۶ৎ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎kathy's diary i will write whatever that comes to my head on here~ this will mostly consist of my exploration of identity and some information that i do not typically share but am not exactly secretive about them

i have alter egos (ฅ• . •ฅ) im agender and use any pronouns including neos, but i also experience varying demigenders depending on my ego state — it being the reason my other pages may have parafem while some have demiboy and so on... my name and pronoun preferences also change with my ego states, but call me kathy regardless of it and any prns!! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ

i know it's a little corny, but i love love love being called sister or brother, doesnt matter if older or younger — anything cute like that pretty please and im all yours ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝)

some other things are that i experience sudden mood swings, severe emotional amnesia and dissociative amnesia, which, at times leads me to forget casual friends completely if we dont talk for a while... sorry,, (◞‸ ◟)💧 my life's been a massive blur recently and ive been dissociating more than ever but its ok ill eventually feel better i prommy ♡

kyah i never realised im starting with so much negativity, but since i already told these, i dont think itd be too much to mention that im a csa n cocsa survivor, although i believe i already healed (or perhaps still am healing), so dont be scared to talk to me about these at all, especially if you want to share your own experience w me <3

my aesthetics shift a lot but i generally like minimalist things, accompanied by other aesthetics like cutecore or gothic, so on... so yes, you might see repetitive patterns in my pages but im exploring a lot still! (๑ᵔ⤙ᵔ๑)

i like to associate myself with puppies, lambs, collars, bandages, soft plushies, patients, awfully oversized clothes, softness (quick notice... not always, my preferences when it comes to these shift with my ego states too, but this is mainly how i feel)

im a big big fan of osamu dazai from bungo stray dogs, as well as many other characters but he's my number one for now~ and no i dont gatekeep characters like some others, so saying "i likw x more than you" will do absolutely nothing to me — i generally find the idea of gatekeeping to be dumb, but then again i rarely experience jealousy when it comes to media or people

୨୧ ⏔⏔⏔⏔♡⏔⏔⏔⏔ ୨୧ 16 june, 2026 currently writing this as me and shiro are on call, its been two and a half hours but it feels like its been less than an hour... time really does fly fast around pleasant ppl </3 its currently past midnight and im sleepy, but i think this is a nice time to reflect on my day and my feelings (╭ರ_•́) it was in fact, a very very ordinary day and i spent most of my time either at work or drawing, but today i cooked for my family for the first time in a while, which i suppose is a good thing

also today when i woke up earlier than usual (it was still late) my mum praised me which well, kind of threw me off but i did feel better about waking up afterwards so yay? but there's a major nay too, because my period started and it cramped all day, given that i never experience them much ( ;´ - `;) i think i was quite irritable too, but ive been irritable for the past few days so eh.. hormones perhaps. shiro i know you just checked dis let me WRITE i didnt update yet, gosh!! anyway... i think ive been dissosiating more than usual because the people i talk to at times also feel like a dream or unreal kyah, so sad!!

i relapsed again but whatever, i also think my dentist shaved my dental filling too much and now its all sensitive when i chew.. ill need to see him again ⁠(⁄ ⁄ ‸ -｡) speaking of teeth, papi seems concerned that im not eating enough n thats so sweet like aww, although sadly for him i didnt eat much today but hey snacks have to count somehow right

ive also been thinkinv a lot about birth control pills and how the medical field has a very clear preference for a certain gender, theres a lot to say so just to sum it up i belive its better for men to take birth control rather than women, since there are drugs that dont affect the male hormones, yada yada

i noticed that my sense of time is getting worse, it feels like only a few have been since 6-7 day but its already been ten days oww owww

୨୧ ⏔⏔⏔⏔♡⏔⏔⏔⏔ ୨୧ 17 june, 2026 was supposed to discuss smth regarding a question in ielts, reminder for later
its supposed to be of leadership

୨୧ ⏔⏔⏔⏔♡⏔⏔⏔⏔ ୨୧ 20 june, 2026 she did it again, i dont think ill ever have the capacity to forgive her
imm so utterly disgusted i cant take this please let me out of this hell hole

୨୧ ⏔⏔⏔⏔♡⏔⏔⏔⏔ ୨୧ 21 june, 2026 i dreamt of it

୨୧ ⏔⏔⏔⏔♡⏔⏔⏔⏔ ୨୧ 22 june, 2026 even seeing her makes me uncomfortable and whenever she raises her voice im so disturbed ii cant stop feeling like shes ognna kill me oh lord oh god??????????????????im fucjed yep yes im trying not to cry ot else shell get mad aagain
i dont even know what to say im so lost

yap yap yap...