Early Draft of Episode 150 "Star Koopa"
OPENING SKETCH: Pumpkin Carving
[Title appears on screen while Luigi lights candles around the room with the lights turned off, shot only focusing on his upper body.]
[Luigi]
This is...a whole lot harder to do than I first thought...who would've thought that lighting candles in pitch black would be hard to do...very hard to do.
[Camera pans down to show Luigi's pants are torn to shreds, with bandages wrapped around them.
[Luigi]
Ah well, least it's fitting for Halloween. Heh, maybe if I mess up my arms I can go out as a mummy! In any case though, I wonder when Mario's getting back. Starting to get late out there-
[A knock is heard on the front door, prompting Luigi to gasp in terror before slapping himself on the head.]
[Luigi]
Oh for the love of- the door's unlocked Mario!
[Front door then opens to reveal Mario holding a bunch of pumpkins in his hands.]
[Mario]
Ya didn't think to lock the door? I tell ya, if that door was kept unlocked any later and we'd have trick or treaters helping themselves to the TV! Ah it don’t matter now, got all the pumpkins we need- Oh Woah!
[Mario trips over himself and drops all of the pumpkins down the stairs. The two brothers just stare at each other in shock before looking at the pile of pumpkins resting by the bottom of the stairs.]
[Mario]
So...nice candles.
[Luigi]
First of all, Mario...did you need that many pumpkins?
[Mario]
Of course I did, I wanted to match the candles.
[Luigi]
We've got 20 candles!
[Mario]
Guess I should've gotten more pumpkins.
[Luigi]
Oh forget about that, how are we going to carve the spooky faces into them now!?
[Mario]
Come on, relax for a minute will ya? I've got a good idea on how to fix this mess, believe me. You know how the old saying goes? "If you break some eggs, make some Frittata!"
[Luigi]
Riight...
MAIN EPISODE: STAR KOOPA
[Opening shot of space shown as a flat space ship travels across it.]
[Luigi]
Plumber's log one thousand and eighty seven. We are still on the search for Mario after he had been recently taken away by the dastardly tyrant Darth Koopa. Soon after we began our search across the vast and nearly empty black sea, we soon ran into a horrible spot of trouble.
[Camera goes inside of the spaceship as it focuses on Luigi at the front of the ship pressing all kinds of buttons, while Princess Toadstool and Toad sit in the back playing go fish. Red lights start flashing in front of Luigi as he audibly gulps.]
[Luigi]
Oh boy...Princess, Toad? You'll want to turn on your rear-view cameras for this one!
[Big computer screen in front of Luigi flashes to reveal a large bowser-head shaped spaceship in the middle of space.]
[Toad]
T-the Koopa Star! It's right behind us, we gotta get a move on!
[Luigi]
Don't worry, we'll be on our way with some extra spicy Pasta Power!
[Flat ship blasts away as the Koopa-Head ship comes into view, panning inwards to show Darth Koopa and Mouser at the helm of the spaceship looking out in front of them. Darth Koopa is clad with a black cloak wearing a Darth Vader-like helmet with a leotard over himself. Behind them is pitch black darkness.]
[Koopa]
So, Princess Toadstool and the doofus duo are starting to get away! Hit the pedal Mouser.
[Mouser]
Aye aye captain. That bucket of bolts they call a ship is not getting away from this state-of the art ship you commissioned.
[Emperor]
I think you mean the ship I commissioned.
[Walking out of the shadows, Emperor M reveals himself. He wears a dark yellow cloak and scorched gloves, with black overalls underneath the cloak. While his head is covered with a hood, his eyes are clearly visible. They are purely neon green, with black spirals spinning around inside of them.]
[Mouser]
O-of course my Emperor! Sorry to have said otherwise.
[Emperor]
Indeed. Darth Koopa, are you certain we'll be able to capture those pesky rats?
[Koopa]
Of course my Emperor, once we reach Warp Speed 10 and activate the tractor beams, we'll be boarding that ship in no time!
[Emperor]
Excellent. I'll be returning to my quarters, command your men to do the rest.
[Emperor M walks away, letting Koopa face his Stormkoopas.]
[Koopa]
Do whatever you want with the cowardly dumbo and that little fungi twerp but make sure you bring in Princess Toadstool alive. She must be taken prisoner.
