Crunchatize Me
Lying in the sandy dirt battered and bruised, it was time to call it quits. I relaxed, giving up the fight. Hopefully, the Scraggy would grant me an honorable end. I wanted to face death with grace while my mind was free of the dungeon sickness that plagued my thoughts. These flashes of clarity are rare these days. If my last moments were to be spent in the sun with my mind free of this poison, that would be a blessing.
Helva... I wonder where you are now in this beautiful world. Maybe trusting you made me a fool. But that doesn’t matter anymore. This is where my journey ends.
Years prior
I never planned on joining a rescue team, but as a young and impressionable Rockruff, it wasn’t hard to convince me of anything – especially when the request came from my best friend. Helva was a proud and rambunctious Axew who pestered me constantly about joining her in her dream: building a top-tier rescue team. Stubborn and unafraid to challenge anyone who disagreed, she was also near-impossible to impress. Trying to gain her respect was a fool's errand. She did, however, idolize exploration and rescue teams. Top teams are loved by the town and the Pokémon they helped. It didn't hurt that well-established teams had the funds to live a comfy lifestyle. Helva craved that same kind of attention, and somehow, her schemes always included me.
Maybe we were friends because I never said no. Every time she came up with a wild plan to impress the local rescue teams, I followed. Her plans usually revolved around us running into danger, or picking fights with other Pokémon. Maybe she thought it would prove our worth – who's to say what thoughts were running around in her head? In our early days, I objected more. I’d voice my concerns, only to be brushed off before reluctantly tagging along.
I can’t recall if we won or lost more often. My memory leans toward victories, but maybe that’s just nostalgia playing tricks.
Together, Helva and I became a notorious duo. Our escapades eventually caught the attention of Team Arctos, a respected local rescue team. Their leader was an Ursaring of formidable size. Maybe she pitied the locals who were tired of our antics; maybe the rumor was true, that the mighty Ursaring had a soft spot for kids. I always wondered if it came naturally to her kind. Whatever the case, no one dared to question her toughness.
Helva didn’t care about why, she was overjoyed. This was her way into a real rescue team, and I’d be right there with her. So, we joined Team Arctos as junior recruits: one anxious Rockruff and one overly excited Axew.
“Helva, come on! We have to get moving already,” I grumbled, pawing her tusks as she snoozed in the hay bed Team Arctos provided for prospective members. “We can’t be late again! Pangoro was mad last time, I don’t think he’ll let us off the hook today.”
Still no response.
Sighing, I moved behind Helva and did what had to be done.
Chomp!
I bit down on the fin atop her head. Not hard enough to hurt, but just enough to get her moving.
Helva shot up, furious, freshly bitten head fin nearly clipping my chin. “Crunch, what the hell was that for?!”
She was ready to hurl a barrage of insults, but I quickly shushed her and started nudging her toward the door with my head.
“If you don’t get your ass in gear, they’ll make me run laps till I drop and lock you in the classroom until you can recite every kind of wonder orb.”
That got her moving.
Getting used to our new routine was rough; it was only our second week working as part of a rescue team and it already felt like I was being run ragged. Team Arctos was mid-sized, consisting of three guild-licensed dungeon delvers plus a myriad of support staff. Non-delvers were responsible for communicating with the guild, prepping for rescue operations, and negotiating rates for jobs.
The team’s size meant that they could accommodate a couple of rookies without too much disruption. While Helva and I were just rookies, the team assigned us simple jobs – lugging around supplies, running messages around town, and hanging flyers around town for wanted criminals. Eventually, the team brought us along to stand guard at the entrances to mystery dungeons, while the seasoned members of the team were working within.
Each morning we’d report in, complete the tasks assigned to us for the day, and then make our way back to the team base and wait for the other members to finish up their jobs.
