To Catch A Barbarian Part 2

The Hob House

Amare ran as fast as he could for the Hob House, luckily he knew the location by heart due to the numerous massages he's gotten there. Unluckily, due to how egregiously large Marak was a casual walk was most people's jogging pace, and so Marak was found just outside the entrance, about to interact with what Amare could only identify as an eldritch horror in the shape of a little girl. Though Marak apparently knew....her?

"Hey Seph! How's it goin!"

The huge man patted her on the head ruffled her hair like a normal man would do to a normal little girl, and asked her a question before he went inside, oblivious to the fact that he was supposed to be enemies with her.

"So Seph, I was wonderin, what even are ya?"

And the....girl.... gave him an answer.

"S̸̗͠o̸͈̅͐̾m̴̧͍͍͗́ę̶̜̫̈t̶̯͙̎̈́h̷͈̙̃͠i̶̓ͅn̴͎̦͝g̶̨̱̟̽ ̷̢͕̣̈́̃b̴̮̆̀̎e̶͍͈̊̅͐y̴̫̽͂͒o̶̖͔̭̾̐ņ̶͈͙͋̂͑d̷̖͇͊͑͋ ̸͍͉̓y̴̟̖̮̿͑͋o̴̠̓͌̓u̴̙͇̽r̷̛̖̹͉̈́͑ ̵̲̟̫̄̍c̸͔̮͊o̷͔̽͆̍m̷̦̯̼̊p̴̱̩̼͑̿̇r̷̡̭̒̀ë̴͚͈͎́̋h̸̜͆e̴͚̣̝̐̉ņ̵͕̅s̸͎̝̦̆͝ị̸̪̥͛̀͐ö̷̲͚̩́ņ̶̡̇̚͘.̵̘̐ ̶͔̑N̵̠̘̎̅͑o̷̓̽͜ẗ̵̰̥͍́͐͝ ̴̩̻̣̓á̷̢͇̰̅ ̶͖͊̈́h̵̤͖̀i̷̝̺̤̓̈́͝g̴̭̉͝h̴̩̜̤͐̂ ̵̼̔͝b̴̫̙̺̀ǎ̴͕̹̈́̇r̷̛̩̤̔̋ ̶̲̎̏t̶̤̝̿͑h̴͚̺̘̽͑o̸̩͋̍̊ͅù̷̡̈g̶̣̙̬̉͆h̴̳̀́.̵̱̋ "

"I see your in one of your spookier moods. Anyways, see ya again whenever I come by!"

" F̶̗͈͇́a̶̪͖͋̐͐r̸̫̀e̸͙̋̆ ̶̼̟̣̉t̴̛̳̦͂̂ḧ̸̨̝́̃̈́ͅe̴͚͛̆̀e̷̫̗̓ ̷͛ͅw̸̟̲̼̉è̴̛͜l̶͔̆̾ĺ̵͍̉̔,̴̫̉͒͒͜ ̶̤͋L̸̢̳̩̅͒ò̵̡̮͝ȓ̵͒͜d̵̳̖̼͛̔̄ ̴̫͝ö̶̰́̋f̴̣͝ ̷̨̎̓̍I̸̛̗̿ŕ̵̳͖̣o̴̤͚̿n̵͈͖̲͒.̶̱̭̽͝"

Marak then proceeded to brazenly walk through the entrance with Amare meekly following behind and gave the now identified Seph an small wave.

"I'm just here for the big guy."

"C̸̼̀͂̔̚ͅa̷̡͙̼̭̔͒͌͝ͅȓ̵̻̲r̵̟͋̒͠ŷ̸̡̼̥̈̿ ̸̳͂͜͜ờ̷̪̩̬̱̑ǹ̵͔̆͑͊.̵̜͉̹̪̀̓̐́͝"

And so, Marak stumbled upon Guildmaster Bastly Ugard and one of his guildmates Alaric Falk having a conversation. Bastly and Alaric were very patient men, especially Bastly who was famous for his almost umbreakable demeanor of positivity, but that patience was about to tested as a drunken barbarian walked in the door. So, Bastly greeted his....unforeseen guest while Alaric and Amare watched whatever was about to happen unfold.

"Hello Marak. Are you here for the therapy that you need?"

"Wuzzat "therapy" thing that you keep goin' on about Big Man? Is it a new kinda' booze?"

"As we have reiterated multiple times, therapy is not an alcoholic beverage."

"Then I'z don't want it!"

"The what are you here for Marak."

"I dunno....oh yeah! All this cool stuff happened back at the guild!"

Marak then proceeded to rant about all the "cool stuff" he could remember from the past week, which essentially consisted of him verbally listing nearly every single illegal activity committed at the Hag's Hex. Amare watched on with horror as his eyes widened and his jaws slackened at Marak's complete disregard for the consequences of his actions, while Alaric just stood there with what Ibuki called his "patented morose old man stare". Bastly as per usual treated Marak like another one of his clientele, listening patiently with a smile as Marak finally finished his ranting.

"And then Finally, Axel stole everything that man had left without him noticing! Even his clothes!"

Alaric then looked to his Guildmaster and said what any rational light guild wizard would after hearing all that.

"Shouldn't we report this to The Magic Council?"

Bastly allowed himself an amused chortle at the sentiment.

"The last time we did that, a professional interrogator retired from their job because Marak quote, "Slurped up the handcuffs like noodles, ate his chair, ate the table, and then proceeded to go on an hour and a half long rant about what various types of kitchen utensils and silverware tasted like." his Iron God Slaying magic may be quite durable, but his greatest shield against consequences is unfortunately his regrettable mental state, a state I aim to change."

