Introducing Capim Town

by Phanpy-anon
Sequel to The First Day on the Job
Followed by A Freelance Request

We finally caught sight of Capim Town on Friday afternoon. The first thing we saw was a series of cylindrical buildings stacked on top of each other like a giant game of the Tower of Hanoi. Stairs and rope bridges crisscrossed the town, connecting the different layers of housing.

Despite protests that we should stop for lunch, the Guildmaster insisted that we wait until we made it to the guildhall. He promised that he would get the guild’s kitchen staff to make something for all of us to celebrate our arrival. After some grumbling from the guild’s only chef, a simple yet pleasant banquet was laid out. The Guildmaster gave a speech as we ate. He welcomed us to Capim Town and asked us to make friends with the other humans already here.

After lunch, the four of us began to explore Capim Town. The first thing we decided to do was to climb to the top of the highest building we could see. From our vantage point we could watch Pokemon going about their daily business. Many of them were tending to rooftop gardens full of flowers and shrubbery. As I was wondering how often Pokemon fell due to the complete lack of guardrails in the town, a Linoone wearing a blue postman’s hat approached us.

“Good! I finally found you, Totodile!” said Linoone.

Totodile scratched his head in confusion. “You were looking for me?”

“I told you not to go through other Pokemon’s mail! Sometimes they ship X-eye seeds, and I know you can’t control yourself around them,” said Linoone.

“I think you have the wrong Pokemon, Linoone. Totodile’s been with us all day,” I said.

Linoone turned to face me. “Phanpy. You know that’s not my name.”

I sighed. “That’s the wrong Totodile, Solid Linoone.”

“That’s more like it. Is this the Totodile that spent all day in Spinda’s Cafe?” asked Linoone.

I nodded.

“Wait, did we have the option to take a nickname?” said Cyndaquil.

“It wasn’t a thing in Treasure Town, but most guild members here have names,” said Linoone.

“Can we pick them now?” said Totodile.

“I don’t see why not,” said Linoone.

“Then from now on, call me Ladykiller!” said Cyndaquil.

“I’m not calling you that,” I said.

“Maybe you won’t now, but you’ll see. Once I put the moves on the ladies around town, I’ll have my own harem!” said Cyndaquil.

“If I were you, I would be careful about pulling that kinda crap around here. I’ve heard that nurse Audino has already castrated half a dozen young men like yourself,” said Linoone

Cyndaquil thought for a moment. “That’s kinda hot.”

“That’s what they all say.”

“Imagine that lovely Audino, strapping you down to the operating table. As she puts on her rubber gloves, you catch that sadistic glint in her eyes! It’s the contrast, man!”

“But then she’ll-”

“And then she’ll take out one of those…” Cyndaquil stopped for a second, trying to remember something. “It’s that thing they use on horses. It looks kinda like a nutcracker.”

“I think they’re called emasculators,” I said.

Cyndaquil nodded. “Yes, one of those! She’ll cup your manhood, and you’ll feel the cold metal of the emasculator. It’ll wrap around you, and Audio will start to squeeze, squeeze until-”

“Stop! Stop!” Linoone stood upright, holding his hands between his legs. “I’m not into CBT!”

I noticed that Totodile was also protecting himself with his hands in a bit of Fruedian castration anxiety.

“Did you have to be so graphic?” I asked.

“Sometimes I just get caught up in the fantasy,” said Cyndaquil.

"Well you're making an excellent first impression," said Torchic.

“Look, look. Just keep an eye out for a Totodile high on X-eye seeds. Bring him back to the guild if you find him, okay?” said Linoone.

“Sure thing!” said Totodile.

“Good. I have to keep looking for my guy.” Linoone pointed at Cyndaquil, “and remember what I said about the head nurse!” Linoone turned from us and dashed away, disappearing into Capim Town.

Cyndaquil waited for Linoone to be out of earshot before speaking. “Let’s go to the clinic.”

…

It wasn’t hard to spot the squat white building from our perch. Within minutes, the four of us stood outside of the clinic. A vibrant red cross was painted over the doorway.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” I said.

“I have to. We didn’t choose to go to the moon because it was easy, but because it was hard. And me?” Cyndaquil looked me in the eyes. “I’m hard.”

The three of us were silent for a moment.

“By ‘the moon,’ do you mean Audino’s butt?” asked Torchic.

“You bet your life I do,” said Cyndaquil.

Having proved his determination to us, Cyndaquil marched through the door to the clinic. The rest of us waited ten seconds. It was enough time to make it look like we weren’t associated with our soon to be sterile teammate. A bell above the door jingled as we entered.

The reception area of the clinic was neat and tidy. A few stools lined the walls for patients to sit while they waited for medical attention. Nurse Audino was standing behind the counter, talking to an Archeops. Behind them stood Cyndaquil, who looked far too eager to talk to the nurse.

