you're still a crack space pilot on a long haul shortcut with your descriptor laden bearboy boyfriend

Look, it's part three. You know the drill. Unless you don't. Which means you're starting with part three for some reason. Go read any of the previous parts first, even part two.

it's only been long enough for you both to recover from the nerdy-ass classical-republic-greek-style irrumation RP
speaking of which
drew says
"I've been thinking about it, and as incredible as that whole process was"
"I'm really not a fan of the intermediate-term consequences"
"I feel like that fantasy's sated for the foreseeable future" "my jaw is more unhappy with the state it's in than my dick was happy to experience that"
you're glad to hear that such intense and aggressive conduct won't be the standard going forward
you haven't exerted yourself so much since quite a while before you got spaced
you could probably accommodate that part with a quality exercise regimen that you really should be doing anyway
the real dealbreaker was the fast and heavy repeated slamming of your balls into his nose
it hurt a lot more than you had expected
by the end, the only thing keeping you up was the desire to do right by drew
but man, if he was going to expect more of that from you
you'd have to figure out how to give yourself a CBT fetish
or, more realistically, have a slightly disappointing heart to heart with the person you love about what you are and aren't able to do
honestly, you're not confident you know which would be the more difficult for you
so it's good that's not being tested
you ask him why he doesn't pull out the tricorder-hypospray combo to fix you both up
"is that some kind of low priority emergency medical kit you've developed since we backed off?"
that was, in fact, a joke
that you wish quite acutely was not
you explain that it's actually a set of fictional medical tools that you kind of expected an analog for
considering the food replicator, everyone speaking English, the giant peaceful federation of countless planets and the sneaking suspicion you have that this galaxy was seeded by human-like progenitors
"we have technology that can heal like that"
"this ship is way too small to support it"
"and I'm not sure the medical team on any ship or spaceport would be too keen on letting us take up machine time for some bruises we got from ill-advised sexual escapades"
are there at least cool space-NSAIDs?
"I could get a cryotherapy system installed once we're done with this job, if that's even close to what you're joking about"
that was, in fact, not a joke
you consider whether or not you've created a problem for yourself out of that stupid probably-a-coping-mechanism game
either way the look on drew's face when you do that makes it worth it
at first it was funny
after the andross incident it was cute
now
now it's important to you
you want nothing more than to protect and cherish it and never let it go
in poetic terms, it represents the underlying chemistry you've had with drew since the first time you met him
the fact that it's stayed the same since you first assured him of your conveniently translatable skills for flying a spaceship
by insisting that you were 'Top Gun material'
gives you an unshakable feeling that things were meant to turn out this way
Top Gun was a more apt allusion to make than you had intended it to be
on account of the plausibly deniable homoeroticism
hopefully that's the last comparison you draw between that movie and your relationship

speaking of that
there was a sequel that you were planning on seeing before you got abducted
of all the things to turn your mind back to earth
for the first time, you actually consider what's happened on earth since you disappeared
you weren't the type to just do that
how long have you been gone by earth reckoning?
you recall a few popular science videos and articles about near-lightspeed travel
time passes more slowly for an observer at relativistic speeds
or was it more quickly?
oh god, is everyone you've ever known or cared about long dead?
how long did they spend looking for you?
is there any chance you'll ever go back?
do you have any reason to?
you suck in air through your teeth
slam your fist on the low table in front of you
and start shouting whatever expletives you can conjure as you suddenly break down
this startles drew as he repeatedly tries and fails to get a word in edgewise
"what th-" "what's wr-" "are you-"
"CALM DOWN AND FUCKING TALK TO ME, MAN!"
drew's usually pretty soft-spoken, so hearing him raise his voice distracts you just long enough to snap out of your spiral
they're gone aren't they, drew?
"who?"
my family, my friends, everyone I've ever known is long gone
"I don't understand" "why are you saying that?"

we've been jetting around at near-light and FTL speeds for a while now
earth doesn't have all the space medicine you take for granted, drew
people still age and get incurable illnesses on earth
and it wasn't likely most of that would be solved in your lifetime
"what does how fast WE go have to do with that?"
what?
that's how relativity works isn't it?
time gets slower because we're moving faster
earth's staying still by comparison
so time's going full speed for them
and you've been experiencing quite a bit of time despite the slowing
so god knows how much has passed on earth
"If I remember my conversion rate correctly it's only been about one sidereal day on earth since you were first processed into federal records"
that can't possibly be true

In one sentence he's flipped you from one crisis to another
You're not paying attention to what he's saying

how do your people do anything if their model of physics depends on time being inconsistent?

Do you have an obligation to Earth and its people to disclose the fact that everything they know is wrong?

you use photons to transmit information down planet-spanning cable networks, man?
even though, under your model, photons don't even experience time?

If you do, is it more important than trade federation law?
What will the Federation do if you interfere?

no wonder we got such strange signals from earth" "you came up with guol dung physics and math that happened to lead you down a convoluted dead end path

Will Drew help you?

"'time slows down when you go fast.' Come on, man" "how'd something like that become the standard?" "how can you hear that and say that doesn't sound wrong
is drew worth everything you've lost, regained, and have to contend with giving up all in the last few minutes?
yes, in as many ways as you can put it, yes he is
more, even
"I'm so sorry, I go off on tangents when I hear such stupid reasoning, I don't mean to offend"
you grab drew by the shoulders and ask him
is there anything you can do to help humanity to fix their methods so you have a chance of seeing your home again?
"that's up to your people" "we have to stay back"
can you at least do something to show the people you care about that you're safe and doing well?
"we'll have to discuss that with the committee for earth matters" "that'll be the first order of business after we finish this cargo run"
"I figured you were some kind of outsider who was glad to get away from your planet"
"you haven't given any indication otherwise"
"until just now, that is"
he's right
this whole time you've spent in the wider galactic world
you were either too confused or scared
or too distracted by all the cool shit they have up here
to really comprehend the nature of your unique predicament

for the second time you find yourself relying on drew to support you through an emotional upheaval
"do you get like this a lot?"
you don't think so, you're just going through a lot right now
"because as bad as it feels to see you breaking down like this, it's really affirming to me to be your shoulder to cry on"
"I'd say I like it"
???
"...if it didn't have to mean you're having a rough time"
he's a natural at making sarcastic remarks to distract you from your emotions to help you calm down
or it might be expertise
there's no way he knows what you're going through, right?
"I think I do, in some way"
"I was on three separate vessels that got raided by privateers during the arcsecond skirmishes"
"each time, I lost people I was close to"
"each time, I was pressed into service for the highest bidder among their fleet or left with nothing in a cell for years on end"
"I'm lucky none of them took a liking to me for anything besides my utility to their ship"
"or they were just hedging their bets against war crime charges should the Autocrat Coalition be defeated"
"either way, as I understand it, my engineering background meant I got off easy"
"maintaining non-combat systems and civilian infrastructure is a much better deal than being a casualty or "casualty""
"my first tenure was deceptively short, only about five years by Magraaf reckoning"
that must be his home world
"I was made painfully aware of just how much harm the conflict was doing in the region, on countless worlds."
"an arcsecond of the galaxy's edge doesn't sound like a massive area in writing"
"but the number of planets, of people, is unimaginable
"this wasn't a series of skirmishes, it was a war"
"by the time I got rescued"
"I was fully committed to ending the war"
"I had already written the next time I was captured off as a fluke as soon as it happened"
"I was part of a planetside repair corps for the flagship, making repairs and refitting, outside of contested space"
"I wouldn't have believed it was possible for an unauthorized mote of space dust to blow into the system without being atomized"
"let alone for a squad of AC saboteurs to land, bundle off an unsuspecting foreman and replace him with a double, and clear out unnoticed"
"I'm still not sure if I was targeted for my reputation under the previous captain, or if I was just a close enough match for the bogspawned Br traitor they happened to have lined up"
"I was a prisoner rather than an unwilling collaborator this time"
"they weren't going to risk me finding out what their "substitute" had done"
"that was the order of things for me for far too long, I subsisted for about 50 years, most of the war, in that state"
holy shit, how old IS drew?
"843 Magraaf years, they're just about the same as yours"
as strong as the urge is to say he doesn't look a day over 800
this isn't the time
"there was a mutiny on the Coalition prison ship, nothing like the one you experienced"
"a large number of the crew decided that they didn't like the way the war was progressing"
"so they released all the prisoners, rounded the bridge crew up into a cargo pod and spaced it"
"they formed a barely spaceworthy bridge crew from the now freed ranks"
"unfortunately, I was one of the few with relevant skills, most of the people in captivity were small time dissidents and foot soldiers"
"we stood no chance when the Coalition flagship caught wind of us"
"so we surrendered, and I was subjected to servitude directly under the man who had started the war"
"King of 30 worlds, Sovereign of ten clusters, Viceroy of the "Free Arcsecond," Chairman of the Autocrat Coalition to those subject to his rule"
"and KrthshLkhsh, mythical tyrant of worst repute, to everyone else"
"he clearly had particular interest in me"
"rather, my body"
"I was scared of him from the start"
"he treated me more like a pampered familiar than a person"
"clearly living under the delusion that he'd be able to own his chunk of the galaxy and make his own rules"
"to him I was an inevitable spoils of his war, and the moment that victory was assured, he would treat me as he pleased"
"secure in his authority and separation from federation law"
"I feared that if the reality of his weakness set in for him, he would take what he wanted and discard me before razing the entire region down to barren rocks"
"I had no reason to believe that he'd be so rash, he couldn't have been to be in his position"
"he didn't know about my background and thought of me as an exotic backwater idiot free for molesting"
"so it was relatively easy for me to disable atmospherics to his quarters"
"I killed him"
drew's composure begins to break
"I've never told anyone"
"I let whoever would claim it take the credit"
"I didn't do it because it was the moral imperative"
"not because I wanted the war to end"
"not even because I thought it was some measure of justice for all the suffering he caused"
his voice raises and becomes unstable
"I did it because I was fucking scared, man"
"I could have made the war worse by doing that"
"the war was going to end anyway and I chose to risk that by putting myself first"
"not my life, but my fucking short-term wellbeing and comfort"
"I was angry that he was treating me like a diminished intellect and disrespecting my people"
"but most of all I just couldn't stand the thought of letting him fuck me"
you can't let drew talk like that
he shouldn't beat himself up over PREVENTING HIS OWN RAPE
you tell him in no uncertain terms that what he did wasn't cowardice or selfishness
that so-called-king was going to rape him and it's not healthy for drew to act like he wasn't
even if worse did come to worst
drew wouldn't have been wrong to do what he did
and it worked out just about as well as it could have anyway

