to get laser eye sugery because it was a follow up from the cataract surgery and not even an HOUR after getting home my eye hurt like hell EVEN THOUGH THEY SAID IT WOULDNT HURT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could barely even sit up in bright lights it hurt so bad. Fortunately when i woke up this morning it was a little bit better. i finished a major history project of mine.. i hope the teacher will still accept it! Yesterday my earbuds came in and today my eyeliner pencil came in but the nail polish didnt come in since it was delayed.......im a little peeved about that but its like Whatever man
I dont know what i feel. ???? Its not exactly bad but not good either. today wasnt remarkable or anything i mostly just played dol and listened to music and chatted with my friends. I redid /watamote earlier yesterday! hehe. Its not anything to brag about but i do think it looks cute in its own way. i think ive finally started to realize my urls are MY URLS!!! as in. i have ownership!!! Nobody else does!!!! And nobody is going to hold me hostage if they look "ugly". they can look "ugly" if i want them to. theyre mine!!!!!! who do i have to impress??? NOBODY!!!!! Thats such a shocking revelation to me. WE have free will. WE can do whatever we want. of course theres consequences to every action. But our life is Our Life. who are we waiting for?? Yeah idk where im going with this but its still something fun to think baout. i feel like lately ive been romanticizing my life a lot more. change will only come if you cultivate it first!!!!!! Follow your dreams!!!!! Take opportunities!!!!!!!!!! Smiles smiles smiles
Idk what else to say uhh i'll do my art project tonight and maybe watch some winx club. i'll probably sleep early too But right now i am off to eat kyahh goodbye
1/22/26
Oh wow its been a while. exactly a week, actually! whats new?... not much. hmm. i'm in art class. Again. i bet you didnt see that coming. yesterday i went to the ophthalmologist for the final time. I'm freee........ ok well i have a follow up checkup in like 2 weeks but that doesnt matter. i havent reallly done anything too interesting apart from that. i've just been watching a lot of movies. particuarly the monster high ones. i really love monster high and i really love G1! i really love the early 2000s and 2010s. well, i had just barely been born then, but i think it's so nostalgic in a way. is that possible? to feel nostalgic for an era you weren't even there to experience? who knows. i've only got like 2 or 3 movies left, and i'm very excited. after that i'll probably skip over G2... since... Yeah. i heard G3 is decent though. apart from monster high, though, i really like films in general... I recently watched kamikaze girls at the request of my friend!!!! I loved it a lot!!!!!!!!!!!! And ive been meaning to watch aaallllll the barbie movies too
i think my goal soon is going to be to watch at least one movie a week (providing i can fit it into my schedule). my attention and focus span is so BUTT. so i'm going to be watching movies. No interruptions... no other tabs open... et cetera et cetera. when i saw zootopia 2 in theaters with my cousin i actually found i was able to enjoy the movie because Ya know. you arent allowed to be a distraction or have other distractions in movie theaters. So im going to try to incorporate those same kind of rules in my personal life. do i even make sense??? Maybe not. either way, if my plan fails, itll still be nice to open up my palate to new genres and whatnot. I've also been watching some video essays recently and they were pretty fun as well soooo
Yesterday me and my mom went to the library and we got two books. Well. I got two books. they look interesting. im excited to finish them! i want to volunteer at my local library over the summer. my keychains also came in! they are so cute. Ahhh! my nail polish is coming in on friday. i am excited. but i am also very tired. i didnt get much sleep last night <- girl who makes terrible time management choices. when i go home i may take a nap. Go.d. this entry was a complete nothingburger man.
1/22/26
LADT NIGHT IT SNOWED WE HAD A BLIZZARD IT SNOWED ALL OF LAST NIGHT WOWOWOWOOWOWOWOW they havent even cleared it yet and we're not having svhool tomorrow. It seriously looks like a winter wonderland!!!! we're litewally snowed in. You cant even tell where the street ends and where the driveway begins!!!! I feel like epic winter from eah. If it was actually done well. today has been kind of Ok. not the best start but it's no use dwelling on the past.
