god i love yaoi
pastel's diary
27/05/25
havent been updating much , sorry . ive been very unstable , though i believe im feeling mostly alright now . it was my 21 month anniv w my gf a few days ago . im really happy ive been w her for so long .
19/05/25
slept all day sunday .. had a late start for school today . hooray ! i had another level assessment after school , which i thankfully passed . just got off the phone w an oomf i dont talk to very much .. it was nice ๐ .
17/05/25
forgot to update , sorry ! the last two days have been VERY busy . i just returned from marching the parade - i tripped and ripped my band uniform , but other than that , all was well ! my feet hurt and im very tired ... at least i get to sleep in next week .
14/05/25
i really need to lock in , but i havent the energy . ive got a lot of homework due . . . anyway , i need to leave for a band concert soon . the piece were playing is 'don hanna' - its genuinely a great piece , id recommend the song . my band isnt great at it , so im a little worried ... ๐ . hopefully itll all work out .
back from the concert ! it went okay , im exhausted though . i finished my homework , so i can finally go to sleep . im meant to present something tomorrow , and while i finished my slides , i really dont feel prepared ... if i can get out of presenting tomorrow , i wont have to at all . of course , ill lose points , but anythings better than speaking in front of the class . im not certain why i feel so off right now . im not really sure if anyone likes me . i couldnt blame them . sorry for being corny right now . i dont really think anyone cares that i vent on here , of course , as i doubt anyone reads it . . . if you do , then i hope you dont find this bothersome . ive been blocked by a lot of people ( who i havent even spoken to ! ) recently , which feels odd . id be a hypocrite to comment , but it admittedly bothers me . i dont wish to be a bad person . i dont understand why so many dislike me . anyways , im going to head off to bed . hopefully ill feel better in the morning . . . i doubt it . sorry to whoevers reading this . ill hopefully have something more positive to say later on in the week . is this cornball behavior ?
11/05/25
mama liked her mothers day gift ! im glad .. shes been upset with me other than that . i need to lock in nd do my schoolwork , but i dont have the energy .
10/05/25
happy birthday to my irl ! i hung out w her nd a few others all day .. it was fun . we went to a garage sale for my school band program ( i got given free stuff . ) , then we headed over to the mall . i didnt buy much , just a gift for mothers day + some makeup brushes for me , as well as my lunch . we got ramen together . i intended to buy my friend a birthday gift , but we split up in the mall nd it slipped my mind ... i feel terrible . anyway , after that we headed back to my friends house , and her pets are SO CUTE ! i cuddled her dog nd played w her cats ... we had cake too . i hope my mama likes the gift i bought her ( a miffy keychain - she loves miffy ) .
09/05/25
i got an A- on my physics test ! yay ! i havent done very much this week . i dont really have the energy . i plan to hang out with my friends this weekend , assuming my mama lets me . its one of their birthdays . i need to lock in for all my classes ( i have an F in radio again ... ) , but my brain feels flat . again . its really quite annoying . im not sure why im typing so .. formally ? its odd . whatever . i believe we have marching band today ( i forgot to bring my shoes , since i didnt see the announcement ) , which is a pain . i hate marching outside . my allergies have been terrible as well , which is no help ... ill be coughing the whole time . i cant wait to finally go home and sleep .
08/05/25
the new pope was just chosen , which frightens me . i hope he shares pope francis' ideals . ive finished reading twst book 7 ... sort of . ive read everything on the wiki , so i cant finish it fully , and i know theres plenty left ... its annoying . ive been feeling off recently . i hope things work out . im not sure i really care for anything right now . its odd . i dont know how to describe how i feel right now . i dont know . things have been weird . hopefully everything will sort itself out . i dont want to lose anyone . sorry for being vague . i dislike sharing things like this online , but i wanted to be honest for once . still , i dont wish to delve into that much detail . i dont know if i hope she sees this . itd be selfish to want her attention , but i cant help it . i think she knows who she is . i dont know . i dont even know if anyone reads these . i probably sound silly .
