To be 17 again. Ch.1.

This story has been dropped.

~*~

The pot made a delightful bubbling sound as Mio turned off the stove, wanting to have one last taste, she gently blew on her spoon before slurping the soup.

“It came out good again.” She thought, hoping wholeheartedly he would like it. The thought of being praised for her cooking once more made her heart flutter, repeatedly tasting the dish and feeding her insecurities more than her stomach, as she tried to find a single flaw in it. To her taste, it was perfect.

She heard a car pull over in the driveway. Here it comes, she thought to herself, her heart beating faster in expectation with every passing second. She heard him at the door, fumbling with his keys, the jingle of keys hitting the floor, an audible grunt and finally, the door unlocking.

“Hey honey!” Mio gave her husband a warm welcome, accompanied by a cheerful smile. The man, in turn, gave her a half raised hand for a salute and tired sighs as he came in, passing Mio and walking into the kitchen. She hoped he would react to the scent that slowly made it’s presence around in the house, fresh beef soup, coupled with vegetables and spices, but instead, he reached for some chips from the counter, put them in a bowl and sat in front of the television.

Mio still served two bowls at the table and invited him to come over, but her husband was lost before the digital screen, watching some dumb game show where the participants would get slapped with flying cakes. Thus, Mio sat alone in the neatly set table, with a bowl of warm soup that now was beginning to taste way too salty yet tasteless. Mio toyed with her vegetables, picking them up with her spoon, dropping them back in, swirling them in the remainders of the broth and how she made a little typhoon in which a little piece of parsley found itself trapped, bound to Mio’s spoon. Mio smiled and imagined a little ship in the midst of a storm, slowly getting swallowed by the sea. A silly thought, but a happy one.

Finally her husband joined her at the table with his phone in hand. He ate some of the beef and veggies, while absent mindedly drinking the soup, soon enough, Mio’s plate was empty, and her husband’s was still half full as he kept looking at his phone. A knot slowly formed in Mio’s throat, she swallowed her fears for once, and asked him something that wouldn’t stop weighting her down.

“Did you like the soup?”

“Yes, it was good.”

Mio looked into his eyes for a little shine of honesty, but all she saw was the reflection of his phone on his glasses. She felt as if she had been sitting alone all this time. Sure enough, it was like she wasn’t there. Just now she heard something in the background. The TV was still on, the laugh tracks from the show were almost mocking her, then she jumped at the sound of a chair’s creak. Her husband got up and sat on the couch once more, watching the TV.

Mio did the dishes, and went to bed, extremely disappointed, feeling that her husband just didn’t want her anymore.

~*~

After buying something to cook later, Mio took a little detour and passed near a park where children were playing. She looked at them making sandcastles and playing superheroes as their mothers chatted on the benches. She couldn’t take her eyes off them for a second, before snapping back to reality to wait for a green light. Near her home, she found a cat. He was white with darker fur on its eyes and had a grumpy face, yet he came to Mio and let himself be pet. Mio cherished the moment, running her palm across his soft fur and scratching it’s behind, looking at the sweet creature who came to cheer her up after so much. The cat brushed against Mio’s leg as she left, and she used her willpower to go back home without stealing the pretty animal for herself. Mio had to stream soon, so she got in her outfit and stood before the mirror, still thinking about the cat. Unconsciously, Mio put her hand on her belly. Staring into the mirror, she lost herself in the reflection.

Mio saw herself wearing a Sunday dress with flowers, with a mini version of her to her side, the same hair, the same amber eyes looking to her own reflection, hugging her mother’s legs, which showed her bare skin from the knees down. In her arms, another little version of her, but with different and more masculine features, a sweet little boy, covered in a blankie. She indulged in her fantasy for a while, looking for someone else, trying to picture her husband over her shoulder or hugging her waist, the image vanished into mist, and Mio found herself once more, alone, in front of the mirror with the new hoodie she was going to show her viewers.

At first she didn’t notice it, but a tear was rolling down her left cheek. She wiped it away and put on a smile, ready for her stream.

The kid talk always ended in silence. Her husband didn’t want kids, despite Mio’s insistence. She even thought of “forgetting” about her birth control and let herself get pregnant, but deep inside she knew she shouldn’t, because the child would come into a family in which their father would never love them. One of her coworkers had such luck, and she wouldn’t risk bringing someone into this world just to suffer.