Pangoro and Beartic were tasked with mentoring the rookies. Of the two, whichever one made it back to base first was in charge of training for the day, and today that was Pangoro. Helva let out an excited cheer as soon as he stepped into the base. Pangoro was undoubtedly her favorite – he often took on some of the most physically demanding jobs and was an ace in combat. Because of Pangoro's area of expertise, Helva and I were going to be subjected to some intense physical training. Before long he had us in a sparring ring set up outside.
Helva was a natural. She had a keen sense for battle and had impressed Ursaring with her tenacity. I was… more of a work in progress. I had every bit of power and agility that Helva had, but I had a hard time using them at the right moments. She had the instincts for it; I needed to have them drilled into me.
Pangoro observed as Helva and I sparred. “Crunch, keep moving!” Pangoro barked. “If you stand still for an instant you’re gonna get-”
Helva dove forward and struck me with her claws.
“...smacked,” Pangoro finished.
Helva didn’t hold back, payback for my rude wake-up call that morning. Pangoro called the match, proud that his star pupil was doing well, but also frustrated that I wasn’t able to pose more of a challenge.
If Pangoro was the muscle, then Beartic was the brain. For any job that led the team into unfamiliar territory, or jobs that involved staying out in the wilderness for any extended amount of time, Beartic was involved. When jobs were lacking in detail or seemed to be just outside of the skill range of Team Arctos, Ursaring would often defer decision-making to the learned ice type. Seeing Beartic enter the guild always sent a wave of relief through my body, knowing that I’d be spared from getting pummeled by Helva in the ring. Beartic’s lessons involved book learning and being able to read the state of a mystery dungeon based on the environment. Navigation, survival, and dungeoneering knowledge – these subjects came easy to me, but Helva was another story. It was hard for her to pay attention. Whenever Beartic spoke, his slow and soft voice put her in some kind of daze, because before long she’d be fast asleep. Whenever this happened, he’d fling a chunk of ice from his chin at Helva, a very unpleasant experience for the tiny dragon.
Beartic’s lectures also covered the different kinds of dangers that rescue teams had to deal with in a dungeon. As a kid, you’re told to avoid mystery dungeons, but the specifics seemed to be taboo. I knew Pokémon inside dungeons were hostile, but the reason for why was never something that I had questioned.
Beartic was able to provide answers. First, dungeons had ways of creating mysterious soulless aberrations that resembled real Pokémon. In rescue team slang, these Pokémon were “feral.” Fake Pokémon or not, the threat they posed was real. Second, and more concerning, was dungeon sickness.
Dungeon sickness is a peculiar thing, it isn’t like a regular disease that can be contracted from others, it’s brought on by simply remaining inside a mystery dungeon for extended periods, typically on the order of days or weeks. A Pokémon afflicted by dungeon sickness will eventually become hostile to everything, and lose their sense of self, their memories. Their identity.
The cure? Just leave the dungeon. But that isn’t always easy.
As long as they haven’t been trapped inside for months, an afflicted Pokémon will make a full recovery, returning to their natural state. Preventing dungeon sickness is no big deal, either – well, it wouldn’t be a big deal if feral Pokémon and an invisible sickness were the only things that make mystery dungeons dangerous. Inside a dungeon, the physical layout of the world twisted and warped in strange ways, making it oh-so-easy to lose your way. An unsuspecting Pokémon can enter a dungeon, get lost or hurt, and then fall ill. It makes for an insidious combination. All this is what makes rescue and exploration work so important. Explorers find safe passageways around dungeons and offer protection for those who need to make journeys through them. Rescue teams are called in when someone has been reported lost or missing, and are suspected to be trapped within a dungeon. It’s a rescue team's job to make sure they make it out.
Beartic gave a chilling warning, “If you encounter a Pokémon afflicted with dungeon sickness, they need to be brought out of the dungeon immediately, but it’s not safe to do so alone. Subduing a Pokémon without maiming them is much harder than defeating ferals.” Emphasizing the point, he stomped his feet, shaking the earth, making sure that Helva was paying attention. “Oftentimes more than one team is required to pull off these kinds of rescues.”
