Rural Trouble by anonymous

Have you ever gotten into a physical altercation with an anthro? If it happens to you, try this one, foolproof trick to confuse them and get the upper hand:
Kiss them unexpectedly, the deeper the better, surprise French them

"Oh, so the monkey thinks he's FUNNY?!"
You might be too stupid to live
You've been on the road in deep, rural anthro country
The sort of place that you don't want to be alone in after dark, ever, but ESPECIALLY if you're human
You had pulled into town just before sunset and were ordering something to drink at the shitty chain hotel bar before hitting the hay and getting on the road for another early morning
And that's when you made your mistake
You had, when attempting to order a margarita with a salted rim, used the insensitive human nickname for it, a "Dog on a Leash"
Now, you're surrounded by a bunch of thuggish looking canines, and their apparent boss, a literal big bad wolf, each snarling at you with malice
"Well?! Gonna say something, or just gonna keep standing there looking like you're about to wet yourself?!"
While you wanted to spit out some kind of apology, it seems the... uh... dogs had your tongue, and you only managed a panicked stammer
"Waltzing into MY town and saying that kind of domesticator SHIT, you've got some fucking nerve, monkey punk! And looks like you're not so tough without more of your worthless brethren or one of your firearms to back up your shittalk, huh?!"
His pack started howling in support of their leader, and they all started to back away slightly
You thought, for a split second, that maybe they just wanted to terrorize you a little bit and they maybe now that you were scared shitless, they would leave you alone
But no, on returning your gaze to the pack leader, you found he had taken off his gloves and biker jacket to reveal his admittedly impressive biceps and claws
Which he then used to rip into your collar and force you up against the wall
"Take a look, boys, it's well past time that someone gives this human a lesson in humility, and today, i'm gonna be his teacher!"
You could smell the tequila under his snarling breath, and it almost seemed like you could see your reflection in his fangs, too
Soon it wasn't just your reflection, but your whole life that was flashing in front of your eyes
God... what a stupid way to go out!
You never got to do all those things you wanted, like surfing, buying a house...
... kissing someone, g-getting a boyfriend...
But then, something else flashed into your memory
Kissing...
That's right, two weeks ago, while mindlessly doomscrolling on furchan, someone linked an article on that stupid dating app site, howlr or something...
'Practical safety for the single human'...!
'... and last but not least, if you find yourself cornered without any other recourse, try kissing your anthro adversary! Anthros are very sensitive, and the sensual overload may be just enough to allow you to make your escape~!'
You figured that article was satire or something, but... could it be true?
Snarling and a wound up bunch of claws brought you crashing back into reality before you could ponder the truth of things further
But before he could let loose, you let all thoughts go, and with nothing but pure adrenaline, pushed forward...
... and locked lips with his snout!
Shocked gasps and someone screaming "WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU-" erupted around you
Your adversary's eyes shot open in abject disbelief and shock, and his grip loosened on you as he let out a incensed yelp
He tried to push you away, but with your arms now freed, you grabbed him by the hackles and held on for dear life
For good measure, you started trying to worm your tongue into his mouth, too!
"RRRRRRFFFFFFF...! WWWWHHHHHTTHHHFFFFFFF...?!", he muttered out, as his tongue rose in a futile attempt meet the challenge the rest of his body apparently couldn't
But it was all for naught! Your tongue slipped past his and into his mouth, and you felt him shiver from the unexpected sensation of deeply kissing the human he was trying to brain just seconds ago
You... couldn't believe that actually worked...
But there wasn't a second to lose!
Disengaging the kiss, you pushed him back with all your might and took a step back, a trail of your mutual saliva leaving the two of you connected for just a second longer
The wolf was spitting and spluttering, and had his eyes off of you as he vigorously tried to wipe the aftermath of your unexpected(ly passionate) kiss off of his lips, nose, and chest
So, letting the adrenaline do most of the thinking, you proceeded to pick up one of the wooden barstools, raise it up over your head, and before he could react...
... smash down into him it with as much force as you could physically muster, right over his head!
He let out an unexpectedly high pitched whine, and the stool broke into 5 or 6 different pieces, sending him flying backwards into a puddle of fur and broken furniture
For a second there was dead silence as his buddies watched, absolutely slack-muzzled, at what just happened, until the second biggest of them decided that there could be no more words, just intensely hostile growling
The adrenaline kicked back in, but before you could do anything even more insanely retarded, the bartender, a smartly dressed cat in a suit, reached across the bar and hissed into your ear:
"Are you fucking INSANE?! Get out of here, now! Hurry!", before reaching under the bar and taking out a shotgun, firing into the ceiling and screaming "STOP IT! ALL OF YOU, RIGHT NOW! HISSSSSSS-"
He didn't need to tell you twice! You booked it as fast as physically possible out of there while the rest of the dogs were distracted by their downed boss and the barkeep
You weren't around to see it, but minutes later, he began to come to...
"Bro! You ok?!"
"Fuck my head hurts... still seein' some flashing lights, but I think... i'll live... help me up, would ya?"
Pain and white hot fury towards you seared in the forefront of his mind as his friends hoisted him back into a booth seat and wiped some of the blood off of his head
But beneath the fury, abject shock and confusion towards what you had just pulled
And something else...
How your heartbeat felt, how your hands wrapped around his back felt, and most of all how your tongue felt against his...
It made him feel light-headed, excited, warm...
And he couldn't think straight because of it
All he could think about was getting back to you, getting revenge, getting his paws on you, getting HIS tongue in YOUR mouth...
"Where... where did he go?"
"He made a break for it, but he couldn't have gone far. You rest here, dude, me and the boys'll-"
"NO! I'm going after him myself! Alone, too!"
"B-but boss?! You look like you can barely walk!"
"I'll be FINE!", wincing as he brought himself to a stand
"He's made a fool of me, and i'm going to get revenge! With all of you as my witness, I AM going KISS HIM!"
...
"Uh... y-you mean-"
"I... I MEAN KILL HIM! Fucking human must have given me a concussion...!"
Too scared to contradict him, they all watched as he stumbled unevenly out of the bar, his nose twitching in the evening light to search for your scent
As he did, they couldn't help but notice, as they saw an unusual protrusion from his spandex biking suit, that you had left him with more than just a concussion, too...