Every night she’d have sex mechanically with her husband, letting him have his fun and then turn over to sleep quietly on her side of the bed. Even if her sex life was this rudimentary, she tried to have a fulfilling home life, and even then, everything fell short because of her husband’s lack of enthusiasm. Even if only once, he would’ve said he genuinely enjoyed the food, not with his automated response, but by showing her an empty plate Mio would’ve felt happy. Other than her work, her life was a sad excuse for existence.

One night, however, she got one of her wishes fulfilled.

She had made rice and chicken, an extremely basic dish, yet her husband left no trace of it on the plate. Mio was pleasantly surprised, and almost cried of joy. That night her husband went to sleep immediately, but she didn’t care. She got her little bit of happiness. Her husband was showing signs of a newfound determination inside of him, a new shine in his eyes, and Mio believed she was part of it.

She couldn’t be further from the truth though, but still deluded herself into it, doing her best cooking, in bed and in her job. Soon after Mio’s confidence skyrocketed, it would come crashing down after her husband would startto come home much later, leaving her to starve waiting for him or just eating alone once more, setting up the table for two at first, hoping he’d show up. After a while, she just served herself.

Her husband kept claiming he was doing overtime at work, which made Mio happy that he was working hard, but soon after, while washing his clothes she’d see the reason for his good mood and his overtime. Crimson lipstick on one of his shirts. Mio wasn’t surprised by her little discovery; at most she was sad of being proven right in her own insecurities. Still she washed the shirt dutifully and ironed it for its use. Before laying down on their bed, and beginning to cry.

What am I to do? She thought to herself. If I confront him about this, he’d get mad and probably…

”I told you no! I don’t want to fucking hear it anymore!"

Mio shivered as her husband raised his fist, awaiting a punch that never came and would never come, yet she learned something, she was to keep quiet.

“Even if I did do something about it, a divorce, what would change about my life?” Mio thought. “Where would I go? No one would like an old woman like me by this point.” Mio cried onto her sleeve, slowly sinking deeper and deeper into her sadness at it swallowed her by the hells, rising up to her thighs, her hips, her stomach, her chest, her shoulders. Despite coming home to a cold house, and only ever looking forward to her job, never before did she feel this void in her soul. No one to heed her cries, she wept until her eyes ran dry.

~*~

Mio’s performance was dropping, and management was going to fix that. Mio expected to get fired over her behavior, but instead she got assigned a “talent manager”. He would look over her schedule, scout games for her to play, moderate her chat for mean comments, and to an extent, take care of her, make sure she gets her meals, look after her diet and even her general happiness. Mio tried to talk her way out of it, embarrassed at the thought of having to be cared for like a little girl, but, her higher ups wouldn’t change their mind.

Her coworkers teased her about it too, Fubuki specially, asking if she’d get a prince charming for herself. Mio thought about it for a bit before remembering her husband and snapping back to reality.

“Jokes aside, thought, it wouldn’t be the first time, you know.” Said Fubuki. Mio was surprised by her statement, and also morbidly curious. Fubuki told her some of the gossip thrown around the office, such as Miko falling in love with her manager who everyone thought was scary, and that the two only acted professionally during work hours, but you could see them act like two dumb teenagers without worries in the world once the clock sent them home.

“Eh?! Miko?! B-But I thought she was…” Mio didn’t finish her statement, so Fubuki did it for her.

“A lesbian?”

“…Yeah.”

The conversation went on for a bit more, learning more and more juicy bits of Miko’s relationship and the other talents as well, and so Mio left for her home, thinking about what Fubuki told her.

“It wouldn’t be the first time.” Fubuki’s word kept resonating in her head.

Once she finally got home, Fubuki’s voice calmed down, finding herself alone once more. Miko was a young, beautiful girl, even if she was a handful at times. Mio, on the other hand, didn’t have any qualities that would make her desirable. Her husband wasn’t even the issue by now, Mio didn’t feel as if she was worth anyone’s time.

And yet, cusped a little hope in her heart, a little spark in the dark that would guide her out of the dark tunnel she found herself in. She yearned for something, anything.

“God, if you’re listening…” She said to herself, but couldn’t finish her own sentence. And thus, Mio began cooking in silence.

