Hey! If you aren't familiar with Splatoon, I recommend first reading the included Salmonid Field Guide before reading this story. I wouldn't say it's required– you could probably infer what's going on well enough without it. But it should be helpful to refer to if you're ever confused or intrigued by something in the story.

Even if you are well-versed in Splatoon lore, there's also plenty of stuff in the guide that you wouldn't know, because, well… I made it up. Salmonids are mysterious creatures that we don't know much about, so, in writing a story about them, I've had to use some good ol' headcanon to fill in the blanks and flesh out their world. I made sure to separate the canon stuff from the non-canon stuff in the guide, so if you're interested in why I made the decisions that I did, you can skip down to that section in the guide.

I hope you enjoy reading!

Table of Contents:

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Megalodontics

Lieutenant’s Office
The Piercing Wail Born South of Hell Valley

Those words were written on a small metal plaque beside the door that stood before Finn. It seemed that this was the right place. The Salmonid gulped nervously– this was his first day, so he had to make a good impression. He slowly pushed open the door and swam inside.

“Hang on, one second!” A gruff voice called out as he entered. It took a moment for Finn to spot the source of the voice– the lieutenant wasn’t at his desk, but instead seemed to be digging through an open file cabinet in the far corner of the room. He grumbled frustratingly for a few seconds before slamming the drawer shut. “Whatever! I’ll finish it later…”

The Lieutenant hurriedly swam over to the desk and sat down in his chair. Like Finn, he was a Chum, though judging by his scars and paler scales, he seemed much older than Finn. He looked down at Finn, and immediately, his expression shifted from one of grumpiness to a huge, toothy grin. “Oh! An unfamiliar face! You must be the new recruit. Thank goodness you’re here to cheer me up,” he said eagerly. He reached over to grab a packet of papers that were resting near the edge of the desk. “I’ve got your paperwork here already… be glad it wasn’t in my cabinet, it’s a total mess back there. Let’s see here, you must be… The Secondborn Son of Zattana, the Sharkfin Blade?”

Finn nodded. “That’s me. But I go by ‘Finn’.”

“A sensible choice,” the lieutenant replied. “As for me, I’m sure you read my title on the door. Most fish call me ‘Whale’, but as one of my Snatchers, I expect you to address me as ‘Lieutenant’. That clear?”

“Clear as open water, sir!”

Whale grabbed a pen and scribbled something on the paperwork. “I like your attitude, rookie. Now, it seems like everything’s in order, so we should be good to get things started.” He scooted off of his seat and swam over his desk, as well as Finn, into the open exit. “Come with me.”

Finn followed him out of the room, down a few long hallways, some horizontal, some vertical, before finally arriving at their destination. Another unassuming door, which also had a metal plaque beside it. This one read: Snatchers - Squadron 19.

“Here we are. This is your dorm room, so don’t forget that number.” Whale tapped the plaque. “You’ll need to know it if you want to return here, assuming you haven’t been splatted.”

Gee, that’s reassuring. Finn didn’t want to have to think about that. He’d never been splatted before– he knew that it was inevitable, but he was still anxious about it happening for the first time. What would it be like? How much would it hurt? The other Salmonids that he asked about it never seemed to give him a straight answer. They just said that they were ‘used to it’. But how long did getting used to it take?

“Rookie?” Whale grunted. “You’re staring off into the twilight zone. Snap out of it. If you’re nervous, don’t be.”

Finn blinked. Easier said than done.

“Now,” Whale continued, “let’s meet your new family.”

He opened the door and gestured for Finn to enter ahead of him. Finn hesitated before slowly swimming inside. He was immediately greeted by several rows of bunk beds, closely packed together, lined up all the way to the back of the small room. This place was cramped, but also strangely devoid of life– until Finn heard some chatter coming from the right end of the room, which seemed to be the only space that wasn’t completely filled with beds. A group of fellow Chum were seated around a table, playing a card game and bickering with one another.

“Attention, Snatchers!” Whale suddenly barked, startling both Finn and the group playing cards. “I’d like to introduce a new member of our squadron. Everyone, this is Finn. You lot can show him the ropes around here– I’d do it myself, but I’m annoyingly busy today. I’ll be back in a few hours to collect you all for today’s sortie. Until then, dismissed!”

The Lieutenant slammed the door behind him, leaving Finn to fend for himself. His gaze turned back to the other Chum, which had dropped their cards and were all staring at him, intently and silently. Like a group of piranhas, waiting for him to jump into the water.

“Hey, rookie,” one of the fish asked. “You know how to play Cheat?”

Great, they’re calling me that too. “Um, yes,” Finn blurted.

“Get over here, then! We’ll get you in a game once we’re finished with this one.”

Finn swam over to the table and sat down in the nearest empty seat. The Chum beside him, a bright-eyed female, greeted him with a playful punch to the shoulder. “So you’re the newbie, huh? Your name was… Finn, right?” She grinned devilishly. “I hope you’re ready to bunk with me.”

“Wait, what?” Finn asked. “Why are we–”

“Because that’s the only available bed, duh,” she interrupted. “It was my twin sister’s, but she ranked up to footsoldier a few days ago. Leaving me alone… which is my fault for not qualifying in my performance eval, but next time for sure!”

Finn gave her a confused look, but she didn’t seem to care. “…Right,” he said slowly. “Which bed is mine, then? I’d like to go put my belongings away.”

“Eh, I’ll show you later,” the girl said dismissively. “I don’t wanna interrupt the game for that. But I’ll help you get your things sorted and your Respawner set up, don’t worry.”

“Hey, Star,” a fish addressed her from across the table. “It’s your turn.”

“Oh, right! Sorry!” she replied hurriedly. “Um, what number are we on? Eight, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Okay, good! Then…” she only had two cards left in her hand, and she placed both face-down in the pile in the center of the table. “Two eights!”

“Those were your last cards, so we’ve gotta call Cheat,” another fish said.

Star was already prepared, and she flipped over the cards she’d just placed down. Indeed, they were two eights. “Ha, take that! I win!” she cheered. “I can go for a few more rounds. And make sure to deal Finn in this time, too!”

---

As it turns out, playing Cheat is one of the most socially exhausting ways to meet a group of new fish. Or at least, for Finn it was. These Chum knew each other so well, and here he was, the odd one out, who seemed to get his bluff called every single time he lied, and his luck with calling out others’ cheats was no better. Even after playing for over an hour, he hadn’t won a single match.

After the last round ended, Star showed Finn to his bunk, which was right under hers in the back corner of the room. There was an empty drawer underneath the bed, which he stuffed his belongings into. There were also two Respawner Units, one of which was already claimed, and he managed to link up to the other without any difficulty.

Then, he flopped down on his mattress. It was comfortable, but it smelled a bit funky… had it even been washed since the last fish slept here? He tried not to think about that.

“Heya, Finn,” Star said, startling him. She was leaning down off of the top bunk, pretty much upside-down, peeping in on him. “How are ya feelin’? Settled in yet? Excited?”

Finn had to take a moment to consider his answers to that barrage of questions. “I feel settled in, I guess. This dorm’s not that different from the one at the boot camp. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous.”

“Everyone’s nervous on their first day,” Star reassured. “It’s unlucky that you’re getting thrown into a battle only a couple hours after you show up, but that’s just how the schedule works out. Our squadron deploys every two or three days… if I’m remembering right, we should be headed out to Bonerattle Arena today. It’s the nearest battlefield, so at least we don’t have to swim that far to get there.”

“Bonerattle, huh?” Finn replied. “I’ve always wanted to go there.”

Star gawked at him. “You’ve never been, really? A big inspiration for me joining the forces was being a spectator there and seeing our troops in action! The energy in the crowd was electric whenever the inkfish got wiped out, it was so exciting!”

“I guess I’ll be getting front row seats to the action,” Finn joked. “When are we going, anyway? I mean, I know it’s soon, but it’d be nice to know a specific time.”

“Eh, there’s not really a specific time,” Star shrugged. “The schedule doesn’t say. It’s just whenever Whale decides to barge–”

The door to their dormitory slammed open, interrupting her. “Attention, Snatchers!” Whale yelled.

“Ah. Right on cue.” Star dropped off of the top bunk and grabbed Finn by the flipper. “Come on, we’ve gotta line up!” She practically dragged him along as they swam to the front of the room, where everyone was sorting themselves into two rows. The two of them got into position next to each other and stood at attention.

“Lemme do a headcount… one, two…” Whale trailed off, mumbling to himself. “Alright, good!” he suddenly exclaimed. “Everyone’s accounted for. Grab your gear!”

Everyone around Finn suddenly swam upwards. Confused, and not wanting to be left behind, he looked up to see a set of lockers embedded in the ceiling, which the other fish were already rummaging through. Hurriedly, he swam up to the one directly above him and opened it up, to which he was greeted by a familiar piece of equipment.

Ooh, nice! he grinned as he unhooked it from its storage space and tucked it under his arm. Glad to have one of you again.. It was a newer model than the ones he had at boot camp, too!

Finn was the last one to get back in line. Whale had thankfully been waiting patiently, and once everyone was standing at attention, he barked one last order:

“Alright, everyone. Now, we march!”

---

It was hard to say how long the trip was, but by the end of it Finn was exhausted. The squadron has swam in formation, without any breaks, over several nautical miles of empty ocean in order to reach Bonerattle. The scenery on the journey wasn’t anything remarkable, but Finn still got a mesmerizing view in seeing the dozens of other squadrons swimming alongside them. Fish of all shapes and sizes, many piloting heavy machinery that he someday wished to operate– it filled him with a sense of confidence. How could a couple of inkfish ever defeat this?

Maybe he was about to find out. The army of Salmonids grouped up a few dozen yards from the shoreline, finally giving him some time to catch his breath.

“Tuckered out, Finn?” Star teased.

“The drills back at boot camp never lasted that long,” he groaned in reply.

She giggled. “Hey, I’ve been through it just like you. Your swimming muscles will get caught up in a week, don’t you worry.”

“Soldiers,” Whale said after a moment, interrupting all of the idle chatter throughout the group, “the inkfish seem to be slow to show up today. So for the moment, at ease… except for you, Finn.” He pointed at the rookie directly. “Could you come and speak with me for a moment?”

Anxiously, Finn approached the lieutenant, who looked as stern as ever. “Rookie,” Whale said slowly, “do you think you’re ready?”

“Ready?” Finn blurted. “Well… I mean, I’ve got my hovercraft here.” He gestured to the piece of equipment that was currently folded up and strapped to his back.

“That’s not what I mean. Obviously you have your equipment. What I mean is– do you feel ready?”

“Um… maybe?”

Whale sighed. “That’s not much of an answer, but I guess it doesn’t matter. Whether you said yes or no, I would’ve wanted you to sit this one out anyway.”

“H-huh? Why?” Finn asked. I didn’t do something wrong, did I?

“I want you to stay behind and observe the action– better to learn something on your first day than rush in blindly and get yourself splatted instantly, right?” He gave Finn a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “I do this for all of my troops on their first day. It’s a helpful experience. So, are we clear, rookie?”

Finn hesitated, but he nodded anyway. “…Yes, sir.”

Whale gave him a slight smile. “Alright, very good. Back to your post, then. We’ll be moving out at the sound of the first horn.”

Dejectedly, Finn crawled back to rejoin the squadron. The mix of nervousness and excitement that had been bubbling in his stomach was washed away and replaced with a pit of disappointment. I really just have to sit back and watch? This is so lame. Star tried to start the conversation up again when he came back, but he wasn’t having any of it. As far as he was concerned, today was a bust, and he just wanted to be left alone.

After a few minutes of stewing in his misery, Finn was snapped back to attention by the loud, piercing sound of a horn. Suddenly, everything around him started to move– everyone marched forward, hundreds of Salmonids pouring out of the sea and onto the shore. His squadron of Snatchers was near the back of the pack, as their job was to follow the Boss Salmonids and recover the Golden Eggs from any of them that had been splatted. Even though they didn’t have to fight, it was still a dangerous job– the inkfish wanted those Golden Eggs, too.

Once they reached the shoreline, on Whale’s orders, all of the Snatchers besides Finn started up their hovercraft and ascended out of the water. The lieutenant stayed back, and he gestured for Finn to follow him as he swam towards the surface.

