Willow Meets The Palm Hat Pirates

In the middle of a lonely island, a shady bar housed only two dark souls; a patron, and the owner.

"One glass of milk, pretty please, barkeep?"
"Yeah, yeah, sure."
"Yay! Thanks a ton! ♪"
"Just stay away from me."

Willow stretched her arms lazily in the air. The Drowned Hog wasn't the finest bar in the New World, or a bar at all, considering it was a well-stocked front for a smuggling checkpoint, but it was just fine enough for one that would accept her money, despite knowing about how she has her fun.

To be fair, the ones that don't accept her money despite knowing about how she has her fun are ran by the suicidal or very brave.

The barkeeper, never taking his eye off of Willow for a single second, cautiously poured her a glass of milk. He slid it over from a good distance away.

"...Consider it on the house."
"Woah! Really!? Aw, thanks Mr Barkeep, you're the awesomest!"
"Just... stay away from me."
"Teehee~, only 'cuz you know how to treat a lady!"

WHAM!!

"HEYO! I WANT... MEAT!!"
"No way... a bar all the way out here?"
"I told you we weren't lost!"
"You always say that, Algaehead!"
"Fellas, fellas, calm down!"

One, two, three, four... ten patrons!? That was unusual. The barkeep watched apprehensively as the bizarre cast of characters waltzed in like they owned the place, and he worriedly glanced at Willow.

'T-This is weird. She ain't at fault for this, right? I'm not gonna die horribly, yeah?'

Then, reading the expression on her face, he saw intrigue and childlike wonder. He breathed a sigh of relief. 'No,' he thought. 'This probably ain't some weird attempt to torture me.'

Of course, he then noticed a slight smirk at the corner of a certain someone's mouth.

'Oh, those pour bastards... they've sealed their fates by walking through those doors, and they don' even know it...'

"Yo! Barkeep! You can call me... Bonobo D. Lufofo, Captain of the Palm Hat Pirates! I'm gonna be King of the Pirates, and I need some MEAT!"

As part of the gaggle walked up to the bar, while some took seats at tables, the hunter just watched her prey. Some of the wisened-looking ones in the group took glances at her; a woman who held herself tall in the middle of the pack, and a large fishman lurking near the back. They soon turned their attention back to the barkeep. Something about her was odd, but not odd enough to run.

The barkeep sized Lufofo up.

"You... don't seem to be from around here. What business do you folk have in these waters? New World's a dangerous place, and this ain't on any maps."

A green-haired, brooding swordsman spoke out by his captain's right. "No business in particular. I just took hold of the wheel, and we ended up here. We have beris, if you have food."
A smoking man murmured by his captain's left. "Tch! We wouldn't be starving if someone didn't eat the reserves!"

The captain laughed a perculiar laugh.

"Shishishishishi! I was hungry, Danzji! Now bring me MEAT!"

The barkeep almost shook his head. 'And these poor bastards ain't even underworld scum. Unlucky sons of bitches. Lady Fate is a cruel, cruel mistress... guess that rumor about D.s being fated for greatness was a hunk of garbage...'

Almost shook his head.

"Can I have your orders?"

...
...
...

"Beef shanks for Lufofo, sake for Zola, salad for the lovely ladies Whami and Gobbin, peanut butter and jelly for Poosopp, venison for Danzji, hamburger for Frunkle, milk for Cooke, lobster for Jimbo, and an apple for the pet. I got that right?"
"My name's Plopper! And I'm NOT a pet!"
"Yeah, yeah, fugeddaboutit."

The barkeep met Willow's gaze, and gave her a knowing look, pleading look. 'You nutty psychopath, if you're gonna kill 'em, do it before I gotta cook for 'em.'
She narrowed her eyes, and her smirk grew larger. Then, it changed to an innocent smile. The barkeep frowned, almost ashamed at what he wished for, yet spooked by the hint of intent he saw, and headed into the kitchen.

'Fuck me. I can't really reach an understanding with psychos like that with just a look, can I? I gotta retire.'

"Sooooo..."

Scoot. Scoot. Scoot.

Nudging her chair inch by inch, Willow scooted closer and closer to the captain of the crew, and he gave her a blank smile. He had the stare of a dead fish, and boasted the smell of one, too.
He spoke too loud for someone so close.

Hi! I'm Lufofo! What's your name?"
"Howdy, Lufofo! I'm Willow! Cutest girl this side of the New World~! ♡"
"Shishishishi! Sure, I guess! Did you hear that I'm gonna be King of the Pirates!?"

Willow let out a small giggle.

"Yeah, I did! You're kinda cute, Palm Hat. You know, I've heard of you before. They say you're one of the 'Meanest Generation', yeah? Must have some bounty on your head, poor thing."

Heads of his crew turned at that last phrase. Lufofo paid no attention.

"Shishishishi! You know it! Me and Zola BOTH are! And we're friends with this really cool guy named Rule, who ALSO is!"

The green-haired swordsman nudged his captain.

"Loof, I don't really think you should be getting so friendly with her..."
"Whaaaaat!? Whyyyy!?"

Suddenly, an orange-haired woman slammed her hand down in front of Willow.

"LISTEN HERE, BITCH!" growled Whami. "IF YOU THINK WE'RE GONNA IDLY STAND BY WHILE YOU SIZE UP OUR CAPTAIN, THAT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!"

Willow looked at her with surprise. She defensively and weakly raised her hands up in shock.

"...Whaaaaat? Me? A bounty hunter? That's crazy!"

"That didn't sound genuine! Not helping your case!" shouted the furred mascot unfunnily, as his eyes bulged out of his skull.

