The Outlaw's Services

I stare at the wooden walls of my cell, the only light coming from the barred window just overhead. Seven tally marks I had painted are the only decoration to be seen in the dreary room. Just a week ago, I was known as Smeargle the Savage. I traveled the region, stealing all I desired and mugging all those who carried anything of value that looked weak enough for me to handle. Other Pokemon feared me, shopkeepers closed up shop upon hearing I was in the area, and I had fought off any and all who tried to bring me to justice.
Then I targeted the Clover Guild's members.

What ensued was, at first, incredible! A team from the Clover Guild rushed into my cave trying to capture me, but my usual strategy of putting outlaw hunters to sleep worked like a charm. Deciding to send a message, I used a tricky painting I learned long ago to swap their bodies. I couldn't believe my luck when I swiped their bag and took a look within. Frisms! Spinda's famous drinks! And enough Seeds to get myself out of any situation. Not only was this the best haul I'd had yet, I was certain that what I had done would have been enough to discourage them from trying to hunt an outlaw ever again. Everything was going perfectly. All I needed was a couple more days to prepare and I'd be able to clear out of the area.

Then they came back. They tricked me into swapping their bodies back, and then I found myself petrified by the Orb one of them hid in their mouth. I could only watch, motionless, as one of them used another Orb to summon even more of the Clover Guild. They had gotten my message, and their reply was brutal and swift.
I was tied up, stomped on, punched, kicked, and jabbed with shards of ice. One of them threw my own money at my face and force-fed me a Doom Seed. Even now, I could taste its bitterness on my tongue, my body still weakened by its effects. Most outlaw hunters would have merely knocked me out, but there was an unusual wrath from the group that caught me. Even now, my body ached from the brutal beating I had endured. It was due to the Clover Guild that I found myself spending another day looking at my cell's walls. Seven days.
Seven days of nothingness. With a heavy sigh, I wondered when I'd be free again.

I'm snapped out of it by the jingling sound of keys. With a click, my cell door opens. “Step out of there,” orders the jailer. I get off of my bed of hay, stepping out into the hall. The Druddigon that opened my door holds my hands behind my back as he leads me into the sherrif's office. Magnezone stares down at me, looking me over.
Daring to speak a few words, I say, “Is my sentence over?”
“No. Your crimes are too severe to be forgiven after only a week.”
My hopes dashed, I shout, “Then WHY are you talking to ME?!” I try to turn to head back to my cell, but am held in place by the Druddigon.
Magnezone continues, saying, “You can serve out the rest of your long sentence if you like. However, it is a waste to leave you to sit for all of that time. I think you should start working.”
“WHAT?!” I couldn't believe what he was saying. “There is absolutely NO way I, Smeargle the Savage, am working for free!”
“Yes, you will work for free. However, you will also work to become free. I suggest you listen.”
With my teeth clenched, I respond with, “...Fine.”

Magnezone continues. “You will perform community service to atone for the thefts and assaults you have committed against Capim Town. You will be escorted to the worksite where you will perform your services. No matter who you assist, their word will be law for that day. At the end of the day, you will be escorted back to your cell by whoever it is you were assisting that day. For every day of community service you perform, one week will be deducted from your sentence.”
I pick up my head at that news. If my sentence goes by that much faster, I could be out of here in only a couple more weeks! Then I could skip the continent and resume my activities elsewhere. Something felt a little off about this offer, however. “What's the catch?”

Magnezone looks over a piece of paper on his desk. “Should your performance be deemed 'unacceptable', your day of community service will not count. Furthermore, any acts of violence or other crime will nullify any time that has been deducted from your term, with additional time added for said crimes. To discourage this, your tail will be tied to your back, preventing its use.” Looking back up at me, Magnezone says “Do you accept these terms?
I silently nod. It couldn't be any worse than staring at a wall for the next several months, after all. Shortly after agreeing, I feel the Druddigon grab my tail. As he wraps a sturdy rope around my torso, I feel my paintbrush press up against my back. Not only is this really uncomfortable, but this is going to smudge my skull marking really badly.