When Finn caught up, Whale was already poking his head out of the water, so he followed suit, and what he saw made him gasp in awe. Bonerattle Arena was a sight to behold, with huge amphitheater stands, filled with roaring Salmonids, surrounding an artificial island stage dotted with ramps, grate bridges, and inkrails. The stage was rife with action– hordes of armed Salmonids charging forward, ink and slime flying everywhere as they zeroed in on a group of four inkfish that were huddled together on a pillar in the center of everything.

“Watch what your peers are doing,” Whale advised. “The inkfish are ravenous and their weaponry is deadly. As a Snatcher, you’re an easy target for them, so it’s important to be efficient. Focus on eggs close to the shore, stack them up neatly, then hightail it out of there.”

It was easy for Finn to pick his fellow Snatchers out of the crowd, even amidst all of the chaos, since they flew high above the action with their hovercraft, only descending once they were right above some stray Golden Eggs. One corner of the battlefield was littered with what looked to be two dozen eggs– a group of Snatchers swooped down and began picking them up with their nets, holding five or six each, and then turned to sneak away. But then, much to Finn’s horror, an inkfish suddenly jumped down from the high ground, holding what appeared to be an oversized paint brush. It pushed the brush on the ground ahead of it in order to approach the Snatchers, and then, it began swinging it wildly, splatting them one by one.

The Golden Eggs dropped to the ground, undoing all of their hard work. Except for one lone Snatcher that had managed to get out of reach of the inkfish and disappear into the water just in the nick of time.

Finn ducked back under the water as the Snatcher swam up to him, balancing an impressive haul of eggs on one finn. As it got closer, he realized something that caused a big, dumb smile to erupt on his face– it was Star!

“How’d you like that?” she asked smugly once she reached him. “It’s a good thing those brushes have pitiful range, ‘cause they’re a mean way to go out. Help me pack these up.”

Finn followed her down to the ocean floor, where a few empty crates were situated, and the two of them set the eggs down neatly inside one. As they were doing so, more Snatchers began swimming down to join them, and soon enough, they had two entire crates filled. What a haul!

As they were finishing up, another shrill horn sounded, signaling the end of the first wave. Most Salmonids had trouble staying above water for long periods of time, so tactical underwater regroups were mandated to keep all troops feeling fresh and ready to fight. With the army’s resources, they could safely attack for three waves at the most, but ideally they’d triumph over the inkfish before then and be able to switch to looting the battlefield.

It seemed that the first wave hadn’t been enough to secure a victory, so Finn breached the surface once again to watch the action. This time, he focused on watching the inkfish fight to see if he could glean anything from their tactics. They moved frighteningly fast along the ground– they were much more well-adapted to land combat than the Salmonids. But even scarier than that were the weapons they held. One held a sword, which shot out blades of ink as it slashed and seemed to cut through even bulky Cohocks like they were butter! Another held a giant gatling gun that, horrifyingly, shredded through the armor of two Flipper-Floppers in a matter of seconds, and another held a smaller gun that fired shots that exploded mid-air, splatting hordes of Chum in a single blast. The fourth and final held the aforementioned brush, which was the least scary of the four, but getting smacked to death by it still looked pretty brutal!

Finn also kept track of Star throughout all of this, and was glad to see that she’d grabbed eggs a safe distance away from the action and managed to come back in one piece once again. He helped her pack up her eggs, as well as that of the other Snatchers, but he noticed that less of them came back this time around, and they didn’t manage to fill up two full crates like last time. Their numbers were dwindling.

“Make sure those things are chained tightly to the ground,” Whale advised as the wave was ending. “I’m getting a strange tingle in my tail, and that’s never a good sign…”

“What’s he talking about?” Finn whispered to Star. “Why do these things have to be chained down anyway? We’re gonna have to undo all of this to take ‘em back home.”

“It’s so they don’t get swept up by the current,” Star replied.

Finn stared at her in confusion. “How would these get swept up, even? They’re really heavy. Wouldn’t we get swept up, too?”

“Hold on to this. Tightly.” Star handed him one of the chains that was bolted to the seabed.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

Star frowned at him. “Yes it does. Do you want to get flung into the air by a giant tornado?”

“A w-what now?”

As if to answer his question, a sudden current washed over him, sending him flying backwards and up towards the surface. If he hadn’t been gripping the chain, he would’ve been instantly flung out into the open air.

Star was on the same chain as him, a bit lower down. “Watch out!” she yelled, barely audible over the rushing water, but Finn got the memo– he ducked his head out of the way barely as one of the crates was picked up by the current and grazed right by him as it rocketed out of the water.

“It’s safer down at the bottom!” Star shouted, and Finn looked down to see her starting to descend the chain. He carefully followed after her, inching his way down link by link as the current pushed against him and the chain flailed around wildly. Eventually, he reached the bottom, and joined her in holding onto the base of the chain. A few other Snatchers were down there, along with Whale, but it seemed that a good number of them had been carried off by the current.

A second crate flew off. More hard-earned Golden Eggs, torn away just like that. If Finn wasn’t focusing all of his energy into maintaining his grip, he would’ve been pretty annoyed.

The current slowly began to die down. Only when the water was completely still did Finn feel comfortable to let go. He sat on the ocean floor to rest and catch his breath, and as he did so, Whale approached him.

“Seems like you got some excitement despite sitting on the sidelines, eh, rookie? I'm impressed, not many manage to survive their first tornado.”

“Excitement is one way of putting it,” Finn wheezed. “But, um… that was the third wave, right? Did we win?”

Whale sighed and looked away. “Unfortunately, I haven’t heard the victory horn get blown yet. Assuming the bugler hasn’t been swept away, I think we’ll have to recoup our losses and retreat.”

“Aw, that’s a shame,” Finn said disappointedly.

“There’s always next time,” Whale reassured. “Between the inkfish and us, we have a pretty even record.”

“And our chances will only get better as our engineers develop new weaponry!” Star chimed in.

Whale nodded. “That’s right. I tell ya, the day we figure out the magic behind those bastards’ portable Respawners, they’re smoked!”

There was an awkward silence before Star piped up again. “Lieutenant, should we start getting packed up?”

“I’d say so, but I haven’t heard the retreat horn, either,” Whale grumbled, scratching his chin. “Maybe the bugler really did get swept away, but something tells me…”

Finn felt a faint rumble. Hurriedly, he grabbed onto the chain once again, but the current didn’t start rushing– this wasn’t from another tornado. The rumbling became louder and fiercer, causing everything around him to shake, and the sound of a new, shrill horn reverberated through the water.

“Ooh, it’s your lucky day, rookie! We’re getting an extra wave!” Whale grinned eagerly.

“But… I thought the army only had enough resources to go for three waves,” Finn replied.

“Reinforcements are coming! It’s all hands on deck now.” Whale patted Finn on the back. “And that includes you, too.”

Finn was in disbelief. “Wait, I get to join the action after all?”

“Damn right! We need all the salmonpower we can get, and I think you’ve observed plenty. Now, the battle here will be extra hectic since there’s a King on the field…”

“A… King?” Finn asked.

Whale nodded. “Yes. The Kings are our most powerful units, and one of them–” The same shrill horn sounded again, interrupting him. “…Wait. Again? Are they really…”

The Lieutenant looked around in disbelief, somehow seeming even more confused than Finn was. Then, a third call of the horn rang out, and his eyes widened with realization. “Well, okay! Seems like it’s not just going to be one King, rookie. We’re getting the whole Triumvirate. I’d explain, but we have to get moving. Soldiers, to formation!”

Whale swam away from Finn, leaving him even more perplexed than before. But he saw the few remaining Snatchers in his squadron beginning to line up in front of him, so he quickly swam to join their ranks. On the Lieutenant’s orders, the squadron advanced, and Finn’s heart started pounding in his throat as they approached the shore. This was really going to be it, his first time on the battlefield! Only a few more feet, and then…

He ascended out of the water, his hovercraft carrying him into the air, and his eyes bulged out in shock– he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Besides the usual troops on the field, there were a pair of behemoths, one wriggling along the ground and one suspended in the sky. The one on the ground looked like a massive Cohock, and it was chasing one of the inkfish, attempting to crush it by flopping onto it with its engorged belly. The floating one was long and thin, like an eel, and it appeared to be holding something in its mouth. It started out as a small, green ball, but it began to grow, inflating like a balloon, until it was suddenly launched from the beast’s maw, its trajectory aimed straight at Finn.

The ball landed right under him, and then exploded into a huge whirlwind of slime. Finn didn’t have time to fly out of the way, so he simply covered his eyes and accepted his fate as the slime engulfed him… but nothing happened. He opened his eyes to see himself in the center of the explosion as it dissipated around him. Right… no reason to be scared of friendly fire. It can’t hurt me.

Berating himself for forgetting something so obvious, Finn turned his attention to the task at hand: collecting Golden Eggs. Scanning the battlefield, there was a decently-sized pile of them close by, completely unattended by inkfish or fellow snatchers. Eagerly, he hovered down towards the area and began scooping the eggs up with his net. He couldn’t pick up all of them, but he managed to get eight, which was the most he’d reasonably be able to carry. He turned to head to shore, off to safety, but he saw something in his peripheral vision that made his stomach drop.

An inkfish was approaching. It was wielding a weapon he hadn’t seen before, a giant paint roller that was rushing towards him at a breakneck pace, and it made a horrible noise, like a crazed freight train. Finn tried to fly away, but he braced himself– this was probably the end for him. No way this thing wasn’t going to splat him, especially since he was carrying the equivalent of a giant neon sign that said “Splat me!!”.

And yet, death didn’t come. The horrible rolling sound whizzed through one ear and went out the other. Finn glanced behind him and saw the roller zipping away, as if it didn’t care about him in the slightest. This left the Snatcher in a state of both perplexedness and gratefulness, but he quickly shrugged it off and continued to fly towards the shore. Safety was so close!

Then the rumbling noise started again. The same kind of rumbling that he heard before the wave started. He couldn’t feel it vibrating his body this time, because he was hovering in the air, but he could hear it– it was louder than ever before, and it sounded like it was coming from directly under him.

Uh oh. The rumbling was getting louder. He didn’t know what was coming, but it definitely didn’t sound good. Why doesn’t this hovercraft move any faster? Come on, come on…” The water was right there, just a few more feet and–

CRASH!

The earth around Finn erupted in quite possibly the loudest sound he’d ever heard. Giant, pinkish walls soared up from the ground in either direction, and he was tossed up with them, nearly a hundred feet into the air. As he spun around wildly, he dropped all of his eggs and he was knocked out of his hovercraft. Dizzy and disoriented, his ascent started to slow, and his body leveled out and stopped spinning as he reached the apex of his flight. Looking down, he finally managed to catch a glimpse of what threw him up in the air.

CLANG!

A massive pair of jaws snapped shut just below him. Two rows of huge, square, pearly white teeth, every individual tooth several times larger than he was. If he had been just a few feet lower, he would’ve been crushed into a splatter of slime instantly. He only had a split second to take in the view– around the teeth were a pair of large, purple lips, as well as… metal wiring? It was hard to tell exactly what he was looking at, because he immediately started falling back down, and much to his horror, the teeth creaked open to let him back in.

ROOOAAAARRR!

As he passed the teeth, the beast let out an ear-splitting roar. Nevermind the eruption, THAT was the loudest sound he’d ever heard. He flailed about helplessly, spittle and debris pelting him as he fell. He looked like he was on a crash course with the back of the beast’s tongue, but a large sheet of metal– seemingly the bulk of a Scrapper’s windshield– crashed into him before then, interrupting his trajectory and instead sending him careening to the side.

He slammed into a wall of solid enamel, one of the giant beast’s rear molars. If it weren’t for the adrenaline pumping through his veins, he probably would have passed out then and there, but he managed to just barely tough it out. His entire body was aching, his ears were ringing, and his back was starting to slide down the teeth, towards the yawning gullet below him. Part of him wanted to just give up and let himself get splatted, but his survival instincts kicked in and he tried to find something to hold onto. The teeth seemed to be affixed with giant metal braces, but they were all on the outer side of the teeth, not the smooth inner side he was on– except for one long horizontal bar, attached to the back of the teeth, that stretched from one side of the jaws to the other. Just as he slid off of the last tooth, he reached out and managed to grab the metal bar.

