Sad, genuine smile. Ch.1.

"Chu~!"

Flustered, you took Towa in your arms and kissed her back. The sweet girl giggled as you hugged her close, giving her little pecks on the cheek and her lips. The smell of her hair was intoxicating, all the more you want to strip her of her clothes and make love to her. You slid your hand down to her butt, and she quickly took it away.

"Ah, sorry Anon, I have something else to do." She said, as she got up and left for her room, her next stream was up.

"Oh well, I guess it can't be helped." You waved Towa goodbye as she set up her stream and left for your home, she waved back and blew you a kiss. You usually left when she streamed so you wouldn't cause an accidental yab that could ruin her career.

On the way back you kept thinking about your girlfriend. She was smoking hot, her piercings and her mannerisms made her stand out, and you were extremely lucky to be her boyfriend. Once home, you locked yourself in your room and began furiously masturbating thinking about her, her perky, plump butt, the way her thighs jiggled when she moved, her soft skin that you felt not so long ago, your heart had a say in the matter too, you thought about her smile, her beautiful eyes that shined like light through an emerald and most of all, the time she said "I love you" for the very first time. After you finished, you almost felt as if she was next to you. "Fuck" you thought. "I guess I really fell for her".

You grabbed your phone and watched her stream, still with your heart beating her name.

~*~

Four months of dating Towa, and you were still as in love as the first day, but there was one issue that wouldn't stop chewing your brain out.

Sex.

For the most part, Towa just kissed you and cuddled you, even after bringing her home after your dates or going back to her place, she was nothing but a tease. Should you hand be near her rear or her tits, she became extremely defensive, quickly sweeping them away and cuddling you once more. She turned you on like an engine, everyday you thought about how her milky white butt must feel bare, how soft her boobs must be, the kind of sounds she would make while getting ravaged by you. You've come countless buckets to imagining her moaning your name in pure ecstasy, but she not once did she let you have sex with her. She was not necessarily lewd when it was just the two of you either, she certainly wasn't trying to be, you were just pent up.

You didn't want to pressure her, much less guilt her into having sex. But there was only so much you could take, her behavior was starting to get to you. What if she didn't actually want you? Were you not desirable in that way? Did she have someone on the side? Was she just toying with you?

An endless stream of thoughts kept you awake at night, becoming more distraught as they went on. You were mad at yourself, yet you couldn't bring yourself to be mad at her. Maybe she was just different and you were a frivolous, vapid manwhore. She said she loved you, she goes out with you regardless of the harm it could do to her image as an idol and buys you gifts with her superchat money. But you longed for that specific moment, you wanted to feel desired sexually, embraced by her, you needed that bit of intimacy to feel your own worth as a partner, most importantly, that you made her feel that way about you.

By this point you couldn't maintain a boner for her out of frustration, so you stopped masturbating for some time.

Still, you diligently turned on her stream, with a sad, but genuine smile.

~*~

Gen 4 was having a sleepover at Towa's house, they all greeted you in a friendly but respectful manner. As they entered, they made themselves as home, and started chatting about their personal lives, their streams, their milestones and so on. You kept quiet for the most part, sneaking glares at Towa, who seemed prettier than usual in your own eyes like a shinning ray of light.

When your eyes turned away from her, you met with Kanata's gaze for a split second. You smiled at her and she smiled back, Towa didn't notice.

Excusing yourself for the night, you let the girls have their own fun and let yourself fall on your bed, taking off your shoes, pants and getting ready to go to sleep. You heard the girls chatting and laughing in the next room, you even thought you heard your name a couple of times, but your put your headphones on and ignored the conversation.

Deep into the night, you were as awake as you were three hours ago. 2:24 read your phone. And the chatter was slowly dying down. Coco, Kanata and Towa were the last ones awake, talking in low voices as to not bother the rest. You shifted from side to side in bed, but couldn't find solace in any position you took.

Sometime later, the girls went to Towa's room where Luna and Watame were sleeping, you heard a bit more chatter that died down sometime later. Time went by. 2:36. No signs of you falling asleep anytime soon. So, you got up from your bed and headed for the kitchen. You poured yourself a glass of juice and downed it in one go, letting out a satisfied puff. Pouring yourself a second glass, you felt someone was watching you. From across the kitchen, Kanata stood in her sleepwear with a glass of water herself. You waved at her, a gesture she returned as she walked up to you.

"Hey Anon, how's it going?"

"Great, what about you?"

A bit of small-talk followed, work, streaming, Hololive, some gossip that had been thrown around here and there, until Kanata looked at you straight in the eye, and pierced your soul with a simple question.

"How's it going with Towa?"

You couldn't even bring yourself to smile when you heard her name. You did love her, that's why you felt the way you did, but the entire thing about your sexual intimacy was really messing with you, and so, you told Kanata everything, how Towa always got out of the subject of sex and you were getting both pent up and frustrated because you loved your little devil, and you wanted to do those things with her, but you were starting to feel Towa just didn't want you that way.

Kanata listened to your ramblings without saying a single word, she must've known you needed to talk about it with someone. By the time you were finished, she took the empty glass from your hand and hers and she washed them both, then grabbed your arm and lead you into your own room. She closed the door behind you two and turned off your lamp.

You swallowed the knot that had begun forming in your throat, as you felt Kanata's weight on the opposite end of the bed, slowly moving towards you. You felt her hands practically rip your shirt off, but you didn't protest, in the heat of the moment, Towa had disappeared from your mind entirely.

