the wag of a finger: second course
Beast dipped his sponge into back into the bucket and continued to scrub the floor of his kitchen.
In the past two weeks he was able to work that mess of a room into a functional kitchen up to his standards. His equipment could certainly be better, as it was just second-hand pots and pans supplied to him by the guildmaster. But they got the job done, which was all he cared about at the moment.
For the first time in a very long time, he was back to cooking by himself, with no rookie cooks that would tolerate his screaming. He had to cook for a large group of rather hungry people, so his meals usually consisted of things like stews, pasta, or hotcakes for the ones that demanded seconds. He missed putting delicate love into each plate.
The other guild members all talked in an esoteric manner, insulting him or each other in some sort of dialect that he could never decipher. A few of the members seemed to be actually from around here, but they didn't seem to mind their odd babble as much as he did.
He kept reflecting as he cleaned the floor. This new job felt nostalgic in an odd way, as he hadn't scrubbed his own floor or washed dishes since he had opened his first restaurant as a young cook. However, his thoughts were interrupted when two guildmates stood at the doorway.
"Gentlemen, for the last time, my kitchen is OFF LIMITS!" A fed up Beast declared.
"Aw c'mon, can we have just a little bit of that chili you're making? We're starvin' out here!" One of the guildmates complained.
Beast looked at the pot slowly cooking on the fire, then back to his unwelcome guests. "That chili is for everyone's lunch! If you want a snack, help yourself to the fruit and berries down in the pantry!"
"C'mon, Mr. Beast! you let KFC in here all the time!"
"WINCHESTER! my last name is WINCHESTER! and why must you insist on calling me Mr. Beast like I'm some candy store owner?"
"Because it's funny!"
Beast narrowed his eyes. "WHY is it funny?"
The guildmates looked at each other awkwardly. Beast quickly understood how dumb his question was and sighed.
"Oh, forget it. Now, back to the subject, I only let KFC in my kitchen because he's the only one of you hooligans I trust to light the fire so I may cook!"
"What's wrong with the other fire types?"
"Like everyone else here, they're delinquents who can't appreciate my culinary genius!"
"Geez Mr. Beast, you're kind of acting like a chud right now." The guildmate remarked.
Beast kept scrubbing, so fed up with their esoteric jargon that he couldn't bother reacting anymore.
"More like chudlax amirite?" He asked his friend with a snicker.
"The beast has fallen..." The other guildmate added, making them both chuckle.
"BILLIONS MUNCH DIE!" The original guildmate choked out. They both erupted in laughter as they left.
Beast rolled his eyes for what felt like the 80th time that day and scrubbed a little harder and faster. It felt like every other hour someone would come by and subject him to some pseudo-comedic nightmare, with the exception of folks like KFC or that nurse he hadn't seen in a while, but he rarely talked to either.
When Beast finished scrubbing the floor, he put away the sponge and bucket and returned to his sleeping quarters, turning on his phonograph and flopping into bed. He thanked God he didn't have a roommate to put up with.
As Beast relaxed and listened to his music, he heard a familiar, flamboyant voice enter his quarters. "Uh, Mr. Winchester? Are you awake?"
Beast immediately sat up and opened his eyes. "Oh! Guildmaster! lunch should be ready in about a half hour."
"Yeah uh, listen, Beast..." The Guildmaster started, switching to his first name. "Um, yeah, I've been getting complaints from other guildmates about your behavior, m'kay?"
"Guildmaster, you must understand, these people drive me insane with their nonsense!"
"Hmm, yeah, maybe you should try connecting more with them! Because if I can be up front with you, Beast, if I hear one more complaint about you being a pompous prick to the guildmates, I'll have to let you go! m'kay?~"
Beast stood up and nodded to the guildmaster as he walked out. "Understood, Sir."
Until now, Beast had never went up to the second floor other than to simply explore the building, as he believed his time was spent better in the kitchen or his quarters, away from other guild members. As Beast went up the stairs, he began to hear an ongoing conversation that actually sounded interesting to him, something about doughnuts.