I’m lucky this thing has braces, Finn thought to himself, breathing a sigh of relief. At least he had a point of stability now, even if he was still in the maw of a giant beast… he looked down, and saw all of the debris that the beast had caught in its mouth falling to the back of the tongue. Once it settled, the beast pushed its tongue to the roof of its mouth, causing a heavy GULP to echo through the maw as it swallowed. Then, its tongue settled back into position, and the debris was gone without a trace.

I could’ve been in there… guess I should count my blessings. He shuddered. But, uh… now what?

Finn didn’t have much time to think before the world suddenly lurched around him, nearly throwing him off of the metal bar. He managed to barely hang on, and when he looked down again, he saw that instead of the throat being directly below him, there was the floor of the tongue. The mouth had shifted from being vertical to level. He also felt like he was accelerating– whatever this behemoth was doing, it was moving fast.

Then, the world decelerated. There was a brief moment of calm again. Finn wanted to believe that the beast would stop moving for now, and he’d finally be able to relax and devise an escape plan. But that was wishful thinking, and he knew it. Just as suddenly as before, the world lurched again, the mouth going back to vertical as the beast lunged upwards, opening its jaws to let earth and debris pour in. Finn braced himself, thinking this was the end for him– surely he’d get knocked off. But beyond all of the debris, high up in the sky above the open maw and rapidly approaching, something caught his eye– a huge, bright-yellow ball. The floating eel’s bomb! It looked almost ready to be launched, but… why was it yellow? Before, it was green like Salmonid slime, but now it was the same garish color as the inkfish’s ink.

He didn’t have time to think about it before the giant ball joined the mouth with him, along with the distraught head of the eel. It came to a screeching halt as it collided with the metal bar Finn was hanging onto, and the force of the impact finally knocked him off. He began plummeting down towards the throat, and he thought that this was it– he was going to get swallowed.

But before he could reach the throat, the beast bit down. Its teeth squeezed the damaged bomb, which immediately popped into a supernova of yellow ink. Finn’s world flashed yellow, then went black as the blast disintegrated his body in an instant.

---

“Oh, there you are! I was getting worried about you, y’know.”

Finn stirred awake, sore and disoriented. …Where am I? What just happened? His eyes cracked open and he groaned as he sat up, only to bonk his head on something above him. “Owowow…” he groaned, rubbing his temple. Getting a better look at his surroundings, it seemed that he was back in his bed– and Star was also on his bed, sitting on the other end of it with an eager grin on her face.

“Careful there,” she commented as he bonked his head. Gee, real helpful advice. “I was getting worried that your Respawner wasn’t working. What even happened to you?”

“Um…” Finn mumbled. His brain felt completely scrambled, and it took all of his focus to remember what he’d just been through. “I got blown up, I think. By that giant eel-thing.”

“Ouch, Horrorboros’ bomb? No wonder it took you so long to respawn. It usually takes longer if you get splatted more brutally.”

Finn coughed. “No kidding. Everything hurts. Is getting splatted usually like this?”

Star shrugged. “You get used to it.”

“Awesome…” Finn sighed. “Did you guys at least win?”

“Yeah, yeah!” Star beamed. “With the Kings on our side, those inkfish didn’t stand a chance!”

Finn smiled weakly. “Well, that’s good to hear. It was pretty chaotic. I can’t imagine what it’s like to fight those giants. Though, with all of the friendly fire that was happening, it kind of felt like I was.”

“Oh, Finn,” Star chuckled. “You just got unlucky. If you wanna avoid friendly fire, you’ve just gotta watch out for a few things. I’ll give you some tips while we swim.”

“Swim?” Finn asked, blinking at her– but she was already heading towards the door. Finn tried to push himself out of bed to follow her, but every muscle in his body ached. He really didn’t want to move. “Why? Where are we going?”

“To the mess hall, silly,” Star replied. “Aren’t you hungry? Everyone else had dinner an hour ago.”

Wait, I missed dinner? Was I really out all afternoon? Being reminded of food, Finn’s empty stomach growled at him. Loudly. “I guess so,” he grumbled. He managed to slowly swim out of bed to follow Star, despite how sore he was. The two of them exited into the hall together, Star leading the way down the maze-like corridors.

“Okay, so basically,” Star said as they rounded the first corner, “there are a couple of things that you wanna steer clear from. Slammin’ Lids are pretty obvious– don’t fly under them, and you won’t get slammed. Drizzler torpedos sometimes get returned to their sender, but you’d have to be really unlucky to get hit by one of those. Then there’s Steelheads… their bombs are super powerful, but they can backfire if the inkfish pour enough munitions into ‘em. Horrorboros’ bomb is pretty much the same thing, but even bigger and deadlier. Steer clear of both of those.”

“Horrorboros?” Finn asked. “That’s the giant eel, right?”

Star looked at him skeptically. “Yeah. You don’t know much about the Kings, huh? Maybe I should go over that next. But as for other things to avoid… I guess the only one left is another King, actually. If Megalodontia’s on the field, you wanna keep track of where it’s submerged so you don’t get caught in its bite.”

Megalodontia… is that the name of the thing that ate me? “How am I supposed to tell where it’s going to come up?”

“Um, well… maybe that’s easier said than done,” Star admitted. “But it likes to chase the scent of the inkfish, so it’ll be close to one of them. And the ground shakes where it’s about to breach, so look out for that.”

Finn frowned. “Doesn’t seem like there’s much time to get out of the way. And with how wide of an area it can chomp in one bite, it almost seems like it’s more harmful than helpful.”

“Casualties don’t really matter during an extra wave, so long as we win,” Star said dismissively. “And ol’ Meg comes out on top more often than not. It’s more disruptive to the inkfish than it is to us.”

“…I’ll take your word for it,” Finn replied slowly. “I guess I’ll just try my best not to get eaten, then.”

“That’s generally good advice,” Star giggled. “Though, that actually reminds me… you probably don’t have to worry about it, but Maws can sometimes swallow an unlucky footsoldier. It’s not too common, though; I only know it can happen because that’s how my aunt met her mate. She ate him.”

“Wait, what?” Finn gawked at her in surprise. “You’re messing with me.”

“I’m serious!” Star insisted. “She munched him by accident while on the battlefield, and later, after he respawned, he sought her out. That sparked their first date, and nowadays they’re a happy couple.”

“How romantic,” Finn’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

“Oh, come on,” Star nudged him gently. “If a Maws ate you, wouldn’t you want to meet her?”

Before he could formulate a response, the two of them reached the entrance to the mess hall. Peering in, Finn noticed just how busy it was– nearly every seat at every table was filled, Salmonids of all shapes and sizes eating, chatting, and swimming around with trays of food.

“Well, here you are,” Star said proudly. “Hope you’re hungry for some good ol’ cafeteria food.”

Finn’s mouth was already watering. “I’ll take whatever I can get at this point.”

“Honestly, it’s better than you’d expect. The cooks here know what they’re doing. The lunch line’s over there, by the way.” She pointed towards the back corner of the room. “And one last thing– do you know how to get back to the dorm from here, Finn?”

“Huh?” Finn blinked in surprise. “I mean… maybe?”

“I’ll take that as a ‘no’. There’s a map of the complex on the wall as you’re leaving the mess hall. Make sure to give it a good look over so you don’t get lost.”

“…You’re leaving?” Finn asked dolefully.

“I mean, I already ate,” Star replied. “No reason to crowd things more in there. But I’ll be happy to talk with you more once you get back, alright?”

“Alright,” Finn sighed. “See ya, Star.”

“See ya!”

And with that, she cheerfully swam off. Finn turned around and navigated his way through the busy mess hall. Eventually, he got his hands on a food tray and filled it up with meat and boiled seaweed. He sat down at one of the few empty seats, tucked against one of the walls, and dug in. The food was surprisingly palatable, and his belly thanked him for filling it to the brim.

After he finished, he deposited his tray and went to leave the room, and as he neared the exit, he noticed the map on the wall that Star had mentioned. It’d probably be wise to give that a look-see.

A bright red X shouted ‘YOU ARE HERE’. It took a few minutes for Finn to scan the floors and locate the Snatcher dormitories, and it took him a few minutes more to trace the path back and commit it to memory. But he also took the time to look over the map to see what else was in the complex, out of curiosity. There were dormitories for all of the other unit types, of course, but also some large warehouses that seemed to store weaponry. Though, a few of the warehouses were labeled a bit differently.

What the heck is a Cohozuna? Finn wondered, squinting at one of the labels. His gaze then slid over to the warehouse next to that one, which was labeled ‘Horrorboros’. Oh, maybe it’s the name of the third King. The big fat one. I guess that makes sense.

But what about Megalodontia?

If it had its own room, it wasn’t next to the other two. Finn scanned the floors, looking for similarly large rooms, but he didn’t see anything of note– at least, not until the very bottom floor, deep underground. Jutting out from the edge of that floor were a pair of jagged, far-apart lines that extended off to the side, and between them, in small text, was the word ‘Megalodontia’. It’s way down there? Finn gawked. Why’s the room drawn like that? It’s not even closed off. Weird…

That was enough looking at the map. Finn crept out into the hallway. It was time to head back to his dorm, but something made him hesitate. An urge at the back of his mind was tugging at him, telling him not to go back quite yet. Star’s words echoed in his skull:

“If a Maws ate you, wouldn’t you want to meet her?”

Megalodontia had eaten him, and he didn’t even know what it looked like. Maybe what Star had said was right– he did want to meet it, or at least get a good look at it to contextualize what he’d been through. The few glimpses he’d caught flashed through his mind– those fat purple lips, those massive teeth adorned with braces, and that deep, dark gullet… it was set in his mind, he had to try to see it. It’d be a quick detour.

He scurried down the hall, looking for one of those vertical chutes that could take him to a lower floor. Eventually he came across one, and he swam down it, all the way to the bottom, where it opened up into a long, empty hallway. Compared to everywhere else he’d been in the complex, this area was dimly lit and dilapidated, as if it was abandoned. Finn wondered if anyone else was even down here– he hoped not, since he probably wasn’t supposed to be down here, either. But as long as nobody caught him, he couldn’t get in trouble, right?

Finn swam down the hallway slowly, taking note of the writing on every door. Most were labeled ‘Storage’, with a few labeled ‘Office’, though they didn’t have plaques that indicated that they had tenants. A few rooms had glass windows, and some of the doors had been left open, but every room looked the same on the inside– dark, dirty, and empty aside from stray bits of furniture and boxes.

Maybe this place really IS abandoned. It was giving him the creeps, at the very least. I better find what I’m looking for soon…

Eventually, he came across a large, round door, unique from all of the other small, rectangular ones. There was some text on the door, but it was very faint. Finn had to squint to read it, but it seemed to say ‘Cargo Bay’. But something else on the door caught his eye– scribbled on a small, rusted plaque was the word he was looking for. ‘Megalodontia’.

Eagerly, Finn swam up to the door handle and tried to open it. The handle turned with ease, but the door itself was more stubborn to budge. Only after he shouldered it with all his might did it finally creak open, just enough for him to squeeze past it. And once he saw what was behind it, he could barely believe his eyes.

The room behind the door was massive… well, it wasn’t even much of a room, it was more like a giant, open cavern. There were a few Salmonid-made balconies and walkways near the door, but besides that, it was a sprawling rocky landscape that seemed to go on forever– or at least, until it disappeared into the fog.

Woah, there’s a whole cave system down here? Part of Finn wanted to explore, but he knew he’d get lost quickly. Instead, he settled for swimming up to the railing at the edge of the balcony he was on and gazing off into the distance. The view was beautiful, but he was disappointed to find no trace of behemoth Salmonids swimming about. No Megalodontia.

No reason the signs would lie. I guess I’m just here at the wrong time… Sighing with disappointment, Finn slouched forward onto the railing. His gaze drifted down to the cave floor directly below him, and his eyes widened as he saw something that made him gasp in delight.

Shrouded by fog was the massive silhouette of a fish, resting peacefully on the seabed. That’s it, Megalodontia is here after all! Without hesitation, Finn started swimming downwards as fast as he could. He had to get a closer look!