well, he has you beat in terms of internalized trauma
and composure in the face of it
until now
now he's the one relying on you for support
he's not crying into your shoulder
that must be cultural somehow
he's leaning into your chest with his shoulder and nuzzling his head into your neck and jaw like a cat
you don't know exactly what's expected of you here
you hold him as best as you can with the arm he's in the way of
and you sort of pet his back with the other
worst case scenario, it's like what he did for you with his sarcastic comments
but it seems about right and you experience for yourself what he meant
it really does feel nice to be there for him
he gets ahold of himself eventually and says
"thank you, man" "I've gone hundreds of years just hoping it would get better on its own"
"talking about it is something I should have done a long time ago"
"I couldn't convince myself to admit what I went through to people who have preconceived notions of Br men"
"I knew it'd be spread around and only come back to hurt me"
"I couldn't tell my family because I'd already passed off the credit"
"and I know they wouldn't be happy with my method"
"as far as they know, I'd die before I resorted to such deception"
"I hadn't really been living my life the same way since"
"after that, the interest I had in earth culture since I was a child became a serious focus"
"it was a good excuse for why I never pursued a betrothal or enbrotherment"
"I wasn't interested in making myself vulnerable in that way again"
"I had hoped that working under earth qualified conditions would give me the chance to be part of first contact"
"which is how it's worked out, I guess"
"I knew as soon as we had confirmed that it was a human in that centaurian escape pod"
"that you were going to be the one I told about all this"
that is an exceedingly good explanation of why he took such a liking to you
and why he took out substantial debt to help you
"I didn't expect to fall in love with you though"
"that happened pretty quickly once we got to know each other"
"I was really conflicted about that, parts of me were resigned to just living with it, never to be mentioned"
"on top of my issues with intimacy"
"I knew, last we had record of, earth wasn't likely to produce a man who would openly reciprocate my feelings"
"I arranged the andross job to see how you'd react to them"
"if you really hit it off with them, I was just going to have to accept that I'd only get to be a trusted friend"
"and help you get accustomed to the way things work here"
"by graaf I'm so glad I didn't have to live that way"
hang on, did drew release the mites on purpose?
"no! no, it wouldn't have been right, and honestly, we were at much more risk than you knew"
"I couldn't have done that to you just for my own sake"
"I got ahead of myself and forgot what I was holding"
"and I thought that foot-ball thing you showed me would be fun and charming and appropriate"
"to tell the truth, I was more excited about the fact that I had a chance with you than I was about getting through that crowd so easily"
"then the mite solved my intimacy problem for me whether I was ready or not"

