before you read :
i'm #problematic (not really eheh) but this IS a digital diary so beware of ANYTHING. main themes can be sh, ed, suicide, mental health etc etc. i also type weird sometimes sorry
Links: check my main!
From newest to oldest entry
16 November 2025 holyyyy moly i lost the plot here,, painfully lost it. i was sick all the time, quit posting my MAIN yumeship (leximi i'll miss you forever but i was getting too much hate and the bllk fandom is awful) i have retreated to ninah and everyone is so chill and cool,, i actually might've hit the jackpot with this fandom. okay so i'll lock in okay im gonna be in my clean girl kawaii studytok edtwt era or something idk but fedor is locking in fedor is a stupid cunt who neglected everything. i also need to go to church in a few hours Noelle i hate you for dragging me with you cuz all i wanna do is stay home T.T
ate pizza today okay im locking in tho i need to stop silly billying around this is getting out of hand. i also got new meds for anxiety and stress and i think i might get some antipsychotics next time i'll visit my psychiatrist?? well thank god im getting rid of my hallucinations,, at least i hope so
ok but i actually need to lock tf in cuz i need to start dressing jirai like...SOON??? the clock is ticking i need to lose that weight hello bitch??? wtf did you do??????? 😭
i might need to hang up that stupid "are you sure?" picture everywhere in my house (it doesn't work i think its corny) but seriously i need to start prettymaxxing like. right now oughhh all i do on here is complain conplain but its all MY fault LOLOL sorry guyse
i wanna apply for a cute cute commission heh. i also got telegram premium??? its actually such a cool app and if i lock in to learn russian i might actually be a telegram god (and i could finally lurk on russian ponytown servers as my 2021 self wanted to). im gonna need to buy an energy drink today bro or else im gonna cry i need like a monster and a redbull so bad
29 September 2025
i always write these at late hours lmfao,, tomorrow i have P.E. kill me pls... 〒_〒
today i drew and i was productive! yay! hell yes! wow! i wanna get commissions so i can afford a new tablet that doesn't have a broken screen lol. imagine how powerful i'd be with a nice and stable tablet. ha.
also blue lock season 3 got announced and i'm so sosooo scared to see ness on the big screen... i'm afraid of the new fans too. i'm still his #1 fan no matter what. i might not draw him a lot but i'm tryinggg (￣.￣) i'll try drawing every day and get better at art in any way i can,, also thank you so much procreate for the gradient mapping option 🙏 ts saved my life i swear, my colors and art pieces look sooo much better after trying the grayscaling method.
yesterday i had a huuge headache and got sick and i really CANNOT afford to be sick like. ever. but i'm the type of person with an autoimmune system of a victorian child. that's why i always carry some type of medicine with me all the time,,, but i guess life is great! i feel very lonely but my online friends are here for me always so that's fine! ੭ ˙ᗜ˙ ੭
also my teachers complimented my outfits and said i look cute while other people in my school said i'm a diva and that made me really happy
22 September 2025
help its like 4 am rn. i drew my yumeship and i napped,,, i also got my fav type of yogurt :p
my new clothes came in so i can shoot my shot with JK style jirai. i'll need to wake up in less than 2 hours so i can do my hair and my makeup... this is hell
while we're at it, spamton is an intersex transmasc butch lesbian who uses he/she. #wokeagenda iam WOKE!!! i love drawing her, especially the big shot era and my yume big shot au,,, save me from this evil woman i am trapped in an almost 4 year old yumeship. speaking of yumeship, i'm trying so hard to save for a commission of my yumeship with ness and oh my god its so EXPENSIVE. it's from a popular artist,, who made that one jetskii ness fanart. i totally want a leximi jetskii. i am big and greedy, everyone will know ness only loves misha ouhh yes i will feed my leximilings.... welp, i should go to sleep.
18 September 2025
i lied, i did eat because i was starting to feel really tired. it was good as hell tho so i won't complain! even tho i really wanted pizza...
its 7 am and i did my makeup, i won't update this until i get out of school :p
and today i should probably get my package!
it's 7 pm and i didnt get my package but a commission should come to me in a bit... heh. i'll get pizza today because i'm also a bit sad. nothing much to add, i tried making some sona lore tho
17 September 2025
Yu gave me this url so i can write this journal and wtv. i think it might be actually therapeutic! its currently 6:42 PM as im writing and nothing too crazy happened in my day. i went to school and had 3 classes, the italian teacher explained how to get credits while i just doodled lol. it's my third day of school hah! this feels like a documented case. school might kill me soon, im balls deep into an ed and im dealing with a crazy ass situationship. will fedya survive till they're 17?
i'm currently 57kg and fasting for 2 days and 4h. i do not wish to eat for this week, i'm so sick and tired. besides, my mother wants me to lose weight sooo
also, i applied for a commission today! hooray! i hope they accept my request 👀
i started writing some more lore for my other yumeship with mr big shot over here and its gonna be peak... trust me. i'm drawing chibis rn so i could become a marketing god and sell chibis (since i've got no clients rn ;-;)
i also finished my monster energy and i feel sad... but i also don't feel hungry anymore. i think im gonna lose my shit if my mother forces me to eat dinner. i want to sleep and draw and starve ok?