The Leviathan

NARRATION

KNOCK

KNOCK

KNOCK

Mario and Luigi are finishing up their morning chores when they hear numerous loud bangs coming from their door, looking out their peephole to see no one there. Going outside to check their mailbox, the two of them read the contents of the letter:

“Dear Mario & Luigi:

As a reward for the two of you being such gentlemen I’ve baked a cake for the two of you. Please come to the castle. Nobility deserves to be well fed.”

Warm regards,

Princess Peach.”

With Mario still having to spend a couple more minutes washing his clothes and Luigi’s chores already done, the two decide to split-up for a bit, Luigi heading to Peach’s Castle with Mario eventually meeting the two of them there once he finishes.

With Luigi gone and Mario’s overalls hung up to be dried out, he heads towards Peach’s Castle. His mind wanders through all sorts of joys as he goes there: meeting the princess, having some cake, maybe even playing a round of golf or two if the time permits. So distracted in his thoughts he barely even registers that he’s finally arrived at the castle, his mind now subconsciously guiding him towards the throne room. It’s only when he accidentally bumps into somebody that he realizes he’s arrived.

“Hey bucko, watch where you’re going! You really gave me the heebie-jeebies there for a sec-”

Their eyes finally connect and get a good look at eachother’s appearance. Standing right in front of Mario is a washed out version of himself. The imitator’s clothing colors are inverted, red overalls instead of blue and a blue shirt instead of red. His hat leaves a shadow covering his eyes. A transatlantic voice seemingly booming under him, Mario finds every part of this look-alike to be shockingly wrong. Do his enemies really think he’s that fat? Even this knock-off’s mustache is too gruff for his tastes, wiggling around the duplicate’s face with every syllable he utters.

Yet in spite of all these offenses against Mario’s style, the most shocking thing he finds in this situation is why Toadsworth is right next to him.

“Pardon me Master Mario but as I was saying if you go right through that door you’ll be with Lu-”

He pauses for a second.

“Excuse me, there must be fog in my glasses.”

As Toadsworth takes out his handkerchief to clean his glasses the two Marios continue to lock eyes. Mario moves to the right, the other one copies his movement. Mario jumps, the other one attempts to mimic him, reaching almost as high as him while failing to do the iconic™ hand movements he does. Locked in a stalemate it’s only Toadsworth’s realization that ends their impromptu standoff.

“OH, THE AGONY!”

Toadsworth rushes away from the two Marios towards the throne room’s doors, putting his cane between the handles before standing guard.

“Halt! Neither of you will be meeting the princess until this kerfuffle gets sorted! One of you is a scoundrel out to get the princess!”

The two Marios argue against one another, attempting to convince the Toadsworth of their own genuineness and the other’s fraudulence. Though the original Mario’s words are unfortunately too Italian to be translated into proper English for this story, the other Mario’s sentences are legible enough to be transcribed here.

“What’s the big hubbub here? You should immediately be able to tell the difference between me and an Impasta!”

Immense amounts of sweat runs down Toadsworth’s face as he continues to stick himself against the door.

“For the princess’ sake neither of you will be allowed in! What an absurd idea to let either of you in when I’d practically be tossing a coin!”

The other Mario slowly moves right up towards the main one.

“Why not usher some sort of test then to figure out who the real one is? A way to show who really deserves to have the status of Mario?”

Toadsworth’s breathing relaxes as he uses his handkerchief to wipe the sweat off his face.

“Very well then. What do the two of you have in mind?”

“A strength contest would be quite lovely! It’d solve this issue in quite the jiffy and prove who’s who!”

Toadsworth, still glued to the door, turns over to Mario.

“And your suggestion?”

Mario utters the first of his syllables recommending that Toadsworth get Luigi and Peach to have them pick the real Mario. His suggestion however ends as soon as it begins when a swift punch to the back sends him gasping for air. His red(der)-wearing clone puts his hand sternly around his shoulder, bringing his prey in.

“Jeez, this fella’s really on the ritz. How about we let him save his breath and just go with my idea?”

Mario, still hyperventilating, attempts to finish his sentence. Every word uttered results in that rigid hold from his phony tightening, his words coming to an agonizing end lest a chunk of him be ripped out.

“See here, this is what I’ve been jabbering about! Just go with my suggestion so this bunko doesn’t croak before we even begin!”

Toadsworth thinks it over.

“Hmmm…. if this is the game chosen then alright, let us begin.”