“I knew this thug would see reason, boss!” Druddigon grabs the paper from Magnezone's desk, reading it. “Looks like you'll be assisting...oh, this'll be good.” Turning back to me, Druddigon smirks. “The sheriff tells me you're familiar with Pokemon from the Clover Guild.”
My eyes go wide at this news. “Wh-what?! I can't be caught in their service! I told you, they held me down and ruthlessly beat me. I didn't fall down a hill like they claimed!”
Druddigon lets out a laugh. “Not my problem. After all, you were a high-priority outlaw. One to be brought in with any means necessary.”
My mind jumps back to my beating, causing me to shudder. “...No. I won't do it. I'll sit in my ce-”
“Too late, you've already agreed.” The Druddigon leads me outside, my head racing with awful thoughts.

I am marched towards the Clover Guild's front door, my heart pounding as I anticipate the upcoming day. The guild members eye me up as we move towards a door. Druddigon knocks on it, and a Meowstic wearing a cloak steps out.
“Ah, the outlaw has taken up our offer~!”
Druddigon glares at me, then at the Meowstic. “You sure about this one? There's no telling what he'll do.”
“I wouldn't worry yourself about our little career criminal. Why don't you leave us and we'll tell you all about how he did at the end of the day~?”
Finally, I feel Druddigon's grip release. I rub my sore wrists, wishing he didn't have such a tight grip. Druddigon follows with, “He's all yours for today, then.”

Once Druddigon is gone, the Meowstic begins speaking again. “Welcome to the Clover Guild. Criminal. I've heard about the things you've done to our very own Team Cozy, as well as that time you stole food from one of our other members. My my, quite the troublemaker we've got here~!”
“...Just tell me what you're going to make me do.”
“Oh, that's easy! You'll just do whatever the other guild members ask of you. You might even see some familiar faces, kyukyu~”
I already hate this stupid Guildmaster. “If this tail wasn't tied to my back, I'd paint a fireball right into your stupid face.”
“I wouldn't do that if I were you! After all...” The guildmaster pulls out an orb. My blood runs cold as I recognize it. An Itemizer Orb. “We have many ways of taking care of bad guys that hurt our friends~” He must have seen the horrified look on my face, because he follows with, “Ah, looks like we understand each other! Today, we'll have you working in the kitchen. Just walk down that hall, can't miss it!”
I look at the hall, then I look at the way out. The second this moron turns his back, I'm making a run for it. As if reading my mind, the Meowstic says, “By the way, we have a sentry that'll know if you try to run for it~”
All I feel is anger as I head for the kitchen. I want nothing more than to swap everybody's bodies around as revenge, but my tail is tied. I try to reach behind myself for the knot keeping my tail pressed against my back, but the rope is tied tight. It'd have to be cut or burned off somehow. There's no way around it, I'm stuck here for now.

Entering the kitchen, I find that it is very messy, with dishes scattered all over the tables. Looks like I had just missed breakfast. At least that means I have less guild members to look at. A Munchlax glares at me from a nearby cauldron. With the wave of a hand, he calls me over.
He speaks with a gruff voice, one that shows he's older than he appears. "You're that crook who was giving Team Cozy a hard time.” Rubbing his chin, he says, “I'd tell you off, but I have to know. You a good cook?”
Oh, here we go. I can slip a little something into the guild's food to get back at them! Trying not to smile, I say, “I've picked up a few recipes.”
“Good.” Lifting the cauldron off his stove, he begins to speak again. “Hey Ronnie, lucky you. You get to boss someone around for a change today.”
“You're talking to your stove?” What's up with this guild?
Out from between the counters walks a Numel. Wait a minute, that's the one that stomped on me during my capture! An evil smirk crosses his face as he laughs. “Oh hell yes, I'm lovin' it!”
The Munchlax takes his apron off, draping it onto a nearby hook on the wall. “Ronnie, make sure our little trainee doesn't try anything funny. I'm taking the day off.”

I cast a nervous glance down at Ronnie. He looks up at me with that same evil grin. “Oh, hey, it's you. I didn't recognize you without a bag over your head.” Laughing at me, he continues. “Get to work on our apple pies!”
I really hate this stupid Pokemon. As if having to work with a literal stovetop bossing me around wasn't bad enough, his voice is murder on my ears. If I were a free Smeargle, I'd mug him even if he didn't have any loot on him. Letting out an angry groan, I grab a nearby round pan, fetching a few other ingredients.
“No, NO! That's NOT how I make apple pies! Get the small rectangular pans!” Ronnie shoots me an angry glare.
What moron makes a rectangular pie? “Okay, okay! Have it your way, jeez.”
As I reach for the right pan, something snaps inside Ronnie's head. “Have it MY way?! MY way would be to deep-fry your stupid paintbrush ass! And that slogan is TERRIBLE and you KNOW it!”
“What in the WORLD are you talking about?”
“Just make the apple pies already!”

