A Robot travels to /hfz/
It was a sunny day as the ships of /vrt/ anchored in the port of /hfz/ and prepared for their stay in the foreign land. One the Flagship itself, a slightly chubby man in uniform, together with a massive Robot, went before the crew and loudly gave his Orders:
"alright lads, prepare our goods for transport and when you hear of any nice deals on the street, let the merchants know."
""AYE!""
"Well that's that, how about sir RX-23? Anything particular that you came to the land for, maybe heard of some good deals that you want to purchase? If you need help, you can always have the merchants help you out"
"No, I appreciate the offer, but I am merely here to learn about the culture and bring back some curious goods and their stories to the homeland."
the man in uniform just shrugged wordlessly, being used to this behavior from Robots. With this exchange done, the mass of metal set itself in motion and began wandering the streets, letting curiosity lead his way. As usual his size would garner quite some attention, or so he thought, but the population seemed surprisingly disinterested, and after a while he understood that big and eccentric people were not a rarity in these lands.
As he traveled around aimless, he suddenly heard a voice call out to him:
"Oh, my good sir, are you perhaps a Robot from /vrt/?"
a rough man with fiery red beard looks at him with a great smile.
"That would be a correct statement"
"ohh I knew it, I have not seen one in ages, but it warms my heart to see you good sir, you see I come from /vrt/ myself before I migrated here."
"Interesting, what made you decide to move so far away?"
"Ahh nothing particular good sir, my workshop did not too well back at home, but my skills are enough to make a good living here. What brings you here, tho, good sir?"
"I am merely gathering information about this place and see what goods might be of interest."
"Ahh, always the collector I see. Well if I may be so bold and make a suggestion to you good sir, if there is one thing this country has that cannot be beaten than it is its tables, flimsy as they seem at first glance, I guarantee their sturdiness that make them near indestructible."
"This sound interesting, could I ask you to show some to me?"
"With pleasure good sir, let me bring you to a shop I know the owner of myself, he has some good tables that even survived the Colosseum, they should have some stories to them wich I assume is exactly the kind you want."
"That does sound perfect."
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"Huh, guess he is out, must be some good fight going on in the Colosseum right now if he leaves at such a good business hour."
the red bearded man sighed and slumped his shoulders
"Dammit, here I hoped to interest you in some of the goods I made myself and sell at this place too."
"It is alright, surely I shall find something else of interest"
"Ohhh do not worry, while my own little scheme might have been foiled I am not going to let you go empty-handed, by my honor, good sir, let me show you around to some other shops around town that sell tables."
but as they started to visit one shop after the other, they were greeted by one close sign after the other.
"Curses, there must be something big in the Colosseum if they all went there, i really wanna go myself now, but I will see this through to the end!"
"You keep mentioning this Colosseum, what is that place, if I may ask?"
"Ohh? Do you not know of the Coliseums of /hfz/?"
"No, I have not informed myself before traveling here in order to not let my judgement be clouded and miss intriguing things."
"Well in that case, instead of just explaining, why don't we go, and you may see for yourself good sir? We might even find some shopkeepers there"
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The stadium erupts in cheers as a blonde fighter triumphal holds up a belt into the sky and a voice announces the crowning of a new Queen of Jobber.
"I do not understand, why is that one being celebrated like that? He had the clear upper hand from the start, all calculations showed him as the winner from the start. This does not compute with standard behavior"
"ohh you are right in that regard good sir, but you see it is not just the victory itself but what it means in the grand scheme that makes it so kino. You see this one is part of one of the most prolific 2-person team that even had the tag-team championship until just recently and his partner used to be the champion too, they were on the course of uniting all belts under them wich is something that has never happened before. But because they managed to defeat the undefeated master of the Colosseum, he has sent his strongest fighter after them one after the other to weaken them and steal their belts. With that, the fact that he now managed to get the last, missing belt after they lost the others is an important step towards hope and the dream of uniting the belts one day."
"This all sounds very... complicated, I do not fully grasp these concepts"
"ohh that is alright good sir, when I migrated here I too was hesitant at first when it came to these battles but with time I came to appreciate them truly. Why not keep watching some shows and see if perhaps they can kindle some interest in you while you travel here? It would be GLORIOUS if you came to enjoy the fights"
the Robot looked at the sky, contemplating the things he heard
"[glo] [ri] [ous]... you say? Hmm... maybe I need to study this further"
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Many years later, as two men are sitting in a pub and enjoying their meal while having a discussion.
"Did you manage to purchase all the goods on the list?"
"Ha, as if, I am only two thirds done at best, with half the shopkeepers running to each fight in the Colosseum they can watch it is hard to get things done."
"Honestly, I will never get their fascinations with these fights, watching some warriors of /who/ go to town, now that's true battle, but I guess to each their own."
"Yeah, but really, having gone there to track down some shopkeepers and seeing them go crazy just because some person is holding a belt into the sky, you would think they won some war."
the man laugh at themselves and their statements until they suddenly notice a giant mass of metal moving to their table, making the man tense up
"wh- what? Is there something you want!?"
"I am sorry, but I could not help but process the audio waves from your direction. If I may be so bold and offer an explanation of the Events you have perceived."
but before the man can answer, the robot starts rumbling with his arms moving excitedly to give emphasis to his words.
"You see the Audience was not merely enraptured in kino due to the fight alone but the fact that the person becoming the new champion was indeed a former champion that got his title robbed as well as the Tag-Team title with his partner by nefarious means just before they could win all belts. His partner then won a different belt to show their will to keep moving, and just recently they managed to gain their Tag-Team belt back from those that took it from them. But his partner just lost his Queen of the Jobber belt, and now they are back to where they were before. But with today's victory, they are again one step closer to unifying all belts."
"O- okay..."
"I can only recommend to keep perceiving these fights until one day they shall achieve that moment. Ohh, how I await that day, it will be truly..."
as he raises his arms
"GLORIOUS!"