06/05/25
STILL sick . almost died in my pe class i think . . . we went on a really long walk , which with my lungs , was terrible . i almost collapsed in the road . . . anyway , IVAN WIEGE IS OUT ! nothing will compare to the original imo , but his vocals are so beautiful . i havent been eating much due to feeling unwell . im pretty sure ive lost some weight , but i cant check . . . i dont have access to a scale . not that id remember my og weight anyway . not that any of this is a complaint . i try not to vent in these entries , but ill admit i am not an ideal weight . i dont really mind losing some . i lack the energy to work out and the motivation to diet , so i havent exactly lost weight on my own before . anyway . . . i hope i feel better soon , iCANT STOP COUGHING .
02/05/25
still sick , dying a little less . my irl got me sick so ive missed a TON of school . . . i think ill be better in the next few days though . i keep coughing like an ipad kid .
30/04/25
sorry for my lack of ipdates im sick w a fever im dying
27/04/25
i have a terrible headache . i want to go back to bed . anyway , i bought some manga today ! i got bocchi the rock vol 2 , the summer hikaru died vol 1 , and the twisted wonderland art book . yay ! i probably spent too much , but it was worth it ... ! i have another level assessment tomorrow . i need to practice more so i pass this time .
26/04/25
i went to a party w my friends + bought the alnst artbook . the party was okay , we had fun . i also got to call my gf earlier , which was mostly nice . i wont delve into details , but things didnt . end very well . i didnt really have a bad day though . the store we went to didnt have the azul plushie i wanted ( despite having it every other time i went ... tch ) , but ill look on amazon . i really want twst merch .. its quickly become a massive interest of mine . my favs are jack and azul , but i adore them all . ill prob buy more twst stuff when im there next , but since the artbook was $60 ( or maybe $70 ? i forgot ) , i didnt want my mama to get mad at me .
25/04/25
hanging out w my friends after school .. yay ! also , happy anniv to me nd my gf .
21/04/25
i had a level assessment in band . . . it was scary . i hadnt practiced much , so i didnt sound great , but my teacher was really nice ^.^ . he told me i was a good player nd i knew more than i thought i did . i mainly sounded bad due to my terrible reed . . . and anxiety . i was NOT using good air . anyway , im gonna do another level assessment next monday , since i didnt pass this one . unfortunately , the teacher i saw this ( and likely next ) week is the hardest one to pass with . still , im glad hes giving me the opportunity again . i dont really have any big worries for the rest of the week , so ill just practice !
forgot to add , but my irl bought me stuff at a convention ^.^ im SO HAPPY ! she bought me a sunday keychain ( since she knows i lost one of mine ) , a jack howl pin , nd a nagisa ... thing ? im not sure what exactly to call it . its nagisa though !
20/04/25
HAPPY EASTER ! mama bought me chocolate ...
19/04/25
i just got home from the pjsk movie ! IT WAS SOO GOOD . i went while cosplaying tsukasa nd i saw another tsukasa cosplayer ๐ ! my mama was pretty upset with me earlier , but she seems calmer now . only one day left of spring break . . . sigh . i meant to do more work + practice my clarinet . . . but i dont wanna spend my last day of break working . . . im thinking ill practice , then maybe try hanging out w a friend . id really like to go to uwajimaya ( again ) . . . i cant get this twst plushie out of my head . i saw someone w twst pins on their bag today , but i was too nervous to say hi . i wish i had - ive been getting pretty into twst . i like azul and jack a lot . azul kinda reminds me if my gf . maybe its just because i know she likes him . . . ? speaking of my gf , i need to draw her yume art ! ive been promising her for a few days , but i couldnt while at my dads . ill work on it later . its almost dinner time , nd im pretty tired . she plans to use it on a rentry , so i need to lock in nd get my anatomy correct ! i might use some art of her yume nd another char as a ref . . . im not too good at poses otherwise . sorry for the longer entry , i hope i get to go out tomorrow !