"What's this I hear about doughnuts?" Beast asked happily as he approached the group. They all turned to them, all of them either shocked or embarrassed. "Oh! uh, Mr. Beast!" one of them finally blurted. "I uh, I don't think you wanna discuss this with us..."
"Nonsense!" Beast assured as he sat down with the group. "As a seasoned chef and contest winning baker, I could talk about doughnuts for hours!" Some of the guildmates began to snicker. "Why, there's only a few things better than the taste of a fresh puffy doughnut in the morning!" The guildmate's snickers began to mature into chuckles. "Especially a chocolate one!" The entire group then roared with laughter, and Beast looked at the group, bewildered.
"What? what's so funny!?" Beast demanded, beginning to blush witnessing the hysterical group. Could he really say anything without it being a joke to these people?
Feeling sorry, one of the guildmates leaned over and whispered in his ear, carefully explaining what "doughnuts" meant in the current context. His eyes slowly began to go wide with bewilderment and disgust.
"This...this is the kind of thing you talk about on a daily basis?" Beast asked, his voice taking on a horrified tone.
"Well, not ALL the time" One of the guildmates answered. "Sometimes we talk about cookies, but cookies are-"
"DON'T even bother." Beast interrupted, beginning to rant. "My goodness, do you degenerates have ANY redeeming qualities!? All you seem to do is insult me with esoteric babble and complain that we only eat spaghetti and pancakes! well MAYBE IF YOU PEOPLE DIDN'T HAVE THE STOMACHS OF-"
"Still can't shake the screaming habit, can you, Beastie boy~?"
To the possible relief of the reader, this voice did not belong to the guildmaster. Beast whirled around and scowled at the figure standing in front of him and crossed his arms. "Hmph! I thought I smelled burnt coffee!"
Beast and Spinda had been bitter rivals since they had met at cooking school decades prior. They would fiercely complete and one up one another with innovative techniques and recipes, but Beast was always slightly embarrassed that his skills were matched by a terminally teetering airhead. While Beast ended up being the more accomplished chef, Spinda was more successful, opening up a very popular franchise of coffee and juice stands.
"I think you would know more about burning then I would, hehe~" Spinda replied, making light of his tragedy.
Beast scowled harder and rolled his eyes. "Are you just here to rub it in, coffeemaker?"
Spinda giggled. "Of course not! i'm here to...wish you luck with your new job! the job of a cafeteria worker fits your skill level perfectly~"
Beast's scowl grew to a grimace. "Don't you DARE compare me to a cafeteria worker! I could outcook you in my sleep!"
Spinda's smug expression only grew. "Where's your restaurant, then?"
Beast and Spinda continued to banter as the circle of guildmates watched with interest, before one of them broke the silence among them.
"spindass lol." One of the guildmates blurted.
The chefs stopped their arguing and turned to the voice.
Multiple guildmates joined. "lol."
"C'mon guys, she's standing right there! don't encourage that!" One guildmate warned.
"ENCOURAGE THAT SHIT!" Another responded. "CUM TO SHORTSTACKS!"
Soon the circle began their engaging discussion.
"Who's everyone's favorite shortstack?"
"Sex with spinda!"
"[spoiler]jirachi[/spoiler]"
"based jirachi's thicc thighs enjoyer"
Spinda watched in horror and disgust as the guildmates shamelessly discussed having sex with her species, shaken to her core.
,
Eventually, the panda turned to her former associate. "You....you work for these people?"
"It's as horrible as you think."
"They at least don't say these kinds of things about you, right?"
"Last week I overheard one of them saying I was made for suggestive fat kemoshota art"
"W-what does that mean?"
"I'm too afraid to ask."
Spinda put her hand on Beast's shoulder and did the impossible. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier, Beast. It takes a special, powerful kind of person to thrive in this environment." Spinda said in apology. "Now if you excuse me, I'm going back to the hotel to cry."
Beast watched in surprise as spinda trudged over to the stairs and climbed back down, leaving Beast alone for the first time ever and winning their little game of banter.
Beast looked back at his guildmates as they discussed their odd brand of debauchery. Maybe their brand of disgusting had some merit to it after all.