UNWORLDY MATRIMONY

You have been forcibly WED to the VENGEFUL SPIRIT, GUI LI ! This is an Advanced Esoteric Curse that will require a Favor from at least one Righteous Cultivator of at least the First Gold Core stage to remove!

This would be roughly equivalent to a DnD equivalent Lawful Good DnD Authority ~lvl17, OR a Prestige Caster ~lvl10. In the absence of other Xianxia Cultivator characters able and willing to lend assistence, additional material and risk may be required.

Until death or divorce, you MUST commit time and effort perform the Conjugal Performance Ceremony ("symbolic" "sex") with Gui Li for 6 waking hours per 36 waking hours, or face increasing difficulties and complications.

Faithfully performing the CPC will ensure no other ill apart from marital unpeace and disquiet, translating as a penalty of -1 for every stat advanced in your chosen Martial Art to a minimum of 1.

CONJUGAL PERFORMANCE CEREMONY

THE MARITAL HOME

Build an Altar from any material that has a rigid structure and can retain a solid shape.

If the materials are of the poorest sort, you must source and process them with your own hands from their natural state. Most easily, this should be short wood planks.

The smallest shape possible is a teepee shape, a triangle, but a henge shape, a wider "floor" supporting two walls and a flat roof, is recommended.

This is your MARITAL HOME. You may repair it of slight damage, but if destroyed, you must not reuse the materials. You must make a new Marital Home out of new material.

Within the MARITAL HOME, place two candles representing the (mortal) GROOM (YOU) and the UNWORLDLY BRIDE (Gui Li).

Around the Groom and Bride place 9 Oath Dishes. These are the food YOU eat, of half a small Human bite in size.

Place one pair of Chopsticks, meaning Quick(ly produce) Sons, anywhere in or on the Marital Home.

When you are ready, kneel before the Marital Home and light the Groom candle.

Say the Nuptual Greeting, a necromantic chant requiring 90 seconds and your "outside voice."
When the Nuptual Greeting has been chanted, wait up to an hour; more if you have greatly vexed your Bride.

When Gui Li is Ceremonially Present, the Bride candle will light with a transluscent green flame that gives no heat. The Chopsticks will begin to move, picking up half of each Oath Dish with no visible agency and feeding them to you. When half of all nine Oath Dishes are fed to you, the Chopsticks will be replaced on/in the Marital Home. Now you will do the same, picking up the remaining half of the Oath Dishes and holding them in the air at about mouth level. These will suddenly vanish.

When all 9 Oath Dishes are eaten, carry the Marital Home over your head and walk 99 or more steps, setting it back down at 90% its original position.

Both Groom and Bride candles should have extinguished, signalling the completion of the Ceremony.

DOMESTIC DISPUTES

Abusing your Bride through offense and neglect provokes a Domestic Dispute. Roll 1D1000 against the dysfunctionality of your relationship.

You will be attacked when you sleep.

She will have the same hitpoints you do, and any bonuses against her Groom from [Plucked Before Time].

Your Bride will always hit first.

The injuries you sustain here will be inflicted on your living body when you wake.

More information remain undiscovered.

MAKING IT WORK™

Performing the Ceremony meticulously counts towards Sincerity. The more consistent effort you put in making everything Just Right™, the more you please your Bride. Bawling the Nuptual Greeting instead of just declaiming it, for example, and walking exactly 99 steps carrying the Marital Home in a perfect circle using a drawn line or a pegged rope, then setting it down 99% accurately in a fixed socket, is free and impressive.

The Groom and Bride candles are ideally made of red wax and black wax respectively, and scented citron and frangipane respectively.

The 9 Oath Dishes should ideally be all different and all cooked to the standard of a lower middleclass wedding banquet.

Getting the best of materials and making everything yourself also appeal to (or appease!) your Unworldly Bride: precious metals, jewels, rare woods and ivories, exclusive goods, singular treasures, or the remains of great eminences and dangerous beasts.

If you combine both the previously described OCD about the Ceremony and this latter Autism about the Altar, the Sincerity displayed is compounded, increasing geometrically.

If you make your Bride happy enough, who knows, you may come into possession of goods and means forbidden the Living...