hi guys im isaac. how r u doijng.. tell me about your day on my neospring if you want to here..
i wi;ll update this one time every day and if i dont then im like dead i guess i dont knoww. if any of my friends ever see this no you didnt. get away from me.
5/06/25
things have been sooooo ass lately. i literally hate everything adn i cant take ita nymore bro. every time i go to bed crying i lose 100 aura and by now i litearlly have minus 2 billion aura. why am i just so boring bro, like deadass why am i so boring and unloveable. i always fuck something up no matter what it is, why am i still so bothered by things that happened years and years ago? why cant i literally just get over it and function properly. why am i such an asshole to everyone i love? i hate it when im not the center of attention and i never am. all of my friends could replace me with someone better. i feel like i always have something to complain about, nothing bad even happens to me and im just overreacting, people have it so much worse, why cant i just get over things why do they bother me soo bad. i just really want to get over it, i cant take one more second thinking about it anymore, it waasnt evem that bad but it still hurts, i was only 7 years old.
why does nobody love me? i domt want my family to love me, i want someone to love ME, i feel like no matter how hard i try im just never appealimg to people. maybe if i was normal id fit in, i dont fit in with anyone, at school and work i dont fit in with the guys or the girls, i just feel like some sort of animal they keep around. i try my best to be nice to everyone but it feels like nobody cares enough to return the sentiment. i just yearn for someone to truly love me and everyone always says it takes time but i cant take it anymore, i dont have any more time and i feel so useless. im 16 this year and i still feel like a stupid 8 uear old girl, i dont want to grow up i dont know whats happening, i wish my life was normal and i wish i could go back and stop everything. maybe if i was good my family wouldnt have fallen apart. i still remember the first time my dad walked out, he only came back because i started crying, and now all i want is for him to finally leave me alone. i dont trust him.
i miss them, i miss everyone, i wish i did so much better but now they're gone and theres nothing i can do.
6/06/25
currently updating my tablet to see if it can run fortnite i really want the free skin. i love fortnite so much. im so tired from work i think my shoulder is going to fall off, im feeling better today but i still have two billion thoughts. i really need to stop eating so much fast food i can feel myself gaining weight, its really freaking me out but no matter how hard i try i just cant seem to lose any. i could eat the healthiest meal on the planet for 3 years straight and id still look like a whale. im going to take my family out for dinner next weekend and i told my mother in advance so she wouldnt start drinking and not be able to go on that day, but instead of showing an ounce of appreciation all she did was talk about how i couldnt afford it. acting like i dont know how much i get paid, ive been wanting to do this since before i got a job, its been my #1 thing and now is finally the perfect time and she doesnt even care. i love her alot but sometimes it just feels like im never good enough for her, i really wish i could do better but i dont know what im doing wrong.
war of hormone js started playing guys. go stream. i am so excited for bts reunion in a few weeks. just 11 more days and theyll all be back...
7/06/25
hot sauce deeply dip that. Whats up guys its isaac welcome back to another video. need to lose weight so bad but food is js sooooo good. i could fuck up a burger rn bro. a bbq burger from hungry jacks oh my GOD dont even talk to me bruh. work was ok, apparently my supervisor is gonna try and see if he can get me put on every saturday which is good because thats like $17 an hour and i work 5 hours, oh my god im so sleepy i js let out the biggest yawn.
i rlly need to work on my fear of men tho, at work today there was this group of guys and i could hear them talk and even that was freaking me out. like its really just not that deep i need to man UP, nothing bad has ever happened to me with men so i dont even know why im so scared. also if one more person uses they/them on me irl im gonna CRASH OUT!!! I DONT USE THEY/THEM PRONOUNS!! I HAVE NEVER ONCE EXPRESSED THAT I USE THEY/THEM PRONOUNS!! "they're-" KILL YOURSELF 
ok anyway.
i wish i could open up my brain like a lil amusement park for scientists and doctors, let them wiggle around in there and see whats going on. sometimes i actually think im going crazy, like some things in there gotta be not normal. its whatever, i can thug it out..
i hope the fortnite update tomorrow is good and that street fighter is in shop. i miss taeyong and jaehyun. 
8/06/25
no street fighter in shop but its ok. fortnite season is great i lov eit, thank god theres no more star wars i woildve have gone crazy. day was boring, i just had the most bomb cheese and ham toastie known to man, tjats all. im tired. goodngiht rentry diary.
10/06/25
Hello everynyan. work was shit. almost started crying halfway through my shift. why is everyone so gorgeous but me, why am i some freak of nature, i feel like an alien every time i set foot outside. why cant i just be normal i cant take it anymore
17/06/25
hi guys. i forgot to edit this ij not dead... Umm idk whta tpo write. see u guys
15/07/25
lowkey need to lock da fuck in and lose weight i cant live like this no more bruh!!!!!! i rlly want to get into dance and start doing more things but im too embarrassed to do it while i literally look like a pig! i need to stop eating bruh its mad cringe mmmmmmmm i wanna run away my family sucks, i hate all my friends and i hate mysef amd idk what the point in doing anything is bc literally the world is gojnna end soon and we;re all gonna DIE "wait till ur older" bruh im not making it that long 
if the universe aint killed me then I have!!! birthday in 28 days
21/07/25
i yearn for what i couldve been