The three of us took the closest chairs to the door, for when we needed to make a quick escape. Eventually, Audino and Archeops seemed to finish their conversation. In a stroke of luck, Archeops left the clinic before Cyndaquil could open his mouth.

“Hello! Are you feeling sick?” said Audino, with a smile.

“Yes, baby, I’m feeling sick. Lovesick,” said Cyndaquil.

Audino maintained a customer-friendly facade. “My apologies, I don’t believe there’s anything here to treat that.”

“But you’re here, angel! Your healing touch is what this sick man needs!”

Audino politely nodded. “I see. Maybe I do have something then.”

Audino reached under the counter to grab something. Cyndaquil leaned forward, trying to see what she was doing. As soon as he got close, she threw a fistful of red powder into Cyndaquil’s face.

Cyndaquil stumbled backwards. Totodile and I leapt out of our seats. We each took one of Cyndaquil's arms and dragged him out of the clinic. We stood outside as Cyndaquil began rubbing his eyes

"Stop touching it, you're going to make it worse," said Torchic. She looked at Totodile. "Totodile, help him wash his eyes out. Make sure he holds his eyes open in the water for at least fifteen minutes."

Totodile got to work, spraying Cyndaquil's face with water.

Cyndaquil held up his hands to try and block the attack. "I can take care of myself! This time I was expecting it, so I kept my eyes closed!"

"This time?" I said. When I looked closer at the powder covering Cyndaquil's face, I was reminded of when I found him washing himself in the river. I wondered how often this happened to him.

"Are you trying to go blind?" demanded Torchic. "Totodile, hold him down. I'll force him if I have to."

Totodile let up on the water as he wrestled Cyndaquil to the ground. Torchic stood by Cyndaquil's head, trying to wrench one of his eyes open with a talon. Totodile worked at the other eye.

As the two tried to help Cyndaquil, I sat down and watched the rest of Capim Town pass by. Nobody gave us a second glance, the townspeople seemingly used to the guild's shenanigans. I spotted Riolu making his way to the clinic, carrying Eevee in his arms. One of Eevee's hind legs stuck out at an odd angle. I tried to avoid eye contact. Riolu stopped in front of me.

Riolu nodded at the spectacle behind me. "What happened to him?"

"He tried to hit on the nurse," I said.

"I was wondering why you guys were doing this outside of the clinic," said Eevee.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer to this question, but I felt compelled to ask. I pointed at Eevee's leg. "And what did that to you?"

"I took one of the stairs around town too fast. I tripped and fell a few stories. It's been months since I became an Eevee, yet I'm still not used to having four legs," said Eevee.

"By 'taking' the stairs Eevee meant he was walking down the stairs, it wasn't a sex thing," added Riolu.

"I didn't think it was a sex thing until you brought it up," I said.

Riolu rolled his eyes. "I would be less defensive if over half the guild didn't think the two of us went at it like rabbits!"

"Do you two not?" I said.

"No!" They shouted.

"Could've fooled me, what with the whole Riolu and Eevee team. It's the most degenerate pairing," I said.

"Well, we're just friends. There's nothing sexual going on between us," said Riolu.

"Whatever you say," I said.

"Look, we've been meaning to talk to you since you started your exploration team," said Eevee. "Is your team free tonight? Can you meet us outside of the guildhall after dinner? Don't bring Cyndaquil."

"Are you propositioning us?" I said.

Eevee shook his head. "No. Riolu and I wanted to start a support group of sorts. For all of the Pokemon who get… harassed by the rest of the guild. We figured, since Cyndaquil is on your team, you three would have to deal with that kind of stuff everyday."

"I'll see what the others think," I said.

Riolu nodded. “We’ll probably ask that Audino too, all things considered.”

“Just be careful with how you word it. Cyndaquil only got a few lines in before she hit ‘im with the mace,” I said.

Riolu opened the door to the clinic. “We’ll keep that in mind.”

As the two went inside, I turned my attention to my teammates. It seemed like Cyndaquil had given up resisting and was laying on the ground in defeat. Totodile sat on his chest, flushing Cyndaquil’s eyes out with water. When Torchic believed proper lab procedures had been followed, she told Totodile to let Cyndaquil up.

“You should really cut back on your pickup attempts,” I said.

Cydnaquil tried to shake himself dry like a dog. “It’s all a numbers game, Phanpy. If I keep rolling the dice, eventually I’m gonna get lucky.”

“Can you at least stop when you’re with the group? I know you don’t care, but it’s embarrassing for the rest of us,” said Torchic.

“What if I miss out on meeting the Pokemon that will let me sweep them off their feet?” said Cyndaquil.