The journey took longer than he expected– he hadn’t realized it from up on the balcony, But it was nearly a 200 foot drop from up there to the cave floor. As he approached Megalodontia, it only seemed to get larger and larger, until it reached the point where its silhouette completely dominated his vision. Jeez, it’s huge! I mean, obviously, but… now it’s really put into perspective. He was just above it at this point, hovering about ten feet away from its back, which was a field of purplish-gray scales. The fog didn’t impede his vision much at this distance, but the view still wasn’t particularly exciting. Alright. Now let’s see that face.

Finn swam above the giant’s head and got a good distance away before turning around. His jaw hung in awe as he drank in the view– Megalodontia was terrifying! A complex cage of orthodontic gear surrounded its mouth, keeping its braces in place on its teeth, which gleamed brightly even in the dim light of the cavern. Because of said headgear, its lips were prevented from completely closing over its teeth, leaving its face stuck permanently in a creepy grin. Above the mouth, its nose jutted out, and the top of its head was flat with a tuft of dark blue hair sticking out of it. And on either side of the head, its forward-facing, pupil-less eyes glowed an eerie yellow.

Wait… its eyes? Finn gasped, then quickly covered his mouth to silence himself. It’s not asleep! Unless it sleeps with its eyes open like this…? He held his breath for what felt like an eternity, but Megalodontia didn’t move. He let out a sigh of relief– maybe it really was asleep.

I shouldn’t push my luck. Let’s get out of here. Finn began swimming back up.

“Aw, leaving so soon?”

A booming, rumbly voice made him freeze dead in his tracks. He looked down to see that Megalodontia’s head had tilted up to look at him– and even though its eyes had no pupils, he could tell it was staring right at him.

“You can come back down,” Megalodontia continued. Its voice was surprisingly calm for such an enormous beast. “I don’t bite.”

I don’t think that could be further from the truth, Finn thought, but he held his tongue. Reluctantly, he swam back down until he was once again level with Megalodontia’s face.

“…Y’know, I was expecting you to say something,” Megalodontia said after a brief pause. “Too shy? Don’t worry, I get it. I’m sure you know who I am– but please, just call me Meg. What’s your name, little one?”

“U-um…” Finn stammered. “My name is Finn.”

Meg’s grin grew even wider. “Finn! That’s a cute name. And it’s always nice to meet a new face. I see that you’re a Chum… still just a Snatcher?”

“You can tell?” Finn asked. “Yeah… today’s my first day in the forces, actually.”

“What, really?” Meg’s jaw hung open in surprise. “And you’ve come to find me already, eh? That’s quite bold of you! Tell me, do you have a reason you wanted to meet me?”

“Well, I saw you on the battlefield today. Kind of. The view I got was mostly just from the inside of your mouth,” Finn admitted.

“That checks out. What happened, did my bite get ya or did I swallow ya?”

Finn twiddled his flippers nervously. Jeez, treatin’ that like it’s such a casual thing… “Um, neither, actually. You were close to swallowing me, but you bit down on Horrorboros’ bomb. Needless to say, there’s no surviving that.”

“Ah, I see,” Meg replied. “It certainly isn’t pleasant for me either when that happens, but I can’t really avoid it. My tactics leave me blind to everything but the scent of the inkfish.”

“That’s just how you fight, huh? You leap out of the ground like a giant Maws?”

Meg laughed, which echoed eerily throughout the cavern. “‘Like a giant Maws’? Little Finn, I am a giant Maws. The other girls in my squadron stopped growing, but I just… didn’t. Similar thing happened to the other two Kings.”

Gears began turning in Finn’s brain. Can’t only females become Maws? He glanced at Meg, looking at her in an entirely different light– he never would’ve guessed it, based on her voice and appearance, but didn’t that mean she was, well… a she? “Wait, silly question, but… I’ve heard you referred to as a ‘King Salmonid’, but wouldn’t ‘Queen’ be more fitting?”

Again, Meg couldn’t help but let out a hearty laugh. “Oh, it’s just a title. It fit Coho and Boros, who came before me, and they didn’t want to change it. I can’t say I blame them for it, it’s a cool name. And besides, who says a lady can’t be king?”

I dunno if I’d call you a ‘lady’, but… “Fair enough, I guess.”

There was a pause in the conversation, and Meg started to move– she pulled her body up from the seabed and swam forward slightly, closing the gap between her and Finn. The tiny Chum couldn’t help but tremble as her head was now looming over him, those massive jaws scarily close… he knew that he shouldn't be scared, but being in biting range still made him uneasy. And the next thing that she said certainly didn’t help:

“Finn, do you want me to eat you?”

Finn reeled back from the suddenness and absurdness of the statement. “W-what!? Why would I want that?”

“Well, because that’s what most fish want,” Meg stated simply. “All of my regular visitors, anyway. If you just wanted to meet me and then head off, I totally understand that, but the offer’s on the table.”

“O-okay, then, another question…” Finn stammered. “What do you mean fish come to you regularly to get eaten!?”

“Because they like it,” Meg replied with a hungry grin. “Look at me, Finn. I know that I’m a terrifying behemoth, and even in this friendly conversation, you’re a little scared of me. I can see you shaking and fidgeting. I’m not blind. But that’s the thing– you like the fear, don’t you?”

Finn stared at her blankly. “I do?”

“You must, because you didn’t swim away in fright when I greeted you. If I was some feral beast, I could’ve made a snack out of you in an instant, but you stood your ground because you don’t care about self-preservation. Having a Respawner to fall back on means you don’t fear death, you revel in it. Us Salmonids are all the same, deep down– we’re war-hungry, thrill-seeking adrenaline junkies. Even if there wasn’t any loot to be gained, we’d still wage war with the inkfish because we’re driven to do so. When I join the fray, I’m incredibly destructive, gobbling up dozens of our own troops with each bite, but nobody cares because I make things that much more exciting. And some of them love the experience so much, they come to see me on their off days. They just can’t get enough of it.”

“…R-really?” Finn finally asked. As skeptical as he was, he knew that there was some truth to what she said. It was quite the adrenaline rush when she gobbled him up on the battlefield… “I mean, still, getting eaten doesn’t sound all that appealing to me.”

“What about it isn’t appealing?” Meg asked in return. “I’ve been told that all parts of the experience are enjoyable in some way. I’m sure that can depend a lot from fish to fish, but you never know until you try.”

Finn frowned. “I don’t know about that. Even being in your stomach? Isn’t that a little… gross?”

“Well, you’re familiar with slime,” Meg replied, “so just imagine a big, hot vat of the stuff. It’s acidic, but since you’re a fellow Salmonid, you won’t be digested… quickly.”

“When you put it like that, it doesn’t sound… as gross. But, like…” he trailed off, still not sure what to think about her offer. On one hand, he was still completely perplexed by the idea that getting eaten was in any way a pleasant experience. But on the other hand, if what Meg said was true, and she had regular visitors who came by just to get swallowed, there must be something about it that was enjoyable. And part of him was really, morbidly curious.

“Finn, I can tell you’re unsure. I’ve been trying to persuade you, but I won’t try to pressure you– if you don’t want to, you can leave. I won’t be offended. And you can always come back if you change your mind, it’s not like it’s now or never.”

There was a long pause. Finn was deep in thought, both sides of his internal debate roaring against each other. He stared at Meg, memories of the battle from earlier that day replaying in his mind as he stared her in the jaws. He felt his heartbeat quicken, his anxious side flaring up again, but he came to a decision:

“S-sure, I’ll do it.”

“Really?” Meg’s face lit up. “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure,” Finn asserted, more firmly this time. “I have to try it to see what it’s like, don’t I?”

Meg chuckled. “That’s the spirit! I’m glad you’re giving it a chance, I’m sure you’ll love it.” Without warning, she suddenly swam forward, her slightly agape jaws rapidly approaching Finn. The tiny fish froze up, bracing himself for impact, but she stopped just before she reached him. She was so close, he could reach out and touch her braces, and when he looked up, all he could see was her lips and her nostrils– her eyes were out of view. Looking forward again gave him a stunning view of the inside of her maw, all the way to her dark throat, which slowly pulsated as she breathed, washing him over with a current of warm water with each exhale.

“Now, we can do this at either your pace, or my pace. You can take things slowly, and explore my maw as you please, or I can gobble you up before you can even blink.~” To accentuate her hunger, she licked her chops, her fat tongue nearly grazing Finn as it slid from one side of her lips to the other.

Finn shuddered. “I think I’d rather take things slow.”

“Fine by me,” Meg said. And with that, she opened her maw wider than ever before.

The view ahead of the gullet ahead of him was daunting, so Finn was quick to avert his gaze and look down at what was just in front of him: the lower teeth. With the lips peeled back, the huge squares of enamel were laid fully bare, all the way down to their roots in the gums. They were lined up snugly with little to no gap between them, no doubt in thanks to the metal jungle gym that held them in place. Finn approached the nearest tooth, one of the front middle ones, and deliberately placed his flipper on it, feeling its texture. It was smooth and hard as a rock, and knocking at it with his fist made a pleasant thunk.

Finn inched forward, swimming above the row of lower teeth. As he did so, he peered upwards to watch the row of upper teeth that loomed above him. They hung in the water, motionless, until he was entirely past the teeth, after which the jaws began to close behind him. They clicked shut, sealing him inside and completely engulfing him in darkness. Thankfully, Salmonids had exceptional vision in the dark, so Finn’s eyes just had to take a moment to adjust before he was able to see again.

There was no turning back now, but Finn was still antsy about venturing further into the maw, so he tried sparking conversation to stall things out. “Those teeth of yours are pretty impressive,” he remarked.

“You like ‘em?” Meg replied, causing her massive tongue to lurch just in front of him, and her teeth to open and shut behind him. “I’m pretty proud of them myself. It’s taken a lot of dental work to get them as perfect as they are.”

“I can imagine. Honestly, I think your headgear’s pretty cool.”

Finn couldn’t see it, but Meg was smiling proudly. “Thank you! It keeps my teeth nice and straight. No gaps in sight when I bite down, everything gets munched.”

“Y-yeah, no kidding…” Finn said. He’d never forget the sound of her jaws crashing shut just beside him. “I’ve heard Maws have a pretty crazy bite force to begin with, so you can probably chomp through just about anything.”

“Oh, for sure. I’ve chewed up more Steel Eels, Scrappers, and Stinger pots than I can count,” Meg gloated. “I’d feel bad for it if you little freaks didn’t enjoy it so much. Besides the Salmonids that come to have me eat them, there are actually a few that just want me to crush them between my teeth. As well as a Steelhead and a Big Shot that both enjoy being gnawed on before I gulp them down… sometimes I squish them by accident, but they say they don’t mind, the threat makes it more thrilling. Whatever gets them off, I guess.”

Finn gulped. “Can’t say I’m too keen on being chewed up, personally…”

“Most aren’t. The majority have their sights set on my gut– speaking of which, Finn, I bet you’re eager to see it for yourself, aren’t you? Swim towards my throat, and I’ll swallow you when you’re ready.”

“Alright…” Finn took a deep breath and looked forward. His view was entirely dominated by Meg’s massive tongue, which was thicker than he was tall. It arched upwards as it stretched into the back of the mouth, obscuring the entrance to the throat. There wasn’t much space between the tongue and the roof of the mouth far in the back, but the rest of the mouth was relatively spacious, allowing him to freely swim above the tongue without having to touch any flesh.

He stopped just before the arch of the tongue, hovering above the familiar metal bar that stretched across the maw. There was enough space to squeeze between the tongue and the soft palate in order to reach the throat, but he didn’t want to go through there just yet– especially when he hadn’t even touched any of the flesh in the mouth yet. Better to start out small than by rubbing his whole body against it from the get-go.

Tentatively, he reached forward and planted his flipper on the surface of the tongue. The flesh was pliant and slick with slime, squishing down under his flipper as he pressed down on it. It wasn’t entirely smooth, being covered in bumps that seemed to get larger the further back on the tongue they were positioned. The tip of the tongue was nearly flat, and around the middle of the tongue, where Finn was, there were taste buds that varied in size, the smallest ones being like upside-down cereal bowls while the largest were as big as salad bowls! Filled with curiosity, Finn grabbed one of the big ones with both of his flippers and gave it a squeeze. That was surprisingly satisfying, he mused, grinning to himself.