i finished my books. they were very interesting! i've always been a fast reader. been getting back into Actually Reading... i used to be a huuuuge bookworm back in elementary school i would always have my head in a book. it was actually really problematic. My mom used to buy me lots of books too. i still vividly remember enid blyton's books :^) i had the famous five, the adventure series, malory towers, and the magic faraway tree. we still own the famous five and adventure series actually. I read them from time to time. most are basically in mint condition. Oh and i'm missing like 2 malory towers books but the rest are still intact (though worse for wear). The magic faraway tree books are destroyed though. RIP. all of them were really fuckjng good though,.... we were SUPPOSED to get the twins at st. clare's but we never actually got around to it Help me. I also really wanted the naughtiest girl and amelia jane. I also had a couple of other books that didnt exactly belong in a series.... She got me this book called the strange fascinations of noah hypnotik back in like 2023. it basically altered my brain chemistry. i love it a Lot. its really damaged now but thats mostly the hardcover. the pages inside are still pretty much perfect. Its such a good book. i actually still have it. i still quote some phrases from it sometimes. I need to read more of David arnold's works 🌷
idk what im going to do tpday. It doesnt help i woke up super late at like 12pm. i might watch a movie. I like movies now. my eyes have been opened. my friend recommended me wild child. So thats what im gonna watch. Yesterday i finished a rentry and i am VERY pleased with it. And the other day i finished another one! here is one and here is two. Hehe. Yesterday pinocchiop released a new song!!!! im so happy!!!! Its so good. thanks pinocchiopeak for the food. i finished all of the monster high g1 movies. i feel a little wistful. i always feel sad whenever things come to an end. at least it means now i can channel all my attention into the webisodes!!!!!!
2/9/26
(didn't channel all her attention into the webisodes)
I give up bro
YAHO!!!! this entry is way overdue. my bad. i kept meaning to write in here but i actually never got around to it. a lot has happened after that blizzard day! some good and some bad. not all of it i can talk about on a public rentry soo i'll just talk about the basic events. We ended up not going to school for an entire week and a half cus of the snow... all the way up until february 4th. we werent even ACTUALLY supposed to go back that day since there was still tons of snow everywhere and we ended up getting more snow on friday. But whatever. i'm at school as i'm writing this so my snow days are officially Over. i didn't really do anything over that impromptu break. not like we couldbe done anything anyway because You know. the snow. i made meat pies with my mom and they were really good. I watched some movies too. i had a late night call with some of my friends. Yea thats pretty much it im boring as fuck. Something else that happened that was really cool was that pinocchiop released another album.... Underworld.... its so good im sobbing. i stayed up until its release countdown. i don't want to get TOO into it because then this entry will just be rambling but. pinocchiop never misses. Another music related thing that happened is that my friend put me on a new music artist!!! underscores!!!!! I knew about her before now but like, really really vaguely. i only liked one song LOL even now i still kinda only know a couple. I like stupid (cant run from the urge) the best. but im willing to learn more!!! My friend has peak taste...
I also finished watching tda and moved onto tdwt but that happened like 3 days ago so it uh doesnt count
a sadder topic is that i ended up losing a friend recently. technically we are still friends but it is still complicated. that really makes me sad anytime i think about it. so i'll try not to think about it! because guess what. my birthday is in 2️⃣ (2) (TWO) DAYS!!!! THIS WEDNESDAY!!!! in just under 48 hours i will officially be a 15 year old. The age i've always lied and fantasized about being.... my shackles are freee..ee.... Yhat's kinda scary to think about. Yesterday me and my mom ordered my cake. it's chocolate with pink frosting but it wont be ready till friday evening. Sad sad sad! jusr kidding i think its actually better that way so i can spend all of the weekend doing my own thing. birthdays on school days never work out well anyway. when the weather isnt subzero temps anymore me and my mom will go to the mall. Maybe in march. I'm excite d. I also recently signed up for a chance to do volunteering at my local library. i dont really need more hours but i just think itll be fun... Yea.......
I think thats all uhh im kinda in Class and i have work to do soooo. Yeah. Bye
2/11/26
Hiello today is mai birfday. i have officially been 15 for a little under 21 hours. that's craaaazy. Today was so fun uh i didnt go to sleep until like 1am though because i was talking to my friends 🩷 i got so many nice messages and little gifts!!! i felt so loved!!! my friends are literally so kind i dont deserve them at all...... .a couple teachers at school today said happy birthday to me which was nice of them. my friend said he will get me my gift tomorrow. so that's cool too. im excitedddddejjeudd. tbh today was kinda lowkey since it was a weekday. Nobody ever wants to do anything fun on a weekday :,^( after i came home from school i had a nice hot bubble bath. and now im here. the real magic will happen on the weekend🙂↕️
i've been contemplating a lot throughout the day. i mean. i'm 15!!! an entire decade and 5 extra years. halfway to 30?!?!? i cant believe it honestly. time flies so so fast it seems like just yesterday i was bumbling around with no sense of purpose. and now i am here?? alive. i'm actually mindblown. i dont have a whole lot i want to be honest. i'd like my 15th year to be more peaceful than my 14th. Yeah...
i'd add more to this but uh i'm tired i'll do a full reflection on saturday
2/19/26
Okay so i didnt update on saturday BUT I ACTUALLY HAVE A GOOD REASON I GOT SWEPT UP IN THE ACTIVITIES WE WERE DOING.Okay.