“Fine. You can hit on one Pokemon a day when you’re with us,” I said.

“Think of it like edging,” said Torchic. “You want to hold on until the perfect moment.”

“Well, when you put it like that.” Cyndaquil looked like he was deep in thought. “I guess I can work with that. What kind of punishment do I get if I fail, mistress?”

“Hitting on teammates counts for two days,” I said. “I’ll throw you off a roof each time you slip up.”

“Does this apply retroactively?” said Torchic. “If it does, he’s already failed today.”

“I’ll let it slide if he can keep it in his pants for the rest of today and tomorrow,” I said.

“Phanpy, none of us wear pants,” said Totodile.

“Dude! Are you trying to get me killed?” said Cyndaquil.

“I’m not trying to get you killed! I’m trying to point out that there’s an obvious loophole in Phanpy’s agreement!” said Totodile.

“You both know what I meant,” I said.

“If that’s how you want things to be, then I think we should split up,” said Cyndaquil. “Capim Town is full of Pokemon, and I wanna get to mingling.”

“Just don’t expect us to bail you out when you get arrested,” said Torchic.

“Are jails a thing here?” asked Cynaquil.

“There must be somewhere outlaws go. I don’t think Officer Magnezone has the stomach for capital punishment,” said Torchic.

Cyndaquil started off the road back towards the center of Campim Town. “Well, if you don’t see me tomorrow morning, then check the jailhouse!”

I checked the sun’s position in the sky. We had a few hours to kill before dinner. “While you guys were busy with Cyndaquil, Riolu and Eevee came by to talk to me. They wanted to meet up with us after dinner, without Cyndaquil,” I said.

“Are they propositioning us?” said Totodile.

“Was Cyndaquil such a bad lay that they wanted to exclude him?” said Torchic.

“No. Actually, I don’t know about Cyndaquil’s sexual prowess. They wanted to start a support group for the guild members who get sexually harassed. They assumed Cyndaquil hit on us a lot,” I said.

“Are you planning on going?” said Torchic.

“We could bring drinks!” said Totodile.

“It’s not that kind of event,” I said.

“I think we should go. If we're really forming an exploration team, then we should get to know our colleagues," said Torchic.

"Why? I hate networking," I said.

"We all do. But you wanted to make a real team," said Torchic. "Considering our performance on our first mission, we could use some advice. Riolu and Eevee are one of the better teams from Treasure Town."

I sighed. “Okay. You’re right. I guess we’ll have to socialize.”

“I’ll bring the drinks!” said Totodile.

“I told you, it’s not that kind of event,” I said.

“He’ll be drinking at the meeting anyways, just let him bring enough for everyone. It isn’t like you have to have any,” said Torchic.

“Well, we still have a few hours to kill. I guess we could just wander around Capim Town until dinner,” I said.

“Only a few hours? I don’t even know where the liquor store is!” shouted Totodile.

He ran off, leaving me alone with Torchic.

…

Torchic and I wandered the markets of Capim Town, idly browsing everything for sale. I was trying to avoid running into or even thinking about Cyndaquil and Totodile. I stopped to inspect a collection of scarves, wondering if I should buy some for the four of us. Most of the Capim Town teams wore something with a four leaf clover embroidered onto it. It seemed like a nice reminder of home.

Torchic interrupted my thoughts. “I’ve been meaning to ask you. Why did you agree to form an exploration team? I get that we had to go to Apple Woods, but there’s no way Meowstic would force us on another job after that disaster.”

I picked up a red scarf with my trunk. It was the same shade of red as the pads on my ears. “I don’t know. I guess I wanted to be useful.”

“You’re really hung up on that, being useful.”

The red scarf would be a little festive with the green clover emblem, but it wasn’t like the Pokemon here celebrated Christmas.

“Coming here was a fresh start. I don’t want to end up like back home, working a pointless cubicle job. I want to feel like I’m doing something important,” I said.

“And you think this team can do that?”

I considered just buying four of the same red scarf, one for each of us. I was never good at buying outfits.

I picked through the other clothes on offer. “No. Well, maybe we’ll grow into it.”

“I was hoping for a little more confidence from our leader.”

I shrugged. “We failed pretty spectacularly last time. Why do you ask? Are you quitting the team?”

She shook her head. “I wanted to know what your plans were for this whole thing. What role you thought everyone would play.”

“I guess if Cyndaquil refuses to fight, we can make him carry everything. Totodile and I were able to handle ourselves against that Beedril in Apple Woods, so we can do the fighting.”

“And me?”

“I’m sure we’ll figure something out.”

Torchic seemed unsatisfied with my answer, but dropped the subject. She looked at the scarf in my trunk. “Are you really going with piss yellow?”