~*~

First day working as a talent manager. You woke up on the clock, yet the morning passed quickly. With half a cup of coffee and an egg sandwich to fuel you until lunch, you left your apartment and ran for the office.

In the reflection shown by the train’s window, you saw your tie. Done in a rush, the knot left much to be desired, but it was presentable enough, or so you hoped. Your brain forgot about the tie for a minute to go over what you had to do. You were assigned to the talent named “Ookami Mio.” You were given a vague description of her personality and her usual stream antics. Mio was underperforming terribly, and so you had to get her up to speed. This won’t be easy, you thought. But you wouldn’t make Cover regret their decision. Much less when this brought you one step closer to meet your own idols. And so, you were ready to take on everything that this path had to offer, little did you know, it would be more, way more than you bargained for.

You got a warm welcome from everyone in the office, management and talents alike. The higher ups emphasized on the teamwork aspect a lot, which usually, you’d take as a load of bullshit, but this time you were willing to listen, after all, Cover had something that made them stand out over other vtuber companies, when one of their talents underperformed, they latched them onto more successful ones to boost their views, and in some cases such as yours, got external help.

You walked into the room you were supposed to meet with your idol sweating bullets, hoping she wouldn’t secretly be a hassle to deal with. You knew most of the idols were putting up acts, but you hoped they weren’t covering up an awful person with it. Your train of thought was cut short by a sweet voice. Sweet like the crunch of a freshly baked cookie.

“Sorry for the wait!”

“Ah, it’s okay, I haven’t really waited that long.” You turned around to greet the woman behind you, and all you saw was a goddess. Her body was certainly one of her age, as her file described, yet her hips remained plump, with bits of fat in all the right places, her legs were firm, upholding the temple of her body, which too, was adorned by a plentiful chest and a pudgy belly that poked out of her shirt, bits of skin here and there showed themselves to your eyes to tease them and to crown the monument to beauty that stood before you, you saw a face that must’ve been carved by angels for a thousand years. Long black hair with a few red stripes, soft, sharp cheeks, and two beautiful amber eyes, like two drops of honey, with a distinct shine that made you feel as if you heart was shot by one of Cupid’s arrows.

She was Ookami Mio, the idol you had to manage.

You forced a cough and passed it off as a bit of dehydration, which had been setting in since the morning with your lackluster breakfast. Mio glanced at you, before looking from top to bottom and gulped at the young man sitting before her. Mio sat down, and you two got to business, going over her weak points, what she could try and what you could to help, and yet, both of you were having a hard time keeping your eyes off each other, only yielding at noxious thoughts, such as:

“There’s no way he’d look at me like that…”

“She must have someone a thousand times better than me…”

Despite your foggy minds, you got through the initial talk, and so began your efforts to try and help Mio, from getting her to play some games to collabs, she was doing well, but not well enough in the eyes of management. She was falling behind her gemmates and couldn’t find a proper audience.

At your wits end, you didn’t know what to do anymore. It wasn’t as if there was something innately wrong with Mio, instead you felt like you were a shit manager, maybe you weren’t cut out for the job after all.

Mio was also beating herself up over it, seeing you try your best and yet, getting meager results. Her depression was starting to eat her alive, so much so, that she didn’t have any strength to be sad about it anymore. Your presence reminded her of her failure.

But it would be then, one fateful day, that you two would finally come a bit closer.

Your lunch had gone bad. You packed it too late and you could smell it from a thousand miles away, so you threw it in the trash and bought some takeout. In the lunchroom, you sat in the first empty seat you found, without noticing that you had sit next to her.

“Oh, h-hey Anon!”

You almost felt as if struck by lightning, a sudden rush of adrenaline running through your veins as you turned your head to Mio. Taking your food out of the plastic bag it came in, you returned Mio’s greeting as best as you could.

One deep breath later, you calmed yourself down once more. What difference did it make if you had a crush on your coworker? There is no chance in hell you would ever be with her.

Eating your ultra-processed fast food, you couldn’t stop glaring at Mio’s lunch. A perfectly cooked salmon, mixed with veggies and some condiments, all the love that was put into the meal showed itself, the smell too was making love to your nostrils, your stomach growling at your senses and yet, you had to eat some oily excuse for a chicken. Mio noticed you staring at her food, your eyes and the way your mouth gaped at her lunch caught her attention immediately.