Work. Train. Repeat.
The days began to blur. Report in each morning, get assigned a group of Pokémon to work with, and assist them with anything they need to complete the job. After that, we would make our way back to the base and continue training. The only part of our schedule that Helva seemed to enjoy was training with Pangoro, taking every opportunity to show off her combat prowess. She saw everything else as a necessary evil required to eventually start working as part of the team. Joining a rescue team was originally Helva’s plan, but the more time I spent with Team Arctos, the more I enjoyed the work. Besides, Helva was going to need someone capable of the other aspects of rescue work if she was going to make it anywhere, and I wanted to be the one supporting her.
As the weeks passed, Helva started to slow down a bit. The enthusiasm that had originally carried her through the menial labor and lecture sessions must have gotten lost somewhere along the way. This morning she was slumped over in bed, unwilling to move. “Helva, come on, I don’t want to bite you awake again.”
In response, she groaned, then finally complained, “Wake me up when they let us into a dungeon. You and I both know that we’re ready.”
She wasn’t wrong.
We’d been training daily for over a month, and I was getting a little sick of the same schedule day in and day out. Even Pangoro noticed Helva’s shift in mood because after she finished kicking my ass in the ring, she’d almost immediately go and nap in the sun until it was time for dinner. Maybe it was time I talked with Ursaring.
Giving up on getting Helva out of bed, I walked out of our room towards Ursarings “office.” It was more like a den with how it sunk into the ground. The inside was shielded from view by giant dried leaves draped over the entryway.
I stood there for a moment, mentally preparing myself. While Ursaring was the one who originally recruited us, she wasn’t personally involved with any of our training so far. Each of the team members spoke of her in such high regard. Ursaring was the face of the team, leading negotiations, sourcing work, and striking deals – all this while she was also involved with the hardest jobs the team took on. She was an intimidating figure. I knew I shouldn't be nervous; Pangoro and Beartic reported in at the end of each day, hopefully cluing her in on our progress. Calming my nerves, I called out into the den.
“Ursaring are you in there? Do you have a moment to talk?”
I stood there for a moment waiting for a response… nothing. I wasn’t about to give up just yet. Poking my head past the leaves, I was met with an unmitigated disaster. Piles of papers were flung all over, and scores of job requests had been piled up that all required Ursaring’s attention. I knew that the team had been busy but I didn’t realize how in-demand rescue work was.
Buried within the mess was our leader, snoring softly with bottles of fermented berry juice littering her surroundings. It was a sight to behold. Stepping forward, I fully entered the den, my movements making Ursaring stir. Before I could open my mouth to say a word, a bottle whizzed past my head, shattering on the wall behind me. I stood there stunned. Ursaring, now fully awake, stood there slack-jawed.
“Oh Crunch, I’m so sorry,” she said as she scooped me up. Ursaring was surprisingly quick for her size, and I was too stunned to make any attempt to run away. Through teary eyes, Ursaring continued, “I thought you were Beartic coming to drop off more work requests.“
My mental image of Ursaring being a cool and collected leader had all but been shattered. It was taking all of my willpower to remain composed while being hoisted up off the ground by the much larger Pokémon.
“Ursaring, I came to talk about Helva and I’s training. Can you put me down?”
“No,” she replied cheerily. Her response was instant and left no room for discussion. It looked like I’d be asking for a favor while trapped in a great bear hug.
Taking great care to keep my voice even, I squeaked out, “Helva and I have been working very hard training with Pangoro and Beartic, and it’s been going very well!” I tried to tilt my head so I could look at Ursaring directly, and continued, “But Helva’s losing steam, and I think it would do us both some good if we got to go into a dungeon.”
