Meanwhile, on a Forum Somewhere... by anon

TOPIC: Is my human friend ok???
I'm really worried about my human friend. I gifted him a smart band to monitor our heart rates when we run. Lately though he's been really quiet, sometimes he'll turn red for no reason and his heart rate will go really high even when we're just hanging out. Like, higher than after a 10 mile run high. He keeps saying he's fine but he really doesn't like talking about it and i'm worried! Please help!
Awww that's cute
Hello OP, I am a trained human medical professional. Unfortunately your human friend may be seriously ill. These are all common symptoms of a human condition called Amor Animalium, which may be transmitted to humans when exposed to anthros.
Oh my god, should I ask him to go to a doctor?! Ihs he gotnna be okk?!!@2
Calm down OP, I can tell you're nervous and phoneposting by your typing. Don't worry, the condition is easily diagnosed and curable. In fact, the diagnosis is the easiest part. I can walk you through the basics of performing a point of care test for this if you desire.
Please! I'm meeting with him in 15 minutes!
Perfect. Here's what you need to do. It might seem strange, but you need to kiss him.
What?! Why would I ndeed tb do thbat?!2!
OP you're getting nervous again. I can assure you this is the most sensitive and specific test for it. You see, the diagnosis is confirmed if, after exposure to the anthro antigen in your saliva, the human exhibits the same symptoms as before (often in even greater magnitude!). Unfortunately this antigen test has to be from saliva and it has to react with his oral mucosa so you HAVE to kiss him. I know this might be awkward but otherwise his diagnosis and treatment may be delayed! You seem to really are for your human friend so I know you understand the importance of this.
Ok i'm sorry for foubting you dfoctor i'm rleally nrevous but i'll doit!
(Shortly after, the thread is stickied)
LMFAO OP (This user's post is hidden to all subsequent posters for reason: Interfering with CRITICAL medical therapy)
I can't believe you'd bully this poor kid like this (This user's post is hidden to all subsequent posters for reason: Interfering with CRITICAL medical therapy)
Look it's his fault for thinking HUMANFEVER.com is a fucking medical website holy SHIT AHAHAHA (This user's post is hidden to all subsequent posters for reason: Interfering with CRITICAL medical therapy)
It's been 30 minutes, is everything ok OP?
Oh gdo dcotorer, I dnot kwno whte to do! Pselase hplsekfnsjhgsk
Image of a deer laughing so hard they are crying (This user has been permanently banned)
It's ok, OP, it's ok. Take a second and take a deep breath and tell us what happened so we can determine the best plan of care.
I'm sorry, oh god I messed everything up! We met up like planned and I started to ask him if he's felt sick or under the weather lately. He started to get red again and said he didn't know what I was talking about and I got really nervous and didn't know what to do so I just went for a kiss out of the blue and I didn't realize so many people were watching and he turned really red and his heart rate was 230 BPM and when he asked me why I did iT I JUST SAID BECAUSE I THINK YOU'RE SICK AND HE RAN OFF OH GOD WYH DDI I SYA TAHT IM SHCU AN IDIOROS;BTHE
Oh no. Oh NO.
WHAT THE FUCK NOOOOOOO
Image of a heart breaking
How am I supposed to fap to this now (This user has been permanently banned)
SITE ADMIN - Alright 'Doctor', take responsibility for your actions or you are being PERMANENTLY banned
Alright alright FINE. OP, i'm sorry but your human friend has it. And YOU probably gave it to him. And yes telling him that loudly in public was fucking stupid. So there's only one thing left to do. This condition isn't actually curable, i'm sorry but that was a lie. Now that he has it it's never going to go away. So you need to find him and give him the cure.
BTU WHTA IS TEH CURE?! STPO BEATNG ARUODN THE BUSH ADN TELLME!
Ok, i'm gonna tell you. But you need to calm down before you do!
I CNAT CALM DWONW I CANT STP CYRING BRCAUSE HE HTAES ME NWOW
Oh my god my heart I can't
Alright kid, listen up. First, type the disease in poodle translate. Now read it out loud to yourself. Now THINK about what all of this means. You're a cute kid, extremely naive but clearly you care about him a lot, that's probably why he's in love with you. You see??? The """CURE""" is YOU. So go find him, show him this thread, and apologize sincerely. He's probably even more aware than all of us how naive you are so I imagine he'll forgive you, and sorry kid, if you didn't get the memo this isn't a medical website, it's a human fetishist forum. Now run away, and be free!
After this post, the thread was locked and remained stickied for about 3 weeks, becoming a legendary topic for regular lurkers
Until about 2 and a half months later, a single post bypassed the lock, bumping it once more
A human hand petting an anthro whose eyes are closed with his tongue lolling out in bliss
Wearing a fitness band
With the caption "stay away from my retarded cinnamon bun you sick fucks"