Alexi's interview with the nosy, obsessed cape fanboy who lives in the room down the hall

John Cox/The Rooster

Who?
/
The big man on campus. Or really, in the city. Superphallus is out day and night protecting the city. It's pretty admirable, but he's still kind of a douchebag. Maybe I'm just jealous that he has the kind of easy, bullshit super hero package that allows him to live the life he wants without having to spend every night waxing poetic. Or maybe he's just a big dick.

Bethany Zellenin/Nemian

The philanthropist? She's hot, and rich, and I'm single but I don't think she's in the market for poor undergraduates with schizophrenia. Plus she's part of the Protectorate, a major part. No thanks, because I'm sure she was on the cusp but I'll bite the bullet here and say it's me, not you.
/
Like Blastrix, but clearly not jailbait. I have some suspicions about who is behind the tinker tech, but it doesn't really matter either way.

Nikkita Arete/Triumph

W-what about her? So what if I know who she is, everyone does, even an anti-social loser like me. No, I don't watch the girls volleyball team, what am I, a pervert? She's in two of my classes, not that I care. She's not even my type bro, I prefer brunettes. A restaurant? No, I don't eat out unless it's on the dollar menu. I should try it anyway? Yeah, maybe when I get a job.
/
I should apologize to them, at some point, eventually, probably. It's not that I don't like them. It's that I don't respect their grandstanding after beating the fucking shit out of people who will take months to recover. They might be worthless street trash, but you don't need to flex on the powerless.

Matt H. Hathaway/The Undertaker

Who-Wait didn't I read his name in the obits or something?
/
Halloween ass cape. Haven't run into him yet myself but I hear he's quite the scare. Kind of funny, in a B horror movie way. At least he seems to enjoy his work.

Undertow

She's so embarrassed to be on TV I can't help but feel bad for her. One of the few parahumans who actually seems like they benefit from the Protectorate.

Geyser

Dude seems legit, but I haven't seen him do anything since showing up in the Bay. Maybe he's still trying to find a good middleground between vaporizing and pulverizing? Maybe he's just a pussy, who knows, and until I see him out one night, who cares.

Jennifer King/Blastrix

Who?
/
Jailbait. I wonder if she's aware of her overweight middleaged fandom? Probably.

Jed Steele(Follower)

Who?
/
Golden Boy? Kind of a goober. Seems like a good kid, always starry eyed whenever the big cock rolls around to shine down on him. Major robin energy, hopefully he'll find his place outside the long hard shadow of his mentor.

Independent Heroes

Victor Myers/Uroboros

Stuck up prick who walks around the science center like he owns it because he's some hotshot biochem prodigy. He probably is as smart as they say, but unless he starts researching parahumans instead of bugs he'll quickly become just another nobody.
/
Kind of a pussy, but he still probably deserves an apology. At least he cleaned up most of the mess I made, I owe him for that, and for Trip.

Carla Jackson/Pyrrha (Follower)

Who? Oh the older giant girl. Yeah, there's three of them, and she's the biggest. Not that I'm paying attention. She's just hard to miss, even though I've only seen her once, in the science center hanging around with the four eyed dweeb./I cut off her head, and Butcher killed her twice over. I don't think sorry is ever really going to cut it, so hopefully we never meet again!

Dread Conglomerate
The Big Cheese

At least one person in the protectorate is taking him seriously, considering there's a public bounty on this psycho's big grinning head. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping to cash in, but for some reason I don't think it'd be quite as cut and dry as killing Butcher. Maybe it's the smile, dude has to be plotting something under that frozen fucking maw, and when he springs it I hope I'm there to fuck it all up.

Charles Carter/Dr Hurtsteal

The kind of monster that won't stay a day in prison. Our government is slow to adapt to the new world, but I won't be.

Troublemaker

Who? Part of the Dread Conglomerate? What the fuck are you talking about-she's four foot tall? Are they recruiting children? That's kind of bad ass.

Ashley Blaketon/Maw

Some people probably didn't get to see the photos of her covered in blood, looking like an actual ghoul in the papers a few months ago. If they had, they wouldn't be so quick to white knight for a cannibal.

Pestilence

Bugs. Creepy Dude. I feel like there's an archetype here. At least it's not spiders.

John Doe

Who? No like actually, that's just a common name for corpses. That's the joke? Yeah but who's the cape? You don't know? How do you even know he's real? A hunch? Fuck off.

Independent villains
Freya Ward/Hindsight

She's a TA in one of my classes, yeah she's cute, no, she doesn't talk to me, no, I don't know where she sleeps./Writes some good exposes, well written, hard hitting, I envy her, she must have incredible sources.

Murder Bee

A hero among villains. I'd spare him if he gave me the chance, but I think he'd be happy to die doing what he loved.

Koreans

The asian girls that live near the frat houses? What about them? No, I don't know their names. No, I didn't know they made music. No, I didn't ask for a picture. Hm. Well, yeah I guess they're cute but they throw their money around so shamelessly it kind of makes me want to punch someone. You offering?

Morningstar

Gayer than a bundle of sticks but seems to be making plenty of money with his powers, wish I could be so lucky.

Vigilantes

Kassandra Lettice

Another giant woman. Is Brockton University some annex of Themyscira? You hope so? Me too buddy, me too.

Alby McCullough/Villainconvenience

Who?
/
As funny as this dude is, I pray I don't run into him one night and have to deal with some literally monumental bullshit.

Alexis Miller/Shinobi

The cu-I mean-cat, uh, girl who works at the cafe? Takes the bullying a bit too hard, the dudes are just pulling pigtails and the girls are just mad that they can't buy cat ears to look that good. Not that I care. Shut up bro, as if everyone doesn't like catgirls.
/
Who?

Caspian Cook/Roachbait

Who?
/
Nerdy dudes and bugs name a more iconic duo.

Alexi Liddel/Vorpal

Hey that's me! I'm on TV! Wait-Fuck I'm on TV???
/
Butcher is a stupid name. I'm fixing that misconception next time I'm out. I just need to think of a better name first. How about King of Blades? Wait, isn't there already a king of blades or something?

Rance Rayford/Hyper Storm

The chink janny with a fake name? He always looks at me like I ate his dog. Whatever, dude is girlier looking than me, I'd kick his ass.
/
The rabbit right? From the story I read the next day, I'm pretty sure this is the guy whose leg I broke. Sorry, but maybe once you recover you could teach me some of those moves? No? No hard feelings though right? There are probably hard feelings.

Martin Gigant/Arsenal King

Who?
/
Heard about his fight with the cock. Couldn't beat the cock. No one beats the cock, not even the king apparently.

Katie Ingqvist/Fury

Who?
/
I've only ever seen her on TV. Dude had to be gay to walk away from that, unless she's got some serious deformities under that mask.

The Homemaker

I want one, how much is it-Never mind.

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Pub: 26 Sep 2023 18:50 UTC
Views: 385