Be me
Live in majority canine country
It's fine, but there's one unexpected caveat
You can't get anything chocolate
Not chocolate milk, not cooking chocolate, not white chocolate, not even Swiss Miss powder!
And trying to import it is illegal because it's legally classified as poison
Sometimes when other species want to mock a canine online, they'll just post a photo of a chocolate bar and tell them "eat up"

It's true that chocolate is toxic to canines
But they CAN survive eating a little (as a treat!)
And because humans love it so damn much, some particularly humanophilic canines even make it a point to eat some if they've got a human around
Including your latest date
He invited you out to a REALLY nice place and you're honestly kind of self conscious about it
He really didn't need to do anything else to try to impress you, but then he purchased the most expensive wine on tap, and without breaking eye contact, then requested "with a bit of chocolate on the side, dark"
You get the feeling he was baiting out your immediate, concerned reply that chocolate is toxic to dogs
"Ah, but no need to worry! I've spent enough time around humans that I know precisely how much is enough, i'll be just fine! And besides, you're human so you simply must understand, that wine and chocolate go together so well!"
You can't help but still feel nervous about it, but...
Well, he seems so confident about it...
The rest of the dinner proceeds, and soon the chocolate, which he immediately scarfed, fades from memory as you get a little more tipsy and thoroughly distracted by your charming host
But the chocolate does not fade from his stomach
And though you don't notice it yourself, slowly his demeanor starts to shift...
His heart rate silently rising, a slight tremor starting to appear when he lifts his fork, and soon he's wolfed down four glasses of water...
Perhaps he's bitten off more than he can chew...

Eventually it reaches even your inebriated mind's notice that something is wrong is after you've finished the entirety of your chilean sea bass but he hasn't even taken more than a bite out of his gilded filet mignon
Finally registering that he's been slowly getting quieter, too, you really look at him for the first time in a while and notice that his ears are swiveled down, he's breathing fast and shallow, and that he looks like he's trying not to throw up
"Hey, uh... are you ok? You're not looking so good, there..."
"... I... I'm... fine...! N-never better...!"
"You really don't look it... do you want me to help you to the bathroom?"
"N-NO! Really, i'm totally 100% ok! M-must have been something off about the steak! Or the wine! Or my horoscope!"
But immediately after that last line, he starts coughing and has a dry heave
A few of the other patrons are looking at him and mumbling
"Hey, it's alright, take my arm and let's get it out of your system, ok?"
He's still muttering that he's fine, REALLY, but nonetheless weakly takes your arm
He's rigoring from head to toe and can barely stand, so you end more or less being his human sized crutch as the two of you stumble to the bathroom
Insisting he can hobble over to the sink himself, he hunches over the running water, breathing heavily, and then splashes himself over and over again
For a second it almost seems like that's all he needed, but then the heaving returns, and before you know it he's vomiting over and over again into the sink
It's all you can really do to stay at his side and pat his back to let him know you're there for him in the few moments of gasping for air he can get in between the episodes of his stomach wringing itself out like a dishrag
You were hoping once he emptied his stomach he'd perk back up quickly, but it's been at least 10 minutes and if anything he's only gotten worse

Fortunately, like the almighty answering your prayers, at that exact moment one of waiters walks in, flanked by paramedics
She informs you that they had noticed the two of you were gone and that he had been dry heaving, and had called emergency services
Your date has just enough strength to quietly whimper out "no... i'll be... ok... don't want to... ruin... the... date..." but you shush him as they carry him out and start an IV
You can't help but overhear one of the paramedics say "did that guy try to eat chocolate AGAIN?!"
This isn't even the first time he's had to the ED for this?!
Oh brother...
Fortunately, shortly after, the emergency physician informs you that while it's definitely done a number on him, he's probably through the worst of it
(And that YES, this is not the first time he's been there for this exact issue)
8 hours, a nasogastric tube pumping his stomach, 2 and half liters of IV fluids, and a prescription for zofran later and you're finally getting ready to leave the ED with him at 2 AM when he sheepishly pulls you aside
"I'm so sorry, Anon. I completely ruined our date..."
Yeah, he definitely, DEFINITELY did do that, didn't he?
Still...
"Well, before you got violently ill, anyway, I'll have you know I was having a lovely time"
His ears perk up a little bit, but he still can't bring himself to look at you as you wait for your uber outside the hospital
"... and as such, i'm not entirely opposed to trying this again, you know."
His ears and tail spring to life as he finally finds the courage to face you, his expression excited and even a little incredulous
"S-SERIOUSLY?! OH THANK YOU, ANON, THANKYOUTHANKYOU-"
"But NO chocolate! None! At all! Like, ever! And for the record, no human worth dating is going to think its anything but scary when you try it, so stop trying to eat it!"
"N-not even a little bit...?"
...
"... a-as a treat?!"

They then went on a dinner date to waffle house 2 weeks later, it was great. FIN