"No, no, you got it all wrong!"

Willow reached into her pocket, and pulled out a piece of paper.

"Ta-da! ♪ I'm actually... a travelling chef!"

It was a recipe!

"Seeee~?"

Without warning, the smoking man snatched the paper out of her hand. Danzji's eyes narrowed as he read it, before widening.

"I don't believe it... this chick really knows her stuff!"

He grinned... and blood shot out of his nose!

"A CUTE GIRL THAT CAN COOK! I'M IN HEAVEN!"

Willow covered her face with her hands, and her face turned a bright shade of red.

"Kyaaaah! A handsome man thinks I'm cute~! ♡"

"KNOCK IT OFF, YOU TWO!" screeched Whami, also with an unfunny eyeball popping gag.

Lufofo finally mentally caught up with everyone else.

"Whooooa... you can cook... can you cook... MEAT!?"
"I know a thing or two about meat and ovens~!"
"WOOOOW! DANZJI! YOU KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING!?"
"YEAH! LET'S BRING HER ABOARD, AND HAVE A MEAT COMPETITION!"
"YAAAAAAAY!"
"Ooh, that sounds fun~! Count me in!"

The black-haired woman and the fishman both paused for a moment. "Are you sure?" questioned Jimbo, while Globbin merely stated "I believe our captain's sure..."

Poosopp triumphantly stuck out his chest. "Ah, what's the harm!? If she's trouble, I'll knock her out lickety-split!"

Willow instantly stopped giggling with Lufofo and Danzji. Smile warm as ever, she stared Poosopp directly in the eyes. He froze, and a cold sweat broke out.

"You sound confident."

Willow licked her lips. She tasted fear in the air.

"I like that."

The furred mascot's eyes bulged out. "WOAH! THAT WAS OUTTA NOWHERE! S-SHE'S SCARY!"

Zola, of course, just laughed. "Ah, calm down, Plopper. She seems fine to me. A girl's gotta have a mean streak to survive in the New World."

Frunkle struck a pose. "GYAHAHAHA! SUUUUUPER STRONG!"

Cooke let out a long, rasping death rattle.
That was his catchphrase, and everyone laughed.

"Oh, dammit, I forgot! We don't have any meat on the ship!" grumbled Danzji.

"Whaaaat?! Meat competition is offff? Nooooo!! I don't want that! I want there to be meat competitions, for 10 years at least!"

"Don't worry everyone!"

Willow stood up, and triumphantly put her hands on her hips.

"I have meat on my ship! Follow me!"

The barkeep heard the crowd march outside, and poked his head out of the kitchen.

The Ratkeep... was not the prettiest ship. The wood seemed rotted, there was an unpleasant smell of rust and something rotten, and overall it just had an eerie vibe.

"WAAAAAHHH! THIS is the ship of such a cute girl!?" yelled Plopper, his eyes bulging out. "Damn, bitch, you live like this?" murmured Whami.

"Sorry, sorry! I haven't had time to clean up! My ship also needs to be spooky. It helps me out with stuff."

The Palm Hats muttered amongst each other as they looked around as they waited on the deck, and Willow clasped her hands together.

"Well! I'm gonna go clean up the kitchen for a sec, and you guys don't move! Don't worry; I'm really fast!"

She smirked.

"Really, really fast. Oh! I almost forgot!"

Just before Willow turned to go below deck, she had one last question for the crew.

"Just curious; what were you guys doing before you stopped here?"

Lufofo struck a pose!

"Shishishishi! I'M GONNA BE KING OF THE PIRATES!"
"Yeah?"
"AND TO ACCOMPLISH THAT... I HAVE TO BEAT SANCHO DEGREBE!"
"...Sancho Degrebe? Captain of the Sancho Pirates? Those Sancho Pirates?"
"YEAH!"
"Think you can beat him?"
"MAYBE, IF I TRY REALLY, REALLY HARD! HE ALREADY BEAT ME AND MY BUDDY RULE UP OVER ON FUNK CAUTION, BUT I'M SURE I'LL GET HIM THIS TIME!"
"Awww~! Go get 'em, tiger! Alright, see ya! Be back in a sec!"

Zola nudged Danzji. "Did... that line of questioning seem odd to you, Woozybrows?"

He shrugged.

"Nah. Seemed perfectly reasonable to me."

Willow shook her head as she went below deck. 'What a shame,' she thought. 'I could beat these guys in my sleep. Oh, well. I get to use the experimental, slow-acting one! Not like they can do anything about it, teehee~!'

...
...
...

"Okaaaaaay, sorry to keep you waiting~!"

Willow appeared on deck, but her voice seemed... muffled.

The Palm Hats turned with a smile, only for it to quickly disappear. Standing nonchalantly, Willow sported a gas mask on her face, and several bottles filled with noxious-looking liquids in her hands.

Well, that didn't seem quite right. Several of the Palm Hats spoke over each other!

"...Hey-"
"What-"
"Are-"
"You-"
"WOOOW! YOU GOT A FUNNY MASK!"

"Teehee~, yeah! I guess my mask is pretty funny! I don't get to see it much myself... I only use it when I'm unsure of experimental chemicals! Alrighty, so you guys can hold still, or run away, or try and fight back... don't think it'll matter."

Zola and Danzji immediately took a battle stance, mainly because Lufofo was still processing what she said. In unison, they lunged towards Willow.
"SHIT! I TOLD YOU SOMETHING WAS UP!"
"SHUT UP, WE GOTTA STOP HER-"

SHATTER!

The bottle hit the deck of the ship, and immediately, a crimson gas filled the area...