15/04/25
i woke up at 5:30 today , but i wanted to talk to my gf , so i didnt go back to sleep . i probably should have slept . ive been helping my mama get rid of old plushies all day , so ive had to go up and down the stairs a lot . i managed to get an hour of sleep in , but im still tired . hopefully ill actually stay asleep tonight .
14/04/25
its my friends birthday ! i completely forgot nd didnt buy her anything . . . i plan to see her this weekend , so ill get something then . i went out to the store with my mama today . i bought some lipgloss nd a fragaria memories thing . . . i still need to get into that . other than that , i sort of just spent the day bedrotting . i have all week . im gonna spend a few days at my dads ( wednesday night - saturday morning ) , so hopefully ill be getting out more then . on a brighter note , i cleaned my teeth for the first time in awhile . i did my skincare too ! id like to think im improving , but i doubt itll last . anyway , did you guys know i LOVE my gf . she made a cute rentry for us . . . i love her sm . sorry for the longer entry . . .
13/04/25
ive been unstable and bedrotting for the past few days , so i didnt expect to make a positive update . . . but here i am . I LOVE MY GF SO MUCH ! shes so sweet to me and shes so cute and pretty and shes always there for me i just . i love her . i know shes been struggling but she does her best to help me and i dont really understand why sometimes but she does anyway . i love her sm . hai wife . i think we have the best relationship like ever . ^_^ !
11/04/25
SPRING BREAK
08/04/25
IM NOT GONNA FAIL BAND
07/04/25
im gonna fail band what if i shot myself
06/04/25
forgot to update . . . oops ! i saw the minecraft movie w my irls on saturday , it was peak . steve x garett yaoi . my theatre was really boring and didnt cheer . . . me nd my friend did though . apparently some people complained about us . . . me nd my friend were a bit loud throughout the movie . oops . i plan to see the pjsk movie w her too . . . i hope the audience likes us more . tsk .
03/04/25
physics quiz today was SO easy ! i had a math test yesterday too . . . i think i failed . i had a presentation today , it went . . . okay . not good . badly tbh . anyway , im passing all my classes ( and most of them are an A ! ) ! yay ! i have an interview i need to conduct in radio tomorrow , im so scared . . . social anxiety is terrible . on the bright side , my band is officially flying to london for the new years day parade ! id like to imagine ill get to meet my gf . . . i doubt i will , but i can dream . ive been thinking about her a lot this week . . . i cant wait to hold her and kiss her and be in her arms . i love my gf ^.^ .
01/04/25
ive officially decided to be sundays number one hater. sunstel is FAKE!
. . ok april fools im too lazy to drag this out . also , this is late cause nobody TOLD ME . . . but yesterday was trans visibility day ^.^
31/03/25
frag shut down . . . i miss my oomfs already . im not switching to ns , the site is too confusing , and im not old enough to sign up for spring . i WILL however be on sonata ! anyway im tired
29/03/25
hung out with my friends ! my arm is starting to feel much better . . . yay ! also ( take this with a grain of salt - im clearly not a doctor ! ) fun fact melatonin ( in my experience ) calms me down SO fast . . . all my fears that keep me up at night dont affect me so much when ive had some .
27/03/25
storm was lame it was lit only thunder . got the madoka magica game ! i got madoka in my first pull ^.^
26/03/25
watched vassalord ova w my oomf . pls get into vassalord everyone . it is peak . i may not make any updates for a while , since i may lose power tonight . . . there's gonna be tennis ball sized hail , thunderstorms , and a possible tornado . our cars gonna be so dented . . . and im going out tonight . eek .
25/03/25
ive been doing these for a month . . . wow ! ๐พ happy anniv to me nd my gf โก EEK ! i cant wait for two years . . . just five more months , i think . if my math is right . in other news , i think i broke my arm . fell down the stairs last night .
IT ISNT BROKEN!
my house might be contaminated with mold , there's a TORNADO WARNING for tomorrow night , and there's a spider in my bathroom . what is happening to me this week .