[Shot shows the tractor beam capturing the ship Luigi, Toad and Toadstool are on.]
[Mouser]
Tractor beam engaged and captured the ship, your highness.
[The ship is dragged inside of the Bowser-Head ship, a torrent of Stormkoopas rushing in.]
[Luigi]
Oh boy, everyone grab your Light Plungers!
[Toad and Luigi take out their plungers while Toadstool clambers around trying to look for one.]
[Toadstool]
Hey, where's mine!
[Luigi]
Sorry Princess, we could only afford two of em! Speaking of...uh...how do you turn this thing on?
[After a flick of a button, the light beam shoots out of the plunger, singing off a bit of Luigi's hat.]
[Toadstool]
Oh for the love of- Just believe in yourself, okay? We're here to rescue Mario and we're not going to stop until we do so!
[She holds onto the Light plunger Luigi held and hovers it over his shoulder.]
[Toadstool]
May the pasta be with you. Now get out there and save your brother!
[Fight scene occurs once a group of Stormkoopas invade the ship. Luigi manages to knock one out but accidentally throws his Light Plunger away with an errant swing trying to take another one out. Toadstool grabs onto it and manages to fool one of the Stormkoopas into grabbing it and getting knocked out. Two Stormkoopas rush over to Toad but knock themselves out trying to take a swing at him. And as Luigi cowers over another Stormkoopa trying to beat him, Toadstool saves him by bashing the plunger over his head. After a minor celebration by the crew, their cheers turn to silence as Darth Koopa enters.]
[Koopa]
If you're going to do something wrong right, you better wrong do it yourself! Give it up you trio of losers, you're never getting your brother back!
[Toadstool]
That's where you're wrong. We'll take you down and get Mario back to safety before it's lunch time!
[Luigi]
Yeah that's right. If you think we'll just let ya keep Mario as a prisoner then you're well and truly spaced out. En garde, shell brain! Once I'm done with ya, the worms won't have any linguini to chew!
[Koopa]
Let's see ya try, pipsqueak.
[Luigi and Darth Koopa turn on their Light Plumbers and start clashing beams. Despite the cheers given by Toadstool and Toad, Luigi is soon cornered against a wall of the ship.]
[Koopa]
I've got ya right where I need ya, scaredy cat.
[Luigi]
That's where you're wrong ya dumb turtle!
[Luigi gets back the upper hand by fighting more fiercely, culminating in him hitting the Light Plunger out of Koopa's hand and kicking him in the face.]
[Luigi]
Say uncle, I dare ya! Give up now or those innards are going to turn into outards!
[Koopa]
Cool off, bonehead.
[Koopa pulls out a freeze ray and shoots it into Luigi, freezing him in a solid block of ice.]
[Toadstool]
You cowardly beast!
[Koopa]
And you should chill out, princess.
[Darth Koopa freezes Toadstool and Toad together. Scene cuts back to the front of the ship, with the frozen trio up against the wall. Mouser, Koopa and Emperor M face them.]
[Emperor]
It's about time you've made yourself useful. Mouser, thaw em out.
[Mouser]
Of course, my dear emperor.
[Mouser brings out a heat ray and warms the trio out of their ice blocks.]
[Luigi]
[Yawn] Had the craziest dream that I was stuck in the North Pole...Darth Koopa, you monster! Why I oughta-
[Emperor M]
Hold yourself steady, little rat. Or I'll have Mouser turn you back into ice cubes.
[Toadstool]
What do you want with us ya creep?
[Emperor M]
Nothing much. We just need to throw away Dumb and Dumber over there and get you to rule as my Queen.
[Koopa]
I think you mean our Queen, Emperor-
[Emperor M]
I don't think I do, turtle brain. So here's the deal Toadstool: Come along peacefully and we'll just keep those two as prisoners. If ya don't, we'll throw those two out to space and see how it longs for them to croak. Your choice.
[Luigi]
P-P-Princess, you oughta do what he wants! You can keep an eye out for Mario while you're free!
[Toadstool]
If it's gonna keep you two alive...then fine. I'll be your stupid Queen.
[Emperor M]
Wonderful! Mouser, send those two to the prison. Koopa, how long will it take before the wedding ceremony starts?