so it has officially been a week since my Big Day 😁😁 saturday was fun! really fun! i got to doll up and wear a pink dress and take photos with my family and cut the cake. it was too cold to do anything else beyond that. i dont get a lot of opportunities to dress up cutesy so that was super duper fun. my dress was a dusty rose and the bottom was sheer lace while the top was sleeveless (like a tank top) and it had sequins all over it. then there's also a kind of top part, like a jacket (??) that comes with it to hide my shoulders if i want. so so cute. i might take a photo of it and put it here... Just, you know, without me wearing it. its such a fragile and beautiful dress and honestly, it was really expensive (and one of my gifts!!) that im a little afraid of ruining it. it already has a little tear from when my mom got it at the store but she said she'll fix it up later. so thats okay i think. we took soooo many photos!!!! yay!!!! Plus the whole thing took place on valentines day which made it even more special. plus PLUS, deco*27 released a new song that same day, so my life was practically perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-
im now starting to realize that there were some times in the past when i thought my life would be over, but in reality it just began. i mean, 15 years is a big deal and all, but the average human life expentancy is 80 years. there's so many opportunities ahead of me! especially when i'm a teenager! so i've decided i'm going to channel all i've got into doing new things. i want to begin learning how to sew, with a sewing machine! my dad has one but he hasn't used it in YEARS soo he's looking for it for me. i also want to learn how to play the drums! we actually have a drum set from some years back but my dad recently gave it to me since we weren't really using it Lol. i learned how to play piano when i was around 7 but i never felt like it was for me so i quit. Not my brother though. hes super good at it..... but yeah. aside from that i think in the summer i want to take up scrapbooking... and also doing youtube vlogs. i've been watching people like sabrina lilliane and misstada these days and i think they're so fun and soothing to watch when i'm bored. i want to try something like that too. i also want to make kandi bracelets... and actually practice drawing more... And sooooo mcuh more. i shoul d make a list.
i'm actually a little surprised at my newfound sense of Want. wanting to actually do things, wanting to get out more, wanting to talk to people... when just a couple of years ago i was struggling to even find one reason to wake up in the mornings. but i think it all boils down to this: life is so unpredictable. Humans are so unpredictable. tragedies can occur anytime, anywhere, and while it's a sad truth, i don't want to look at it sadly. being alive, here, right now, is some sort of miracle. my views on religion are very complex but i do generally think there is someone above us watching over the world. if forces of evil exists in the world, it only serves to make sense that forces of goodness exist as well. that is how balance is achieved. as for which one? i'm not sure! i dont know which religion is "right". maybe all of them are wrong and it's someone totally different altogether. the point is, that deity, no matter who they are, chose to spare me for another day. i don't know why i deserve that type of luck. but i'm not going to take it for granted. i want to make the most of however much ive got left.!!!
a sadder thing that happened is that i ended up cutting off a friend a day or two ago. The same friend from the last entry, actually. its disappointing but her values didnt align with mine and we were not the best fit, so it was for the best. i feel like lately i've gotten better at asserting my boundaries towards people i dont like or dont want to associate with anymore, so i'm really proud of myself for that 🩷🩷🐶
as for how today went: i was really sleepy today! i really need to start having a better sleep schedule. i fell asleep in 2 classes today. not my proudest moments. i'll do better tomorrow. 😢😢 i have lotsa work to do tonight. i was doing decently (which is a miracle for me) at the beginning of the quarter but i feel over a little bit i've been letting myself slip. i need to get back on trackk..,,..... after school i've lately gotten into the habit of taking short runs around my neighborhood before i go home as a way of getting even the tiniest bit of fresh air. i try to do it when the weather isnt absolutely Freezing. but today isnt freezing, its just drizzling. so i'll have a go. I'm on the bus as im writing this. in my last class (which is english), me and this girl were the last to leave the classroom and we found out we liked the same book! it's called Forever For A Year. i was holding the book, otherwise we wouldve never known.. but it was nice to talk to someone!! i dont know her name but i think i see her in a different light now. a much friendlier one. regarding the book itself 🤔🤔 its good. i dont like how the author writes the main female character in some ways (it's a man, so what did i expect), but overall the story is very beautiful. it's a romance coming-of-age and i am an absolute sucker for those types of stories. and this one even has opposites attract. yay!!! my favorite. the girl said she liked the book too! so despite everything today was a pretty sweet day.
This entry has become quite long.. but it was mostly positive, so i dont mind. tonight if i manage to finish everything i need to do tonight, i might reward myself by watching the naked gun. my friend has been pestering me to watch it for 2 weeks now and i've been meaning to but honestly, i haven't had a ton of time to watch movies lately. i miss it though. i want to start again. only if i finish my work though. and i'll sleep early!! even if i'm not finished!! i mean it this time!!!