“Just browsing. I was thinking about getting a bunch of scarves for the team. They’re pretty cheap, and we might need to make another Molotov.”

“Please don’t make another Molotov ever again.”

“If we run into another group of wild Pokemon, we won’t be able to take them on in a straight fight.”

“At least think about whether it’s a good idea or not.”

“I’d have to be pretty dumb to start another forest fire like that.”

“Don’t tempt fate.”

I purchased a dozen scarves in varying colors from the stall. Hopefully everyone would find one they liked. Torchic and I spent the rest of our time before dinner engaged in small talk, making passing comments on the wares we saw in the marketplace until it was time for dinner.

On our way to the dining hall, I spotted Cyndaquil hanging around the door to the kitchen. I tried to ignore him as I grabbed two bowls of the vegetable stew that the chef was ladling out of a large pot. I sat across from Torchic.

Torchic’s eyes shifted between me and the bowl I had set in front of her. “Phanpy. How do you think we’re going to eat this?”

“I got spoons,” I said.

“Two problems. One: I can’t use a spoon. Two: Neither can you.”

“I can use a spoon!”

I wrapped my trunk around one of the spoons and dipped it into the soup. When I tried to bring it to my mouth the awkward contortions I had to perform upset the delicately balanced utensil. I ended up covered in hot vegetable broth.

I cleaned myself with a napkin. “I miss having hands.”

“Tell me about it,” said Torchic.

“How have you managed without arms for this long?”

“Poorly. You should know that by now.” Torchic waved her diminutive wings. “I don’t think these wings are even big enough to glide with. I’m barely a bird Pokemon.”

“There’s no way native Torchic would have so much trouble moving around. Maybe it’s just harder because you used to be a human.”

“I’ll ask for some pointers if we ever run across a Torchic. I’m sick of having to rely on other Pokmeon.”

I tried again to enjoy some of the soup. This time I managed to only spill soup on the table, instead of on myself.

“What’s it like having a trunk?” said Torchic.

“It’s strange. Kind of like having an arm attached to your nose, but you pissed off the yakuza and they cut off your thumb.”

“I thought they cut off your pinky.”

“Point still stands. It’s like an inferior hand.”

I thought that the third time was the charm, and tried again with a looser grip. Maybe if I didn’t hold on as tightly to the spoon, it wouldn’t twist in my clumsy grip. I dropped the spoon onto the floor.

Torchic snickered. “Why not just drink from the bowl?”

“That sounds like a good way to drop it and lose everything.”

“Then can you just get us some straws?”

I nodded, and went back to the kitchen. This time I spotted Totodile loitering outside of the kitchen. When I explained my problem to the chef, he gave me two metal straws. I returned to Torchic and stuck a straw into each bowl. After drinking the broth, it was easier to wait for the vegetables to cool down enough to eat by hand than risk using utensils again.

…

After we finished eating, we found Riolu and Eevee waiting for us outside of the dining hall. Some time later, Totodile stumbled over to us with a bandaged arm. He also had a few expensive looking wine bottles tucked under his good arm. Another victim of Capim Town’s lack of handrails, I supposed. At least it didn’t look broken.

Riolu led us through the guild hall. “Audino was busy tonight, but she said she might join us another time.”

“Did she pepper spray you?” I asked.

Riolu opened the door to his team’s new bedroom. “That’s not important.”

“She got him right in the face,” said Eevee.

We entered the bedroom. It looked more like a college dorm room, in stark contrast to the dirt room with two hay piles that made up the rooms in Wigglytuff’s Guild.

“They have beds here?” said Totodile.

“Have you guys not checked out your new room yet? Someone went out of their way to get enough beds and blankets for the entire guild,” said Eevee.

“Are the rooms assigned by teams? I’m not sharing a room with Cyndaquil,” said Torchic.

“You’d have to ask the Guildmaster that,” said Eevee.

“Speaking of Cyndaquil, what’s it like working with him?” said Riolu.

“Our first mission went great!” said Totodile.

“Totodile, we burned down a forest,” I said.

“Everyone knows that. We could hear Chatot castigating you after you got back. What I meant was, what does Cyndaquil do?” said Riolu.

“He was pretty passive on the job. I would call him cowardly, but in the end he pulled our rescue target out of the forest fire. I think he’s just scared of fighting other Pokemon,” I said.

“But does he hit on you guys at all?” said Eevee.

“He has, maybe once or twice,” said Torchic.

“And here I thought it’d be a constant problem,” said Riolu.

“I did threaten to throw him off a building,” I said.

“We had a pretty normal conversation when we were traveling to Apple Woods. You only threatened him today, so that can’t be the only reason,” said Torchic.

“I also roughed him up a little the first time he hit on me,” I said.