[Koopa]
By my count, 30 minutes.
[Emperor M]
No time to waste then! We'll be keeping you in chains until it's time Princess. Wouldn't want any party pooping for this event.
[A couple of Stormkoopas come in from behind and place handcuffs and ankle cuffs on her while a different pair drag Luigi and Toad to their prison.]
[Scene cuts to Mouser, Luigi and Toad walking alongside the Stormkoopas to the jail cell.]
[Mouser]
Now ordinarily, I would be gloating about the fantastic progress we have made in taking care of the trash yet...There's something wrong with this all.
[Luigi]
What are you crying about, you're not the one being thrown into the slammer!
[Mouser]
That may be more likely than you'd think, plumber. If I ought to be honest, mouse to Italian...this new Emperor stinks!
[Toad]
Why's that? Aside from kidnapping us of course.
[Mouser]
He's only been here for a few days and he's already risen up the ranks of Emperor. Him and Darth Koopa are just barely on the same level yet Emperor M loves to act superior than everyone else because of his "power". I still remember when he was just some lowly p-
[Mouser slaps his hand over his mouth.]
[Mouser]
Almost said too much. Anyways, we're here.
[The Stormkoopas shove Luigi and Toad into their jail cells facing them with Mouser in the back.]
[Mouser]
Farewell idiots. And I give my apologies.
[Stormkoopas]
Huh?
[Before they can react, the two of them are frozen with the freeze ray and shoved inside the cell.]
[Mouser]
Go, now!
[Luigi]
You're helping us?
[Mouser]
Just this once! Once you stop the Emperor, we're back to being enemies. Got it?
[Toad]
Whatever ya say! Let's get a move on and find some Plungers to take em down.
[Luigi]
You said it. Lead the way will ya!
[Luigi and Toad run off into the ship, the shot fading away to a new one with Emperor M and Princess Toadstool on the observatory deck.]
[Stars and faraway plants dot the vast and empty vacuum around them.]
[Emperor M]
Isn't it all so beautiful? Not as beautiful as the lady next to me of course.
[Toadstool]
Shut your trap, this plan is going to fail.
[Emperor M]
Still holding onto the hope that you and your precious plumbers are going to be saved? Let me save the laughter for when the ceremony is over. Although...perhaps we can share a kiss before then for practice?
[Emperor M leers over Princess Toadstool and shows off a wicked grin. His teeth are yellowed and crooked, with a waft of bad breath hitting Toadstool instantly]
[Toadstool]
Jeez! Ever heard of toothpaste?
[Emperor]
You dare insult me?! Fine, I'm no longer asking for a kiss. I'm telling you we're going to kiss!
[Emperor M holds onto Toadstool's arms and leans in closely for a kiss. Toadstool is just barely able to kick off M off of her, his hood slipping of his head to reveal...]
[Toadstool]
M-Mario...?
[The neon green eyes fade away as Mario suddenly starts speaking.]
[Mario]
Princess! You gotta help me, those Koopas did some hypnosis magic on me and I've been stuck like that creep ever since! Help me Princess, HELP ME-
[As fast as they had disappeared, the neon green eyes come back as Emperor M takes over again.]
[Emperor]
Ah well, you had to know eventually. No matter, there isn't anything you can do to bring him back. The ceremony is going to be starting soon, let's head over there now.
[Emperor M holds onto Princess Toadstool's arm and drags her out of the observatory deck. Shot cuts to Luigi and Toad finding an armory room. They nod their heads to each other before dashing in. Sound effects of some crashing noises play for a few seconds before the two pop out. Both of them hold Light Plungers, Toad wearing some metallic armor and Luigi wearing a scuba suit.]
[Toad]
Hey, what's with the weird get-up?
[Luigi]
Hey you took the good stuff! I was left to take this embarrassing thing.
[Toad]
Couldn't ya have just worn your usual overalls instead of losing your pride?
[Luigi]
...Mama mia...Look I've got no time to change and we've got no time to argue, we gotta save the princess and then save Mario!
[Toad]
But how do we get to the ceremony if we don't know where it is?
[Luigi]
Fair point...uh...
[Luigi then spots a sign on a nearby wall pointing out the directions needed for the wedding ceremony.]