As if to signal that he should start getting a move on, Meg’s jaws slowly pried open in a massive yawn. Light flooded into the maw, and the tongue flattened out below Finn, giving him the best view of the throat that he’d had yet. Framed by the gills and the tongue’s anchor point was a ringed fleshy chute that seemed to extend off into nothingness. A point of no return. Finn’s heart raced. I really signed up for this, huh? No turning back now…

Meg’s jaws closed back up, and Finn wondered if she hadn’t yawned because she was tired, but because she wanted to give him a tease of what was to come. But his focus shifted as the back of the tongue rose back up, once again leaving only a small gap between it and the roof of the mouth. He’d have to squeeze past in order to get gulped down. He approached the gap and placed a flipper on both the floor and the ceiling to gauge how tight it was. It seemed like enough room, but amazingly, the taste buds here at the back were almost as big as he was! Tighter quarters than I’d like, but maybe this’ll prepare me for being swallowed. Cautiously, he began moving forward.

It was a bit of a squeeze at first, especially since swimming was difficult in such a cramped space, but he quickly discovered the strategy of using the taste buds as handholds in order to pull himself forward. The palate above him was firm, like a solid wall pressed against his back, while the tongue below him had a lot more give, squishing against his stomach as he trudged against it. His belly also started to feel somewhat sticky, thanks to the slime-like saliva that the tongue was slathering him with. His pace slowed down to a crawl as he reached the apex of the tongue, the tightest space yet, and he was about to push past it– but suddenly, the tongue below him jolted upward, smothering him completely and locking him in place, unable to move an inch.

Then, the tongue started moving back and forth, from side to side, mashing him against the roof of the mouth, rolling him around, and jerking him every which way. He tried to squirm and struggle, but it was no use. His body was quickly painted a deep green with slimy saliva, and the pressure from being crushed by the tongue made it difficult to breathe. In the brief moments when the licking relented, he tried to take a quick breath in, but he ended up inhaling a glob of slime. He hacked and coughed, trying to dislodge it from his throat, but he ended up having to forcefully swallow to stop himself from choking. It left a sour aftertaste in his mouth.

After what felt like an eternity, the assault died down, punctuated by an evil chuckle wafting from Meg’s dark gullet. “Sorry if that was a little rough, Finn. You kept rubbing yourself against my tongue, and I wanted a deeper taste. You’re delicious.” In speaking, her tongue convulsed further, though thankfully it didn’t squish Finn again, only bumping him off to the side. He was closer to the entrance of the throat than ever at this point, and the voice coming from it was nearly deafening, shaking the water around him. But even that wasn’t as loud as his heart pounding in his ears.

“A little rough?” Finn sputtered, lungs still on fire from the whole ordeal. “I was starting to think I’d be splatted before I reached the throat again.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I made sure not to press down very hard.” What do you mean, not very hard?? “Unless you want me to…”

“Again, I don’t wanna get squished like a pancake,” Finn grumbled.

“Understood. You ready to dive further in?” Meg asked.

Finn glanced at the throat nervously. “Well… I don’t see any more reason to drag things out.” He also really didn’t want her to get any more ideas for toying with him.

He waited for a reply, but none came. Instead, the tongue started to move again, slowly sliding around the maw. It was searching for him. It took a few seconds before it started to probe the back of the mouth, where Finn was, but it eventually grazed him where he floated, and immediately, the world around him lurched into action. The base of the tongue sprang up, and the soft palate pushed down, squeezing him tightly once again. He heard a rush of water around him as a majority of the liquid around him was pushed away, and then the swallow itself commenced– he was pushed by the tongue, face-first, into a tight girdle of muscle that began to carry him down the gullet. Surprisingly, it was less tight in the throat than when he’d been bullied by the tongue, and he found himself able to breathe comfortably and slightly squirm, even if he was still mostly locked in place. He heard a faint but resonant ba-bump, presumably Meg’s heartbeat. It was very slow, only sounding off every few seconds, and Finn only heard it pulse three times before his gradual descent through the esophagus reached its conclusion.

He reached the final ring of muscle, the entrance to the stomach, which made him feel strangely disappointed– being swallowed had felt strangely good, as odd as that was to admit to himself. But there was little time to mourn the end of his journey before he was unceremoniously spat out into the stomach. He fell through the open air, only having time to let out a loud yelp before he landed with a meek splash in the pool of slime below. It took him a few seconds to pull himself out of the viscous liquid, coughing and sputtering as he breached the surface. Some of the slime got in his mouth again.

“Ugh…” Finn groaned to himself. He tried to get a better look at his surroundings, but the stomach was much darker than the mouth, so his night vision wasn’t serving him as well. It did seem to slowly be getting better, and he was getting a vague sense of his surroundings– the stomach was rounded at the top, with wrinkled, rippling walls that curved down into the pool of slime he was soaking in. He wasn’t the only thing soaking, either; a slew of metal objects were jutting out into the open air, seeming to be bits of Salmonid machinery that Meg had swallowed earlier that day. Some of them were pretty sharp… it was lucky he didn’t get impaled on the way in.

As he continued to get his bearings, he caught something in the corner of his eye– something moved. He blinked, thinking he was imagining things, but no, something was definitely moving on the other side of the stomach… and it was coming towards him!

Finn silently panicked, but there wasn’t much for him to do besides hope whatever was coming for him wasn’t a threat. What living thing could even be in a stomach, anyway? His brain only returned answers of parasites and supernatural monsters, but as the being approached, it started to form a familiar silhouette, and Finn wanted to smack himself for not realizing the truth sooner.

“Who’s this?” a light, feminine voice asked. There was another Salmonid in here with him– a fellow Chum, by the looks of it.

“Um… hello,” Finn said slowly. “My name’s Finn, who are you?”

“I’m Luna,” she replied. “I don’t believe I’ve met you. Are you a newbie?”

“In every sense of the word, yes.”

“Ooh, how exciting!” Even in the darkness, Finn could see the white flash of her teeth as she grinned. “And lucky you, you have me to keep you company. Here, follow me, I know a comfy spot.”

---

Much to Finn’s surprise, Luna was right– this wasn’t a half-bad place to relax.

She’d taken him over to the far end of the stomach, to an area where the slime was relatively shallow, and he could rest his bottom on the stomach floor without being completely submerged. It felt a bit weird at first, as it was squishy like the flesh he was used to, but it had a different texture full of wrinkles and folds, and the way it naturally rippled was unlike anything he’d felt before. But once he was accustomed to it, it was admittedly kind of nice, and he was comfortable enough with it that he even leaned back to rest against the stomach wall, letting the feeling envelop him even further.

Luna, meanwhile, was fiddling with some of the machinery near them. Finn wanted to ask what she was even trying to accomplish, but before he could, a pair of dim, red lights suddenly lit up in front of him. They flickered like a pair of blinking eyes, but it was enough for him to get a much better view of his surroundings, including Luna herself. She looked… oddly familiar, but he figured it was just the light playing tricks on him.

“There we go!” she beamed, proud of her handiwork. “Even if the rest of the Steel Eel’s broken, it’s easy enough to jump-start its headlights.”

“Ah, so that’s what you were doing,” Finn replied. “How come you didn’t have them turned on already?”

Luna waded through the slime to sit down next to Finn. “I like the darkness if it’s just me in here. It helps me fall asleep. But lights are nice for company.”

“You sleep in here?” Finn asked in surprise. “I mean… I guess that makes sense. There’s not much else to do in here, and, um… I can see how you’d find this comfortable.”

“Well, you better get comfy, because you’re in for the long haul,” Luna smirked.

“How long have you been in here?” Finn continued his questioning. “Meg didn’t tell me I’d be having company.”

Luna scratched her head. “Oh, I don’t know… an hour or two? It’s kind of impossible to keep track of the time in here.”

“So a while, then,” Finn surmised. “I was just wondering, because Meg mentioned digestion, but you don’t look any worse for wear. Meanwhile, I’m watching big hunks of metal slough away in real time here.”

“Well, Finn,” Luna chuckled, “consider what we’re sitting in. These gastric juices are basically just our Salmonid slime, but a little more acidic.” As if to emphasize her point, she stuck one of her flippers into the dark green goo and began to absentmindedly stir it around. “It still affects us, just not as harshly as it does to foreign materials. I’d say it takes about… six hours before you start to feel a tingle in your scales, and I’m usually fast asleep by then.”

Finn furrowed his brow in concern. “Jeez, it takes that long? Does it, like, hurt?”

“Not really,” Luna shrugged. “It’s pleasant, if anything. All of your aches melt away, and when you wake up, you’ll feel more refreshed than ever. Like you got a full night’s worth of sleep and a massage. It’s great.”

“…I’ll take your word for it,” Finn replied skeptically. “Not like I have much of a choice.”

“Actually, you kind of do,” Luna rebutted. “There is an alternative exit. It’s not as popular of an option, but if you’re up for it…”

“Alternative exit?” Finn blinked. “Wait, do you mean…?”

Luna nodded eagerly. “Yeah, yeah! Check this out.” She quickly dove down into the slime. Finn wasn’t sure where she went, until she suddenly appeared on the opposite side of him, pushing a section of the stomach wall above her head, revealing a wide, dark tunnel of flesh that led to who-knows-where.

Well, actually, I do know where. “I’m, uh… not so sure about that,” Finn’s voice wobbled.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t recommend it for first-timers unless you’re super eager about it.” Luna let go of the roof of the tunnel, letting it crash back down into the slime with a loud splash. A few droplets from the spray hit Finn in the face, meanwhile Luna got completely soaked, more than she already was– but she didn’t seem to care at all, grinning through it and even licking her lips. Ew. “Crawling through all of those intestines is more of a workout than you might expect,” she continued. “I’d say it actually takes longer than waiting to get digested.”

“Really?” Finn raised an eyebrow. “I find that a little hard to believe. More than six hours to crawl through some tubes?”

“I think I should know! I’ve experienced it before,” Luna exclaimed. “The tubes seem endlessly long, and they’re tight. It doesn’t matter how big or small you are, it’s like they conform to your body, squishing all around you, pushing you forward like how the gullet swallows you, but at a sea snail’s pace. It’s looser than the throat, so you can move on your own accord, but it’s tiring to push through. But you have to, otherwise you’ll be stuck in there for days. And you don’t even have digestion to bail you out, since it’s way less acidic than the stomach.”

Finn’s eyes widened in disbelief. “That long? Yeesh, I’d miss my next battle at that rate…”

“Yeah, for sure. So you’ve gotta push through it!” Luna pumped her fists enthusiastically. “All this talk is almost making me want to have a go at it myself, but I wouldn’t want to just leave you.”

“Hey, don’t feel like I’m holding you back,” Finn objected. “I won’t be offended if you wanna go on without me.”

Luna shook her head. “No, no, it’s fine. Don’t worry about me. We might not run into each other here again for a long time, so we’ve got to take advantage of this moment.”

“I guess that’s fair. How often do you come here?”

She mulled over that question for a few seconds. Her tail poked out of the slime, and it swished back and forth as she thought, creating ripples in the viscous liquid. “Once every few battles, I’d say. It helps to unwind after a grueling day of work. Though, I’ve been coming more often this past week, since I’ve just ranked up to footsoldier and it’s really been putting me through the wringer.”

“Does that mean you were at today’s battle? At Bonerattle?” Finn pressed.

“Indeed I was!” Luna said proudly. “I made it all the way to the extra wave, and I was fighting strong, until one of those inkfish barreled toward me and ran me over like a nitro-fueled steamroller. Seriously, I’ve never seen one of them move that freakishly fast.”

“Oh yeah, I saw that too. I’m glad I was flying high above the action where it couldn’t get me. Not that that stopped me from meeting my doom elsewhere, but–”

“You were there too?” Luna interrupted.

“…Yes,” Finn continued. “Believe it or not, today was my first day on the field as a Snatcher. Pretty exciting way to start things out, eh?”

“Really? Today was your first day?” Luna asked in disbelief. Then, her expression suddenly shifted to that of intense worry. “Wait, Finn, just curious… which squadron were you assigned to?”

“Um, 19,” Finn answered. “Why do you–”

Luna gasped loudly. “Finn, have you met Star?”

