Installing Windows for Retards

This is a short guide for the completely clueless on installing Windows. Now with pictures!

What will you need

Internet connectivity
Access to a Windows (7+) install
An USB drive of at least 8 GB in size
An UEFI capable x64 machine (target machine)

What will you end up with

Windows 10 Education
Office 365 (optional)
Reasonable privacy settings

Downloading Windows

Open https://tb.rg-adguard.net/
Select Windows (Final)
Select latest version (at the time of this guide 19042.631)
Select "Windows 10" as edition
Select language (I'll go with English here)
Select the x64 ISO file.
Click Download
It should be from https://software-download.microsoft.com
Save the file

Downloading Rufus

Open https://rufus.ie
Download the latest portable version

Writing the ISO onto the USB drive

Connect your USB drive
Start Rufus
Select your device
Click "SELECT" and select the downloaded ISO
Click "START"
Let it finish

Adding ei.cfg

Open Notepad
Paste this in:
⎗

✓
1 2
[Channel] Retail
Save the file as ei.cfg in the Sources folder (should already exist) on your USB drive.
Shut down your computer

Precautions

It is recommended that you unplug any hard disks other than the one you plan to install Windows onto.

Booting the device

This is where I can't help you much. Your BIOS likely says something like F10 Boot menu during boot. Try mashing whatever key it says and selecting the USB drive. You may need to disable Secure Boot to make it boot. For help regarding either of these things consult your motherboard's User Manual.

Installing Windows

Select your language, time and keyboard setting, then press next

Click Install now
When asked product key select I don't have a product key
Select Windows 10 Education for install, then click Next

Accept the license terms
Select Custom

If you don't intend to keep any data, delete all partitions. Otherwise delete partitions you don't need (old install, etc..)
Select Unallocated space and click next. Selecting empty space makes the installer automatically create partitions it needs.

Wait until it finishes. It might reboot several times during the process.

OOBE

Select your region & keyboard
When presented the Sign in with Microsoft screen, select Domain join instead to avoid logging in

Set your username. If you want to avoid having to give recovery questions, don't set a password here, do that later.
Disable all sliders on the privacy screen and click Accept

Reject Cortana when asked
Now you should soon be looking at your desktop

Office (optional)

This is an optional step. Feel free to skip this if you don't wish to use Office.

Open https://tb.rg-adguard.net/
Select Microsoft Office as type
Select Microsoft Office 365 as version
Select Office 365 Professional Plus as edition
Select your language (I'm selecting English here)
Select the only file choice and click Download
Save the file. it should be downloading from officecdn.microsoft.com.edgesuite.net

Open the downloaded file to mount it
Start Setup.exe

Let it finish, then close the window

Activation

Open the Windows Security app and select Virus & threat protection
Select Manage settings under Virus & threat protection settings
Disable Real-time protection, Cloud-delivered protection, Automatic sample submission. This is a temporary measure.

Download and install 7-zip (I assume you can do this yourself)
Open this: official KMS_VL_ALL paste
Download and extract the AIO version
Run the extracted cmd file as administrator

Press 2 and wait as it activates

Press 0 to exit
Now you can delete the downloaded files and reenable Defender

Your Windows and Office should be activated now:

Privacy

Download Privatezilla
Extract and run Privatezilla.exe
I recommend only using the defaults plus ticking the Cortana category to avoid breaking anything
Click Apply selected

You should now be done with a basic, activated and reasonably private Windows 10 install.