“Maybe Cyndaquil is capable of thinking with something besides his dick.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“If Cyndaquil isn’t a problem, then why did you guys agree to come here?” said Riolu.

Totodile popped open a wine bottle. “Networking!”

“Networking?” said Eevee.

“You’re one of the few good Treasure Town teams, so why pass up on an opportunity to get some advice?” said Torchic.

“I wouldn’t say we’re good,” said Eevee. “I spend equal amounts of time in the infirmary as I do in the field.”

Totodile drank from the wine bottle, then offered it to the rest of us. “Nonsense! I’m sure you have plenty of wisdom to share!”

“I guess we can give you some pointers." Riolu took the bottle. "The most important thing is that we aren't an official exploration guild. None of us have badges. You can't escape a dungeon without an orb or a badge, so you have to keep the trip out of the dungeon in mind."

"The dungeons we've explored also don't change that much while you're inside," said Eevee, "but I've heard more dangerous places are constantly shifting."

"What about trying to find someone in a dungeon?" I asked.

Riolu shrugged. "Same way you'd find someone in the woods in the human world. Call out their name and try to look out for tracks they left behind."

"Wouldn't shouting also attract wild Pokemon?" said Torchic.

“It does, but it beats having to camp in a dungeon,” said Eevee.

“Speaking of camping,” said Riolu, “make sure to bring enough food and water. Not all dungeons provide a lot of food like Apple Woods does. Or did.”

Torchic bumped up against me. When she got my attention, she gestured at the wine bottle with a wing. I took the bottle from Riolu and helped Torchic drink from it.

“Do you two bring anything besides food? Like blast seeds or orbs? Maybe wands?” I said.

At the mention of blast seeds, both Torchic and Totodile froze.

“I haven’t seen any wands, they seem pretty rare here. Orbs can get pretty expensive but are incredibly useful,” said Eevee. “Seeds are more situational, but much cheaper. You’ll probably want to experiment with utility items. Find what works best for your team.”

“You also said that Cyndaquil is scared of fighting, right? How are the rest of you in a fight?” asked Riolu.

“Totodile and Phanpy handled the fighting on our job,” said Torchic.

“There’s a big open field for sparring not too far from the guildhall,” said Eevee, “If my leg is up to it, we can spar with you guys before we have to go back to work.”

“It’s a date!” said Totodile.

“Right. If you’re done asking for advice,” said Riolu, “care to tell us about your job in Apple Woods? How did you manage to burn down the entire forest?”

“It’s less interesting than it sounds, but if you insist,” I said.

I recounted the story of our first mission. Torchic and Totodile periodically interrupted to add their commentary. When we finished our story, Totodile convinced Riolu and Eevee to share some of their job stories with the liberal application of wine. The five of us talked into the night, until Eevee forced us out. Behind the door to their room I heard Eevee scolding Riolu about not getting enough sleep.

We were set loose into the halls to try and find our room. Torchic was tipsy, and I had to support her as we walked. Totodile was moving with his usual drunken gait. To our chagrin, we came across a room with all four of our names listed on the wall next to it. We would have to share a room with Cyndaquil.

To allow four beds to fit inside, our room was less furnished than Riolu and Eevee's. Each bed occupied a corner of the room. The far wall had an empty bookshelf. The left wall had a desk next to a window, and the right wall had a small chest. I took the scarves out of my bag and stuck them in the chest.

I then helped Torchic onto one of the beds, where she sat on the pillow and closed her eyes. Totodile collapsed onto another bed and was immediately asleep. I laid down and stared at the ceiling.

My mind kept thinking about my conversation with Torchic in the market and our meeting with Riolu and Eevee. I really should have a strategy for mystery dungeons. With four Pokemon, we’d need a lot of food for any extended trip. Between Cyndaquil and myself we could carry most of it, but it could get expensive. It would be easy to break even, but what if one of us got injured again? Did the guild even have health insurance? Workers compensation?

After what felt like hours, the door to our room gently opened. The soft glow of Cyndaquil's flames illuminated the room. He looked for the one unoccupied bed and scurried over to it. The room darkened again once he slipped under the covers. I closed my eyes and eventually fell asleep.

…

I was woken up by something sharp prodding me in the face. When I opened my eyes I found myself face to face with Torchic.

“Sleeping in? I thought you were employed before you came here, Phanpy,” said Torchic.

I sat up in bed. “So? It’s not a workday.”

“Did you not keep some kind of normal sleep schedule? Besides, the kitchen only serves breakfast for a few hours. You missed out on pancakes.”

“The weekends are for catching up on all of the sleep I missed out on during the week. You’re a student, you should know this.”

Torchic snorted. “Sure. Just don’t come crying to me when you’re stuck eating apples for breakfast every morning.”