I could hear Ursaring start to sniffle. In a teary voice, she stuttered, “I haven't been a good leader, my poor recruits have been neglected, and I haven’t been keeping up with your training.” I wasn’t sure how much of this was the berry juice talking, or if this was how Ursaring normally was. She shuffled me around in her grip, now holding me up in the air facing her, my paws left dangling. She continued, “Normally by this point, we’d split you two up and have each of you paired individually with Pangoro or Beartic. That way they don’t have to look after two of you at once. Both Pangoro and Beartic have told me that you two show some real promise, so I think I’ll do something special to make up for the hard work you’ve put in.”
“Special?” I asked, slightly concerned.
“All three of us will go on a dungeon walk together!” She was smiling. “It’s not every day that rookies get first-hand experience working with me, so consider it a treat.” I was beginning to think that there was a reason why Ursaring was kept away from working directly with the recruits, but I wasn’t about to complain. Helva and I were going to enter a real mystery dungeon!
Ursaring finally set me down, and I was quick to step out of arm's reach. Thanking Ursaring for her time, I took the opportunity to escape. Waiting outside was Beartic with a stack of job requests. I gave him a quick nod as I passed him, but as soon as he entered Ursaring’s den I scampered away. Moments later I heard another bottle smash into the wall. With that taken care of, I went back to my room and decided to join Helva in a much needed break from work and training. After all, we'd have to be well-rested for our upcoming expedition.
The next day, Ursaring announced to the rest of the team her plans to take us into a dungeon. We’d be journeying through a well-understood and relatively simple dungeon under her direct supervision to get a feel for what dungeons were really like. Helva was ecstatic, bouncing around full of excitement, ready to enter a real mystery dungeon. I was a bit more apprehensive about the whole thing, but seeing Helva excited about work again made it all worthwhile.
That morning started like any other. Helva and I had helped the other team members gear up for work countless times already, so when it was finally our turn, it was second nature to go into the storehouse and get prepped. When Ursaring had us doing odd jobs around town, we didn’t get to wear anything that would mark us as members of a rescue team, but today was different. We’d get to pick out a piece of equipment to match our new status as official team members. There was a wide variety of accessories to accommodate the equally wide range of body types of Pokémon that might join the team. Scarves, bandanas, bands, and ribbons. Each option was both stylish and functional, providing utility that might give their wearer an edge inside a dungeon.
Not needing long to think, I snatched up a bandana in my mouth. It felt right, I stood proud with my chest puffed out with the bandana held out expectantly towards Helva. Upon seeing this, the Axew couldn’t resist rolling her eyes and sending a verbal jab my way as she tied the bandana around my neck. “I swear, every Canine picks a bandana. So predictable Crunch.” Her words did nothing to diminish the pride I felt. Another step closer to achieving Helva’s dream – a big one, at that.
Helva seemed to take her time, hovering over a few options only to shake her head at each before moving on to the next. For a second, I thought she was going to grab a ribbon, but turned towards me and stuck her tongue out when she noticed me looking. Finally, she decided. The Axew carefully picked up a band, brought it close to her heart, and held it there for a moment. It was surprising. Helva wasn’t the sentimental type, but taking this step on our journey resonated with her. Satisfied with her choice, she slapped it on her upper arm and made her way towards the exit of the storehouse. Just before exiting, she called out, “Come on dork, we don’t have all day!”
Before leaving, I made sure we loaded up on food, medicine, and tools. Running out to meet Helva, I caught her already talking to Ursaring, a wide smile painted on her face. It was nice to see Helva excited about rescue work again. As I approached, Ursaring made a gesture to get in close. Taking the obvious bait, I walked within grabbing distance and was promptly scooped up along with Helva into a bone-crushing hug.
Ursaring spoke in a sing-song voice, “Crunch and Helva, the rising stars of Team Arctos, who’s ready for a dungeon adventure!” I let out a yip due to the force of the hug, and I could hear Helva wheeze as the air was forced out of her lungs. Ursaring didn’t seem to notice, explaining the plan for the day as she continued to squeeze.
“We’ve got a lot of walking ahead of us, and due to the unplanned nature of our outing, we won’t have any of the support staff there to carry out things on the way out. I hope y’all came prepared!” A couple of grunts of approval were all Ursaring needed before she freed us from her grasp. It was time to hoof it out to the dungeon.
