Emperor M Rewrite

For the past couple of years I have been collecting NES games. It initially started as me doing some spring-cleaning and realizing how many old games I left back in my parent's house but since then it's grown into a little hobby of mine. Sure, I don't have the biggest collection out there, but a lot of the games on the system played a huge part in making me who I am. I still remember all the times I played Mario 3 with my friends, and even now, in the few spare moments that Law School hasn't taken from me, I'll play a game or two.

It was the weekend, and being as broke as I currently am I decided to go to my town's weekly marketplace. It's just an area where people go to sell food, little things they've made, or to get rid of old junk they no longer need. Though I was there to buy some used clothes one of the other tables ended up catching my eye.

Near the end of the street, surrounded by others looking to offload their junk, was an old woman selling a couple of NES games and a bunch of other children's toys. I asked her why she was selling all this stuff and she responded that "her son didn't want it and likewise it was taking too much space up in the attic so she saw a good opportunity to sell it all here."

I browsed through the collection of games on the table. Most of it was stuff I already had, a couple of games that I was eventually gonna buy when I had enough money but decided to just buy it there due to how much cheaper they were, and hidden in plain sight: a gold cartridge of Nintendo World Championships.

Immediately I had trouble keeping my cool as soon as I laid my eyes on that cartridge. I promptly asked the lady how much she was selling each of these games for, trying not to give off the fact that she had one most valuable video games ever made. She looked at me and said "$20 each." I steadily walked over to her while trying to maintain a straight face, holding the other games I had found as well as the gold cartridge in both of my hands before gently placing them in front of her. I paid her the money and bid her adieu as I walked out with the biggest smile on my face, forgetting to buy what I originally wanted to get but leaving with something infinitely more valuable.

The entire way back to my car I stared at the gold cartridge piled on top of my newly acquired pile of NES games. The fact that I was able to walk out there and make a profit of twenty thousand dollars minimum was insane to me, and for all the guilt I had over taking advantage of that old lady I was twice as happy to have that gold copy of Nintendo World Championships.

I arrived back at my home still feeling as ecstatic as I was when I first made my purchase. I quickly walked over to my collection of NES games in my cramped little room, putting the rest of the ones that I bought on my shelves as I continued holding onto that gold cartridge. I knew what I wanted to do, to put that game in my console, play one round, and forever use that as an opportunity to boast to others about how I actually played one of the rarest games ever.

As I stick the cartridge into the console all the power in my house goes down, turning off everything except my TV. As I turn on my phone's flashlight to see what's going on a faint bit of static begins to emit from my television. It gets louder with every passing second, finally ending as the lights turn back on with a red beast jumping out.

"Nice collection kid, I have quite a few hobbies collecting things myself."

It was the devil himself.

"I see you're after the gold cartridge so I'll offer you a deal: You best me, I'll let you keep it. You lose, I get to add another soul to my collection. Whether you want me to leave and take back the cartridge or accept the offer is up to you."

I think about it for a bit. Though it's likely a sin and there's a possibility I lose my soul, the opportunity to add that very valuable video game to my collection and beat the devil while doing so is too much to resist.

I reach out to shake his hand.

"I'll take your bet devil but you're gonna regret it, I'm the best there's ever been."

He has a big smile on his face before explaining the devil in the details.

"Now I said you were betting to keep that Nintendo World Championship cartridge but that doesn't mean we're gonna be using it. I myself have gotten tired of playing Rad Racer and Tetris and instead have a preference for something a little bit more refined."

The television's screen displays the title screen for Mario 3.

Grabbing the controller from the floor, he states the rules of our little bet:

"Fastest one to beat the game wins. For your sake I'll disallow cheating. I'll go first just so you know how slim your chance to beat me still is."

He immediately starts the game up, blazing through it as fast as he can. He very easily speeds through the first couple of levels, effortlessly jumping on top of each enemy and avoiding being hit as he goes to collect the third stage's Warp Whistle. As he does the same in the game's first castle, letting him warp to the final world and now entering its first stage, he looks back at me, still having that same smile he had last time.

"Enjoy your soul while you still have it!"

Instantaneously he gets hit by a cannon, causing him to start frantically moving his character around before getting hit by a wrench, losing all his progress while near the end of the stage.

Taking advantage of the situation I begin chuckling at him before he angrily breaks his controller in half, summoning another one in his hands.

He replays the stage and beats the rest of the world quickly yet his mistake dearly costs him. Having completed the game in fifteen and a half minutes, I see his devilish grin on his face as he hands over the controller.

His ego won't let him concede that he's already lost.

Playing as Luigi I quickly get to work collecting the warp whistles. As I get to the final world I'm a couple of seconds behind but I know that his mistake is gonna help me make up for lost time. Though taking a hit or two along the way stage by stage I finally get to Bowser's castle, having around a minute and a half to spare.

Bowser's fight is as intense as ever, quickly trying to dodge his attacks as the Devil begins to mock me from behind, attempting to get me to mess up. I pay no attention to him as I finally defeat Bowser and get to the end screen, beating the game at a close yet faster time of fifteen minutes and twenty-four seconds.

As I stand up from the couch I look at him, expecting to have my cartridge back any second now. He looks at me and begins laughing, the room beginning to heat up as his laugh continues to echo the room.

"You thought it'd be that easy? How foolish of you! I have one more surprise."

The room getting hotter, he sits down next to me and summons a second controller just for himself. The screen switches to a single platform all in front of a hellish backdrop. My character is on the left side of the platform without any power-ups while his character looks drastically different from mine. Sporting a hammer suit, tanooki tail, and fireflower-esc color scheme, he makes one last remark:

"Why don't we fight face-to-face instead of merely competing?"

The match starts as he starts lobbing as many fire-balls and hammers as he can in my direction. Though the heat starts to get to me and my chance to win feels nigh-impossible, I see my opportunity to strike.

Dodging each one of his fireballs and hammers, I charge towards him and hit him right in the head, making him lose his character's red and orange palette and revert back to a more blackish one.

I hear him getting angrier, moving his character around and still throwing hammers in order to defeat me. His "strategy" however has no bearing on me as I find my next chance to stomp on him, leaving him with just his tanooki tail.

Becoming even more furious, he starts hovering over the landscape, occasionally coming down to try and hit me but this just further leaves him open. I hit him one last time, making him lose his final power-up and turning his character into a slightly taller version of mine.

I'm practically melting at this point from how hot the room has gotten but he seems to look even worse. He charges straight at me, desperately trying to get even one hit on me before I jump right over him, causing him to sprint straight off the platform towards his death.

As his character dies he stands-up from the couch and bows down to me, laying on the ground the golden cartridge.

Having now won back my possession and my room no longer feeling like an oven, I make one final remark to him before he leaves:

"Thanks for the cartridge loser. Now get out of my house you Godless faggot and never bother me again!"