Before I could respond, I heard Cyndaquil grumbling from the other side of our room. Totodile was attempting to shake Cyndaquil, who had buried himself under a blanket, awake. I hopped out of bed and walked over to Totodile.

I wrapped a trunk around what I assumed was one of Cyndaquil’s legs. I lifted him out of bed and began to drag him out of the room behind me.

Cyndaquil weakly struggled in my grip. “C’mon Phanpy, tell ‘em to let us sleep in some more.”

I ignored his protests. When we arrived in the dining hall, it was mostly unoccupied. A few fellow night-owls were eating breakfast. Bowls of fruits and berries sat in the middle of one of the dining hall’s long tables. I took an apple and sat down on a stool.

Totodile sat across from me. “What’s the plan for today, boss?” At some point before I woke up he had gotten his bandages changed.

“Nothing,” I said. “We should stock up on supplies before we have to go on another mission, but we can do that tomorrow.”

Cyndaquil, resigning himself to the land of the awake, got up and grabbed a handful of berries. He looked at Torchic and Totodile. “You guys said there were pancakes this morning? Was there butter?”

Torchic nodded. “Yes. Why?”

Cyndaquil grinned. “Butter is made of dairy, right? What kind of milk do you think they used? Or, should I say, whose milk?”

“Keep talking. See if we ever eat with you again.”

“It’s a valid question! We deserve to know where our food comes from!”

“You just wanna know if the Pokemon it comes from is hot.”

“That may be one reason, but you do realize that we don’t even know if they pasteurize milk here? We could get food poisoning.”

I tuned out of Torchic and Cyndaquil’s bickering to observe the rest of the guild members, especially the ones I didn’t recognize. I saw an Alolan Meowth enter the dining hall, followed by an Absol. The upper half of the Absol’s horn appeared to be broken off. The two of them scanned the room, looking for something. When they spotted us, they made their way to our table.

Meowth flipped a coin onto the table to get our attention.

"Your friend over there," Meowth pointed at Cyndaquil, "walked up to us and slapped my partner's ass yesterday. We're looking for some… compensation."

I glared at Cyndaquil. "Do you have to do this with every Pokemon in the guild?"

"Have you seen his partner? Absol really knows how to sway her hips when she walks," said Cyndaquil.

"I'm not a, uh, a female." Absol looked uncomfortable.

"Male, female, it's all the same to me. If anything, a trap is the best of both worlds," said Cyndaquil.

Absol attempted to stammer out a response.

Meowth spoke for him. "As you can see, my partner is absolutely distraught over the incident."

"Well, fine. How much do you want?" I said.

“I’m not lookin' for money, I'm lookin’ for someone handy with a wrench. Someone who knows their human tech, you get me?” said Meowth.

“So what, you’re going to sell inventions from our world?” said Torchic.

“Like in an isekai?” said Cyndaquil.

Meowth nodded. "Exactly. I knew you four had something significant rattlin' around in your noggins."

"I doubt any of us know anything," said Torchic.

"Torchic, weren't you a grad student? You should know something," said Cyndaquil.

"I did research, but that doesn’t mean I could build you a laboratory with modern technology. I doubt I could do anything with whatever exists here," said Torchic.

"I'm sure we can figure something out. We can get one of those psychics to root around in your brain, see what we can dig up. Then we'll call it even," said Meowth.

“Fine. If it’ll make up for whatever dumb thing Cyndaquil did,” said Torchic.

Meowth stuck out a paw to me. “Perfect! We’ll shake on it. The name’s Kaiji, and my friend here is Kris.”

I shook Kaiji’s paw with my trunk. “How soon can we get this over with?”

“Eager, eh? I like your style,” said Kaiji. “We can do this right now. Follow me, I already know the perfect Pokemon for the job.”

Kaiji led us through the dormitories, to a room labeled ‘Team Oracle.’ He knocked on the door.

“Be there in a second!” called a voice from within the room.

Cyndaquil looked at the team’s nameplate on the door. “Do you think the four of us should get a team name?”

“I’m preemptively vetoing any names you come up with,” I said.

“At least hear me out!”

“Why should I, Mr. Ladykiller?”

“You’re laughing at me now, but just you wait, I’ll get the whole town eating out of my hand!”

Team Oracle’s door opened and a Charmander poked her head into the hallway.

“What are you guys arguing about?” Charmander frowned when she saw Kaiji. “Ah. Kaiji.”

“Good mornin.’ Is Natu home? I need his help for something,” said Kaiji.

“I thought he already said he wasn’t going to help you.”

“It’s for something easy. I’m sure he’ll be happy to give me a hand, so to speak.”

Charmander stepped back from the doorway. “Fine. If you insist.”

Kaiji led us into Team Oracle’s room. “Thank you Charm, I’m glad we could work somethin’ out.”

