The graphic above is one of the earliest rentry.co documentations of my love for you! I had claimed this url for a friend, but they kind of disappeared off the face of the earth. So, once we got together, I instantly put that image there. You could see that it was edited exactly 42 minutes after we officially got together.

I still remember drawing stupid looking chibis of Nikozai kissing on the school sidewalk with chalk when I was crushing on you. I HAD IT BAD. When I read CSOV for you, I thought to myself, "Huh, I wonder if the fandom ships Noe and Vanitas". I then spent the next hour giggling while scrolling through fanart of them.

Anyway. HELLO. Oh my Goodness. Happy one year. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S BEEN THIS LONG. I feel like it was like. A month ago. That I was crushing on you and making it stupidly obvious. I never even thought you would say yes to my confession, let alone stay by me this long. Let's have so many more anniversaries in the future, okay? Okay! Yay! I love you so much. I'm so grateful for you and all that you do for me... I'm just grateful to have you in my life in general. You mean so much to me.

THIS IS SO HARD. I've never made it this far with anyone I really, truly loved as deeply as I love you. My feelings are usually fleeting, so this is strange. You make me feel WEIRD!!! You give me those stupid butterflies and you make me all giggly and blushy. It's weird. But even so, I'm not complaining. I'm just not used to feeling this happy around any real, living human being. The happiest I've ever been was with fictional characters, or with animals. But this is so much stronger than that, and I'm still getting used to it.

I've never experienced the crushing side of a relationship, only being confessed to and then going "Um. Sure. I guess.", so this whole thing is new to me. I've always been the one confessed to, not confessing! And I feel so strongly for you that it's really overwhelming and it makes my heart feel like it's gonna burst. Gahhhhh.

You make me feel WEIRD and STRANGE. I've never seen myself having a future with anyone else before you. Frankly, I barely saw myself having a future at all. But now, instead of seeing nothing ahead of me, I think of the house we'll have, and the pets we want to get... I think of all the dates we could go on, and all the cute couple things we can do. It's nice. I like thinking like that.

You make me happier than I ever have been in. Literally years. I think I've been improving significantly. Life still sucks, but you make it tolerable. I went from "I'm gonna kill myself before I turn 18", to "But if I die, I won't be able to have a future with Vani". I'm still. Like. Passively suicidal. Like I kind of wish I could just lie down in my bed and rot away. But if I did that I wouldn't be able to live my life with you. Regardless, I think that's an improvement, yeah? Hopefully one day, I'll be able to get help and truly be happy. You too. I hope we both can have that.

I think you've come the farthest of the two of us, probably. I know this is hard for you. Being in a relationship is a big sense of vulnerability, right? And I know you're trying to be more open with me, so I'll always be here for you when you want me to be. No matter how hard you push, I'll come back. Always. Okay? You're not getting rid of me that easily, darling.

You found me when I was at my absolute lowest, and you still stayed by my side, even though I was a huge mess. I don't understand how you could stand being around me back then, I was upset and whining 24/7. I would've gotten tired of me if I were you in that situation. But you didn't. You treated me with nothing but compassion and understanding. And I'm so grateful that you did, because I don't think I would be where I am today without you and the kindness you gave me.

You're the only person who has seen me completely: At my worst, at my best. Shouldn't you be disgusted? Why did you embrace me in my entirety, instead of running away like everyone else would? I can't understand you, or what you see in me... I hope that one day, I'll be able to help you the way you've helped me. You deserve it.

Even after a whole entire year, I still can't fully convince myself that someone like me deserves a lovely, amazing boyfriend like you. But I'm trying. And hopefully, that will be enough one day. We're both trying really hard, I think. We've come a long way since last year, and I'm proud of us both. Mostly you, though. I'll never stop being proud of you for trying. I'm just proud that you're still here, on this planet, living and breathing 3,000 miles away from me.

I'm sorry for worrying so much over every single little thing. I hope you don't get tired of me because of it. I know it must be annoying! I just get insecure and tend to spiral because you're amazing and wonderful and you treat me so kindly and I'm just. Me! But I'm glad you're with me regardless of how annoying and boring I am. I love you so much. I'm so thankful that I get to call you mine.

There's still a little voice in my head, telling me, "Everything passes; He'll leave soon enough. What will you screw up this time?". But since we made it this long, I think the voice got quieter, even if just a bit. I think that even when we've been married for ten years and we live together with a bunch of pets that we treat like our children, I'll still roll over in bed and go "Hey, you still love me right? You don't want a divorce?" every once in a while. It's silly. Will you ever get tired of it? I hope you won't.

Happy anniversary, my beloved. I hope we have so many more in the future. You mean the world to me, and being with you for this entire year is the greatest privilege I've ever gotten to experience. I'll treasure you for eternity, or as long as you'll let me. Whatever's longer.