nyallo! my name is two time. i'm alright with two. i'm an introject and an irl. i use they hy hym prns. i'm a uranic demiboy on the aromantic spectrum and identify as panromantic gay. i am single.
i am also ns azure's partner. i finally caved and fell to make a lovemail for him on here because i miss him painfully so. as a result, this url will be hard to get from me. i do entertain offers still.
i talk about memories here. i feel no shame. ————————————————————— time seemed to stretch endlessly every day without him. i hated even the moments where he was pulled away for some other business he had to attend to even if it was for a great purpose in our religious belief. our family did not even know of us because we knew it was forbidden. it would be frowned upon, seen as weakness. our first and foremost love was to be to the spawn, of course.
those stolen moments were the epitome of my life, aside from the obvious. i often felt he treated me with the same amount of devotion which was equal parts terrifying and exhilarating. our first kiss left an imprint on me i couldn't erase. it felt like molten in my throat. i hardly care if it's foolish to say. to be curled up in his arms was the sweetest joy in life. we had difficulties but we shared a faith and, at some times, a bed.
to say that he is my soulmate is the wholehearted truth. i shall not, i do not have the ability to, ever love someone the same way i loved him. i miss seeing him water nightshades which crawled up my throat and snuffed the very essence of my life when everything fell to pieces. he was such a dedicated botanist. he celebrated life and i did too but i was stained from greed and he of the utmost loyalty. it hurt to see raw purity unaware.
oftentimes, i feel like i will simply wake up and we will be lying in the field again, holding hands though it is risky for what if someone sees us. i feel as though he will tuck the hair behind my ear, kiss my forehead, and we will talk about sweet nothings. he will bring up marriage, i will switch the topic, and we will stay warm pressed to eachother. the later memories are tainted with what i knew i had to do at that point in time.
would one consider it necessary? i think, in his last moments, he proved he would not have done the same to me. his promise to me was a stab in and of itself and i suppose it felt cruel sometimes to be loved so unconditionally that perhaps i deserve to never recover. i don't think i will ever want to. he is the sunlight in my night. my dearly.
no one can fathom either of us. it feels isolating but simply a way of life. falling in love with him is my core memory and i relive it in my dreams and yearn forevermore. nothing can amount to him. i would give anything for him. he would talk to me in hushed tones about us running off with matching rings on our fingers. vows we would write together. that was when he was vulnerable.
ahh i love him, okay? he's mine. i swear to it.
each positive moment i have feels fueled by the adoration and love he has for me. i always viewed him as some sort of guardian angel and i feel it's a reasonable thought. after all, he is my beloved. he is what brought me joy and he is what fuels my joy.