Regret

It was the night of the recital. Sunny was sitting in his room, his mind being filled with poisonous thoughts. He wasn't good enough. He was NEVER going to be good enough. No matter how much he tried, it was going to end in failure. Mari was able to play the part perfectly, and he was still making stupid mistakes. Nothing he did worked out. As dark thoughts like this went through his mind, he took the violin, and threw it down the stairs. It felt so amazing. That stupid violin, taking time away, time that could be spent staying with his friends. He couldn't stand it.

But then, Mari heard. She ran out, and saw what he did. She slowly started to put the pieces together, seeing the violin broken to pieces at the bottom of the stairs. Then she started to yell at him. "How could you do this! You broke the violin, do you realize how much time we spent getting that for you!" She continued shouting at him; "Not to mention that the recital is ruined! Do you even realize what you've done?! Sunny, answer me! NOW."

Sunny didn't really know what to say. As Mari continued to yell at him, he felt...guilt. What had...what had he done? He broke the violin. Everything she said was right. He was never good enough. Why didn't she realize that? He couldn't play the song properly, no matter how much he tried. He'd practice, until his fingers were covered in cuts. But...he wasn't ever good enough, wasn't he? No matter what he did, he couldn't do it. He was a failure. A disgrace. Worthless. Useless.

Mari continued to yell at him, until she noticed he was starting to cry. Sunny rarely showed his emotions let alone...when was the last time she ever saw him cry? This shocked her out of the anger she felt, and she quickly started to feel regret for yelling at him so harshly. She tried to put her hand on his shoulder, but he recoiled away, looking at her with so much pain in his eyes, as he sobbed. "I-I was never going to be good enough! I tried...I tried, okay! I kept playing, but I was always...I'm sorry for breaking the violin! I'm sorry for not being able to play the song well! I'm sorry that I joined this recital, when I could never keep up with you! I'm sorry for being such a...such a horrible brother!" Sunny quickly backed away, and ran into their room, closing the door behind him.

Mari was left stunned. He really...thought all that? No...of course he did. She remembered how hard she pushed him sometimes. She wanted it to be perfect...Hero often told her she was a bit of a perfectionist...maybe she pushed some of that onto Sunny? No, it was worse than that. Of course she noticed the cuts and sometimes worse on his fingers. She ignored it. She...ignored his pain. Because she wanted it to be perfect...

Finally, she heard a voice. "Mari?" She was stunned, and looked at the bottom floor, to see Basil looking up at her. He seemed worried...and a little scared? "Aren't you...going to make sure Sunny's okay?" Mari thought about it for a few seconds. "I...I think he wants to be alone for a little bit. I'll let him rest a little, and talk to him soon. You should probably head home, since the recital isn't happening." Basil didn't want to leave his best friend like this, but he also didn't want to make things worse, so he left; "P-promise me Sunny's going to be okay, please?" "He'll be okay, Basil. I promise."

Mari sat at the top of the stairs for a while, looking down at the broken violin. Sunny probably hated that violin. It hurt him during long practices, after all. But still...why didn't he tell her? Or Hero? Or anyone? Sunny always bottled up his feelings, this was probably the result of that. He didn't want to be a burden to anyone, least of all her. His dear sister...who screamed at his face, without even thinking about how he must of felt. She was terrible.

Mari felt that enough time had passed, and she wanted to see Sunny, but...she was worried-no, she was scared. Scared that she'd make things worse, somehow. She didn't know what to do. Maybe...Hero. Hero was still home, maybe he could help? Mari made her way down the stairs, her hand on the rail. She skirted around the Violin pieces. She thought about moving them, but decided to do that later. Out the front door, and over to Hero's house. Thankfully, it seemed his family was up. Well, of course they were, it was the night of the recital. She knocked on the door, a bit more desperately than she wanted. Kel ended up opening up the door. "Oh, hey Mari! Are you and Sunny gonna ride with us?" "N-no, I need to see Hero."

Kel was a bit unnerved by the desperate tone in her voice, he called for Hero, while bringing Mari to the couch. Hero was happy to see her at first, but he saw how shaky she seemed. Although, her face lighted up a little seeing him, as she called him over. "Mari, are you alright?" he asked. Mari took a few deep breaths, and pulled herself together enough to explain what happened. Hero could barely picture Mari getting upset enough to actually yell at someone, let alone Sunny.

Mari slowly began to fall apart towards the end. "I don't know what to do...I yelled at him enough to make him cry, h-how do I face him after that? He was so upset, and I just screamed at him! He was-he was-" Mari's last bits of stability broke, and she just desperately hugged Hero. He didn't really know what to say, asides from what first came to mind; "You should see him. You can't just ignore him forever. You should apologize, and reassure him that you aren't mad at him." Kel was just listening to this all in shock. A part of him wanted to run over and make sure his friend was alright, but what could he do in a situation like this? Hero was always better than him...Kel wondered if that's how Sunny felt sometimes as well...

Once Mari pulled herself together, her and Hero headed back to her house. Hero was aghast seeing the broken Violin. He really did break it...Hero didn't exactly know the full story, but from what Mari managed to say, maybe he was upset at it? Hero decided to shove those thoughts away, not the time. He and Mari made it up to the door to her room, but Mari shied away from it. "Hey now Mari, it's fine. Everything's going to be okay. Just take deep breaths, like you normally do." Mari pulled herself together, and gathered her focus. She opened the door.

...

How did he even get a steak knife?

...

Hero called the emergency number. He was still breathing.

...

Basil saw an Ambulance race by, barely stopping himself from having a panic attack, he runs over.

...

Kel heard the ambulance, and saw it stop in front of Sunny's house. He ran over.

...

Aubrey got a call from Hero and heard what happened. She ended up running all the way to the hospital.

...

All of his friends waited outside his hospital room. Mari was a complete wreck.

...

The good news was that Sunny would live. When did he get a steak knife? He didn't have one on him at any point. He must of left the room when Mari went to see Hero. He had made cuts all around his wrists, hands, and fingers. He would live...that's all Mari could think to keep hold of her mind. He would live...he would live. She needed to see him when he woke up, she needed to apologize. For everything.

Sunny did wake up, and Mari made a silent prayer for that. She went to see him. Once he saw her, Mari's worst fear was confirmed. He started to tear up again. He apologized more. "I-I'm s-so...sorry...I-I couldn't-I" He tried to choke out some apologies between his sobbing, but Mari got the message. Even after what she did to him, after all her yelling, after putting him through so much, he still blame herself. All she could do was hug him, sobbing into his shoulder. She tried to apologize back; "I'm sorry for yelling at you! You were suffering so much and I just ignored it! Please, please don't blame yourself! It wasn't your fault! It just wasn't your fault! I was pushing you-I was forcing you to play, when you were in so much pain, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

Sunny still couldn't forgive himself. None of this would of happened if he had just been better. He wouldn't be hurting his friends right now if he could do anything right. Why did he have to live, if he was only going to burden his friends like this? He punished himself for being such a burden to them, and he tried to kill himself, knowing how much it would hurt them...he was a monster. He was sick. If only he hadn't been born, Mari would of been happier. He wouldn't of burdened them all like this...

"I'm...so sorry..."