His cane still jammed between the door’s handle, Toadsworth turns around and presses a button hidden on it. A hole opens from the middle of the marble floor, a strongman game emerging from it with two hammers placed to the side. A crowd of Toads begin to gather around the three of them as Toadsworth heads up to the machine and pulls out the obligatory ruleset he wrote for such an occasion. Amongst the crowd Mario notices a strangely tall figure in a trenchcoat, his movements erratic and wavy.

“Based on the official Mushroom Kingdom Strongarm Guidelines you two need to first give each other a cordial handshake.”

The two Marios move their hands towards each other. The second contact is made Mario notices both the oddities of receiving a four-finger handshake but more importantly the concerning status of every bone in his hand being turned to dust. His attempts to salvage what few bones still remain in his right hand are crushed when his doppelganger goes in for round two and places his foot over Mario’s, locking him in place.

“Geez-louise, you’re really crushing my hand here. You can’t just make this a fair competition, can you?”

The duplicate lets go and goes back to where he was, letting Mario inspect his hand to see if there’s one part that wasn’t mashed into a fine paste.

“Now which one of you would like to go first?”

The other Mario raises his hand.

“Seeing that I’m the real one here, it behooves me to go first in honor of my dearest brother, Mama Luigi. Speaking of which, I bet he’s taking great care of Peach as we fellas are speaking!”

He goes up to the high striker, grabs a hammer, and readies himself.

“This one’s for the cosmos!”

The hammer comes crashing down on the lever, raising the puck all the way to the very top. The bell rings and an image of an absurdly ripped Toadsworth with the words “Toadally Toadsworth” lights up.

“Smashing!” The machine says in Toadsworth’s voice. The crowd of Toads cheer him on.

The other Mario throws the hammer to Toadsworth as he turns around, the force causing his frail body to take a couple steps back.

“Your turn, Impasta.”

Mario goes up to the machine and grabs the hammer, the ceiling’s natural light shining on him. Lining his feet up correctly and pulling the hammer back Mario raises his head upwards, ready to strike. The crowd’s cheering quickly turns to yelling though as a stampede of Toads dart towards him. Jumping over them he looks ahead to see that the mysterious figure was actually three Goombas in a trenchcoat. Toadsworth stands in front of the huddled crowd of Toads, his hammer drawn out as he attempts to look menacing.

“Blimey! An attack from Bowser’s minions at this moment? What trickery is that Koopa up to?”

Mario charges at the three Goombas. Hammer in hand, he quickly gets to work as he pummels the Goomba at the top of this trench coat trio, knocking off the group’s hat and coat. The remaining two, frantic that the head of their operation is no more, split from the stack, giving Mario the perfect opportunity to smack the leftmost one into a makeshift ball to get the other. The two Goombas are sent flying out the hallway as the third one, now two-dimensional, flees.

As the castle’s guards swarm the room the group of Toads roar with excitement as Toadsworth lowers his hammer.

“Excellent job Master Mario! I expected nothing less than that exquisite performance of yours!”

Appearing from seemingly nowhere the mimic shows up behind the two of them, approaching the two with persistent laughing and clapping.

“Well, wasn’t that something? You may have defeated those little brown things but you forgot the bigger picture.”

The other Mario points to the strongman game in the middle of the room. The puck barely raised, a cartoon depiction of Bowser with the words “Koopa’s Greatest” is lit up.

“Guess you must’ve hit the lever during that whole brouhaha. Ain’t that right, Impasta?”

The other Mario has another hardy laugh before continuing.

“Anyway, Chancellor, I won the contest. How about you crown me as Mario and we give this scapegrace the ol’ one-two? Gosh, I can’t believe this Impasta would try to dethrone me! ”

Toadsworth heads back to his lodged cane and grabs it from the door’s handles. With another press of the cane’s button, the machine disappears into the floor with Toadsworth placing his hammer behind him. He whistles, grabbing the attention of the castle’s guards.

“Though you may have won the contest, your insincerity and negligence for the wellbeing of others has shown your true colors. Guards, detain this crook!”

The castle’s guards circle the trickster, spears inches away from cutting him open.

“Hey wiseguy, what’s the big idea? Are we playing another game or what?”

One of the guards behind the fraudster gives him a short jab, pushing him forward.

“Why, you!”

The fake turns around and tugs the spears from two guards behind him, the force sending them flying at the guards in front. Half of the circle’s guards are now stacked atop each other in the castle’s corner, the great pile of Toad bringing shock to the crowd of once cheerful onlookers and fear to the guards who still have their helmet on their head.

“What poppycock I say, making ME play another one of these juvenile games so I can say that I am who I am. Now is my puggy, duplicitous, unmerited, dishonorable, odious, freak of a clone getting the boot or what?”

The mimic faces Mario, slowly walking towards him. The still-conscious guards in the room scatter, most of the onlookers quickly following.

