4 years ago to the day you began what might be the most extended run of poor descisions in your life
You and your friends go out to jokingly celebrate the anneversery of "the first day of it all going wrong."
Friends laugh, drinks abound, it's a casually fun way to cope
The night fades, people are tired, but you don't want to leave
too bad
A friend of a friend drives you home, he stayed sober unlike you, but this is standard procedure
You arrive home, the friendly lad who drove you don't wait up, can't blame him it's 2:00 AM
Your door is unlocked, intentionally, lets hope some axe murderer finally decided to take up lodging in your house
disspointment yet again, another standard procedure
As you turn the lights on you and stumble around the half dozen broken ropes and wooden splinters the migranes begin coming back
You've been having nightmares as of late, so frequently in fact you no longer fear them
Maybe that's a normal dream actually
Your bed is cold, messy, the sheets are yellowed and covered with lint
don't care
You crash on the bed like a ragdoll
no, no dolls
like a corpse
You do a quick prayer to no god in particular, but you figure any of them who would answer a man in this state must be selfless
It takes hours but you finallly enter REM sleep, at least a few fleeting hours of rest should help
The dreams begin again
You are alone
you are alone
you are in a room
you are in a room full of people
it's not a party, more like a loose social gathering
you spot a girl in the corner, she's talking but more out of obligation
As you reach for her the walls fade to black, your hand fades to black, your vision fades to black
you are alone
The nightmares start now
A voice calls from behind you
The sweet hand of the clock caresses you from outside your field of vision
"Are you helpless?" asks the voice, a sensual female tone
You aren't sure
"I'm not sure." stammers out of your mouth, you are in no condition to think
A beautiful well endowed figure appears before you, how far she is, how large she is, or what she really is are obscured in the dreamscape
"Would you like to be sure?"
You would
A crash
A tumble
ten thousands of minutes lost to dust, fire, the sea, you can't be sure
ten thousand emotions, lost to time, to your own nihilism
The nightmares are getting more vivid
She stands before you as if to offer comfort, you reach out your hand and she takes it
The dreams begin again
You reach to the woman, she's not shy, just tired
Strike up a conversation
Strike up a time for a first date
You got to third base and found love
Strike 3
You're out
That's how the story should go but it keeps playing, why now
The woman continues caressing your wavering body, a limp sack of shit in her pristine void
A beautiful if less than bombastic wedding
A beautiful daughter, full of bombast and pomp and wile
Another one, less pomp and wile
Your wife's back turned to you as she tends to the crib
Your picture on the wall, taken by the closest friend you ever had
This is a nightmare
You jerk yourself back
Kronii is holding your hand, stern faced as ever
"Do you believe in redemption?"
You don't know how to respond
she tries a different line of questioning
"Did you like what you saw?"
You nod
"Do you know what that was?"
You pause
you look around
The ropes are back in view, prompting you to answer as best you can
"delusions."
Kronii stands up, her figure is dimly lit as if illuminated by a nearby fire
"Do you want to live them?"
It's pointless
it's no good
"no"
She asks once more, "Do you believ-"
You cut her off
"no."
"Very well then."
A young man, only 22, surrounded by opportunity
he went to college late but not that late, he's got plenty of spunk still in him
There's a woman in the corner of his eye
too late
A young boy in highschool, maybe a bit depressed, but maybe not, you're too young to know at this point
In the corner of his eye he sees a beautiful girl, the apple of his eye, his object of obsession
Too late
A child, a single boy sitting on the floor. The jump rope around his feet feels more ominous than usual. He jumps back in a moment of fear
A barely functioning toddler
A zygote
nothing
you are no more
goodbye