“Would you like a taste Anon?” Mio said, before cowering at her own wording.

“Sure.” You said nervously. Mio handed you her fork and you took a bit of her smoked salmon along with some veggies for a small bite of her meal. Everything about it was perfect, the texture of the salmon, the taste, the contrast with the veggies making way for an interesting perspective. You were sent flying into heaven, only to come down because you had to thank Mio for it.

Mio looked at you with the same dull eyes she looked at her husband praising her food, almost like a reflex to seeing blatant lies, but your expression harbored way more than a mere thanks. It beamed with enjoyment, and your paladar took control of your voice for a few seconds so make sure you wouldn’t forget about a little compliment.

“This is really good, Mio.”

Mio’s eyes suddenly regained color, as her cheeks were slowly turned red. She had made this for herself absent mindedly, she didn’t put much effort into it, and yet hearing you say those words had caught her off guard, leaving her speechless, yet her heart made her spurt out something, anything, because she was feeling something she hadn’t felt in a long time, but, trying to not show her embarrassment, Mio kept her cool as best she could.

“Ah, yes, it’s an old family recipe!” Mio blundered, barely able to keep it in.

“You cook really well.” You spurted out, while grabbing a second bite. Neither Mio, nor you noticed since you were both in shock for very different reasons. With every word you let out, Mio felt herself break a little bit more, a wall of stone around her heart, cracking bit by bit, slowly letting a little light shine through.

You gave Mio her fork back, and so began unpacking your fast food, but she denied you with an exaggerated gesture.

“A-Ah, I’m already full, you can eat it if you want, Anon.” Mio lied.

You could tell by her expression she was blatanly lying, also given her plate was still almost full, but you wouldn’t crush her spirits seeing how happy she was about it, so you ate half of it and left her your fries. Mio tried once again to get you to eat, but you denied firmly.

“You can’t get through the day on half a meal, Mio, as your manager, I have to look out for that too." Finally she yielded and ate her food with great delight, to her, it tasted way better than she thought it did.

Once lunch break was over, you thanked Mio for sharing her lunch with you, she did the same, as she practically ate all of your fries and a few pieces of chicken. As you got up, you heard her call out to you.

“A-Anon, don’t bring anything tomorrow, alright?”

You blushed and nodded, not knowing fully what Mio meant. Soon enough while working at your computer, the realization hit you; she was talking about food.

~*~

“Eh~, bringing in an extra lunch? What are you, a high schooler? Are you gonna tell him you accidentally made too much too?” Korone teased Mio.

“S-Shut up!”

But she was right to an extent. Mio wanted to see that expression on you once more, and thus, as soon as she got home, she thought about what she could make for you. Her husband didn’t come home that night, which was great for her, because she had accidentally burned her rice at first out of distraction. She put all her effort into making it, packing it in a neatly made bento, made to impress both your eyes and your taste buds. Content with the result. Mio let herself fall onto bed and fell into a deep peaceful sleep.

You were pleased with the surprise too, rice and chicken, coupled with a nice tomato salad. Mio glanced proudly at the way you stared at her food, yet she remained uneasy about it, ready for the worst, for the same automated response she’d get somewhere else.

But when she saw you take your first bite, pulling your eyebrows up, her heart felt at ease.

Without saying a word, you devoured the meal Mio had prepared for you, across the table, Korone and Fubuki murmured something to each other, giggling to themselves, both of you oblivious to it.

The rice had a great color and taste, by itself it would’ve made a great plate, but the chicken gave it its rightful place. Perfectly white on the inside, yet with a brownish color outside with some burnt parts you could scrape the knife across and hear its sound. If you were getting dry, the juicy tomato salad would come to the rescue, perfectly seasoned, in perfect harmony with the rest of the plate.

It had been a long time since you had a meal this good. You used to survive on the basics, rice, pasta, instant noodles and so on. Having a meal this carefully prepared was like receiving a soft kiss, it was like…

“Your cooking reminds me of my mother’s.” You said to Mio with your heart in hand.

Mio eyes lit up, suddenly she heard her heartbeat in her ears.

“Thanks Anon…” She managed to say.

“Still, you didn’t need to do this for me, you know?”

