You ever think about how fucking hard it is to write with only three fucking fingers? It's not something you'd normally give a rat's ass about, right? Well, it's something I've been thinking about a lot recently.

A fucking lot of dick sucking bullshit's happened to me in the past couple days, and to be honest it still doesn't fucking feel real. I can't tell if that's a good thing or not, but I'm hoping that writing this stuff down helps me to process... whatever fucking bullshit I'm going through.

I'm not even sure where the fuck I should start, but I guess I'll cut to the chase - I guess I'm a fucking Pokemon now? A Smeargle so I've been told, but I'd be the last fucking person who could've told you that. I never was into the shitty games as a kid, and I guess I'm fucking paying for that fucking mistake now. Maybe this is karma or some bullshit? Maybe I pissed off some shitty little kid on the fucking playground because I wasn't caught up in the fucking hype and now I'm fucking cursed or some horse shit. Who fucking knows?

If you're struggling to picture what a fucking "Smeargle" is, it's not too hard. I'm like a weird fucking dog that stands on two legs and has a paintbrush for a tail. God I hate the tail so goddamn dicksucking much. It's constantly dripping with paint like a dick in my ass (it's probably not fucking paint but I'm not in the goddamn MOOD to DEAL with any biological weirdness right now, so we're going with paint), and if I'm not carrying it it trails goddamn everywhere and makes a huge fucking fuck of a mess. Apparently Smeargles are known for their fucking artistic talent and fucking desire for leaving their fucking mark on places, which is incredibly fucking ironic considering how fucking lacking my own fucking artistic abilities are.

I've been trying to keep myself sane by focusing on the positives - I still have goddamn hands. Well, for the most part. I'm still getting used to having three fucking butt plugs for fingers. There's some of us here who ended up in fully goddamn quadrupedal bodies, and my heart goes out to them. Like I'm sure they're thriving and living their best fucking lives, but I don't think I could handle that drastic a change.

But I'm fucking getting ahead of myself here. I'll stop rambling, and start writing about exactly what goddamn fuckshit I've been through.

I don't have much recollection of how I ended up like this honestly - I think I was in a fucking state of fucking shock, and my goddamn memory is fuzzy at best. Apparently I was found in some shitty fucking forest by another fucking pokemon while I was sleepwalking. Yeah, that figures, doesn't it? I somehow get turned into a goddamn pokemon and sent to another fucking world, and whatever powers above ordained this also thought it would be funny to let me keep my fucking insomnia and sleepwalking issues. Like I said though, focusing on the positives though, so I'm gonna treat this as a way to remind myself that I'm still me, regardless of what bullshit happened.

But yeah, from what I've been told it was a fucking Combusken that happened upon me - apparently I might have been more fucking confused than anything with my surroundings, and when he woke me up apparently I was convinced that I was dreaming still, and I may or may not have fucking laughed in his face when he introduced himself as "KFC". I feel pretty shitty about that, but honestly can you blame me? If you woke up in a forest and what is essentially a fucking red and orange walking goddamn COCK walked up to you and said it was called KFC, you'd probably crack up too. I should fucking apologise for that at some point though.

My recollection of events after that gets really fucking fuzzy - I think reality had started to set in by that point and my brain was shutting everything out. By the time I started to become more goddamn lucid, the Cock, err, KFC had already lead me out of the shitty fucking forest and into a little wooded area just off the coast - I think he called it Capim Town. Capim Town is, well, it's like something out of a fucking fairy tale. It's such a goddamn picturesque place, it felt like I'd stepped into a fucking picturebook. I was so enamoured with the scenery that I wasn't paying any fucking attention to where I was being taken, until I found myself inside one of the goddamn trees that made up the fucking town. The pokemon who live here have hollowed out the fucking trees and built homes and buildings and other bullshit inside them. It's honestly really fucking cool to see, if you ever get the chance you should definitely check it out. Wait, who the dick fuck am I even saying that to? This is supposed to be my fucking journal...

Anyway, back on topic, there I was, confused as all shit after zoning out with no idea where the FUCK I was, when suddenly in front of me stepped out a... fucking PUSSY, I think. It almost looked like a cat, but it was blue, and when our eyes met I saw a glint in its eyes, almost as if it was fucking assessing me, staring right through me.

"The fucking Smeargle can stay, but please tell it to clean up all the GODDAMN MESS it's leaving," the strange cat decreed, the authority it held in this area apparent through its tone. I looked down and behind me, noticing the trail of paint I'd been fucking leaving.

Before I could even think, I found myself shouting "A-are you fucking talking about me? My name's Ross, and I... I don't know what the FUCK I am."

The strange cat fucking smiled, a wry grin spreading across its goddamn face. "Is that so? Well then, Ross, allow me to offer my sincerest fucking apologies. And allow me to offer an invitation as well. Welcome to the fucking Clover Guild!" it announced, before chuckling and walking out of the room.

After that encounter, nothing's really fucking happened. I've just been bumming around Capim Town enjoying the goddamn atmosphere. I don't get what a fucking "Guild" is or what half of the pokemon I've seen living around here even are. If anything, I just feel out of my FUCKING depth.