“What’s the deal with being Mario anyway? I mean golly gee whillikers, how much effort does it entail to be THIS pitiful?”

As the fraud slowly closes the distance between him and his opponent he cracks his knuckles. Mario brings his hammer up and positions his legs accordingly.

“Do you revel in mediocrity? Failing upwards with each repellent idiosyncrasy of yours? How you’re a-

“En garde you treacherous rapscallion!”

Toadsworth jams his cane into the other Mario’s leftmost button. Screaming in pain, he convulses backwards as his left button closes and his overalls widen to reveal his true face. His mustache no longer moves as he talks.

“Why I oughta- you half witted geezer!”

He moves his hand out to grab Toadsworth, missing him by inches as he hastens back to Mario. The few Toads left in the room collectively carry the second hammer with them as they scuttle behind the two.

“Of course the riffraff rally by you! All following this charlatan’s hegemony, all believing his fabrications of nobility! Your entire lives wasted idolizing this dilettante, idolizing some humbug carpenter who stumbled his way into fame! I’ll show you an aristocrat. I’ll show you Leviathan.”

The sound of glass shattering is heard from afar, along with an oddly familiar voice frantically screaming.

“But first, I need a crowd!”

“MARIO!”

Luigi comes sprinting from the castle’s corridors. With Princess Peach grabbing onto his hand and holding her parasol in the other, he quickly picks her up and throws her in Mario’s arms before losing control, slipping and headbutting into the castle's walls.

Toadsworth pulls Luigi out of the wall. With a swift tug he’s up for three seconds before falling backwards. To mark this momentous occasion, the wall’s exquisite markings, a stripe pattern masterfully crafted to extend throughout the entirety of the castle, now contain a Luigi-sized hole of his head.

“Master Luigi, Why is the princess here? And what’s with all the commotion today?”

At a moment’s notice a cosmic being, galaxies moving around his skin, appears from the same corridor. Looking exactly like Luigi, he handsprings towards the mimic, gracefully landing to the right of him as Luigi gets up and heads towards Mario’s right side.

“What a welcome surprise for this momentous, heart-warming, occasion! Princess Pauling, certifier suprême of the world’s greatest swindler! And of course, the main event’s right-hand man, second place in unscrupulousness, Luigi!”

Walking around the room as his face-body continues speaking Cosmic Luigi stands upright by him, hands to his sides.

“Now I understand the… oddities… inherent in this situation. No nobleman should lash out on the general populace, in spite of their incessant stupor. They obey the dictator only because he has brainwashed the masses, they will eventually follow the king because he has proven his worth. The laymen are free to go, for they have not perpetrated the great myth of this false hierarchy.”

The Toads behind Mario scurry out of the room, leaving the hammer and dragging the still unconscious guards with them into the hallway. Toadsworth, grabbing Peach’s hand, attempts to leave with the rest, only to be face-to-face with Cosmic Luigi. They whisk back to Mario and Luigi, Toadsworth wanting to give a piece of his mind.

“How unspeakable of an action! One of Bowser’s underlings cornering us to get the princess yet again! Have you no sense of decency?”

Impasta slaps his knee, laughter so spontaneous and unending it’d have resulted in the death of an average man.

“Bowser? You think that oaf’s got the brains to come up with a plan this calculated?”

His laughter eventually coming to an end, The slight movement of his right hand cues in Cosmic Luigi for the final event. He ends the show’s introduction with a deep breath and a line he’s been waiting to say since the day it all started.

“For those too disillusioned to be ever cured of your illness I may be deemed an Impasta. For all those finally cured, a destroyer of this wretched system rotting from within.”

Cosmic Luigi grabs one of the castle’s torches and lights the drapes on fire. The smoke engulfs the room, obscuring both Cosmic Luigi and Impasta. As Luigi huddles in fear Toadsworth taps his shoulder, handing him the second hammer. A battle ready Mario and Luigi now stand, guarding Peach and Toadsworth.

“I am opulent…”

“I am cosmic…”

“I can see your nature…”

“I can see your fate…”

“I consume galaxies…”

“And I will consume you!”

His final outcry blows out the room’s smoke and flames, revealing Leviathan. Standing tall and upright with Cosmic Luigi perched atop his left shoulder, his bent knees and bulky body centers around his vicious grin and its emerging black hole. Spikes emerge from his shoulder, his “head” now melting into his body. He smiles at the sight of the four of them, his mouth widening to reveal his teeth, a cluttered mess, each one unique.

He roars at Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Toadsworth before fully opening his mouth, all bits of the castle now being pulled into his black hole.

