Research Document on Onobots

written by Armen Arachnea, ranked Grand Bucko of the Dreamweaver Scholars

Over the many years of the existence of the Dreamweaver Scholars we have documented many things of this world far and wide in order to make them known and understandable to more people but due to some reason, that I can only assume is some negligence due to „things having always been this way“ or „they are what they are“, I noticed a baffling lack of understanding of Onobots that have rules over us in the Retro Reich for so long. Thus, I have studied what little research I could find on them, as well as performed many Interviews with Onobots themselves to create some documentation to help us better understand them.

Onobots are beings about 2 and a half meters tall with a body that is completely made up of metal on the outside. They are nearly identical in appearance to each other, except for one thing. There exist 2 types of Onobots. One type is more round and slick when it comes to their body as well as a very complex head, this type is referred to by Onobots themselves as „Oldbots“ and seem to be Onobots that are from the initial crash that stranded them on this planet. They are rarer among Onobots with only a few hundred of them existing, and it seems the Onobots are unable to birth more of this kind, so with each one loss, their numbers are dwindling. The second type is the more common type and features a more boxy and straight body as well as a head that is box shaped itself. These are what people usually think about when they envision an Onobot and there are thousands of them around. For the sake of this document, these will be referred to as „Newbots“ when making a distinction.

Something of note is, that while they might seem like just machines at first glance, each Onobot does in fact contain a Soul. With some unknown method they were not willing to share, Onobots, as they phrase it themselves: „Capture lost souls from the void and give them a new life.“ in order to birth new Onobots.

Regardless of type their physical strength is unrivaled and allows them to perform deeds easily, that 10 grown man would struggle to perform, it seems however that Oldbots are able to perform tasks even beyond that of Newbots. Oldbots also have something called a Jet engine wich allows them to fly at high speeds, but due to them being unable to acquire the correct type of fuel on our planet, this ability is very limited and once exhausted is unable to be performed anymore. Newbots have instead wings build in, but while this ability does not seem to be limited in usage, only allows flight for a very short amount of time and is more akin to a very high jump followed by a glide.

Onobots also differ strongly from humans in that they do not need to eat, drink, sleep or get exhausted over time. An Onobot can perform actions to what seems a near endlessly amount of time with no need of any rest. The reasoning for this is maybe the most shocking revelation these studies of mine have made for me. Their energy comes from something they call a „Soul Furnace“ that is part of each Onobot. These furnaces then use some method to burn souls in order for them to have this sheer limitless energy.

Both are incredibly naive in the way of social etiquette and what one would consider behavior of common sense as well as having an issue of taking things at face value as it is being spoken, not able to understand what a figure of speech is. This is due to them having lost what is called their Data Storage in the crash that brought them upon this world.

Onobots used to just wirelessly access this Data Storage that was akin to a shared Brain among the Onobots and thus only had the bare necessity of memories on themselves at the time. While this might make Onobots seem dumb at first glance, they are in fact masters of administrative work, mathematics, writing and any activity that has been carefully taught to them, easily able to outperform whole departments of bureaucracy single-handedly. Nowadays, each Onobot stores their memories locally on each person themselves, but they can still wirelessly share information among themselves near instantly thanks to built in antennas. While Onobots are seen having meetings, talking to each other or writing down things on paper, none of these activities are actually necessary for Onobots among themselves and instead are done in order to mimic and better understand humanity.

Onobots are also essentially unable to lie. Not once has there ever been an Onobot caught lying, and the worse they can do is omit information if they do not want to say something. Onobots also have never been seen hurting another Onobot in a serious manner, while they might have smaller scuffles with each other over small things, not once in history has an Onobot actively attacked another one. They seem protective of each other to the point that they rather go to huge detrimental lengths of actions rather than take an action that would harm another. Even towards beings that are not Onobots, they never start any form of aggression on purpose. They only will attack when provoked or attacked themselves first. An Onobot about to become angry can be distinguished by their eyes turning a bright Red. Once enraged like this, they will take what they consider appropriate actions, and once these have been taken, will immediately turn back to normal.

Historic tales also tell of Onobots that have been enraged even further, indicated by dark red eyes. While no such event can be found in recent history, Onobots themselves have confirmed this as something they call „Extermination Mode“. Once they are in extermination mode any Onobot in existence, that is aware of the events that started it, will pursue their target with no rest or diversion until it, and anything related to it, has been completely defeated. They will spare no cost in this pursuit, and anyone trying to hinder them will also become a part of the extermination. The only thing I could find that could hint at such an Event is the myth of the Alphanet Hills whereas a whole Tribe of 100,000 were slaughtered down to the last person, including women and children, in such brutal fashion overnight, that even the toughest grave robber could not stomach getting close to the hills for a decade and the decaying corpses being the source of the smell of the Alphanet Hills till this day. Considering what I wrote about above in regard to Onobots lying, the fact that the Onobots I asked would not flat out deny the truth of this myth or their possible involvement in it makes me believe this may have been an Event of Onobots in extermination mode.

Their eyes also include something called Cameras, they allow them to perfectly see things from afar as if it was right before them or even see in the dark. They also can pick up even the lowest of whispers of people not even remotely close to them. Furthermore, they have many sensory Organs that allow them to detect a wide variety of things happening around themselves that do not involve sight or hearing, and even seem able to detect changes in the airflow or know things hidden behind walls or beneath earth. The exact range I could not determine, but it is at least tens of meters wide.

Another strange thing they can do is, when given paper and ink to eat, to print out perfectly written documents within seconds as well as perfect copies of any scenery or art they have seen from their body. This ability is probably most well known to people for the „Onobot Paychecks“ that Onobots use to pay for things when they do not have enough coinage on them. For some reason however, even tho with this method they can produce probably the most detailed pieces of art the world all over, Onobots refuse to use this method to produce art at all costs if possible and will rather draw horrendous art the traditional way and be way happier about this than what they print. They will justify this behavior with statements as „This is how true art is supposed to be made“ or „printed art has no feelings in it.“

For some reason, Onobots also had come to the conclusion that humans need active encouragement to make children, or they may otherwise go extinct. For that reason, they regularly distribute erotic art that they call "Homework" among people. They can also often be seen observing or mingling in the love affairs of younger people to encourage them to become couples. They also try to do research on their own in the matter of child making to find new ways to encourage it, but their general lack of common sense usual means that these endeavours are fruitless.

Most unorthodox is also their behavior in regard to carrots. Onobots have made it a clear and public statement that their beloved Queen Lumi hates carrots and any cultivation, owning or selling of carrots within the Retro Reich is strictly forbidden by law and punishable with even death in worse cases. Yet at the same time, they also made sure that any actual follow through of this law is essentially impossible due to complex wording and cannot be acted upon. Have personally intervened in the past when people tried to give punishment out based on their own interpretation of this law. Actively encourage cultivation and farming of carrots to the point that many generations ago they encouraged migration of Champyons from /pyon/ for better carrots as well as the selling and importing of carrots to the point they will fight over the purchase of any leftover stock they can find as if it was a good more valuable than even gold. Only to then give them away for free or donate them to charity.

I hope with this Document people can better understand Onobots and that it will help them in dealing with them in the future.