The entrance to the dungeon was nestled away within the mineral-rich hillsides about half a day's hike outside of town. A lot of dungeon history was drilled into us during our lectures from Beartic; it helps to know what you’ll be up against beforehand if someone needs help. This particular dungeon was discovered by Pokémon excavating ore from deep underground. After they didn’t come back up after sundown, everyone assumed that there was an accident or a cave-in, and when they sent more Pokémon in to help, they too got lost in the dungeon. It was a real debacle, but once a rescue team got wind of what had happened, they quickly took action, called in extra help from the guild, and got everyone out safe and sound. As a result, the mines were largely abandoned, and Team Arctos used it for training.
We knew we made it when Ursaring pointed out some signage warning about the presence of a mystery dungeon in the area. Pinpointing a dungeon entrance is more of an art than a science as the dungeons had a way of shifting around a bit, like they were fundamentally opposed to being located with any degree of certainty. We’d both been taught that dungeons had a certain feeling, and that some Pokémon were a bit more sensitive to it. Many experienced dungeon delvers could feel the border between the dungeon and normal terrain – all it took was a little experience. If you happened to be familiar with the area, it was also possible to see differences in the landscape that changed slightly from day to day.
With this being the premier training location of Team Arctos, Ursaring had no trouble leading us right to the boundary of the mystery dungeon. Helva was near bursting with excitement and nearly made a mad dash straight into the entrance, but was quickly scooped up by Ursaring. The massive Pokémon let out a hearty chuckle, “Now Helva, let’s not get ahead of ourselves yet. I get that you’re excited but we need to go through the checklist before making your debut.”
Squirming and trapped in the arms of Ursaring, Helva put up some mock protest but finally relented, “Okay yeah I get it. Can we go through the stupid checklist so we can see the dungeon?” Reassured that Helva wouldn’t make another run for the dungeon, Ursaring set the Axew down gently.
Ursaring redirected her attention, now focused on me. “What’s the matter, Crunch? Not as gung ho about running into the unknown as Helva?” I must have been equal parts excited and nervous; I hadn’t even noticed my body shaking. I wanted to keep adventuring with Helva and help the team, but now that I was standing at the threshold, things became very real. Training with the team had certainly made me stronger, and I’d have Helva and Ursaring here to help me along the way, but my body wouldn’t budge.
Putting on a brave face, I gave my answer. “I can do it ma'am!” My voice came out weak and quivering. I don’t think my performance was convincing because the look I received from Helva was one of disbelief. Stomping forward, Helva ran up to me with a crazed look in her eyes.
“You’re not bailing on me now Crunch! I’m not going to miss out on exploring a dungeon because you decided to get cold feet right at the last moment.” She got behind me and started pushing my rear towards the entrance. Ursaring looked on, bemused, laughing to herself as Helva continued to shove me forward.
Not willing to delay the inevitable any longer, I let out a heavy sigh and relented. Moving under my power, I approached Ursaring. “Okay let’s get this over with.” There was no delaying it now. After double-checking our supplies, and confirming that we had everything we’d need in the dungeon, it was time to enter the dungeon proper.
Both Helva and I knew that being inside a mystery dungeon would feel strange, but to experience it was something else. Upon entering, there was a noticeable shift in the air. It made my fur stand on end. We’d been taught that dungeons had a certain feeling and that some Pokémon were a bit more sensitive to it. It turned out that I was the dungeon-sensitive type. If Helva was bothered at all by the feeling, she didn’t show it.
After a moment of getting adjusted to the feeling of the dungeon, our small mission was officially underway. Our objective was simple: navigate through the different layers and twists of the dungeon, collect some supplies that could only be found there, and then exit the dungeon. Objectively this was more like a shopping trip than it was a job, but this was a real dungeon and we’d need to be cautious. It was time to put our training to the test.