“Hm? How do you know her?” Finn asked, but his brain was already whirring to put the puzzle pieces together. “She’s pretty much the only fish that I’ve gotten along with so far, actually. And we’re bunkmates.”

“Finn, please don’t tell her about this,” Luna begged, placing her flippers on Finn’s shoulders. “She can’t know that I’m… into this. It’s too embarrassing.”

With Luna practically on top of him, he found himself sinking deeper into the folds of the stomach around him, as well as the slime he was marinating in. “So you’re her sister, right? She really doesn’t know about this? About Meg?”

“As popular as Meg is, most fish don’t know her like this. It’s kind of an open secret. But of course I’m not going to tell my sister, are you crazy?”

“Well, why not? She’d probably like it too.”

“Finn.” Luna’s tone was more stern than ever, and she pushed down even more firmly on his shoulders, forcing his body to sink down to the neck in slime. “She can’t know. As her older sister, I have to be a good role model for her. Promise not to tell her.”

“Older sister…?” Finn asked. “But aren’t you two twins?”

“PROMISE not to tell her,” Luna growled, nearly pushing him completely under.

“Alright, alright! I promise!”

“Thank you,” Luna said, finally letting go of him. “And for the record, I hatched fifteen minutes before she did, so I’m the older sister.”

Oh, so you’re THAT kind of twin. Withholding any snarky comments, Finn pulled himself back up from the slime and sighed deeply. “She’s probably pretty worried about me, actually. She was expecting me to come back to the dorm in a timely manner, so she’s going to wonder where I’ve been. What should I say to her when I get back?”

“Just…” Luna rapped her head with her fist for a few seconds in an attempt to come up with something. “Tell her you ran into Whale in the hall, and he was generous enough to give you a tour of the facility.”

Finn frowned. “I don’t know if she’s going to buy that. I’m not going to be back for several hours, and it’ll be especially suspicious if I come back via Respawner.”

“Hm. That’s true… maybe you can just say you got lost?” Luna suggested.

“Wow, real vote of confidence for me there.”

“Well, it’s more believable, isn’t it?” Luna hissed in exasperation. “And you haven’t come up with anything better.”

“I’m thinking about it!” Finn retorted. “And that still doesn’t solve the Respawner problem, either. I don’t think any excuse would work if she catches me reforming.”

Luna huffed in frustration. “If it’s that much of a concern, why don’t you leave the manual way?”

“The manual…?” Finn trailed off, glancing to his side where the exit of the stomach was. The tunnel was mostly submerged in the slime, but the top of the opening peeked out from the surface. It expanded and contracted slightly, as if it was breathing, and the slime around it bubbled as it oozed into it. “Didn’t you specifically recommend that I don’t go in there?”

“We can make an exception. This is a special case,” Luna stated, already moving towards the exit. “Besides, there’s gotta be a first time for everyone. I’ll lead the way for you. Or maybe you’d rather have me follow behind so I don’t get too far ahead and lose you?”

Finn fidgeted nervously. Alright, I guess we’re doing this… “Um… no, you go ahead of me. I can keep up.”

“If you say so. We can make it out before the crack of dawn if we keep good pace. Just try to come up with a better excuse for Star in the meantime, okay?”

“I’ll try,” Finn nodded.

Luna forced open the entrance once again, lifting it above her head so she could start leading the way through. Finn followed suit closely behind her, and the two waded down the tunnel, which only got darker and darker as it went on. He had to focus very intently to see where he was going, which wasn’t helped by the tight ceiling and thick pool of slime that reached up to his head.

“I can see what you mean by this being arduous to get through,” Finn belabored. “I don’t know if I can keep this up for hours of winding intestines.”

“We’re not in the intestines yet,” Luna corrected. “This is still the stomach.”

“Really?” Finn asked incredulously. “How do you know that?”

“There’s a tight ring we’ll squeeze through. Like, a… sphincter, I think it’s called?”

“For someone that visits the digestive system as often as you do, you don’t seem that confident on your anatomy,” Finn noted.

“Hey, I don’t need to know the terminology of these things to enjoy them,” Luna retorted. “Though, I’ve talked to some fish in here that were pretty nerdy about it. If I remember right, what we’re in right now is a special part of the stomach called the, uh… pyrolus?”

“Pyrolus?” Finn chuckled. “Funny name. I don’t see what this place has to do with fire.”

Luna shook her head. “No, no, it’s not like ‘pyro’… I think I’m saying it wrong. Whatever.” Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks. The roof of the tunnel had curved up slightly, meaning the fish no longer needed to hold it above their heads, but in place of that, there was a new obstacle: a wall of solid flesh to block their path. “Ah, here we are.”

“Wait, is this a dead end?” Finn asked worriedly.

“No, silly,” Luna glanced behind her to roll her eyes at him. “This is the sphincter thingy I was talking about. There’s a hole here we can squeeze through.”

Finn squinted at the wall. “I don’t see a hole.”

“Well, it’s closed. Lemme just…” Finn watched as she started poking around near the center of the wall. The flesh seemed to tremble at her touch, and soon enough, the entire tube they were standing in started to rumble, causing the pool of slime under them to splash around. “Aha!” Luna suddenly exclaimed, and Finn looked back at her to see that she’d managed to stick one of her flippers most of the way into the wall. “Found the hole. Just had to agitate it a little bit.”

She then jammed her other flipper in, and forced them apart with all of the effort she could muster in order to widen the opening. Then, quick to act before it closed up again, she shoved her head in and started forcing her way through. She managed to wriggle fairly far in, getting her upper body all the way through, but eventually she stopped, the ring of flesh clasping around her midsection.

“Hey, uh, Finn?” Her tail swished back and forth as she spoke, nearly brushing against Finn’s face. “This thing’s being more stubborn than usual. Can you give me a flipper here?”

Finn hurried to help, placing both flippers on her rump and pushing with all his might. At first, she didn’t budge an inch– she seemed really stuck. After trying it that way a few times, he tried switching to using his shoulder and leaning into her with all of his body weight. Still, no dice. He didn’t want to resort to body-slamming her, but it seemed like there was no other choice. He backed up a few paces, compressed himself like a spring, breathed to steel himself, and then charged forward!

But then, just as he was about to collide with her, the sphincter loosened for a short second, allowing Luna to start moving forward on her own once again. But Finn couldn’t stop himself, and he still ended up bumping into her at full force, knocking her out of the grasp of the sphincter completely, taking her place as the ring of muscle closed up around him, just as quickly as it had opened.

Luna grumbled as she pulled herself up from the floor of the intestine. “That really wasn't necessary, Finn,” she glowered at him.

“It worked, didn't it?” Finn replied sheepishly. “But, uh… looks like I'm the one in a predicament now.”

“Just grab on.” She extended both flippers toward him, and he obliged. She tugged at him, but the grabby flesh clasped around his waist didn't want to relax its grip. Finn wriggled and squirmed against it as much as he could, and together, the two of them made progress, inch by inch, until Finn’s midsection was finally all the way through, and he pulled out his tail with comparatively little effort.

“Whew!” Finn wheezed. “That’s the worst over with, I hope.”

“It’s not the last sphincter we’ll be passing through,” Luna replied. “But overall, the rest of the tubes aren't like that. Still tight, but not so suffocating.”

Finn took a moment to observe the intestinal walls around him. It was a different color and texture than the stomach, being paler and less wrinkly. Where he stood, the tube was wide enough for him to stand comfortably. There was a thin stream of slime on the floor, and it trickled down the winding dark passage, which seemed to get tighter as it went on. It also seemed like the walls got bumpier as they went along, similar to the tongue with its taste buds, but it was hard to make out far-away details like that with only night vision to rely on.

Luna seemed to notice his hesitation. “Do you still want me to lead the way?”

Finn nodded slowly. “…Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

“Alright. Just don’t fall too far behind.” And with that, she turned and began trekking forward. The tunnel quickly got thinner, meaning she could no longer stand upright and had to start crawling on her belly in order to keep going. Finn followed suit, keeping pace with her, even though the bizarre feeling of slick intestinal tissue gliding across his underside was hard to stomach.

Gradually, the texture of the floor below him began to change. It started out generally smooth, with interspersed ridges and wrinkles, but the smoothness faded into an endless sea of tiny bumps that tickled Finn’s scales as they rubbed against them. It felt… weird, but he was determined to keep pushing through it, mostly just to not lose Luna. Her tail-end was pretty much all he could see, framed by intestinal tubing.

The width of the intestine shrunk further as he moved forward, eventually compressing to the perfect size where it grazed his body in every direction. The bumps were even more noticeable at this point, poking out like the tentacles of a sea anemone, probing him from every direction. Again, it was a very strange feeling, but it was kind of relaxing, in a way. Like an unconventional massage. For a brief moment, he stopped trying to push forward, to take a moment to catch his breath and let the sensation envelop him. Man, I could get used to this…

His eyes began to flit shut, but even in his unfocused vision, he saw something that made him snap to attention. Or, rather, it was a lack of something– Luna was gone. All he could see ahead of him was the empty hollow of the tract, which curved into a blind corner a few yards ahead of him. Hurriedly, Finn revved back into action, pushing and wriggling forward once again.

Despite the bend being only a short distance away, it still took him several minutes to make it there. The compressing, peristaltic hold the intestine had on him seemed intent on holding him in place, and the villi-coated walls didn’t give him much traction to work with, either. But, eventually, he managed to poke his head around the corner, only to see… yet another empty expanse of tubing. No Luna in sight.

“L-Luna?” Finn called out. It hurt a bit to speak with how his chest was being squeezed.

“What is it, Finn?” A response echoed back, though Luna’s voice was distant and muted. Just how far ahead was she?

“Um… I lost you around the corner. I can’t see you anymore.”

“It’s not like there’s more than one way to go. Just keep pushing forward, and you'll see me again,” Luna reassured. “But I’ll try to slow down so you can catch up, alright?”

“A-alright.”

And then, it was back to silence again. Or at least, it felt like silence without Luna’s voice to keep his ears occupied, but the world around him was rich with ambient noise. Squelches as slimy flesh pressed against him, errant burbles and groans of the stomach above him, backed by the slow by steady rhythm of the lungs and the heart. It was a soothing ensemble, almost as if it was telling Finn to stop and rest his aching body. Part of him really wanted to listen, to just cave in and fall asleep, but he was determined to keep going, at least for a little while longer.

---

It was impossible to tell how much time had passed. Ever since he’d been swallowed, Finn had little frame of reference for when it was, but now especially his internal clock felt out of whack. How long had he been in these intestines, two hours, three hours? It felt like an eternity, at least– each straight-ish stretch of tubing leading to a bend followed by another stretch followed by a bend, followed by… and so on and so forth, forever. There was no change in scenery or sensation the whole way through, which would have been boring if not for the fact that being inside of an intestine was an unrelenting assault on the senses. Even if, in many ways, it felt nice, it was overwhelming, and it was just as determined to wear Finn down as he was to overcome it.

And despite all of his efforts, he still hadn’t seen Luna since their brief conversation. He’d even tried calling out to her a few more times, but maybe it was the fact that his voice was labored and wheezy, so she couldn’t hear, or maybe it was because she had truly left him in the dust, but he never got a response. He was all alone.

Eventually, his fatigued body couldn’t take it anymore, and he collapsed. With one final moan, he went limp and allowed his eyes to shut, and in mere seconds, the clutches of unconsciousness pulled him into a heavy slumber.

---

An unknowable amount of time later, Finn’s eyes opened, and slowly, he sat up, trying to get his bearings. He was dazed and disoriented, not knowing where he was, especially since his eyes needed to readjust to the darkness, but he quickly realized something– he could sit. There was no longer an insurmountable pressure forcing him into a crawl. He stretched out his flippers to probe his surroundings, and found that he was still in a tube, with close walls and a low ceiling, but compared to what he’d just endured, he felt like he had all the room in the world to move about.

He still had no idea where he was, however. And Luna was nowhere in sight. He looked towards where the tunnel widened, which was presumably where the way forward was– only to be greeted by a familiar-looking wall.

“Oh, great, it’s another sphincter,” Finn grumbled, voicing his thoughts aloud. “I guess I’ve gotta get through this on my own.”

