Expectations
You walk through a door one day and find yourself on the middle of a foreign street
The door behind you is gone, it’s like you went through a portal
Walking the street are dozens of anthros
Tigers, lions, dogs, jackals, and even a huge polar bear
Some of them have human men with them
They stare at the ground submissively, collars around their necks
They don’t stray more than a few feet from their companions
Not a single lone human walks the street
Oh my God you’ve been isekaied
You’re in the Anthrostate, like you read about in /adhg/
Time to get yourself assigned
You approach a Doberman dressed in police uniform on the street corner
“Excuse me, ma’am, where might I find the Assignment office?”
She looks at you and looks around you, clearly confused
”Where is your wife?”
Quick, make up a lie
“I’m meant to be assigned today, but I got lost.”
”How did you even…” She sighs. “Come with me.”
She grabs your hand and pulls you roughly to a small police station down the street
From there you’re transported into a police car to an official-looking building
Several flags rise above it on a pole
The traffic is thick, it’s presumably in the heart of the city
This is it
You’re finally getting assigned
Hopefully it’s a wifwolf
Or a tigress, that would be nice
As long as you have some paws to worship
The Doberman drops you off in the office and you’re quickly whisked away by two women to a clean white room that smells like antiseptic
One of the women is a wolf dressed in a lab coat, thick glasses on her nose
The other is a sheep dressed like an FBI agent, a blue windbreaker with a white dress shirt and tie underneath
It feels a little ironic
You’re sat at a plastic table, nothing else in the room, the two women sitting before you like you’re being investigated for a crime
”What’s your name?” the agent asks
“Anon.”
”And you’re unassigned? That’s what you told the cop?”
You nod your head
”Which state home are you from?”
You blank
“Uh, I forgot the name.”
Her mouth is open slightly, her eyes squinting in incredulity
She whispers something to the wolf, hiding her mouth with her hand so you can’t read her lips
”Alright, um, Anon. We’re going to have you perform some tests,” the wolf says
Finally, getting to the good part
”Does this determine which waifur I’m best suited for?”
”What the fuck is a waifur?” the sheep blurts
What a philistine
Hopefully you aren’t matched with her, that happens in some of the stories
The wolf is pretty hot, though
Maybe she’s one of those nerd types that flicks on the femdom like a switch
They bring out a series of tests
They have you do physical tests first: a grip strength tester, a handle attached to a metal wire that you’re instructed to pull on, and a treadmill that amps up in speed until you can’t keep up
You think you did pretty well, considering how sedentary you are
Next you do logic tests and puzzles on a small tablet
You have to manipulate shapes in 3d and determine the next shape in patterns
It’s actually pretty hard
Next you have to do a vocabulary test
You’re pretty confident; you’ve read so many /trash/ stories by now you’re basically James Joyce
Which word most closely aligns with the word ‘umbra’: shadow, cover, barrage, novella
It’s definitely novella
You answer questions in this manner for a while
Getting assigned is tiring work
Finally the tests stop coming
You’re left alone in the room
They’re probably matching you to a waifur
After a while the sheep shuffles in
”Alright, humie, pack your—oh, right. Just come with me.”
She cuffs your hands behind your back and brings you to a bus idling outside the Assignment office
Isn’t your waifur supposed to come here?
Maybe some exotic waifur saw your profile and applied to get you
Some high-up government official, perhaps
You’re the only one on the bus other than two anthros at the front
This reinforces your theory
The driver ignores you
In the seat directly behind her is a graying tigress that scowls at you as you walk past
She doesn’t have handcuffs
Wonder what her problem is
Maybe she’s a guard
The sheep agent places you in the back seat and talks to the tigress out of earshot for a minute
Probably telling her not to rape you
The sheep leaves and the bus starts moving
Hopefully it isn’t too far
These handcuffs kind of hurt
The bus travels through the city and gets on the highway
It’s actually kind of boring once you’re out of the city
It’s reminiscent of a roadtrip in the Midwest
Lots of trees and cornfields
The monotony is broken up only by stopping to get gas a few hours in
You aren’t allowed to get off, of course
The driver trades places with the tigress a few hours later
If there’s two drivers it’s clearly going to be a long trip
God you’re bored
Your only entertainment is anthros staring at your from their cars as they pass by
Probably jealous
Night arrives and you fall asleep to the rocking of the bus
You wake to daylight
Outside the cornfields have turned to arid shrubs and dirt
You aren’t on the highway anymore
You’re in a desert
You try to imagine types of desert waifurs
Snakes, fennec foxes, camels?
Don’t let it be a camel
The bus stops at a massive pit dug into the red sand
Hundreds of figures wrapped in linen scramble around in the early morning sun
They drive excavators and haul pickaxes
The tigress makes her way to the back, grabs you, and throws you out of the bus
She didn’t even bother to uncuff you
A huge man with one eye pulls you from the ground and gives you a smile
”And here I thought we weren’t getting any more after the bus came in last week.”
”Let’s get those handcuffs off you, then we can get you working on your duties.”
He smashes the chain of the cuffs with his pickaxe and hands you a spare one
”Welcome aboard!”
You didn’t get assigned to a waifur
You got assigned to a bauxite mine
Author's Note
Inspired by this (unintentionally?) hilarious post: