Your Pokéscope For Today
KANTO!
There's hope in the near future when Game Freak
Re-remakes the first gen games once again
Fill that void in your pathetic life
By playing Red and Blue seventeen hours a day
JOHTO!
Try to avoid any Galars or Alolas
Who are still in high school
You are the true greatest region
No matter what those idiots in threads say
HOENN!
The look on your face will be priceless
When you reset on that Shiny Deoxys by mistake
Trade your starter with a sex offender
Then masturbate to Hex Maniac
SINNOH!
You will never be seen as a girl
What you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll boot up
Battle your rival and then turn off the game
That’s your Pokéscope for today,
Yay yay yay yay yay
That’s your Pokéscope for today!
That’s your Pokéscope for today,
Yay yay yay yay yay
That’s your Pokéscope for today!
UNOVA!
Your monthly replay will be ruined once again
By your terrible RNG
Your party will run into trouble
When a Gym Leader wipes the whole team to a crit
KALOS!
The position of Jupiter says that you should spend the rest of the week lost in Lumiose
Try not to spend your hard earned money on some clothes
While lacking in Full Restores
ALOLA!
Now is not a good time to take rides through Ultra Space
And end up in Pheromosa’s world, oh no
Eat a whole bunch of cheap Big Malasadas
Then wash it down with a dozen jars of Moomoo Milk
GALAR!
All Galars are extremely friendly and intelligent
Except for you
Expect a big surprise today
When you wind up with your rival coming out as gay
That’s your Pokéscope for today,
Yay yay yay yay yay
That’s your Pokéscope for today!
That’s your Pokéscope for today,
Yay yay yay yay yay
That’s your Pokéscope for today!
Now you may find it inconceivable
Or at the very least a bit unlikely
That a general opinion of a region
Or a game could have a special deep significance
Or meaning that exclusively applies to only you
But let me give you my assurance
That these blatant gen-war shitposts
Are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence
So you would have to be some kind of retard not to realize
That every single one of them is absolutely true
Where was I?
PALDEA!
A perfect egg hatch is just around the corner
For someone much more casual than you
Laughter is the very best medicine
Remember that when your save data breaks next week
ORRE!
Get ready for an absolute surprise
When your old GameCube memory card fails you
Work a little bit harder on improving your basic hygiene
You smelly freak
MYSTERY DUNGEON!
All your friends are laughing behind your back
KILL THEM.
Take down all those porno pictures of Shiny Celebi
You've got hanging in your den
RANGER!
The stars say that you’re an exciting and wonderful person
But you know they're lying
If I were you, I'd overdose on pain meds
And never, never, never, never, expect a new game again
That’s your Pokéscope for today,
Yay yay yay yay yay
That’s your Pokéscope for today!
That’s your Pokéscope for today,
Yay yay yay yay yay
That’s your Pokéscope for today!
That’s your Pokéscope for today,
Yay yay yay yay yay
That’s your Pokéscope for today!
That’s your Pokéscope for today,
Yay yay yay yay yay…
That’s your Pokéscope for today!