Your name is anon and lately life hasn’t been so great
in fact so great that your most prominent what if fantasy isn’t being famous or getting revenge
it’s killing yourself
not for attention… or at least you don’t think so
but because living just sucked
with every moment being alive and conscious being disorienting, hopeless and painful
like that feeling that
Granted up to now you didn’t really believe you were actually gonna do it but you still made plans
plans in the same vein as zombie apocalypse survival or winning the lottery but plans none the less.
mostly because you’d feel horrible for making the very few people who cared about you sad
even if they were currently on the other side of the country
but you still wrote a will, not that you owned much of interest
and you even had a location and everything.
on a bridge between two buildings on an east west access
at either sunrise or sunset
with a rope.
you hadn’t bought the rope yet
not that you hadn’t tried
it’s just that you always found an excuse not to get said rope,
like you had taxes to do, or had to throw your garbage out, or vote.
sometimes you wondered if you put this shit off just because part of you wanted another excuse to stay alive
but now you had everything out of the way..
and a big enough fight with your folks back home that they hopefully wouldn’t be that sad
you’re finally going to buy that fucking rope
you show up at the store after spending about an hour on amazon checking for items frequently bought with nylon rope
the money didn’t really matter now, you wouldn’t be needing anymore than two drachmas anyways.
you made sure to bring a backpack too, one for convenience and two carrying a rope around might get you accused of planning a hate crime.
and telling people “Oh no this is just to kill myself with.” Isn’t the greatest excuse
you climb the stairs avoiding eye contact with everyone, with your huge ass backpack
as said it’s early enough that there aren’t many people here yet, so you shouldn’t draw that much attention
you reach the bridge after passing by the mandatory indoor starbucks which was amazingly still closed
now you’re here,
looking 10 stories down.
if the rope breaks the fall will kill you instantly
This is it luigi
You begin to tie the rope, it’s a lot harder than it was practicing at home
maybe it’s because of nerves, maybe it’s because it’s cold and wet and miserable compared to your apartment.
plus the fact that you’re actually tying it to something isn’t helping
in fact it takes you about a good ten minutes to get it set up and stable.
time flies when you’re having fun
then you here a holler from below you
oh fuck the onlookers are here
it starts as one voice but soon it’s a cacophony of strangers saying they care about you and have something to live for.
of course what they really care about is being able to sleep at night and not having any guilt of blood being on their hands/
hell, half of them are probably waiting for someone to insult you just so they have someone to blame besides themselves if you go through with it.
none of these people would have given you a single fucking ounce of attention before this,
nice to know they’d at least feel bad for killing someone though
as you put the noose around your neck and look down one last time you see one of them bend over, kick their legs
and then start climbing the building
not rush into the building or rush towards the stairway
no this person is actually climbing the outside of the building
and they’re making damn good time, about a story a minute.
you stop due to your instinctual curiosity overwhelming your drive for self termination as the figure gets clearer and clearer
they’re an anthro for one thing, judging by the fact the tail and the covering of blondish white fur on the parts not covered by their jacket an pants.
by the way the tanktop is jiggling and the hips are swaying you can also tell this anthro is a she
still not sure what species though a cat maybe, no she climbs differently
a racoon? No tail’s wrong
Either way you’re going to find out soon enough
you turn around to look back at the crowd formed on the other side of the causeway.
when you look back down the figure is gone..
“Hey.”
You’re startled by the voice causing you to jump just a bit closer to the fence.
judging by the fact it’s a woman’s voice this is probably the woman who climbed the building to see you.
you turn slowly before locking your gaze with two big, brown and yellow eyes.
On a mostly hairless muzzle flanked by long straight hair.
she’s a monkey.. or maybe a tarsier or a lemur or something
certainly not an ape because she has a tail
admittedly primatology was never your strong suit
she’s seems to be a couple inches taller than you, though neither of you is exactly standing up straight.
she’s wearing skinny jeans which certainly couldn’t help with the climbing
a Japanese style motorcycle jacket
and a blitzkid tank top that was just small enough to reveal a little too much of her boobs and way too much of her stomach.
her expression is casual but with a hint of concern
nothing like the hysterical displays going on below you
you wait around 30 seconds for her to break the silence, her hair being blown by the wind.
”So..” she asks in that same light contralto she startled you with, “what exactly brought you up here?” her casual tone still present.
”If this is some kinda publicity stunt, you can fuck off!”
You say with a surprising bit of venom which still doesn’t seem to phase her
She blinks a few times before leaning further back onto the railing her tail swinging back and forth lazily.
”No just curious.”
you slump over sighing
”It-it’s a long story.”
she swipes some of her long hair out of her face with one of her similarly bare hands.
”I have time.”
You take the noose off your neck letting, throwing it aside over the railing
the crowd cheers
”So you aren’t gonna do it?” She asks, a little surprise seeping into her voice
You shake your head
”No.. it’s a long story and.. and if you wanna hear I guess I might as well tell you.”
She straightens up with freakish agility before taking a few steps closer.