If Luna was to be believed, there should be a hole in the wall to poke through, but Finn was having trouble finding it. He kept jabbing at the barricade near its center, expecting to find a divot to push through, but his search was unsuccessful. Only when he relented did the sphincter suddenly move, the sneaky opening in its center dilating just enough for him to stick his flipper in, forcing it to stay agape.

He could feel it trying to force itself closed, and he knew his feeble strength wouldn’t be able to match it, so he quickly shoved his head into the opening. It forcefully squeezed shut around him, blinding him and nearly suffocating him, but he managed to poke the tip of his muzzle all the way out, just enough to be able to breathe through his nostrils. He tried to keep pushing himself through, but much to his dismay, he seemed firmly stuck.

Minutes passed, with Finn continuing to struggle and squirm, but he couldn’t budge his head an inch. He eventually gave up, realizing that he was completely at the mercy of the sphincter and trying to work against it was futile. In fact, it seemed to be actively harming his chances of progressing, because as soon as he relaxed, the iron grip on him seemed to relax as well. He was tempted to try moving again, but he reasoned that letting the organ do its own thing was the right call. And, as it turned out, that was the correct decision– soon enough, he felt something start to press against his tail end, squeezing it on all sides in a sensation he was very familiar with, which pushed him forward, slowly but surely, through the loosened sphincter. It only took about twenty seconds for enough of him to pass through, after which his body flopped forward and fell to the floor on the other side.

Except he didn’t land on the floor, exactly. Instead of landing on familiar intestinal tissue, he collided with a lump made out of cool, smooth scales. This lump of scales happened to be sleeping, and she was not happy about receiving such a rude awakening.

“Ack!” Luna yelled in shock, snapping to attention to push Finn off of her. “What the– Finn! The hell was that for?”

“Sorry, sorry!” Finn blurted. “I didn’t mean to land on you! But, y’know, you didn’t leave me much of a choice.”

Luna gave him a stern glare, and then her eyes darted around, trying to gauge where exactly she was. “Hmph. Looks like we’re in the large intestine now. I guess I passed through that sphincter while I was sleeping.”

“Large intestine?” Finn asked, taking the moment to look at the surroundings himself. This tube was considerably wider than all of the ones he’d been in so far, which was a welcome sight. The walls were also no longer lined with little nubs, going back to smooth but wrinkly flesh akin to the stomach. “What, you’re saying that the tube we were just in wasn’t large?”

“Large as in diameter, not length. Don’t worry, this part is a lot shorter and a lot easier to get through,” she reassured. “You ready for the homestretch?”

“Um, sure,” Finn nodded.

Luna tilted her head at him, a bemused smirk emerging on her face. “You don’t sound so sure. Sad that the journey’s almost over?”

“Well… a little bit,” Finn admitted. “This place is pretty cool.”

“I can certainly agree with that. But you know, you can come back whenever you want. Meg’s always happy to have visitors.”

Finn grinned. “Oh, I definitely will.”

“Glad to hear,” Luna smiled back. “But for now, we really should stop dilly-dallying. Just follow my lead.”

She began making her way down the organic tunnel, and Finn was quick to follow behind her. The ridged texture of the colon made it somewhat bumpy to traverse, but after what he’d just endured, Finn wasn’t eager to complain. This was much less exhausting than the small intestine… but a part of him did miss the sensation of being squeezed so tightly in there. Whatever, like Luna said, he’d get to do it again as many times as he pleased.

The intestine came to a ninety-degree bend, which the pair of fish rounded. As they were doing so, Finn started to notice something– a strange whiff in the air. For lack of a better word, it smelled… fishy. The guts that came before didn’t really have any unpleasant scents, mainly just the inert smell of slime, with a slight metallic tinge when he was in the stomach. But the current miasma was making his nose wrinkle and a pit form in his stomach as he realized what that scent might be.

“Hey, uh, Luna?” Finn asked. “What’s with the smell?”

“The smell?” Luna stopped for a moment to audibly sniff at the air. “I guess it’s a little musky in here. Why do you ask?”

Finn scratched his head nervously. “Well, we’re in, like, the bowels, aren’t we? It’s not going to be… dirty ahead, is it?”

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” Luna replied offhandedly, beginning to move forward again. “You’ve seen Meg’s body at work. Everything she eats gets turned to slime and absorbed, so there’s not really any waste.”

“Really?” Finn asked, picking up his pace a bit so he could be side-to-side with her while they talked. The tube was just barely wide enough for them to stand beside each other comfortably. “So she’s, like, 100% efficient? I’m a little envious, actually…”

Luna chuckled. “Yeah. I guess that’s a pretty nice perk, huh?” She gave the intestinal wall an affectionate pat, as if to commend it. “I mean, you’ve heard about how Maws can eat just about anything, right? Meg is just a bigger, more powerful Maws, and that extends to her gut, too. Full of good ol’ corrosive King Salmonid slime.”

“King Salmonid slime, huh? Are the other Kings like this, too?”

Luna glanced at him knowingly. “You ask that as if I’d know the answer.”

“It sounds like you do,” Finn prodded.

“You caught me,” Luna grinned, though it was clear she wasn’t trying to hide it. “I’ve been gobbled up by the other Kings, too. Though only once each.”

“How come?” Finn asked as they rounded another corner. “You just like Meg the best?”

Luna nodded. “Mostly, yes. For one thing, the other two are just smaller. I like having a little more room to myself. Coho’s just as eager to gobble willing fish up as Meg is, but he’s somehow more of a glutton than she is, and he doesn’t care to warn you that his belly is always filled with disgusting half-digested food. He’s a lot less popular than Meg for a reason.”

“Ew, thanks for the warning. But what about the other one… Horrorboros?”

“Oh, ol’ Boros is a saint in comparison,” Luna replied. “In fact, he doesn’t really like swallowing his fellow Salmonids, but he’s still willing to do it if they ask. It’s for that reason that I’ve only bothered him about it once, but his insides are actually pretty cool– they’re all glowy, like he’s got a bunch of tiny lights inside him. I don’t like how thin and cramped he is, but it’s a visual treat, at least.”

Finn couldn’t contain his eager grin. “Ooh, that sounds pretty cool. I’ll have to meet him at some point.”

A few paces ahead of them, the tract had a notable scenery change– instead of being composed of only straight paths and right angles, the section ahead was a gradual, constant curve. It also seemed to shrink in diameter slightly, meaning the two fish would no longer be able to walk side by side, and for that reason, Luna stopped. Finn didn’t notice until he was a bit ahead of her, at which point he stopped as well and turned to look at her.

“We’re almost at the end, Finn,” Luna announced. “You ready to get shat out unceremoniously?”

Finn frowned at her. “Did you have to phrase it like that?” Judging by the huge grin smeared across her face, she was very amused with herself. He sighed. “But yes, I’m ready to see the outside world again.”

“Good to hear. Y’know, I was thinking… I’ve been in front of you this whole time, so why don’t you lead the way for this last bit?”

“You sure?” Finn asked, unsure about the idea himself. But she insisted with a nod, and he didn’t have much in way of a counterargument, so… “Alright, fine. I guess I’ll go first.”

With Luna eagerly following, Finn made his way down the final curve of the tract, which concluded in a sharp hairpin that led to one final straight stretch. At its end was a sphincter, though it looked considerably different from the ones he’d been through before with a much more noticeable hole. There was also something that almost made him shield his eyes, something that he hadn’t seen in hours– a faint light, gleaming from the depths of the sphincter, signifying the outside world.

“There it is,” Luna said wistfully behind him. “Go, go!” She gave him a slight push to urge him forward. Hesitantly, he began to approach the hole, which he noticed was twitching and contracting, as if it were expecting him. Slowly, and deliberately, he reached his flipper out, and gave the flesh a tap, just to see how it would react.

What he wasn’t prepared for was to be squeezed into it almost instantly.

The walls around him collapsed, the rectal muscles gripping him firmly, and they started pushing him forward in short, spasmic bursts. It reminded him of being swallowed, except this wasn’t a controlled descent, but a forceful set of pushes to eject him from the body. Is this what it’s like to be…? Actually, no, I’m not gonna think about that.

Suddenly, his head popped out into open water. Even though the water was a temperature he was usually comfortable swimming in, it felt freezing compared to the body he’d just been in. Reeling from the cold shock, he looked down at his lower half, still buried in the pucker of scales around his waist. He reached for the hole, wanting to climb back in, but much to his dismay, one last forceful push forced the rest of his body out.

As he hovered in place, shivering furiously, he noticed Luna’s head start to poke out of the hole he’d just come out of. It was a bit gross to watch, but it distracted him from the awful feeling in his body, and by the time she’d been spat out completely, he’d warmed up considerably. She was shivering slightly as she swam up to meet with him, and though she looked similarly frazzled, she seemed to be taking the shock a lot better than he was– thanks to her experience, no doubt.

“You doin’ alright there, Finn?” she asked. “Maybe I should’ve warned you… oh well.”

“Hindsight is 20/20,” Finn grimaced. “I really wasn’t prepared for that. I miss the warmth…”

“I take it you enjoyed it, then?” A familiar voice boomed. Finn looked up in surprise to see Meg turning around, an almost creepily wide smile on her face to greet him. “I didn’t expect you to go all the way through on your first trip, Finn. Your boldness continues to impress me!”

Finn blushed at the unexpected compliment. “Well, um, I have Luna here to thank for pushing me through it. And I’m glad she did, I liked it a lot more than I expected.”

“I’m happy to hear that!” Meg said proudly. “Though, I must say… you two also look pretty tuckered out. The sun hasn’t risen yet, so you can get at least a little bit of rest before morning.”

Luna clasped her flippers together. “Hey, not bad! I think that’s the quickest I’ve ever made it through myself… I guess we make a good team, eh, Finn?” She nudged him gently.

“I guess so,” Finn replied after letting out a lengthy yawn. “But man, I’m exhausted… Luna, do you mind leading me back to my dorm?”

“The rookie still needs directions, eh?” Luna teased. “Alright, sure thing.”

She grabbed him by the flipper and began swimming up towards the exit of the cavern. Meg watched them, and she had one last thing to say as they left: “Remember, Finn, you’re welcome to come visit me whenever you please. I’m always happy to see familiar fish.”

“I definitely will!” Finn said, waving at her. “See you later!”

“Goodbye, both of you!” She waved back with her own stubby flipper, which looked funny, but Finn managed to hold himself back from commenting about it.

---

“So, Finn,” Luna asked as the two of them were swimming up a vertical chute. “What are you going to say to Star when you get back?”

Oh, shoot. Finn had completely forgotten about that, his mind having been preoccupied with the intestinal spelunking he’d done. Not having a response prepared, he just stared blankly back at her.

“Finn.” Luna glared at him sternly. “You promised you wouldn’t tell her, remember?”

“Yes, yes, I know!” Finn blurted. “But I mean, I don’t want to lie to her… I’ll just tell her it’s none of her business.”

Luna sighed. “Really, that’s the best you could come up with? After all this time?”

“Well, didn’t you keep it a secret from her when you were bunkmates? What excuse did you use?”

“I, uh…” Suddenly, she didn’t look so stern. “…Pretty much just that, actually. That she shouldn’t pry.”

“Then why was this ever a problem in the first place!?” Finn groaned in exasperation. “Ugh… whatever. I don’t have the energy to argue about this. I just wanna go to bed.”

“Same. Let’s just get you to your dorm.”

The two of them swam down a few more winding hallways before finally stopping at a familiar door. “I guess this is it, Finn. See each other again soon?” Luna asked.

“I hope we do,” Finn replied as he slowly opened the door to the dormitory. “It’s just up to chance, I suppose.”

Suddenly, the door handle was yanked from Finn’s flippers as it was forcefully slammed open from the other side. Now standing in the doorway was an exhausted and furious Star, who gave Finn a death glare, but she turned and her eyes widened in shock as she noticed Luna beside him.

“What in the– Finn, where the hell have you been, and what is she doing with you!?” Star demanded, prodding him in the chest.

“W-well, I, um…” Finn stammered, too startled to manage a proper sentence.

Luna, meanwhile, was backing away slowly, and when Star glared at her again, she quickly spun around and swam away down the hall. “Hey, get back here!” Star ordered, but of course she didn’t listen. Too tired to give chase, she instead grabbed Finn by the shoulders and looked him in the eyes. “You had me worried sick, Finn. Tell me what you two were doing.”