[Luigi]
Handy thing...Alright let's get over there!
[The two make a start on running, barely being able to because of what they wear. Scene cuts to the wedding ceremony. A whole bunch of Stormkoopas sit by the aisle in the large room with a large window in the background showing off space. Emperor M is still wearing his cloak with the simple addition of a dark red bowtie. Darth Koopa wears a black and white collar on his neck and is looking exceptionally unpleased as he holds a black book in his hand. Princess Toadstool wears a veil over her head, facing Emperor M.]
[Koopa]
So...my Emperor. Do you take Princess Toadstool to be your lawfully wedded Queen?
[Emperor]
I wouldn't have kidnapped her if I didn't. So I do.
[Koopa]
And Toadstool. Do you...do you take Emperor M to be your lawfully wedded King?
[Toadstool peers at the entrance to the ceremony, two lone doors that remain closed.]
[Toadstool]
I...do.
[Koopa]
Ain't that fantastic. Well, do we have any objections?
[Luigi]
I got one big fat one for ya!
[Luigi and Toad bust through the door and run past everyone to get in-between Toadstool and Emperor M]
[Luigi]
Sorry...Princess...woulda got here sooner but ah...running in flip flops take a lot outta ya!
[Toadstool]
Luigi, I knew you'd save me!
[Luigi]
Anything for you, Princess! I'm sorry we couldn't find Mario though...
[Emperor]
Ha ha ha! If you're really looking to see ya brother again, then I've got some news for ya.
[Emperor M takes off his hood to reveal his identity to Luigi and Toad.]
[Emperor]
Luigi...I am your brother.
[Luigi]
N-No...NO!
[Luigi unleashes his Light Plunger, with Toad following suit. Before the Stormkoopas can aim their weapons, Toad quickdraws a freeze ray he picked up and freezes them all.]
[Toad]
No interruptions here Mario!
[Luigi]
No, that thing isn't Mario! I know he's in there somewhere but that thing right there isn't him. If we want Mario back, we gotta beat the new guy outta him!
[Emperor]
Ha! What are you going to do, swim at me?
[Koopa]
It ain't about what he's going to do...it's about what I'm going to do.
[Darth Koopa whips out his own Light Plunger and holds it close to Emperor M's face.]
[Emperor]
So you choose to betray me?
[Koopa]
I should be saying that! We didn't decide to hypnotize ya so that you could rule MY empire.
[Emperor]
Then you should've thought otherwise. I have no need for men who betray me.
[Emperor M throws up his hands and points them at Darth Koopa, shocking him with bolts of electricity. Koopa shrieks in pain as everyone else looks on in horror.]
[Emperor]
Go on, say uncle!
[Koopa]
Un...cl...e...
[Toad]
That's enough pain out of you!
[Toad comes in and swipes at Emperor M with his light plunger, forcing him to stop shocking Darth Koopa. He stumbles and falls onto the floor a blackened, charcoaled mess. Emperor M turns around and looks at Toad with a toothy smile.]
[Emperor]
Say, I've never had fried mushroom before!
[Emperor M swings his arms around and instantly shocks Toad, the metallic armor causing a huge lighting bolt to strike the ceiling. Toad crumbles to the floor in a heap, a plume of smoke emitting from him.]
[Emperor]
And now, to take care of the coward.
[Luigi braces for impact and covers himself with his arms.]
[Luigi]
Brother, please! I know you're still in there, you gotta fight him!
[Emperor]
Don't bother! The only thing that'll get him out is by knocking me out and that's never gonna happen. Now PERISH!
[Emperor throws up his hands again and aims them at Luigi, slinging electricity at him. But instead of shocking the plumber, the lighting deflects off of him and shocks Emperor M completely unconscious.]
[Luigi]
Wha-huh?
[Toadstool]
Luigi, you did it! It's a good thing you realized that rubber doesn't get affected by electricity!
[Luigi]
I-I realized...? Wait, yeah I did! Woohoo, I saved my brother!
[Mario groggily wakes up and starts rubbing his head.]
[Mario]
Mama mia...where the heck am I? And why am I wearing something that the cat dragged in?
[Luigi]
You're back to normal Mario!