22/03/25
i went to uwajimaya with my friends today ! i bought tokyo aliens vol 2 and bocchi the rock vol 1 . . . they were both peak . i paid for lunch too . . tsk . . . it was really funny they kept calling me their sugar papa .
20/03/25
had a band concert today . . we played terribly . i had to wake up at 5:00 am , get to school by 6:30 , and after the concert , i had to stay an additional HOUR after school to take a test . thankfully , the test was easy . i've had awful cramps all day ( i nearly threw up . . . and i cried . . . ) , but my painkillers finally started working . after my test i got boba with a friend ! ^.^
18/03/25
my cramps are so bad i might vomit
geeked out in class and it looked like the floor was moving ? i feel out of it rn
17/03/25
i forgot it was st patricks day nd didnt wear green nd my friend pinched me so hard there were nail marks in my skin
16/03/25
made my mama watch alnst . her fav char was ivan and her fav song was black sorrow . she liked blink gone too ^.^ !
14/03/25
bedrotted all day . happy one month to me and luka though ! #lukastel #yumeship #notrelatedtomygf #howwaswiegeamonthago
11/03/25
almost vomited many times today but my mama wont let me stay home i hatw this
10/03/25
band concert just shoot me
09/03/25
OH MYG ODDD . new tsukasa event . hes so cute . catkasa . anyway , second day at the con ! i actually have some semblance of a plan for once . . . this is surprising . there are two stands i want to return to , i want to find the arcade ( i know of at least one arcade section , but last time there was another . . . it may not be there though ) , and if i stay late enough , i'm gonna do cosplay kareoke ! i can't sing , so i might get too nervous . . . the idea is terrifying . maybe if it was with a friend . i just remembered i had a dream i drank beer ? interesting . anyway . . . i'll update this later on !
LOONG entry today sorry . today was SO MUCH FUN ! i bought a sunday ticket , a luka photocard , a cold front print , sampo + sunday in maid dress stickers , another sampo sticker , a tsukasa sticker , ANOTHER sunday sticker , a firefly sticker , an ivantill print , a lilia keychain , AND i got a free sheet of alnst stickers !
08/03/25
first day going to comic con ! im so excited . . . im probably gonna go to kinokuniya again too .
back from the con โก ! i spent like $70 . . . oops . i bought a jing yuan figure , a dead plate print , a sunday sticker , a sunday print , a sunday keychain , matching hyuluka keychains , and i was given free wxs stickers ! i have a few stands i already have plans to go to tomorrow . . . one to buy a cold front print that sold out , one for sunday + luka stuff , and i MIGHT return to the one i bought the majority of my things today from . . . i wanna buy an ivantill print . im very exhausted from my day , although i'm glad i gave in and took off my wig . . . it gets SO hot in convention centers ! i cant wait to take a nap .
04/03/25
gf called me cute and ive been thinking about it for 2 hours
02/03/25
i didnt get /phainonALL OFYPU ARE FAKE FANS HES MY WIFE ok sorry
i did NOT stop being depressed btw. i was wrong earlier this week.
not depressed anymore i love my gf
01/03/25
i had a really good day actually . me and my friends went to kinokuniya ? i believe its called to get alnst stuff ... they sadly didnt have any today , BUT they get a shipment next week !! i bought given vol 2 and some hypmic pins ( rosho and jakurai ) while there . im w my dad next weekend who lives SUPER close to the store , so im gonna go then . im also going to a convention that weekend !! im so excited โช( ยดโฝ๏ฝ) .
28/02/25
woke up at 5:30 am.
rip rs . . . ill kinda miss you .
26/02/25
hospital appointment today pls let me stay home from school
update my mamas letting me stay home for everything but my last period for ... some reason ... ? JUST LET ME MISS ALL MY CLASSES
25/02/25
year and a half anniv w my gf โก ! i think im finally done being really depressed after like a week ... yay ! 3.1 is out on hsr today im gonna play later .