Grumbling to myself, I fill the insides of the pans with pie crust. At least they had premade this stuff so I didn't have to worry about it. Then, I pound a bunch of apples into mush, pouring the filling into the crust.
“Now get the cinnamon and sugar inside there! Then cover it up with more crust!”
Where on earth did they get such rare ingredients? This stuff would fetch a pretty penny on the market if I could steal some...but I don't have anywhere to hide it on me. As I sprinkle the ingredients in, I look for something, anything that could poison anybody stupid enough to eat these sad excuses for pies...Nope, nothing. Even if I found something, Ronnie's eyes are staring a hole through me.
I cut a few slits into the top of each of them. Even if these are the stupidest looking pies I've ever seen, that's still important. “Okay, okay, I did it, now what?” The sooner this is over with, the better.
“Stick them in the oven, and then clean up after everybody's mess. Hurry up or I'll tell corporate you've been slacking off!”

I do as he says, beginning to scrub the tables afterwards. This was far worse than sitting in my cell was. At least there I didn't have to deal with a Numel with the most irritating voice in the universe lording over me. Ronnie doesn't take his eyes off me for a second, but more than anything I'm just thankful that he's shut the hell up for once.
This doesn't last for long, as my eardrums are assaulted by “The oven! Take them out now!” Sighing, I grab one of the spare cloths laying around to grab the pans. Using a nearby fork, I work the stupid-looking pies out of the pans, sticking them onto the counter.
After they cool, I pick one up, examining it. Instead of a pie one could slice up, this one is a weird, almost sandwich-like creation. “The hell kind of pies are these?”
“The GOOD kind, you moron!” Ronnie scarfs down one of the tiny apple pies. “Good, now MAKE MORE OF THEM! And DON'T stop until I say so!”

And that's how I spend the rest of the day. Being bossed around by an annoying Numel while making dozens upon dozens of these apple pies. He clearly reveled in the amount of power he had over me. At least they smell nice, but that might be because I haven't eaten today. Every time I try to sneak a bite for myself, Ronnie yells at me to put it down, saying something about 'not being paid to eat on the clock' as if I was being paid at all. As I see the sun set outside, the Munchlax returns.
Looking curiously at the counter full of food, he says, “These are some...interesting apple pies.” He eats one, pausing for a moment. “...Adequate. I suppose you can take one with you.”
At least one Pokemon in this dump can show mercy! Swiping one, I take a big bite. The taste catches me by surprise, being unusually sweet! At least one part of this miserable day was okay.

After I eat it, the Munchlax leads me back to the jail. Magnezone glances at him, asking “Was his performance today acceptable?” As the Munchlax nods, Magnezone says, “I see. Very well. I'll take one week off of your sentence. Rest up, as you'll be doing this tomorrow as well. And the day after, and so on.”
I sigh as the Druddigon from earlier leads me back to my cell. Thankfully, he unties my tail before leaving me alone. I paint another tally mark on the wall, wondering how many more days I have of this. Curling up on the hay bed, I find myself wishing I had taken the time to learn how to paint a Teleport.

The next morning, my tail is tied once again as I'm led back to the Clover Guild. Face to face with that annoying guildmaster again, I await his instruction.
“How was your first day with us? Fun, I hope~?”
I clench my teeth as I say, “Our definitions of 'fun' vary.”
“And rightly so! Let's see, what'll I have you do today...Oh! Cyndaquil, come here!”
I turn around, seeing a Cyndaquil approaching us. The guildmaster continues, saying, “This here is an outlaw that is atoning for his crimes. Today, he'll be under your supervision~!”
The Cyndaquil gasps in surprise. “Wait, for real?”
“Yep! The terms of his sentence mean you can have him help you in any way you see f-”
“YES! An honest-to-god wingman! This is the best!” Cyndaquil lets out a little cheer.
...Wingman? You've GOT to be kidding me!