[Mario]
Ah, I had faith in ya all along Luigi. The pasta was with you all along! Now uh...let's get out of here and get to that picnic.
[Luigi scavenges through his pockets and pulls up a fork and a knife]
[Luigi]
Way ahead of you Mario. But uh first...how about we get Toad out of that armor?
[The two of them look at Toad in the armor, Mario slapping himself on the head before all of the people still alive awake laugh amongst themselves, with a closing silhouette shot of them all laughing before the animated segment ends.]
ENDING SKETCH: Trick or Treat!
[Mario and Luigi are finishing decorating the room with the destroyed pumpkins. With the pieces of the pumpkins, they form a skull's face on the ground by the dining room table.]
[Luigi]
I don't tend to give ya much credit but this is something else Mario!
[Mario]
I tell ya, sometimes the ol' spaghetti noodle still has a few tricks up its sleeve!
[Luigi]
Boy I'll say. Although...wouldn't it have been better if we made this outside and not inside?
[Mario]
I...eh...how would we bring this outside anyways?
[Luigi]
Big wheelbarrow?
[Mario]
We don't own one.
[Luigi]
Normal wheelbarrow?
[Mario]
Haven't got that either.
[Luigi]
Small wheelb-
[Mario]
Luigi we can barely afford pumpkins, where are we going to get wheelbarrows?
[Luigi]
Ey fair enough. What are we going to give to the trick or treaters anyhow?
[Mario]
We got some spare pumpkin pieces right?
[Luigi rolls his eyes and stops laying down pumpkin pieces, stretching his back. A knock on the door is heard which startles the two.]
[Mario]
I'll get it!
[Mario stands up and walks over to the door, Luigi opting to sit down on the chair and start reading the newspaper. Mario opens the door to reveal Michael J. Fox dressed as Marty Mcfly.]
[Mario]
Welcome, welcome! Luigi, we got a trick or treater here! So what are you supposed to be?
[Michael]
What do you mean? This ain't a costume, it's what I normally wear.
[Mario]
That the truth? Sheesh, if you took another step out there in that Brooklyn rainy weather, you'd be floating around like a life boat! So what kinda candy you want? Whatever you're gonna ask for, you're getting a piece of pumpkin.
[Michael]
Nah nah it's okay, don't need any treats.
[Mario]
Then what are ya here for?
[Luigi]
Is it a hoodlum Mario?
[Michael]
I'm not a hoodlum! Just wondering if you guys got anything to borrow to help jumpstart a car.
[Mario]
You mean like a battery?
[Michael]
Yeah yeah, a battery! Doc's having some trouble getting the car started again and we could really use some help.
[Mario]
I think you're in luck...Luigi, could you check the closet and see if you can find a car battery?
[Luigi]
A car battery? You're telling me we can't afford wheelbarrows but we afford can a car battery?
[Mario]
Just get the darn thing and hand it over here.
[Luigi chucks the newspaper onto the table and heads to the closet, rummaging through it briefly before bringing out a car battery.]
[Mario]
Yeah that should be it Luigi! Bring it over here
[Luigi walks over to the two at the door and hands the car battery over.]
[Michael]
Thanks guys, I owe ya one!
[Luigi]
Ah don't mention it, we're all about that Brooklyn hospitality right Mario?
[Mario]
Yeah exactly!
[Michael]
I know but you guys deserve something for your troubles. Alright, about this: 86 24 01 92 17. Keep those numbers in your head and head to the store with them in mind tomorrow, you'll thank me later. See ya!
[Michael exits through the front door, with a barely audible conversation heard outside.]
[Luigi]
What were those numbers he said again? 86, 24...what were the rest?
[Mario]
Ah who knows, probably some weird backstreet lingo we don't know about. Wonder what that kid is going to do with the-
[The sound of a car driving by quickly suddenly plays, startling Mario and Luigi.]
[Luigi]
...Did he just go out with our car battery?
[Mario opens the door a bit to glance through it and then looks back.]
[Mario]
...How about we look into getting a new wheelbarrow?
[Cut in with a segment of Mario, Luigi and Michael doing the dance to end the episode.]
END OF EPISODE
THIS SCRIPT WAS REJECTED TO THE UNAVAILABILITY OF THE ACTOR MICHAEL J. FOX