”Can you tell me somewhere more comfortable?”
You hesitate before looking back at the hanging noose sans cadavers
”I can leave the rope here if it helps, in case you decide you uh, wanna go back afterwards.”
You nod as she walks to the door and opens it for you expectantly
the walk back is uneventful save for the bit where she had to go outside to get her shoes back
about the only person she acknowledged was the smiling Doberman cop who was handing her back said shoes.
besides that the two of you stayed mostly silent as you make your way to the back of a building towards a garish green Kawasaki.
you were a little taken back on accepting a ride from a complete stranger
even one who did save your life.
”Hop on.” She says brusquely
”But.. But I don’t even know your name!”
”You said you were willing to go with me somewhere more comfortable.”
She looks at you expectantly and a bit annoyed
“I thought you meant inside the building!”
She huffs
“It’s Tara, now are you going to get on or what?”
fuck it, it’s not like you can go back and finish the job now.
”Uhh.. my name is anon by the way.”
“Nice to meet you anon.” and with that the two of you are off with Tara at the front and you riding bitch
The way she drives is terrifying, almost running a red, cutting off trucks and hitting every yellow light in town
but the feeling of her tail wrapped around you and your hands dig it into her waist make it somewhat comforting
feeling her back shake with calm breaths through her jacket.
Her long hair hitting your face
for once in your life you sort of feel… nice>the bike jerks to a halt in front of coffee shop, it’s on the other side of the downtown area
”Can I at least get a drink?’
She shakes her head still not looking towards you as she dismounts, her tail movements causing you to lose balance briefly.
”Alcohol is a depressant.”
”I mean if it bothers you I can pay for it.” You say feebly
”I’m paying.”
with the way she said it you didn’t feel like arguing
once again she opens the door for you
and they say chivalry is dead
the place isn’t too full, about ten other people in a place that looks like it can seat thirty,
there’s an empty stage with a microphone and some amps, with the obligatory overdrawn octopus mural behind it
you decide to sit in the booth across from it, it gives you something to focus on before Tara gets back
maybe you should go to places like this, when the bands are actually playing
no, that’s dumb
you were the wrong kind of pretentious pseudo intellectual
not that they’d hate you
just you’d have nothing in common and they’d drift off as usual
Tara is back carrying two beverages and a brown bag which she deposits in front of you before taking her seat
she takes off her jacket brushing it aside with her tail
she’s naturally lanky, but decently filled out though what’s fur, fat or muscle is hard to get.
“You could’ve asked me what I wanted..”
”You wanted Alcohol, besides it’s an Americano.”
you stare at her confused
”What?”
”Americanos are the middle ground of coffee, everyone is neutral on them.. I also got you scone.”
You pull it out
it’s blueberry
”You could’ve asked if I had any allergies.”
She leans back again and blows on her hair
”Well you were gonna kill yourself twenty minutes ago so I doubt you’re very health conscious.”

she pauses looking at the way you grab the pastry
”Besides it was cheap.”
you don’t respond instead choosing to greedily devour the scone between slurps of coffee
prepping for suicide must really be draining on the stomach.
she sipped her Coffee with a level of dignity and collectedness you weren’t even able to pull off right now
”So what’d make a guy like you want to do it like that?”
if not for the context it would sound like a pick up line
You swallow
”A guy like me?”
you’re incredulous
”Am I too good looking for suicide?”
she leans back looking you over, her tail still moving lazily
”Well you just don’t seem like the hanging type..”
You were beginning to get irritated again at her nonchalant demeanor and her
”Do you think I was faking?!”
“No you seemed pretty legit.”
She put her hands on the table clasped as if she was a detective telling you why every theory on a murder suspect you had was wrong.
”For one most hanging deaths are done by people in there 40s to 60s at home. Most people your age try pills.. or a gun.”
“You seem to know an awful lot about this.”
she takes another sip of her coffee.
”Let’s say this isn’t my first rodeo.”
you can detect a bit of sadness in her face before she goes back to her neutral but determined expression.
”Well to answer your question I don’t own any handguns, and the highest point in my apartment is about 9.. maybe ten feet.”
you had once thought about using your dad’s old shotgun but with the recoil, you doubted you could pull it off clean.
”That doesn’t explain why you didn’t choose an overdose, and seeing as you were serious and not just an attention seeker that means you-“
You cut her off still miffed about her empirical tone
”I had a negative history with drugs.”
”By the way you say that.. I’m guessing it was very bad right?”
she seems a bit more empathetic now, her eyes are wide open and her eyebrows are raised
”Let’s just say those memories are just another thing I was trying to escape.”
”Well you said you’d tell me.”
She had a point, and with that you started..
Tara had not taken a single sip for your entire story
her calm demeanor replaced with genuine shock as you finished up the story of the last few years.
”27..” she muttered, “Jesus, no wonder you wanted to kill yourself.”
it was like she had gotten second hand shellshock
”Uh huh. Anyways now that you know my deal, can I leave.”
“Where?” she asks, “you’re five miles away with no ride back besides me.”
”I’ll walk or take a bus or something.”
she snorts rolling her eyes
“Do you really want to get away from me that much?”
you’d say yes, but that wouldn’t be the right or true.
she’d done more for you in an hour than most people had done for you in years
You shake your head, eyes cast towards the remains of your scone, “No.. no It’s not that.”
”Then why?”
that was a good point why did part of you want to leave?
was it a defense mechanism, did you leave the stove on? Or did part of you just want to finish the job?
“I-I don’t really know.”
You gather your thoughts
“Maybe it’s because you wouldn’t have given a shit about me if I wasn’t up there- I mean as much as both of us would like to think this means anything. I can guarantee we’ll stop talking in a month and I’ll be right back up there.”
”Well that’s one reason for me not to loose touch with you.” She says with just an ounce of sarcasm
“Yeah but I just.. I’m tired of relationships made up of guilt and obligation. Yknow. And I can get those from multiple people besides you.”
“Boring people don’t go that far with suicide attempts.”
”So you have some kind of fetish for this?” You ask taken aback, the last drop of Americano in your mouth turning a bit sour.
“God no..” She says waving her hands as she realized the distress she was causing, “It’s just that a lot of interesting people committed suicide, Mark Rothko, Van Gogh, Patrick Bruce. Not even counting the amount who attempted.”
“That’s a lot of abstract painters.” You say noticing the pattern
”Yeah well I’m an artist. Besides how do you know that they’re all painters?”
a bit of the tense feeling leaves your body with this revelation of what may be a bit of common ground.
”What kind?” You ask now genuinely interested.
She takes her first drink in a while lifting her head up as the coffee goes down like her non anthropomorphic kin
”Tatoo. But I try to paint in my free time.”
you wonder if she could even get tattoos, well maybe on her face stomach and hands
though from little you gleaned about her it seemed doubtful she’d go for that kinda thing.
”I assume you do something too.”
”Well we’re doing something now.”
You couldn’t resist messing with her for her imprecise words.
”I mean art.” She was now a bit frustrated
”How could you tell?”
she takes another sip almost gargling it in her mouth
”The fact you didn’t immediately ask if I could paint you.”
You nod, you’ve definitely had enough people accost you when brought your sketchbook around town, sometimes going as far as to shove money in your face just for a picture that they would inevitably be insulted by.
”I’m an architect.. or at least I work at an architecture firm.”
”Really?” Her ears perk up
”That’s actually really badass.”
You smirk a bit finding her excitement both amusing and endearing
”Trust me it isn’t.”
"It probably beats drawing skulls on fat dads and horses on sorority girls."
"Try fetching coffee for guys whose life goal is to purge the world of Art deco and anything not apple store friendly."
"Damn.."
"Yeah no wonder I'm suicidal right?"
Tara's face froze a bit the sardonic grin replaced by concern and sadness, like her entire mouth went bitter.
You realize what you did and quickly backtrack.
"Oh shit.. sorry I shouldn't have said that."
She sighs once more eyes once again glue to her almost empty mug.
"It's fine. I mean it'd be a bad move to tell you to knock it off."
"I still shouldn't have said it."
Great, you made her unhappy too just like you did with everyone else.
"It's fine really."
yeahfuckingright.jpg
you get up ready to walk home
you wouldn't do it again for a bit
might as well at least give her that
As you turned around you feel a jolt as she tightly grabbed your wrist with one of her suprisingly soft hand. Causing your jacket to slip onto the pristine red carpet.
"Uhh..what do you think you're doing?"
What did she think you were doing?
"Leaving."
She pulled you back with surprising force for someone her build into the booth
"Like I said before there's no way in hell I'm going to leave you alone right now."
She continued nervousness peaking through just a bit, mostly given away by rapid eye movements.
"I mean y-you could do something stupid like trying again?"
you huffed.
"You said you'd let me leave the rope up."
She started to glare the kind of glare a parent finding their kid doing something dangerous would give.
"I didn't fucking mean it!"
The sudden outburst startled a few people and their reactions startled her
she cleared her throat, tail swaying nervously as she twiddled her furless hands
"Anyways it'd be really stupid of me to let you be alone for the next 24 hours."
lovely.
she was babysitting you.
so this was an obligation thing after all
why did you think it wasn't.
"Listen do you have any friends or family I could take you to?"
you shook your head
they were either too far away or worse too shocked and outraged
Tara gave a deep breath and put her hands on the table pausing in thought.
"My house or yours?"
what.
"My house or yours?"
she repeated
you were still too shocked
"You don't have any pets right?"
you shook your head, if you did you probably wouldn't be so miserable
"It's settled my house it is."
Your stunned silence forced her to speak more
"Well if I went to your house, it might seem like I was trying to rob you.. and.. and the idea that you'd be worried about being murdered doesn't seem that likely."
she planned this out
how long had she planned this out?
"You're taking me.. to your house?"
she snorts
"Yeah, were you even listening to me?"