Mario and Luigi look back at one another before staring at the monster.

“Let’s-a go!”

“Okey dokey!”

As Mario and Luigi rush Impasta his assistant jumps off his shoulder towards the two brothers. The servant aiming for Mario, Luigi jumps on top of Mario to counter, using him as a platform to jump up and hit Cosmic Luigi. Whacking his hammer towards Cosmic Luigi’s side, he barely misses as his target ducks under, giving Luigi a haymaker to the stomach before using his body as a launchpad to jump back onto the titan’s shoulders while Luigi crashes into Mario. As the two brothers regain their composure various ornaments in the room continue to disappear into the creature’s mouth, parts of the castle’s walls startling to crumble. Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Toadsworth feel themselves being pulled towards the black hole.

Now back on their feet, Mario leans over to Luigi and whispers into his ear, his eyes widening as he listens before he looks back and gives a thumbs up. They charge at Impasta again with Cosmic Luigi similarly jumping from Impasta’s shoulder towards Mario. Luigi, instead of jumping on top of Mario, runs ahead of him. He jumps in the air and receives a prompt whack from Mario’s hammer, sending him flying towards Cosmic Luigi. A green missile aimed where the servant thought a clueless fool would be, it catches him off guard as the rocket’s head thrusts into his body and sends the two aimlessly torpedoed away from the action.

Mario, without the normal and cosmic versions of his brother in the fray, continues charging towards Impasta. Careful not to accidentally satiate his appetite, he holds his own against the ferocious force pulling him in as he inches towards the beast. With the room’s windows all shattered and pieces of the walls now the monster’s appetizer, he’s finally close enough to hit him. He gets a firm grip on his hammer, winds it up tightly, and releases it into the leviathan’s leg.

Nothing happens!

Again, Mario pulls the hammer all the way back, double-checks his positioning so that he’s fully confident it’s hitting his kneecap, and with all the energy he can muster unleashes the hammer.

Nothing again!

He keeps whacking him over and over, from the feet to the back, each hit equally pointless as the rest. Finally, it’s a hit to the shins that affects Impasta. Not hurting him in any way of course, just making him aware of what’s going on.

Impasta looks down, scoops up Mario with his hand, and puts him in front of his eyes.

“Hahahahaha! Is this how mankind’s greatest liar dies? As a meal brought directly to me, impotently using your toys to no avail? When my triumphs are done being cataloged I might ask my scribes to make your death less pathetic. ”

Impasta tightens his grip on Mario, the experience being a full-body version of the handshake he shared with him. Luigi, no longer dazed from the crash, gets back up to see his brother about to be eaten. Panicking, he picks his hammer back up from the crash site, rushes over to the giant (not forgetting to give Cosmic Luigi a solid hit to the head so he stays down), and furiously starts smacking him over and over and over. His entire face is covered in sweat as spurts of Italian gibberish come from him. He frantically nails blow after blow into the monstrosity, only for each one to not even get the mutant’s attention. He pauses his hammering when he hears a voice yelling from across the room, shattering his perceived dim prospects.

“Master Luigi! Give that scoundrel a good wallop in those eyes of his! You’ll see him fall to his knees in no time!”

Mario is now inches away from death, his bones being crushed as he’s edged ever closer into the black hole, endless mockery still coming from Impasta as he continues consuming the castle, his pupils now shining through his amber eyes. Luigi, still behind the brute and without many options, starts climbing up his back. Using chunks of his deformed back and some of the spikes protruding as climbing holds, he mounts the monster’s shoulders. With little time left and on unstable ground he pulls out his hammer, mutters some alleged luck-granting Italian gobbledygook, and rams it into the abomination’s left eye.

The monstrosity screams out in agony, lets go of Mario, and stumbles backwards. He obliterates the wall behind him in the process, the impromptu castle renovation expanding the hallway. Luigi, already barely able to stand up on the shoulders of the giant, loses his control and faceplants towards the cold hard floor. About to get a faceful of marble he braces for impact in the most Luigi way possible, screaming as loud as he possibly can. Only in the knick of time is he caught by Mario, saving him from his fate.

The two now on their feet, they turn around to see Toadsworth and Peach, though both hanging onto the parasol to reduce the beast’s voracious pull, cheering them on.

“Master Mario and Luigi, give those dastardly ne’er-do-wellers the ol’ brotherly one-two!

“Mario! Luigi! We’re rooting for you!”

Hearing the phrase “ol’ brotherly one-two,” Mario rubs his chin, pondering what Toadsworth meant by that. A few quality seconds of looking around the battleground and noticing a suspicious lack of someone leads Mario to a euphoric realization. Light bulb appearing over his head he huddles up with Luigi, Toadsworth, and Peach to discuss their gameplan.