"Don't get any funny ideas, Anon, I just want to see what it's like to do it with a man." Whispered Kanata, probably a half truth.

Your boner made itself present in the darkness as Kanata scouted your body with one hand, getting a feel for it and eventually taking off your underwear. You didn't know she was that close until you felt her sloppy tongue on your head. It felt incredibly nice, Kanata circled your tip with her tongue as you did the best you could to avoid letting out a single sound that would get you two in trouble.

"It mustn't be that difficult, it's like eating Cocochi out..." Kanata muttered to herself. She was doing an excellent job, even thought she implied she didn't have any experience with men. You felt as she let go and how her body rubbed yours as she got ready to put it in, the feeling of her labia was driving you crazy, you had waited so much to feel something like this again, and then, she slowly slid down until you were almost all the way in.

"Hng, too much." Kanata cried, staying in that same position for a bit, gathering herself.

You grabbed her small waist, giving into your desires and slowly started to move her up and down. Kanata bit her shirt to shut out her cries and sounds, but she didn't stop you. She pressed her hands on your chest, with a few quiet moans escaped her now and then, before putting all of her force into gripping you with her insides. You almost let out a loud gasp, but Kanata shut you with her hand, making a slight shh sound. She gripped you again with less force this time and started riding you herself as you both began breathing more heavily. Close to your limit, you whispered to Kanata that you were gonna cum.

"Not inside" She demanded, but as your breathing became more erratic, she got up from you suddenly and you shot your load on her back.

"I told to not do it inside, you jerk..." She muttered. "Now get up, I need you to bring me some toilet paper."

~*~

After that, Kanata went back to her room and snuggled next to Coco. Pleased and tired, you lied on your bed and slept soundly until morning came, and with the rising sun, too began rising guilt. You left Towa's house in a hurry and took a long shower, contemplating what you had done. Giving into your temporary lust had left a lasting stain on you. In the mirror too, you felt a dreaded stare coming from inside. The more you saw your reflection, the more clouded your head became. You tried to rationalize this to yourself in many ways, but none were good enough to outweigh your actions. A few days went by, making use of your job and video games as a distraction, ignoring most of the messages Towa sent you, giving dry, one or two word answers, passing on her invitations to hang out with the excuse of being too busy doing something.

You had to work up the courage to tell her what happened, you had to have the balls to do it, but what if instead you just broke up? Making up some bullshit about her idol status would work perfectly, yes, now you just had to set a date to see her and tell her what happened-No, just that you had to end your relationship. You kept toying with your ideas for a few more days, until a bell rang and threw a wrench in your plans.

You opened the door before checking who it was, and before you stood the angelic devil who had been the reason for your past and present troubles, both for completely different reasons. A sharp worry beamed from her eyes.

"There you are Anon, I haven't been able to reach you, not through your phone, not discord, is everything okay?"

The cat got your tongue, all of your thoughts died at your mouth. You had no way out of this one, so you let Towa in.

She refused any kind of beverage or snack and sat in your couch. Towa was taking jabs at your attitude, but not in a scornful manner, she was worried because you seemed troubled. She hadn't been able to stream properly and got chewed out by management and even received messages from her genmates and senpai, asking her what was wrong and what had come up. She came closer to you with teary eyes, asking what was wrong, and every time a word came out of her mouth, you could feel a dagger being pushed deeper and deeper into your heart.

"Did something happen at the sleepover Anon? You've been acting weird ever since." Said Towa unsuspectingly.

You hugged Towa close to you. You didn't have the heart to tell her what you did, you couldn't crush her spirits like that. So, you made up a lie.

"I just felt really out of place, you know? All of you are talented idols, and, well, I'm just me..."

"A-non!" Said Towa with a pissed intonation, before giving you a sweet kiss.

"I love you regardless of what you do, me being an idol doesn't change that."

Towa bought it without second thought as you felt a void growing inside of you, alas, you had desisted from your original intentions, but a new hope began blooming inside you. You still loved Towa, and she didn't know what happened, perhaps she didn't need to, you could easily keep your mouth shut and keep your hands away from other women. Sex wasn't worth the guilt, you thought. And just like that, you'd keep the secret swept under the rug, you could talk with Kanata some other time to ask for her cooperation, she'd probably understand.

For now, the storm was almost over, and you could see the rays of sunshine peeking through the clouds, a ray of sunshine that had come to see you, completely oblivious.

A few weeks went by without much of notice, you went out with Towa once more and had almost forgotten about the entire incident, that was at least until you had to attend to your sexual needs once more, and even in them there was something wrong. Thoughts of Towa no longer inspired those feelings in you, instead, all you could see, was the silhouette of Kanata in the night of the crime.

For the most part, your life had gone back to normal, and other than some minor remains of guilt in you. Towa too, noticed that your mood had improved greatly and was happy for you.

Back at her place, as the devil played with your lips, you held her close to you. You made out with Towa, this time, keeping your hands entirely to yourself, before she herself, placed your right hand on her butt. You were taken by surprise, but seized the moment regardless and squeezed her gently.

"Ha~" A soft moan from Towa.

You were starting to get all hot and bothered, your sexual urges rising up once more, but you kept them at bay with force of will. You knew she wouldn't yield today either, so avoiding the expectations avoids the disappointment. Towa rested her face on your chest and looked up to you.

"I love you Anon." She whispered.

"I love you too."

For a few seconds the world had become perfect, all your troubles had washed away.

That was, until the moment you got a text message from an unsaved number.