Charmander scoffed and took a seat at one of the two desks in the room. She picked up an unfinished wood carving and began whittling with her claws. I could see the beginnings of what looked like a cowboy's revolver grip sticking out of the wooden block.

On the other desk sat a bird’s nest. In it sat a Natu, reading a book that was almost as big as he was. Natu scanned our group, and a look of disgust washed over him when he made eye contact with Cyndaquil.

Kaiji cleared his throat. “Natu, I need your help with some mind reading.”

“I already told you, Kaiji, I’m not helping you cheat at cards,” said Natu.

“You and I both know it’d be a moneymaker, but that’s besides the point. I just need you to look around in someone’s mind a little.”

“I’m also not helping you scam someone.”

“It’s not a scam! Torchic here just needs help remembering some stuff.”

“I don’t buy that for a second.”

Cyndaquil stepped forward. “Look, we aren’t being tricked. If you help us out I can-”

I put my trunk on Cyndaquil’s shoulder before he could finish offering whatever sexual favors he was dreaming of.

“We can take you out for drinks!” said Totodile.

“Totodile, we don’t have that much money. We only did one job,” I said.

Totodile pouted. “You promised you’d take us out to celebrate!”

I sighed. “I guess I did. We can take you two out for drinks if you’ll help us out.”

“See? They want your help, and are willing to pay to get it! There’s nothing fishy about this,” said Kaiji.

“That’s great, but I can’t retrieve memories,” said Natu.

“Just give it the ol’ college try,” said Kaiji.

“Whatever gets you out of here the fastest,” Natu looked at Torchic. “Try thinking about whatever it is you want to remember. I might be able to help you focus.”

Kaiji produced a pencil and paper. “Just rattle off everything you remember, I’ll write it down.”

Torchic nodded and closed her eyes. Natu stared intently at her. Torchic began to rattle off a list of chemical formulae and reagents. As Kaiji scrambled to transcribe her words, she began to list off reaction mechanisms and catalysts. None of it made sense to me, but it seemed like Kaiji would get plenty to work with. When Torchic finally stopped, Kaiji set his pencil down and rubbed his writing paw.

“I’m pretty sure, If I were the more unscrupulous sort, I could use this information to cook meth.” Charmander frowned at Kaiji, who hurriedly added, “but I’m sure there’s perfectly above board ways to turn a profit with this stuff!”

“Does this make us even?” I said.

“You bet your floppy ears it does,” said Kaiji.

“Let’s celebrate!” said Totodile.

“It’s not even noon yet, can you at least save it until tonight?” I said.

“Don’t worry, Spinda’s Cafe was open in the mornings. There’s nothing strange about getting started early!” said Totodile.

"Hey, if the inn is open and you’re paying, I wouldn't mind gettin' a head start," said Kaiji.

Kris's eyes widened in panic. "No! To go with them is to give up your freedom! To become shackled by the state!"

"C'mon Kris, you're over exaggerating. What could go wrong at a nice gathering of friends?" said Kaiji.

Kris shook his head before bolting out of the room. "I won't let them capture me!"

Kaiji rubbed his forehead. "For the love of… I guess I'll have to join in on the festivities some other time. I gotta make sure Kris doesn't hurt himself. Again."

As Kaiji followed his partner out of the room, Cyndaquil nudged me and whispered. "Did you see what I was talking about with Absol's hips?"

“No, I didn’t,” I lied. There was definitely something feminine about Kris.

Totodile grabbed my trunk and began pulling me towards the door. “That’s not important! It’s time to party!”

Natu crossed his wings. “I’m not going anywhere with that Cyndaquil.”

Charmaner set down her wood carving. “I know this guild can get a bit eccentric, Natu, but we should at least try to make friends!”

“Don’t worry, I’ve already told him I’ll throw him off of a building if he tries anything,” I said.

“See? It’ll be fine,” said Charmander.

“If you must, but I reserve the right to say ‘I told you so’ when something goes wrong,” said Natu.

…

The Blue Claw Inn was not as empty as I had expected. It was before the lunch rush, but there were still Pokemon waiting in line to be seated by the wait staff. Totodile got to work as soon as we got a table, ordering enough whisky for the group. The rest of us ordered nonalcoholic beverages. We made small talk, discussing our experiences as humans turned Pokemon. Charmander and Natu talked about the different exploration jobs they’ve done and I had to, yet again, talk about our disastrous first mission.

As the sun began to set, we began to order stronger drinks. I tried not to stare when Charmander ordered the local equivalent of a white Russian. Now that Cyndaquil had pointed it out, I couldn’t stop wondering where dairy products came from in this world. I was also studiously avoiding anything that anyone ordered that had milk in it, at least until I was too drunk to care.