"believe it or not, that 'intimacy problem' was there all along"
"my whole life up to the point I enlisted, I was awkward and a bit antisocial and didn't know who or what I actually wanted"
"I thought I just wasn't concerned with relationships or sexuality"
"I even convinced myself that I was proud of that fact"
"a shining example in the fight against the negative stereotypes levied against Br"
"which are totally unfounded, by the way"
"sure, we have some traditional practices that can give the superficial impression that we're sexual hedonists"
is he implying that he's not?
sure could have fooled you the last few days
"we're generally monogamous people, really"
"just because we expect certain men to contribute to the genepool even if they're happily enbrothered"
"it doesn't mean we force them to breed every last woman in the village"
"or because we have a traditional rite that entitles distinguished persons to choose anyone they want as their spouse"
"that doesn't mean we have nobles who abuse it to establish a gilded harem of 'lesser' men"
"it's true we didn't have an endemic culture of textiles as clothing, on account of the fur and the humid climate"
"yes, we used jewelry and body paints as equivalent indicators of status"
"the 'esteemed viceroy' clearly believed in, and had a taste for, those last two"
"most Br on Magraaf never even saw gold or silver back then, let alone wear multiple intricate items of either themselves"
"if you took the word of the average cantina crawler, you'd think we were all loaded down with finely inlaid pieces designed to be as lewd as possible"
that explains that one guy with the crystals in his head in the Tarak's Arms Cantina on Callox
always asking where drew's bangles and tassels were
every time you came in
in the exact same tone
you thought he was some afflicted seer or something
nope, just a racist trying to make drew so frustrated and offended he'd never show up again

"all that just to say, I haven't actually been in a serious relationship before"
"or even had intimate contact until you came along"
"that must sound absurd to you, I know"
it does
the 800 and 40-year-old virgin?
that's AT LEAST a chapter title in the biography drew deserves
maybe you should write it
oh shit, that means his first time was that mess on andross?
that was painful and awkward for you
you can't imagine what it was like for him
well, you can, but you know it must have been quite the ordeal that you have no frame of reference for
you let drew know that you feel bad about the way things worked out in light of that new information
you'll have to run it back
"run it back?"
a do-over, maybe with scented candles and mood lighting
and a hell of a lot more concern for his comfort and enjoyment
it won't replace or change anything about your unplanned, unwarranted, and at the time, undesired first time together
but you'll at least try to create something great to redirect your minds to when it comes up
"there's that human romanticism I've been hoping you'd show me some time"
"that's another one of my favorite things about earth"
"delicate words, small displays of affection, and an unparalleled taste for atmosphere"
"I can't see myself regretting that one"

you'll make sure he won't
it's a bit of a shame you've still got so long left to go on this cargo run
you'd get on buying all the bells and whistles you need to make things go perfectly
speaking of that, what kind of scents are you going to buy?
what smells does a bear-person from a swamp planet consider to be ideal in such a context?
can you even buy mass produced candles in space?
you're going to have to work all of that out with drew
not this minute though, as it suddenly hits you that you're fucking exhausted
drew seems like he's in the same boat
that's probably a result of the emotional tours de force you've both just endured
and the intense sexual escapade for which you're decidedly not in the proper shape for, that too
you let drew know that you're heading to bed
"oh, uh... do you mind if I join you?"
"is that weird?"
"you still do that on earth right?"
first of all, you'd like nothing more
second, his people don't?
"when it's cold, we'd usually stick together for practical reasons"
"we don't do that cute thing you do where you choose to stay close to someone for the familiarity and companionship"
"I assumed you still did, I made sure your quarters were properly appointed for it"
"I kind of let my hopes get in front of me by doing that but I could still brush it off if I had to"
"but things have turned out just about as well as I dared to dream they could"