A Rather Uncomfortable Visit to the Wigglytuff Guild
Your name is Tybo. You are a Skitty who has just arrived into Treasure Town. With the Clover Guild soon to attempt to join the Federation, as well as learning that a certain Chatot from here is to help judge whether they enter or not, you decided you would check out the place just to see what it was like. While you told the Guildmaster that you were visiting this place “to bring back info about the guild’s customs” you primarily just wanted to see what this guild has to offer. You’ve heard a variety of strange things about it, but no specifics. From what you can gather the leader is eccentric and there is an insanely high tax rate. You’ve heard a variety of other things around the grapevine, but you expect those things to be exaggerations.
You immediately notice the tents shaped like Pokemon heads. You’re aware that it is a practice in other towns, and while you don’t want to sound intolerant, the design choice had always unnerved you somewhat. You start wandering about, taking glances at the shop, the bank and a quite intimidating-looking dojo. You start to head over to the guild ten-
”Hey!”
A Chansey waves to you. Assuming it’s a merchant, you approach the stall.
”You seem like a newcomer here! Would like a free egg?
“What???”
”If you do some rescue missions for us, you could get even more!”
“You mean like normal eggs right? Not fertili-”
“After a while, they’ll hatch and you’ll have your very own baby Pokemon!”
What the fuck. These people are exchanging unborn children as rewards for rescue missions? That has to be poke-trafficking. And everyone is just okay with this? To say you were disturbed would be an understatement. You start to regret not considering the rumors about this place, but at the same time, you feel compelled to see the extent of how strange this place really is.
“No thanks!” you yell as you quickly book it to the guild tent.
You eventually reach the main guild tent, you are quite impressed with the totem poles, and while you do think the tent looks menacing you can’t deny its good craftsmanship. You are about to barge in when-
“Whose footprint? Whose footprint?”
”The footprint is Skitty’s!”
”Let em’ in”
Huh. I guess that isn’t the worst security system, although you do wonder as to what Pokemon might not be allowed in. Would that count as racism? Pokeism? Wait, did the Clover Guild have any kind of security measures in place? Maybe you should bring that up…
You enter, and climb down the ladder. At the bottom, you are greeted by a small dugout area held together by brick and stone, few bulletin boards litter the area as well. Admittedly, you had expected this place to be a lot bigger. You check one of the billboards. Rescue requests, escort missions, bounties, nothing out of the ordinar- WAIT WHAT DOES THAT TEXT AT THE BOTTOM SAY?
“90% of all monetary profit from missions goes to Guildmaster Wigglytuff and Chatot for the purposes of the Wigglytuff Guild.”
A 90% tax rate? That’s tyranny! How the hell does anybody own anything here? Even the rumors you heard weren’t this bad! They must have heavenly amenities to justify this, but that’s just too good to be true. As you climb down the ladder, you see more vegetation scattered across the walls, some disorganized directional signs, and a hut in the shape of a Croagunk, with a cauldron of a strange purple liquid inside of it. The two windows letting in sunlight compliment the scene. You find the place quite charming, actually. However, your brief period of admiration is abruptly interrupted by the swinging open of a door accompanied with a boomingly loud “YOOMTAH!” A Wigglytuff and Chatot have barged out of the door. Well, at least the Wigglytuff did, the Chatot looks a bit annoyed. The Wigglytuff’s beady eyes lock on to yours.
“Now who’s this? Chatot, you didn’t say anything about us having visitors did you?”
”Sir, I’m pretty he’s just-”
“WELL how rude of us! We’ll show you around right away!”
You notice Chatot mumbling something under his breath, he seems exhausted.
You are directed (or more accurately, pushed) to another room.
”This is the mess hall! We only prepare the BEST for all of our guildmembers and guests!”
”Because you’re a guest, I’ll give you one of my Perfect Apples! Free of charge!”
The Perfect Apple is haphazardly shoved into your Treasure Bag. Maybe Beast would enjoy this, he does make a mean fried apple. Actually now that you look at it, out of the many bowls of assorted fruit in the corner, the large majority of them are apples. But before you can further analyze your surroundings, you are quickly directed to another room.
”...And these are the bedrooms! Comfy as can...-”
Wigglytuff suddenly goes completely still and closes his eyes. He is utterly silent, you nudge him to no response. Did he go… catatonic..? Some kind of seizure..? Chatot rolls his eyes and roughly pecks him on the head, and Wigglytuff jolts back up.
”...be! Here’s one of our guest bedrooms!”
He was asleep? You didn’t know sudden sleeping was even possible. You are concerned for this man’s mental state. The bedroom you are in has nothing but a pile of hay. Which you guess would be passable, if it weren’t for the 90% tax rate.
”Anyways, that’s all there is to this little place! It isn’t big, but it is home! Would you like to stay the night? You’re more than welcome to!”
“No thanks, I was just looking around, thanks for the offer though.” You say politely as possible.
”Oh that’s fine too! I hope you enjoyed the tour!”
You hated to admit it, but you did admire his cheery attitude, you wish you could be that happy and laid back about things. But that guy, a leader? No way. He has to be a puppet ruler to that Chatot or something. Unless he’s putting up some kind of act that guy doesn’t seem have the mental capacity to make diplomatic decisions. You exit the guild tent and prepare to leave, until you see a hole in the ground with a sign next to it.
“Spinda’s Cafe! Open 24/7”
Wait… didn’t Beast mention a Spinda who owned a cafe once? Were they rivals or lovers..? You can’t seem to remember which one. Eh, you’ll figure it out later, you’re definitely in the mood for a drink of some sort after everything you’ve seen today. You go down the stairs, there’s a few mons around, but not too many. You see Spinda at the counter and approach. Before you can speak she gives you a strange look and asks:
”That sash on your tail… you wouldn’t happen to be one of those crazed humans from that Clover guild, are you?”
”What?! No no, I’m a Pokemon, like a real one, I mean. Besides, your guildmaster is nuts!”
You get a couple of glances from the customers, perhaps you shouldn’t have said that part out loud.
”I suppose you wouldn’t be wrong about that. You do seem like one of the saner ones, judging how you aren’t checking me out from top to bottom.”
”How is Beast doing by the way?”
“He seems to be doing just fine, he’s been trying to make various human dishes recently, to varying degrees of success.”
”Heh, glad he’s doing fine.”
”Oh! I completely forgot to ask, did you want to order something?”
Coffee, black please.
”Comin’ right up!”
As you drink the coffee, you wonder what you’ll tell everyone about this place when you get back. The Wigglytuff Guild has a surprisingly good reputation, you consider not telling anybody about what you’ve seen here. You wouldn’t want to get dogpiled upon. Then again, you were never one to hide the truth. You think it would be a good idea just to tell one person about this and let them tell others if they want to. Your first thought is KFC, but you remember that he went out on some quest recently, he could be across the planet for all you know. Lilam? You’re not sure if he’d take it seriously. Smith? Yeah he seems like the guy to understand what you’re on about. You’ll tell him about all of this later, although you aren’t sure if he’ll really care or not. You feel as if you’re the only person who realizes how bizarre everything here is and why it’s a problem.
Leaving the cafe, you go down the one path you haven’t yet. It leads down to a beach, a beautiful beach at that. There’s Krabbys blowing bubbles in the distance and the gentle water waves rhythmically. Thinking about it, the environment here is actually quite beautiful, if it wasn’t for the insane policies, you might’ve actually liked this place.
You leave the beach and silently walk out of Treasure Town. Although Spinda’s Cafe was a respite of sanity, you hope not to have to come here again. You venture off, overthinking about how Treasure Town and The Wigglytuff Guild has maintained stability.