At some point after we had begun drinking in earnest, our waitress dragged Cyndaquil back over to our table by the arm. He had been hanging out at the bar and hitting on the regulars.

“Please keep your friends under control,” said the waitress.

“I thought I told you, once per day!” I slurred.

“I wasn’t with the group, I was on the other side of the inn!” said Cyndaquil.

“Just sit down and don’t wander off!” I grabbed Cyndaquil and slammed him back into his chair. In my inebriated state, I underestimated my strength again. The chair splintered apart under the force.

Cyndaquil shouted in pain. “Dude! Can you not manhandle me while you’re drunk?”

“Sorry,” I mumbled, pulling splinters out of Cydnaquil’s side.

The waitress looked irritated as she brought a new chair and a dustpan. She muttered something about ‘Clover Guild members’ under her breath.

“You four are impressively destructive,” said Natu.

“It’s a skill, really,” said Torchic.

“Any other skills we should know about?” said Natu

Cyndaquil opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when I stared at him.

“Torchic can breathe fire!” said Totodile.

“Half the people here can breathe fire,” I said.

Totodile looked at Charmander. “Do you know how to do fire breathing?”

Charmander looked confused. “Uh, I mean… Yeah, I’m a fire type.”

Totodile shook his head. “No, not fire breath. I mean fire breathing, like in the circus!”

“How is that any better than what she can already do? I said.

Totodile slammed a fist on the table. “Watch, I’ll show you! Charmander, I need to borrow your tail!”

“What?” said Charmander.

“I need an open flame, and Cyndaquil’s fire is too big! Just put your tail on the table, and make sure it’s hot enough to start a fire!” said Totodile.

Charmander placed her tail on the edge of the table. Totodile took a mouthful of whisky and positioned himself a few inches away from the fire. He sprayed a jet of alcohol from his mouth. It ignited as it flew through Charmander’s tail flame and managed to arc over to one of the tables next to us. Droplets of flaming alcohol fell through the air, setting fire to the napkin holder. Torchic hopped onto the table and began stamping on the napkins.

“Phanpy! Can you make sure Totodile didn’t set anything else on fire?” shouted Torchic.

I stumbled over to the neighboring table. It didn’t seem like anything was burning, so I turned around to face the rest of the group. I saw Natu whispering something to Charmander. The two slipped out of the inn while the rest of my team was distracted. It felt like the eyes of everyone in the tavern were on us as I sat back down at the table.

“Wasn’t that awesome?” said Totoile.

“What is with you guys and lighting everything on fire?” said Torchic.

“I didn’t try to burn the forest down, it was an honest mistake!” I said.

“Guys, didn’t you see my trick?” whined Totodile.

“I thought it was pretty cool,” said Cyndaquil.

“Please don’t encourage him, we don’t need to get the guild kicked out of another town,” I said.

With the fire now put out, Torchic returned to her seat. “They’d just ban us from the inn. This wouldn’t be on the same level as Apple Woods.”

Totodile looked around the table. “Where’d Charmander and Natu go? I wanted to try fire breathing again.”

The door to the inn slammed open. A Magnezone followed by a pair of Magnemite approached the counter. The innkeeper said something to Magnezone and pointed in our direction. The trio approached us.

“Citizens. You will be escorted out of this establishment,” said Magnezone.

“Are these guys still the cops?” said Cyndaquil.

“We are law enforcement. Please come with us.”

Cyndaquil flashed a grin at us. “Don’t worry, I’m an expert at handling police.”

Cyndaquil sauntered up to Magnezone, and put a hand on his side.

“You do not need to make physical contact,” said Magnezone.

“Why not? I want you to escort me right to bed,” said Cyndaquil.

“I do not sleep in a bed. You will be escorted to your place of residence, but I will not enter it.”

Cyndaquil stroked Magnezone’s metal body. “There’s no harm in taking a break, it’s not like any major crime sprees happen in Capim Town.”

“I am not tired. Your concern is appreciated, but unwarranted.”

“We wouldn’t be sleeping in bed. I was thinking we could, you know, fool around a little.”

“I do not believe we are physically compatible for intimacy.”

“There’s plenty of other things we could do! Let me tell you about this thing called electrostimulation.”

I tried to block out the words coming out of Cyndaquil’s mouth. The other patrons of the inn wore expressions ranging from disgust to amusement. I poured myself a glass of Totodile’s whisky. I thought that I should at least enjoy the drinks we bought before the inevitable happened.

As Cyndaquil continued his increasingly impassioned explanation, Torchic nudged me. I poured some of the whisky into her glass. When I set the bottle down, Totodile took it and chugged the rest of its contents.

Officer Magnezone turned to his two Magnemites. “I have heard enough. Take the four of them into custody.”