“Don’t tell her!” Luna called out from down the hall. “You promised!” And with that, she disappeared around a corner.

Finn wished he could run away, too, but unfortunately he didn’t have that option. “It’s not your business,” he finally replied. “Just let me go to bed.”

He pushed Star off of him and slowly swam into the dormitory. She followed closely behind him as he crawled into bed and tucked himself in. He wanted to pass out then and there, but Star was still hovering over him– it was clear that she wasn’t intent on leaving him alone.

“Finn, come on,” Star begged. “You can’t just disappear and not give a good reason for it. I stayed up waiting for you… I thought you’d really gotten yourself into trouble.”

Finn sighed. “I’d tell you, but… I promised your sister I wouldn’t. She’s really embarrassed about it.”

“Is it the same secret she’s been keeping from me for months?” she asked. Finn nodded in reply, and her eyes widened as if she hadn’t expected a proper answer. “Really? Come on, now I have to know.”

“I really shouldn’t break a promise…”

Star looked at him with pleading eyes. “Pleeeeease? Just this once? I won’t tell her you told me.”

“Ugh… you know what, fine,” Finn relented. “Only so you’ll leave me be.”

“Thank you, thank you!” Star beamed. “Now c’mon, gimme those details!”

“Alright, here goes…” Finn cleared his throat in preparation. “So… you know Megalodontia, right?”

---

Salmonid Field Guide

Pt. 1: Stuff We Know

Varieties of Salmonid

Salmonids are weird little bastards. Despite their great range of morphological diversity, they all belong to the same species. A Salmonid begins its life as the tiny Smallfry, later growing into a Chum and then a Cohock, with the strongest of them growing even further to become the largest Boss Salmonids. Younger Salmonids that receive special training can also become Bosses, piloting special machines in order to do so.

• Prodigious Smallfry can operate Flyfish or Fish Sticks.
• Chum can pilot Steel Eels, Scrappers, Stingers, Drizzlers, and Slammin’ Lids, and they appear as Snatchers during most waves in order to collect Golden Eggs that have been left behind. They can also appear in special waves in the form of Chinooks, as well as in Grillers.
• Cohocks can develop into Steelheads, Maws, Flipper-Floppers, or Big Shots.

There also exist King Salmonids, rare members of the species that mutated and grew to massive sizes. Three are known, being the Cohozuna, Horrorboros, and Megalodontia.

And finally, two other Salmonids exist that don’t really fit into any of these categories, those being the Goldie and the Mudmouth.

Salmonid Society, Culture, and Technology

While Salmonids are certainly more barbaric than Inklings and Octolings, they aren’t total savages. They’re intelligent, and they have their own society, though not much is known about what they do under the water. But what we do know about their culture is very… interesting, to say the least.

First of all, Salmonids aren’t given names. Instead, they are given titles based on a number of things, such as their parents, the location of their birth, the characteristics of their tribe, and probably just whatever else sounds cool. We only know the titles of three Salmonids, those being the members of the band ω-3 (Omega-3). Their band consists of three members, that being the timpanist, “The Valiant Green Flame Born in Jigokudani”, the DJ, “The Faithful Servant of the True Salmon Emperor Hizunamasu”, and the cellist, “The Firstborn Child of Alkyne, the Hidden Blade of Yakiharas”. These band members are actually the canonical composers of the in-game music you hear when playing Salmon Run.

The Salmonids aren’t very technologically proficient, only obtaining the advanced weaponry and machinery that they have thanks to trade with another species known as the Octarians. They trade Power Eggs for this technology, which can be used as a source of power. The Salmonids’ Golden Eggs are an even stronger source of power, but they’re considered too precious to trade.

Their advanced technology is mixed in with their own choice of improvised weaponry, consisting mainly of kitchen cookware and utensils. Lesser Salmonids will smack you with frying pans, and other Salmonids are equipped with things such as ladles, cooking pots, and beverage coolers. Besides their weaponry, there are also massive sculptures of food and kitchen supplies that can be seen in the background of certain Salmon Run maps, which the Salmonids constructed themselves. Which begs the question… what’s the obsession with the kitchen?

Simply put, the Salmonids want to be eaten. Their choice of weaponry is due to a desire to look “tasty”, and they don’t fear death in battle, regarding their death to be part of the cycle of life in which all life is a part of. Being consumed by other creatures is seen as honorable, and a way of perpetuating the cycle of life and becoming one with the world. The ultimate form of this is when Salmonids pilot Grillers, which are giant charcoal grills that are filled with vegetables and a few Chum in the process of being barbecued alive.

Salmon Run

With their morbid choice of weapon in hand, Salmonids regularly flood to the surface near the habitats in which they spawned, in a behavior known as Salmon Run. This behavior, if left unchecked, could cause entire cities to be overrun by Salmonids, so a company known as Grizzco was founded to fight back against them (with definitely no ulterior motives, haha). Grizzco hires Inklings and Octolings and provides them with the weaponry needed to fend off those fearsome fish, with the secondary goal of collecting their Golden Eggs.

Other Sources

And that’s the gist of what we know about these fishy freaks. If you want to learn more about them, definitely check out the related pages on the Splatoon Wiki, including the in-game Salmonid Field Guide. I’ve covered most of the general info, but there’s some interesting stuff to know about the individual varieties of Salmonid, as well as the workings of the Salmon Run mode as a whole. I also recommend playing Splatoon 3 if you haven’t, it’s a lot of fun! :D

Pt. 2: Stuff We Don’t Know

Preface

Writing a story about the Salmonids was a challenge, since so much about their way of life is a mystery. As a result, I’ve essentially had to make some stuff up in order to flesh out their world. Much of the content in this section is speculation and headcanon, so don’t get it confused with the actual lore! I’m not trying to spread misinformation here.

Salmonid Titles

Okay, first thing– Salmonid names. Or rather, their lack of names. Those huge titles would be incredibly cumbersome to use in everyday conversation, so I figure Salmonids go by nicknames, usually derived from one of the keywords in their formal title. Clearly I’m not the only one who thinks this, because if you look up Salmonid OCs online, that’s what they usually do– they have a title, but also a nickname. Makes it easier to refer to them.

Ink and Slime

Everyone knows that in Splatoon, you shoot ink, but what’s that green stuff that the Salmonids are using? Fish don’t produce ink. Steelheads are said to form the bomb on their head out of their saliva, but if that’s what the green stuff is, that wouldn’t explain why Salmonids that are moving along the ground leave a trail of green behind them, unless they’re REALLY drooling. It just seems like a form of slime that their body naturally secretes (perhaps to keep their scales hydrated on land?), so I just refer to it as slime.

Another thing to note is that, as a player, you have the choice between playing as an Inkling or an Octoling. It’s only a cosmetic difference, and they look so similar that you might get them confused if you don’t know what to look for. In fact, canonically, the Inklings and Octolings themselves have trouble with it, too! So surely, the Salmonids wouldn’t care to distinguish between the two species. Though it’s not commonly used, there is a species-neutral term for squids and octos, that being “inkfish”, which one of the shopkeepers uses to address the player. I think that’s a perfectly good term for the Salmonids to adopt.

Sexual Dimorphism

In Splatoon 2, there’s a line where the founder of Grizzco, Mr. Grizz, refers to Maws as “she” while giving you pointers on how to deal with them. He also refers to the Flyfish pilot as a “he”. Every other Salmonid is referred to as “it” (at least, in English– Goldies are also referred to as female in Dutch, of all things). This has led myself and many others to believe that Maws (and perhaps Goldies) are ALL female, which would suggest that Salmonids are sexually dimorphic, since they’re all members of the same species. I’m less sure about the Flyfish, since “he” can be a gender-neutral pronoun in certain contexts, and the Flyfish pilot is just a Smallfry, not exhibiting any unique physical traits like Maws or Goldies, so it’d be strange if only males were allowed to have that job. Maybe Grizz was just being loose with his language there.

With all this in mind, I posit that when a Cohock grows into a Boss, only females can become Maws, and only males can become Big Shots, but Steelheads and Flipper-Floppers can be of either sex. It just seems logical to me that Maws would have a male-only counterpart, and out of all of the large bosses, Big Shots are the most appropriate candidate for that. Because, I mean… just look at them.

The Other Side of Salmon Run

The behavior of the Salmonids during Salmon Run gives a lot of hints about what they’re doing under the water. Their attacks on the surface are surprisingly coordinated, with a bugle that sounds off every time a Boss spawns, and they tend to come up in groups. This level of organization suggests to me that Salmon Run isn’t instinctual, but a planned military operation. That would explain a few other things, too, such as how they’re manufacturing and distributing all of their weaponry, along with their consistent choice of clothing. They’re soldiers following a dress code.

But then, one wonders, how is a military that suffers overwhelming casualties the majority of the time they enter battle sustainable? My answer is that they aren’t true casualties. Defeating a Salmonid in battle causes their body to explode in the color of your ink, which is referred to as a “splat”. The same terminology is used whenever the player is defeated. The interesting thing to note here is that getting splatted is canonically not deadly. When a player is splatted in PvP, you see their little cephalopod soul fly out of their body. About seven seconds later, the soul reappears at the player’s spawn point, and it enters a device that quickly reforms your body so you can rejoin the action. A similar thing happens to players in Salmon Run, except that their Respawner is strapped to their back instead of anchored somewhere else, and it requires a teammate to jump-start the device with their ink in order for you to reform.

When you splat a Salmonid, you don’t actually see its soul fly away, which would be a point against saying they’re not really being killed, but my guess is that their souls aren’t shown in order to keep visual clutter off of the screen and reduce lag. (Seriously, Salmon Run is chaotic, and it has the tendency to lag if you can’t keep the number of enemies in check at high difficulties). It also kind of contradicts the whole “embracing dying in battle” thing, but… I want to imagine that I’m not mass genociding the silly fishies every time I play the mode.

There is one more point in favor of my theory, though: the King Salmonids. They’re such unique beasts, basically being the Salmonid version of kaiju, that it would be weird if there were more than one of each of them.

King Salmonids

The King Salmonids appear rarely after the third wave of a Salmon Run is cleared. An extra wave starts, with the goal shifting from collecting eggs to taking out the King, which players get extra rewards for if they perform well. Usually, only one King appears at a time, but rarely, all three can appear at once, the group of them being known as the Triumvirate. It may seem insurmountable to take all three out at once, since even just one of them poses a huge challenge, but if the players are smart, they can bait the bosses into hurting each other. Horrorboros’ bomb backfiring does a big chunk of damage to the other Kings if they’re in range, as does Megalodontia’s bite. And if Megalodontia chomps the bomb while it’s charging, it instantly explodes, and the damage from both attacks combine. Cohozuna doesn’t have any attacks with friendly fire, though, so it just has to suck it up and take the abuse. Poor guy.

The Kings are the most mysterious out of all of the Salmonids, and we know very little about their origin, but I have a few theories. All three of them bear a resemblance to certain Lesser and Boss Salmonids– Cohozuna looks like a giant Cohock (which is even reflected in its name), and Megalodontia looks like a giant Maws. Horrorboros looks the most unique out of the three, but the bombs it inflates in its mouth are near-identical to the ones that Steelheads launch, just much larger. This makes me think that the Kings were once normal-sized Salmonids, and they just, well… didn’t stop growing.

Since Megalodontia is a giant Maws, it only makes sense that it would be female. Its name is also a mouthful, so I usually just refer to it as “Meg” for short. (The rest of the community tends to call it “Joe”, though… long story). I can’t deduce Cohozuna or Horrorboros nearly as easily, but I tend to think of them as male. After all, wouldn’t it be weird if the “Kings” were a female-majority group?

Cohozuna and Horrorboros also have community-given nicknames. Cohozuna gets called “Coho” for short, or sometimes just “Fatty”. Meanwhile Horrorboros is usually referred to as “Boris”, but you’ll also hear the occasional “Fug”, as it’s a levitating sky noodle, just like Rayquaza from Pokémon. If you don’t know why Rayquaza’s called Fug, then I regret to inform you that I don’t know how it started either, but it’s an old meme. But it’s fun to say, so you can bet that that’s what I call both of them.

That’s all I’ve got. Thanks for reading!