“Ah, take it as a thanks for all your efforts, even t-though I’m a bit of a lost cause.”

You shook at her response.

“You just need some confidence, Mio, I’m pretty sure you’ll find your own sweet spot. You’re incredibly talented, and I also doubt you’d have trouble catching the attention of your viewers.” You were running your fork on the rice in the bento box she had previously prepared for you, not controlling your own words, before blushing as you realized you were thinking out loud.

Mio was having trouble with her words herself, fidgeting with her hands as she listened to you, time went by so slowly then, and she felt how the pause between responses was getting longer.

“Thank you, Anon.” She managed to say after what felt like a thousand years.

“Don’t mention it, it’s what I’m here for.” You said, grounding your own heart. And that was true, but without realizing it, you gave Mio the little push she had been missing. Her smile pierced your soul and left you forever tainted, dreaming of seeing it once more.

“Excuse me for a second, Anon.” And so, Mio left the lunchroom.

As you kept eating the meal she had made for you, bite after bite you kept thinking to yourself how lucky her husband must be.

“Husband.” The word lingered in your head, reminding you that Mio was too good for you.

Over the past few days Mio asked you from time to time if you wanted her to cook you something when she was going to be in the office, and you’d say yes. Every time she’d bring a dish better than the last and your tongue would melt every time as well. Mio delighted herself in your expressions of gratitude, be it a mere thanks or you chowing down your plate like it was your last meal. One time as you sat in front of your computer to begin your own work, she brought you a cup of coffee, which you accepted gracefully, before she waved you goodbye and hurried out of the room.

Feeling that you needed to return the gesture, you bought a piece of chocolate. “To fight off the fatigue, from practice, I mean.” You told her and, also yourself, purely professional, looking out for your talent’s energy.

Her performance had begun slowly but steadily improving, having some of her kouhai treat her like a mother, which had a positive effect on the viewers. Management congratulated you for your work, which you accepted humbly, since, in your own eyes, Mio had found her strength by her own hand.

~*~

Once the day was over, you waved everyone goodbye and left, but someone joined you as you exited through the door.

“Ah, Anon, do you have a moment?”

Before you stood Fubuki, with a distinctively heartwarming face and a more casual gym-like outfit.

“E-Eh, sure, what’s the matter?” You were caught by surprise.

“I’d just like to have a little chat on the way home, what do you say?”

You were scared that you were going to get chewed up by her because she saw you getting too friendly with Mio, but she had other plans in mind.

As you two walked down to the train station, the light buzzing from the streetlights began making their presence. The sun was slowly being swallowed by the horizon and the moon showed itself as the sky darkened. The sound of your footsteps mixed with Fubuki’s was starting to unnerve you, waiting for her to start talking, waiting for a reproach.

“Mio sure gets along well with you.”

“Y-Yeah, she does.” You replied as you waited for her tone to change to a more serious one.

“I’m happy to see her like that.”

You glanced at Fubuki in awe, who had an honest smile drawn in her face, with a kind expression, she turned to face you.

“Mio is usually really shy.” Fubuki continued. “You know she’s married, right?”

This last part felt like a guttural punch, right in your stomach, going through and coming out the other side. You knew a woman like her had to be taken, it was logical, but her being so friendly with you gave you a small bit of hope, a hope the size of the eye of a needle, yet, it was there. You hid your internal disappointment as best you could and replied to Fubuki.

“I figured.”

Fubuki slowly scanned your expression, seeming so stoic and indifferent, but she knew that you were hiding something else inside. Perhaps, the need to let out a tear. Fubuki thought for a bit about what to say next, and then she continued.

“…She’s not happy with him, Anon.”

Your heart began racing, perhaps because it knew better than you what Fubuki implied, it tried to force you to say something, but only a dry “Ah” escaped your mouth. Fubuki awaited your response, but seeing how you had lost your once firm composure, she gave you a hint.

“Please take care of her, okay Anon?”

“S-Sure, I will!” You spewed out. Fubuki seemed mostly pleased at your answer. Then she waved you goodbye and turned around to disappear in a street you two had passed while talking.

A chilly wind flew by, reminding you that fall was beginning to set, the only thing keeping you warm right now, was your heart.

And under the bright streetlights of some streets you didn’t know, you thought of Mio, and the sweet smile she gave you every time she looked at you.