For the first hour or so, Ursaring led the pack through the abandoned mines, stopping often to point out different dangers and traps as we came across them. I was paying rapt attention to our leader as she showed signs of traps embedded within the ground and uncovered bits of wonder orbs that had shattered after use. We’d brought a couple of orbs ourselves, in case we ran into trouble that we couldn’t handle, but with Ursaring there, I doubted that we’d have to use them.
Helva wasn't as interested in listening to Ursaring, her focus instead on the narrow tunnels that connected the different rooms that had been carved out wherever a mineral vein was discovered. After a moment of concentration, she called out, “Ursaring, I think something is coming this way.”
Ursaring tilted her head, pointing her ears towards the tunnel. There was a silent pause, and then she nodded. You saw a grin form on her face. “Okay kids, looks like the dungeon is rolling out the welcome wagon.” Stepping behind you both, she put a thick shaggy paw on your back and ushered you forward. “It’s probably just a couple of ferals the dungeon cooked up, nothing that you two can’t handle. I’ll be right behind, but I’d like to see you two tackle this on your own, now get at ‘er.” Ursaring gave us both a light slap on the back, pushing us towards the oncoming Pokémon. With Ursaring having given the okay, Helva wasn’t wasting any time. A maniacal laugh came from the Axew, a look of glee spreading across her face. I was worried, not for us, but for the dungeon Pokémon. These things stood no chance.
Helva bolted into action, running towards the sounds in the mine shaft, and I followed in lockstep behind. Bursting forth into the room, two unsuspecting Pokémon, a Whismur and a Loudred, were caught off guard by our sudden entrance. Both were feral, they had soulless eyes and gave off an uneasy aura. Whatever they were up to before was forgotten immediately as they were alerted to our presence. It was too late, Helva had already closed the distance on the Whismur, poised to strike.
The Whismur never had a chance to react, as Helva scored a clean hit. The claws of a dragon are not to be underestimated. Helva tore straight through the torso of the unsuspecting Pokémon and it went up in a puff of smoke, leaving no trace behind. The Loudred seemed to be a bigger threat, and Helva was quick to backstep, waiting for me to catch up before engaging a tougher foe. The Loudred however wasn’t going to let her escape so easily. It let out a cry that reverberated around the room and made my ears ring, but it wasn’t loud enough to prevent me from launching rocks that peppered its legs and feet, slowing it down. Prevented from advancing towards Helva, the Loudred stomped its feet in frustration and let out another round of booming noise.
This time around the sounds were much louder and more fearsome. I wasn’t able to withstand the onslaught of noise, and had to pull my focus away from the threat to cover my ears. Helva showed no such signs of weakness and dashed in, taking advantage of the now limited mobility of our opponent. Staying low to the ground, she ducked under a pitiful swing from the Loudred before rending flesh with dragon claw. It remained standing; even with wounds covering its legs and sides, it was going to continue to put up a fight, and Helva was finally within its striking range. Helva was still recovering from her attack when the meaty foot of the Big Voice Pokémon crashed into her, sending her across the room.
My head was spinning from the echoing cries of the Loudred, but I needed to act now. Helva was more capable in a fight than I was, but I was far from useless. Letting out a howl, I drew the attention of the feral back to me. It was wobbling on its feet but hadn’t given up the fight yet. I was amped, adrenaline pumping, and invigorated from my howling. I ran forward, determined to finish off the threat. Diving past lethargic swings and stomping feet, I leapt for the throat and dug my fangs in deep. A few shakes of my head were all it took to steal its voice.
Just like that, it was over. The Pokémon disappeared in a wisp of smoke and the threat was gone. Helva barely broke a sweat, but I was left panting from the adrenaline. Behind us, Ursaring was applauding, “Way to go, guys! You two make a natural team.” The words put a wide smile on my face, and Helva had a hint of a smirk. Despite her rough-and-tumble attitude, I could tell that she was proud.
Continued in part 2: