in the end, i never did understand what i was born for.
this url is dedicated to artemy's self ship with sigma, from bsd. note that i don't care about doubles in the slightest as i am sharing however don't interact if you'll try to make a competition out of how much more you love my f/o, i find it childish and frankly stupid, mind your own business, it is not hard.
ever since first watching bsd 3 years ago, sigma caught my eyes as a special character. i found myself relating to his struggles, to the way he was treated by not only the in-media characters however also by the fandom. as time went on she grew fonder to me, and i've now been shipping myself with her for about a year now, without any official date because there wasn't an exact moment where i realised i love her, since my adoration grew over time. and yes i use he and she pronouns for my wife she is forever genderfluid in my heart and yes i am projecting. for my headcanons...i have always seen sigma as being both feminine and masculine, he's a perfect mix, as if a woman and a man had a child. and therefore, i see her as genderfluid, and besides that i also think she would be biromantic demisexual. i like to imagine him as greek, since sigma is the name of a greek letter and ive deeply loved greek mythology since i was a child, and also because i dont see him as being inspired by any author in particular. i do however am interested in the theory that "sigma is based off of sergey nikolaevich" as apparently, said author has previously used the pen name sigma. however, i haven't read any of that authors works and considering the fact that asagiri hasn't confirmed an author that sigma represents all of these years it might never be confirmed at all, so i choose to live in whimsy and oc-ify my wife however i please.
to me, sigma is a purple hyacinth - not only because of his hair, but because of the myth behind this beautiful flower. it is said that Lord Phoebus Apollo once had a mortal lover named hyacinthus. their love was sacred and pure, the god of art himself took a liking to a man known for his beauty, they fit together perfectly. eventually, however, their adoration for one another brought tragedy, and jealousy of the west wind Zephyrus took away the lover of the bright God Apollo. faced with the loss of his partner, Lord Phoebus Apollo turned hyacinthus' blood into a beautiful flower, which now represents sorrow, grief and apology because he could not have been saved. this story speaks to me as i know in the end nothing could have been done to save sigma from fyodor's plan. i like to imagine someday she will wake up, that she's in a temporary coma, however the truth remains that her blood is now the shape of a flower. i keep that flower close to my heart now to immortalise and separate my dear sigma away from the cruel fate inside her media. this association is also the reason that i use the name hyacine and its a name that is dear to me. sigma has become part of my identity, i often present with gifs and profile pictures of her and i consume sigma content daily, ive rewatched her anime episodes more than i can count, and i carry her with me through music and plenty of other interests.
the story i have in my head for my sona (who i refer to as artemy) and sigma is still a work in progress, so is my sona's design and that's why i haven't drawn myself any yume art. part of me started getting back into art just for sigma, LMAO...so i will be working on it. back to the story now, it mainly follows the canon plotline, however i imagine that when creating sigma, nikolai got all up in fyodor's business and made a comment about how sigma would be lonely. reluctantly, fyodor agreed to giving a partner to sigma for whatever reason, probably to shut up nikolai, and so, artemy was partnered alongside sigma as the managers of the casino. the main part of this story simply expands on sigma's time in his beloved casino, now no longer lonely and so constantly overworked and stressed since his work is divided. i kind of wanted him to have a patch of his life where he was actually happy in the midst of everything that happens because my god this woman never smiles unless in wan.
ill write more about the story later its been 3 hours since i started writin.h my head and hands hurts.
my brain latched on so tight to this stupid girlboy anime character it's actually insane. i love sigma so much don't play with me.