Velvet Valentine

Rob wetted his fingers under the sink tap, and passed them through his short, dirty-blonde hair, correcting a few stray locks. He gazed into the bathroom mirror and looked his reflection in the eye.

"Alright, Rob, you can do this, no problem. Just walk up to her at lunch and pop the question. No biggie."

Just then Skycarver walked in.

"Please return to your… um… seat, Williams-kun." He gestured towards the stall which served Rob as his place. "Class is now in session."

Rob hurried back to his stall and sat down, pulling the little desk back in front of himself. Runt, who sat in the adjacent stall to his left, had managed to work a 'glory hole' in the stall-wall through a combination of gnawing and creative use of a metal geometry set, and used it to communicate with his American friend.

"Psst, Rob."

Rob glanced left and saw that Runt's mouth was pressed to the hole, whispering at him. He lent slightly in that direction and whispered back.

"Yeah?"

"What's the answer to number six?"

"...Runt, class has just started, Skycarver-sensei hasn't written anything on the board yet."

"Well then what have I been answering for the last ten minutes!?"

There was a rustle of paper as the little bunny-boy pressed a sheet of paper up to the hole.

"That isn't math," Rob whispered. "Those are emojis. Did… did you print out a text message!?"

Skycarver cleared his throat and glared at the whispering students as he began to write the topic of the lesson on the white-board, leaning over the sinks to reach it.

Just then the screeching of metal on metal was heard outside the door, which swung open to reveal a 3-foot, slate-grey cube of indeterminate material hanging in the air, which floated in like a postmodernist deconstruction of a balloon. Skycarver dropped his marker-pen, and Rob could have sworn he heard the camera sound of a smart-phone going off as some unseen member of faculty outside the door explained to the veteran hero that this… entity was his newest pupil.

The teacher's shoulders sagged a little as he directed the cube to a vacant stall, into which it slotted quite neatly.

"Dang, did you get a look at the new girl?" Runt hissed to Rob.

How am I the most normal person in this class? Thought Rob to himself.

‼‼««««僕のヒーローアカデミア»»»»‼‼

The cafeteria was bustling, which, given that it was lunchtime, was unsurprising. Rob decided to get his business out of the way before he sat down to eat, on the grounds that he was nervous enough that vomit was not out of the question, and regurgitating tuna & noodles all down her uniform was unlikely to impress his intended date. He saw her standing in the queue, tray in hand. Kaylee wasn't hard to spot, looming head and shoulders over even the boys, her green hair tumbling down her back from under her uniform cap. Rob did his best to cooly saunter over to her.

"D'you hurt your leg or something?" She asked, side-eying him. "You've got kind of a limp."

Rob briefly considered explaining his attempt at 'sauntering', but thought better of it.

"Uh, nah, it's just a little cramp. So, uh, I was going to… uhm, that is, I thought that, ah…"

"Karaage chicken, with brown rice please." Kaylee addressed the server behind the counter, then turned back to Rob. "Sorry, what were you saying?"

"Oh, uh, I was just going to ask if… what? No, I'm not in the line, I'm just talking to my friend here, thanks." Rob waved off the attentions of the server as politely as he could.

"Hey, buddy, back o' the line!" Remarked the student behind Kaylee, a short, very pretty asian girl with an American accent.

"I'm not in the line!" Rob tried to explain again. "I'm just talking to…"

One of the older students, a tall monkey-mutant with reddish fur who was a little further back in the queue spoke up.

"Hey, is this guy trying to cut in line? No cutting, asshole!"

"No, I'm not…" Rob was quickly drowned out by others joining in.

"Aren't you one of the exchange students? You should be setting a better example of how Americans behave!"

"Yeah, don't be the stereotypical rude American, just barging in and demanding special treatment!"

"BUT I'M NOT…"

"Go to the back of the line like everyone else!"

"Yeah! No cutting!"

"I'M JUST TRYING TO…"

"So rude!"

"Back of the line!"

"No cutting!"

"I'M JUST TRYING TO ASK KAYLEE OUT ON A DATE, DAMMIT!!" Rob yelled, going a little red in the face.

Everyone went quiet. Kaylee, who had started to walk away from the unfolding scene with her tray of delicious fried chicken, stopped in her tracks and turned to look at him, eyebrows disappearing up into the brim of her cap, eyes wide.

"Oh jesus." Said Rob, going from 'a little red in the face' to 'full traffic-light crimson' when he realised what he'd just shouted at full volume. "I-I-I," He stuttered. "Oh God!" He concluded, and dashed off to the boy's bathroom. He hadn't eaten lunch, but his breakfast was making a spirited attempt to put in a second showing.

‼‼««««僕のヒーローアカデミア»»»»‼‼

Rob had hidden in the boy's room until the end-of-lunch-bell rang, then waited for most of the people to leave the cafeteria before he emerged from his hiding spot. He hadn't actually been sick, but there had been plenty of dry-heaving. As he trudged dejectedly towards the exit door he felt a huge, heavy, hand clap down on his shoulder. He turned around, partially under his own power and partially under the irresistible force of the grip on him and found himself face-to-breasts with the object of his would-be affections. He craned his neck up to look her in the face.

"Uh, look, I'm sorry about…"

"Yes." She cut him off.

"Yes?" He queried.

"Yes." She confirmed. "I've been going through some things lately, and I think it would be nice to go out on a date. But you do know that Valentine's day isn't really a big date night in Japan, right?"

"Uh, yeah, of course," He lied, badly. "I just, uh… just thought that maybe since you and me are from places where it is a traditional date night, you might want to, uh, you know, keep up the homeland traditions or whatever."

Kaylee smiled, and handed him a slip of graph paper torn from an exercise book with a number jotted down on it.

"Here, text me and we can work out the details." She grabbed him under the armpits and lifted him up just enough that she could kiss him on the forehead between his antennae, then plopped him back down and walked away.

Rob waited for her to leave, then started doing the touchdown dance he'd always done back home when he won a game of backyard football against his little brother; gyrating his hips and waving his arms around over his head.

"Yes, yes, yes!!! Can you feel it? Can you feel it, huh? Huh?"

He became aware that the janitor was staring at him, and slowly lowered his arms, blushing furiously and scurried off back to class.

‼‼««««僕のヒーローアカデミア»»»»‼‼