I find myself walking down the roads of Capim Town with this Cyndaquil.
“So anyways, this is Capim Town, otherwise known as Hot Chick Heaven!" Oh no. He's one of those types. "I'm gonna tell you what to say and I'm gonna finally get me a babe to go out with!” Cyndaquil looks at me, a big grin on his face.
He leads me towards the town clinic, pointing me inside. “The nurse here is a real looker! She's as hot as they come, but she loves to play hard to get! You just gotta go inside and say this and she'll melt into my arms like butter!”
He whispers to me the lamest pick-up line I have ever heard, along with an action to go along with it. “There is ZERO chance this is working, you freak!”
“Just do it! You gotta help me out, remember!” I find myself being pushed towards the doors of the clinic.

Left with no choice, I walk up to the counter. An Audino approaches me, a curious look in her eyes. “Yes? May I help you?”
I take a deep breath, preparing myself. “Uhh...My...companion over there wants me to tell you something on his behalf.”
“Oh?” She looks around me, spotting Cyndaquil. He eagerly waves towards us. Her attitude quickly sours. “...Oh. What's that?”
“Ummm...” I hate my life. I point to her lower half, saying, “Hey girl, are you a beaver? 'Cuz DAM.”
“...Hold on one moment.” The Audino kneels down, rummaging through a drawer. As she stands back up, she throws a fistful of red dust into my eyes!
“Agh! AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!” I cry out in pain as I fall backwards, my eyes burning with agony!
“Get out of here, and don't come back unless you're in the middle of dying!”

Feeling for the door, I run towards a nearby river, dunking my face underwater in an attempt to ease the pain. I try as best as I can to rub the pain from my eyes as I come back up for air. By now, Cyndaquil has come to sit next to me.
“Aah...someday she'll come around on me.” I can see him blushing as he thinks about it.
“You KNEW that wouldn't work, didn't you?!”
“Hey, take enough shots and eventually you'll nail your goal, amirite?”
This Cyndaquil is giving me the creeps. For a moment, I debate pushing him into the river and simply accepting whatever punishment I get. “...Just tell me what to do next so I can get this awful day moving along.”
“That's the spirit, c'mon!”

Our next stop is the Kangaskhan who looks after other's items. I'd come here to try and steal things every few days, but she's way too difficult a mark to knock over.
“Normally I'm not into women that already have children, but just take a look at her! Just imagine being able to take a ride in that pouch of hers!” Blushing, Cyndaquil whispers me another awful pickup line, and I find myself being pushed forward again.
The Kangaskhan looks down at me, a smile on her face. “Good morning, how can I help you?”
“Uhh..hey...” Pointing to Cyndaquil, I say, “He wants to know, are there 21 letters in the alphabet?”
Her smile fades a tiny bit. “No?”
Grinning, Cyndaquil yells “Oh yeah, I forgot U R A Q T!”
“...Thanks?” Kangaskhan sounds more confused than anything else.
Cyndaquil calls me over, whispering another line. His words make me cringe, but I'm being forced into this. Bracing myself, I ask the Kangaskhan “Hey, are you an antiquer? Because my friend here has some junk that hasn't been touched in years.” Why doesn't this land have capital punishment for outlaws such as myself?!
Without a word, the Kangaskhan leaves her storefront. Gripping one of us in each arm, she carries us far away from her store before hurling us down the road. Dusting off her hands, she returns to her work.

Frustrated, I yell, “Do you have ANY strategies that don't involve saying stupid things that not even the stupidest girl in the world would fall for?!”
“There's nothing stupid about the language of love! Did you see the look on her face before she grabbed us? She was into it, I know she was!” Cyndaquil stares up at the sky, chuckling to himself. “They'll fall for me someday, and in the meantime I get to look at their hot bodies! This place really is heaven...”
I can't take this anymore. “How the sheriff lets a Pokemon like you walk free is beyond me! You're a complete degenerate that disgusts even ME!”
The Cyndaquil almost seems to take pride in my insult. “You betcha! C'mon, live a little!”
“Forget it, I'm not going to be the punching bag for every victim of yours you feel like hitting on! I'm done!”
Cyndaquil thinks to himself a little. “Alright, fine. I'm sure the Guildmaster has something else for you to do!” He waves for me to follow him back to the guild.
I let out a quiet sigh of relief. “Wait, seriously? You're ditching me? I mean, I'm glad, but...”
“Yeah, I think I'll take it easy for the rest of the day. After all, I think I saw a Lopunny at the beach! Ohohoh...”