Done strategizing they look back at the abomination, seeing him pull himself back up. He uses bits of the wall to steady himself, still engrossing parts of the castle. Anything that wasn’t glued to the floor has long since disappeared and half of what’s supposed to have lasted for centuries is either rubble or has already been ingested by Impasta.

The behemoth, now up from the debris and back to where he was before being whacked in the eye, notices Mario and Luigi collectively rushing him down. Duly aware of his trump card Impasta moves not one inch, his smile getting bigger the closer they get to him. Now a mere few feet away, the mutant claps his hands, the deafening shock rumbling the room and catching the attention of his second-in-command.

Toadsworth calls back to Mario and Luigi.

“Look above you!"

The two brothers stare up and see above the “ceiling,” or at least what’s left of it, Cosmic Luigi flying down from the roof, legs first, towards the two of them. Seeing the blue missile locked on to the two of them, they initiate their plan.

Mario and Luigi run back as fast as they can towards Peach and Toadsworth, the princess and her loyal steward beginning their barrage of egregious epithets towards Impasta. Devious, foul-mouthed words such as “boorish,” “uncivil,” and even, shocking the sensibilities of the most upstanding gentlemen, “uncultured,” are hurled at Impasta, angering him. He foregoes his original plan and hastens over to them.

“Half-brained drooling dullards. Freaks in the educated man’s eyes. Utterers of lies and deceptions! Your childish insults only reward you with a humiliating defeat from a true nobleman!”

Finally back at Peach and Toadsworth, Mario and Luigi check their backs to see Cosmic Luigi still on their tail with his master, each stomp of his bringing down what little is left of the room, not far behind. They cross their fingers, pull out their hammers, wait for the perfect opportunity, and…

WHAM!

The blue missile goes flying from one Mario to the next, an absolutely flawless shot caused by the two brothers both landing the hit at the exact millisecond. He’s sent soaring, piercing the creature’s right eye as the explosive shot makes him fall to his knees and cry out in rage.

The beast’s breathing gets louder, every shifting of limbs rough and imprecise as he pulls himself up and tears his servant out of his eye, both of them now strained from the damage taken. He strengthens his pull, Peach and Toadsworth now barely holding onto the parasol, the two brothers losing their hats as they’re pulled into the beast’s mouth. Attempting to get up again as he continues consuming what remains, Mario and Luigi initiate part two of their plan.

Letting go of their hammers, Luigi leaps towards Mario, his brother catching him as Mario then swirls him around, building up speed. Ready for their final steps Mario lets Luigi go, having him fly towards the creature. The impact pushing the giant down on the ground, cracking the floor beneath, Luigi bounces off the brute with Mario quickly following up by running towards him and leaping up to grab his brother’s hands. The two rapidly twirling, they drill straight into the behemoth’s left eye, each turn pushing him further into the floor, deeper into his shallow grave.

The monster’s turmoil stops, letting out one final scream as the building’s infrastructure begins to implode. Jumping out of the hole the creature’s in and back onto the castle’s floor, the two turn around to see Peach and Toadsworth already having pulled the parasole over them. A dust storm brewing and the debris raining down, Mario and Luigi rush under the parasol as the storm reaches its peak and what remains of the castle’s ruins hit the floor.

“I AM EVERLASTING.”

“FOREVER UNCONQUERABLE.”

“FOR THOUGH YOUR COMEUPPANCE IS DELAYED.”

“TIME RULES ALL!”

With the dust settled the four of them see the sun shining upon them amongst the ruins. Heading towards the rubble that covered the leviathan’s body, Mario and Luigi dig through it to find that all traces of him have vanished… except for the fact that the vast majority of the castle is now gone. Though Mario and Luigi are glad it’s over, Toadsworth has a look of unending dread on his face.

“It seems as though my work’s never cut out for me.”

Wanting to celebrate the occasion, Mario and Luigi ask Peach if she still has the cake the invitation talked about. She tilts her head, confused.

“Invitation? I don’t remember anything about sending you two an invitation.”

Mario and Luigi fall into a state of sadness with Luigi literally falling due to grief. Upbeat as always though, Peach heads to what remains of her room through the door, a small bit of wood connected to the remaining hinge, and comes back holding something delicious.

“Luckily enough, I did make this today.”

In her hands is a mouthwatering, three-layer cake filled to the brim with an assortment of various fruits, loaded with whipped cream. Mario and Luigi’s eyes light up with Toadsworth patting them on the back.

“Well Master Mario and Luigi, at least there’s a sweet ending to all of this.”

CREDITS