Amare then saw Marak walk away towards someplace in the guild, not really knowing where to go despite supposedly being here before. Alaric then proceeded to identify where he was going.

"Wait a minute, isn't that where Ibuki is taking photos for Sorcerers Magazine?"

Amare then had an amazing idea! He wouldn't be tard wrangling anymore! He would be in the spotlight! All he needed to do was convince the Big Guy to follow along, and he had just the Idea! Amare then tugged on Marak's beard before offering him a proposal

"Oi! Not the beard!

"Sorry but.....would you like a little extra fame?"

"Wuzzat do?"

"Its gets you more free drinks."

And like that, Marak was ensnared to Amare's whimsy. With a huge grin of surprisingly perfectly white and aligned teeth he listened raptly to Amare's plan to get him into Sorceror's Magazine. Bastly and Alaric were watching from behind, with Bastly having an even larger grin than usual. You see, Bastly was quite possibly the wealthiest man in Baslam,but was incredibly humble about his earnings in life. However, fun at Vera's expense was certainly a luxury that he would not mind having more of.

Amare then used his Beauty Demon Slayer Magic to turn Marak from a disheveled and dirty large drunken barbarian, into a clean and tidy large drunken barbarian, and Marak was more than enthused to see his new appearance.

"I LOOK FUCKIN'AWESOME!"

He then proceeded to completely disregard Amare's plan to negotiate his way into Sorcerer's Magazine and barged his way in when Ibuki was doing an even more scantily clad photoshoot than usual.

"AHAHAHA! NEVER FEAR! FOR I AM HERE!"

At that moment, for just an instant, Amare, Alaric, Bastly, Ibuki, the Cameraman, even Seph who had snuck an eye over here swore Marak transformed into something godlike. Instead of a muscular orange haired barbarian stood a golden haired goliath. One that shone brighter than the brightest magics and had two mighty locks of hair that seemed to defy physics and stand on end. But just as soon as it came, it passed. The illusion of something greater was gone, but forever in their minds....wearing spandex for some reason.

But after that dazzling display the cameraman grew a lightbubb over his head, literally. The cameraman used Machine Make Magic, which assembles any machine in his mind with the available parts. An extremely useful magic when certain wizards and witches ( some reason the lightbulbs bottom pointed towards Ibuki when he though of this. strange.) destroyed his equipment over petty things like photoshoot requests. Speaking of photoshoot requests, he just had 2 new people that would make the magazine even better!. He pointed at the now beautified and handsome Marak and Amare and said,

"Would you two gentlemen come over here for a second?"

They were ecstatic. Amare for being on Sorcerer's Magazine, and Marak for hanging out with his new buddy and future free drinks to come. So ecstatic they were that they locked elbows and spun 'round each other as they broke into a number of song and dance enhanced by Amare's magic.

Marak: The Boss is gonna see our faces!
Amare: Take a picture of the right places!
Marak: The Boss is gonna be maaad!
Amare: That's the price to be haaad!
Marak: The Boss is gonna be sad not happy!
Amare: C'mon Marak don't get sappy!
Marak: One of us don't know what it means!
Both: But we're gonna be on Sorcerers Magaziiiiiiiiiine! YAH!

Amare raised his had for a high five, which he soon regretted as Marak more than eagerly accepted. Amare had to spend a couple seconds relocating his hand into it's joint. Someone wasn't happy about this state of affairs though, and our resident princess then vocally made it known to the Cameraman.

"This is an outrage! We can't let these two buffoons onto my photoshoot!"

That was a poor choice of words. The Cameraman smirked and gave a response.

"Your photoshoot? well what if I just so happen to coincidentally lose your photoshoot huh?"

"You wouldn't dare"

"I would."

"Ok then, what reason do you have for putting those ruffians next to me on the Sorcerers Magazine huh?"

"What reason?! They're the perfect gateway to gaining more of the female audience and and a certain sector of the male audience!"

"Oh please, a muscular hairy man with a mohawk mutton chops and smaller more androgynous blonde man......why are you right?"

"I tend to be when it comes to these sorts of things. Gentlemen would you mind coming over here"

Amare, still on a major dopamine high with full-toothed grin on his face, got swept into a hug along with Ibuki by Marak who loomed now loomed over them. Amare had been handled by many a strong man but this level of ease was completely new to him. Ibuki however finally felt the contagious happiness the two idiots were emitting, and for just a brief moment smiled because of the sheer absurdity of it all. And in that moment,

FLASH

The Next Day at The Hag's Hex

Amare and Marak had not returned yet, leading to the other guildmates assuming they were on some convoluted adventure brought about by sheer stupidity. They weren't technically wrong to be completely honest.

Then the latest Issue of Sorcerers Magazine came to them, and Luckuv picked it up.

The fucking Princess of Fiore smirking along with Marak and Amare with stupid grins on their faces was on the front cover.

Luckuv then brought the Magazine to the rest of her guildmates, snickering the entire way there.

When Hilda saw it she nearly passed out belly laughing, rolling around on the floor for a solid 2 minutes.

Though Vera and Axel -ever the pragmatists- saw just how powerful Amare's Beauty Devil Slaying Magic was, and how it made their resident inebriated tribesman look like a genuinely handsome fellow with an irresistible animalistic charm.

Thus, Amare Pueraman's first job for the Hag's Hex was completed, and his standing in the minds of the guildmates was improved.