Joining the Family

"Remember, don't fight it. You can't fight it. Nobody can. Embrace it. Accept the pain. Invite it. Let it transform you."
You try to smile, but the expression is weak. Your hands are cold and clammy. You're pretty sure you're shaking a bit while the pit in your stomach tries to eat its way out through your spine.
She invited you to be part of her family. She explained how this would work. It seemed like a good idea at the time. You love her, and don't want to imagine life without her. But you've had time to think about what's soon to happen. And the more you've thought, the less it seems like it was a good idea.
She explained how it would happen.

"First you'll feel nauseous, sick. You're probably gonna puke. That's okay. It happens to everybody the first time. Just let it out."
Okay. You can handle that.
"Then it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt worse than anything you've ever felt before. It's going to feel like every bone in your body is breaking. Because they are. It's going to feel like every muscle is tearing, because it is. The first time, your body doesn't want to accept it. It wants to reject what's happening. So it fights, and it hurts."
That sounded bad, but she must be exaggerating. Besides, you love her. You'll find a way through. For her.
"If you fight it, you'll fail. It'll drive you mad. You'll turn into the monster in all the old stories. We'd have to put you down."
Your hand reflexively went to the fresh wound, the deep bite in the flesh of your thigh she inflicted on you when you said "yes". The way she said that last part was so cold and serious you had no doubt she meant it. You also had no doubt she meant it because she'd had to do it before.

"Embrace the pain. Let it wash over me. Know it will only last if I don't."
"Right. You'll know you've made it through when it disappears. It will be an instant like breaking glass. The pain will fall away like it was never there, and then you'll be on paws, and one of us."
You try to remember all of it as it was explained. You squeeze her hand and you feel a little sick. You're not sure if it's nerves, or the start. You look her in her eyes, her beautiful blue/grey eyes that always feel like they're looking at the real you, not the you that's always shown to the world.
"If I don't... I love you."
And then the wave of nausea hits like a ton of bricks. You barely turn to the side fast enough to avoid spewing bile on the woman you love. It comes heaving up and you let it go.

She wasn't exageratting about the pain. You don't even have the words to describe it. You can barely even comprehend how it can exist, how a body can feel that much pain. Somebody is shrieking somewhere. It sounds like they're dying, like they're being crushed under some gigantic foot. You feel empathy for them.

Then you realize you're the one shrieking. Writhing on the ground. Curled in a ball trying to hide and run at the same time to get away from something inside yourself. You can't help it. It's too much. You can't embrace this. It has to go away. It has to stop. Oh god please! Make it stop!
Make it stop!
Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it stop! MakeitstopMakeitstopMakeitstopMakeitstopMakeitstopMakeitstopMakeitstopMakeitstopMakeitstop

Something familiar makes itself known through the shrieking and the unbelievable wrongness of your own body. Somehow it finds its way through the fog and the million miles that seems to be separating you from anything that isn't the pain.

Her voice.
And she's crying.
Pleading.
"Embrace it! You have to embrace it! Embrace it and it will stop!"

Even like this, you know her voice. Somehow it hurts worse to think you're making her cry. It hurts in a place the physical pain can't touch. And instead of trying to destroy you, it is pain that motivates you.

And you embrace the other pain. Because you can't make her cry.

The glass breaks.
The pain ceases.

The world becomes new again. Your senses are telling you things you don't have concepts for yet. Smells and sounds you've never noticed nor know the meaning of. It's like being a child and everything is a discovery. None of it has changed, but it's all different now.

She hasn't changed.
Or, well, she has.
She's on paws now too.

Fur rubbing on fur is new. Different. NICE. You nuzzle into her, then trip over your own feet and fall on your side, and you learn that you have no idea how to actually get around on four legs. Shit. She didn't tell you you'd have to learn how to walk again.

As if in answer to that thought she returns to two legs. You can't be sure, but you think she might be suppressing a laugh. You might be more sure if you weren't distracted by her naked body; her very fit, svelt, lithe, and awesomely highlighted by the moonlight naked body.

"I'm sorry. I should have said something to you about this. It will take time for you to learn to be a wolf."

Her hands wrap around your chest and help you upright, to a place where you can get all four paws under yourself again. She's so much stronger than she looks. And her fingers buried in your fur feel wonderful. You definately want more of that.

You don't know exactly how long it is, but after a while she has you walking on your own. There was a lot of this foot then that foot and falling over and being picked up; but you've finally got the hang of walking. She's smiling broadly.

"You're better at this than I was. It took me a lot longer to walk on my own. You'll be chasing rabbits in no time."

One of her hands goes to your head and scritches, almost absently. Then both her hands are there, one behind each of your ears, and ohmygawd that feels so good. You're making a pleased sort of whine sound before you realize it. And all of a sudden she's nearly got a death grip on you and she's crying into your ear and shaking. "I knew you'd make it. I knew it." You lean into her to try and comfort her while she lets it out; lets go of the fear she had that you actually wouldn't make it.

After a bit she calms down, lets you go, wipes away the last of her tears and just sort of flops over next to you. You plop yourself across her chest. It's strange being able to hear more than her heart beating. She fixes you with those wonderful eyes of hers, and there's a wicked mischevious smile on her lips.

"You realize, once you've gotten better with that body I'm going to teach you how to fuck my brains out, right?"

The expression you make must be something else because she goes from wicked mischief to pure mirth and laughter in an instant.

"Oh god!"
She's almost rolling.
"I wish I had a camera for that face!"
She's damn near wheezing.

You get up off of her and walk a couple feet away then sit down with your back to her to express your disdain for her amusement.

She takes the presented opportunity to scritch behind your ears again.

All is forgiven. Your tail certainly says as much.