ENTER: An absurdly well-built blonde man facing off against a hulking, grey-skinned monstrosity with acrid smoke pouring from vents in its back. Blood is streaming from his broken nose. He wipes it away with the back of his hand. This is BOBBY SAMSON, better known as SUNLIGHT MAN. Opposite him stands one of his self-proclaimed nemeses, UMBRA. The wasteland around them is littered with the bodies of UMBRA's associates and SUNLIGHT MAN's colleagues, most of whom are struggling to sit up.
UMBRA: Had enough yet, hero?
BOBBY: I can do this all day.
He digs his heels in as UMBRA rockets towards him. Unstoppable force meets immovable object. The resulting shockwave causes a small earthquake. UMBRA skids backwards, reeling, but BOBBY isn't doing so good either. His reserves of solar radiation are running dangerously low. As he inhales, his ribs twinge and his vision goes white for a second. It is at this moment that his earpiece, still miraculously affixed to his face, beeps. A hologram flickers across his left eye: MINERVA KIM CALLING. BOBBY groans under his breath.
BOBBY: No.
He briefly considers the situation that he is in. It resonates eerily with his father's last great fight, all those decades ago. He will not leave his son (or daughter) without a father. He will survive this. And he will win. He must.
UMBRA: I'm only going to ask this one more time. Had enough yet, hero?
BOBBY's fists clench, and his knuckles creak. He smiles.
BOBBY: And I'm only going to say this one more time. I can do this all day.
His earpiece crackles. It's MINERVA KIM. Also known as MINNIE SAMSON. She's overridden the manual restrictions on his comms. She's the only person who can do that. Apart from his mother, of course.
MINNIE, voice startlingly clear, almost as though she's right beside him: You're going to be late for our baby shower.
BOBBY: Honey, I'm kind of in the middle of something.
MINNIE: Yeah. I can see that.
BOBBY frowns. UMBRA pauses.
UMBRA: Who are you talking to?
BOBBY holds up a finger.
BOBBY, to UMBRA: Sorry, got to take this.
UMBRA: Why, you little -
BOBBY, to MINNIE: This fight isn't being televised. We're literally in the middle of the Mojave desert. Please tell me this is a figure of speech.
MINNIE, after a long pause: It's not.
BOBBY: What do you mean, it's not? Aren't you supposed to be on bed-rest?
MINNIE: The girls were visiting. Edie pulled out her phone and found that you'd gotten into a bit of a scrap, so Hailey called in some favors. Then Faith stepped out to take a call from Cain. Cain told Nyoro, Nyoro told Myoga, Myoga told McCathy -
UMBRA: Hey! HEY!
BOBBY raises an eyebrow at UMBRA.
UMBRA: What the fuck is this, dude? I'm literally about to kill you.
BOBBY: Yeah, so about that -
An immense bolt of lightning rains down from nowhere, slicing clean through UMBRA's gas and suffusing BOBBY's frame. His skeleton is briefly, comically, visible. A Japanese man in a futuristic suit of armor flashes into existence, then disappears just as swiftly, reappearing again here and there to retrieve BOBBY's most injured subordinates. A green-haired giant of a woman slams into the ground behind BOBBY, throwing up clouds of dust. And she's brought friends. UMBRA takes one step back, then another. BOBBY straightens up, his reserves of radiation filled to bursting, and smiles.
BOBBY: Not today, motherfucker.