I'm almost glad to be back at the Clover Guild. There's no doubt that Cyndaquil's words are going to scar me for a long time. Once more, I'm met with that irritating Guildmaster. “Back so soon?”
Cyndaquil nods. “Yep! He really helped me out with trying to get some fine ladies!”
The Meowstic's eyes go wide. “Wait, seriously? You got a date?!”
“Nope! But seeing those girls in action...so hot!” Cyndaquil blushes for the 50th time today before finally leaving me.
“Well well, what do we have left for you to do today, I wonder~?” Looking around me, the Guildmaster speaks up. “Oh! Team Cozy! Come over here!” Wait, team WHAT?!

I turn around, the blood draining from my face as I spot the Chespin and Wooper that had caught me! The Wooper seems happy enough, but the Chespin shoots a look of pure hatred into my eyes.
“Hey Team Cozy, look who is helping out the guild as part of his sentence~”
The Chespin glares at me. “It's you...” Despite his tiny size, I feel a jolt of fear rush through me. Ronnie had attacked me, but wasn't a victim. Cyndaquil was creepy, but wasn't involved with me before this. This Pokemon was different. He was the one that got his guildmates to assist in my beating!
The Chespin looks back at his guildmaster. “This is the crook we captured!”
“You got it! Anyways, our little outlaw's gonna have to do anything the guild wants until his time is served! Need him for anything~?”
The Chespin rubs his chin, a devilish grin crossing his face. “Oh yeah. I know something he'll be perfect for.” Before I can react, he shoots out a pair of vines, tying my arms to my sides! “Come with us. We're gonna do something real FUN.”

Team Cozy leads me out of town. A tiny part of my mind hopes that they'll be letting me go, but I'm smart enough to know that ain't going to happen. We stop in a large field roughly a mile outside of town. The Chespin takes a few steps backwards, his vines keeping a tight grip on me.
“You really caused Wooper and I a lot of headaches the other day.” Pointing to the Wooper, the Chespin continues. “Making me go around in an armless body, making me worry that I wouldn't return to normal? Not cool.”
“...That's all in the past, though! You caught me, I'm serving my sentence, what more do you want?!”
Another sickening grin crosses his face. “I'm glad you asked! You see, your bounty also included a way for me to learn a little move. Today, I finally get to test it out. Your job for today, Mister outlaw? Training dummy.”
His vines keep a firm grip on me as I watch him raise his arms skyward. A small ball of light begins to form between his hands, growing larger and larger as the seconds pass. I try to escape my bonds, but Chespin himself begins to glow, his grip tightening.
Suddenly, I feel my bonds retract! Stunned, I look at Chespin, who glances at the ball of energy in his hands with a look of pure amazement. Shooting me his dirtiest look yet, he only has one word to say.
“Run.”

I bolt for town, trying to put as much distance as I can between Team Cozy and I. This isn't community service, this is barbaric! I'm not going to spend the next several weeks being a punching bag!
I hear a loud “HAAAAAAAAAAA!” come from behind me. Looking back, I see a beam of energy as bright as the sun racing towards me! I can only get out an “OH N-” before it slams into my back. Pain shoots through my body as I fall, the force knocking the wind out of me. I feel my consciousness slipping, yet a part of me feels glad. At least it means my 'services' for the day are done. Before I pass out, I hear one final exchange between Team Cozy's members.

“Oh, hell yes! Did you see that, Wooper?! That's gotta be the coolest thing I've ever done!”
“Yeah! Just wait until the other bad guys get a load of this!”

When I finally wake up again, I'm back in my cell. It is sometime in the middle of the night, and my tail is free once again. My back is sore from the attack I endured. Looking around, I notice that the jailer has taken mercy on me and left a few Oran Berries for me.
Eating the food, I paint another tally mark onto the wall. I'm beginning to get the feeling that these next few weeks are going to feel even longer than the months I was originally going to serve. Trying to get comfortable on my hay bed, I let out a frustrated sigh as an unusual thought begins to work its way into my mind.

Maybe I should swear off the life of an outlaw.