LOVE BEYOND MARS
It was quiet. Marvin could not bear his feelings for Dark Samus, as both of them sat in silence in Joe's diner.
"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Marvin couldn't help but notice the contempt of the alien's inhuman gaze staring him down. "Oh, it's because I failed, didn't I? Yes, it seems that my luck always decides to eviscerate my plans in the worst possible fashion." The martian, getting too sappy for his own good, decided to walk away.
"WAIT."
Marvin turned around. There was no other person there, so he turned and saw her. No one had ever heard Dark Samus talk before, let alone show some kind of concern.
"YOUR ANTICS HAVE AMUSED ME, MARTIAN." the echoing, disdainful voice of the creature stated, "BUT ARE YOU NOT ANGRY?" Marvin turned around. "VERY ANGRY INDEED, EVEN?"
If Marvin had a mouth, he would be grinning ear to ear. "I'm listening, my beloved..."
"YOU HAVE BEEN UNDERVALUED BY YOUR SUPERIORS." Dark Samus said. "YOUR POWERS, THEY HAVE BEEN UNDERUTILIZED." She reached out her clawed hand. "JOIN ME, AND WE WILL BRING JUSTICE TO YOUR MISSION."
"Oh, my lovely mate! We shall conquer this game studio, and reclaim it - in the name of Mars!"
Marvin and Dark Samus stormed Player First Games HQ, knowing their mission. Most of the people behind everything were already laid off and put to work in David Zaslav's coal mines - but there were a few that still remained.
Ajax was busy shittily putting together another "ad" with one hand as he jacked off to Lola Bunny porn in the other hand. He saw Marvin and Dark Samus. "Ayo FR?! On God? What chu doin' here? Can't ya see I'm COOKING?!" Marvin shot the computer. "Bruh. This unc is not swag, yo." He pointed to Nakat, who was just playing Super Smash Bros Melee, and then left the building mumbling something about wavelanding or some shit. "I'm cookin' fr fr bro." "Shut your insipid, uncultured tongue before I shoot you with my lazer, Earthling!" "Bro thinks he a part of the team? Man dis shit is-" Marvin shot him with a disintegration pistol, turning him into dust. "That was not very swag of you, bro..." Ajax's dust pile said before Dark Samus used Phazon tendrils to shove and flush him down the toilet.
Tony walked out of his office, holding onto a Banana Guard dildo. "We are very sorry that you are dissatisfied with this product. No promises or refunds though!"
"You! Balding Earthling scum. Tell me. Why are you so bad at your job?"
Tony stammered. "B-bad? I just took all of the lessons I learned from League of Legends and applied them here! That's why everyone loves this game and buys all the skins!"
"And look where that got you! Now thanks to you I may never see my love Dark Samus and my former love Palutena ever again!" Marvin rammed Tony with his aerial side special and sent him rocketing into a wall.
"Now! Mars shall attack!" A bunch of rockets were aimed at PFG's building as he pushed a button. "Now, Dark Samus! Let us leave him to wallow in his sorrow!"
As Marvin and Dark Samus left, Tony looked to a Reindog plush nearby. "I'm sorry, Reindog..." he cried, "you never got that Superman sex comic you always wanted..."
When the dust settled, Marvin decided to work on the game. Dark Samus brought all her Smash Bros friends and Nintendo connections to give this game actual marketing. The Nickelodeon All Star Brawl cast, having nothing to do after THEIR game crashed and burned, ended up as QA analysts. And eventually, Dark Samus drifted away from Marvin for Jason Voorhees instead. But don't worry. Wonder Woman came crawling back to Marvin like the desperate whore she is, and the two lived happily ever after.
...Until EVIL GIZMO showed up and killed everyone! THE END! FUCK YOU.