We open to a darkened gaming room, illuminated only by the faint glow of a CRT television.
Amid the scattered game cartridges and half-empty soda cans, we can see the outline of a remote controller.
Suddenly, the television flickers on.
The familiar Super Smash Bros. Ultimate logo lights up the screen, casting a warm glow around the room.
CUT TO:
Gameplay footage. We see MARIO and KIRBY locked in battle on the Final Destination stage. They fight fiercely and unyieldingly. Just as Mario charges for a decisive Smash attack...
Suddenly, the music cuts out.
The scene abruptly freezes.
The screen starts glitching before converting into an old-fashioned, '80s-style TV screen filled with static.
This is where we hear the first few beats of Friday Night Funkin's energetic music sync with the screen's flicker.
A shadowy figure manifests on-screen amidst the noise, emblazoned by neon red and blue hues hinting at its rhythm-based origins.
The figure is none other than /funkg/-tan, bouncing to the beat and brandishing a microphone stand like a battle weapon.
Suddenly, the funky beats hit a crescendo and the screen explodes into color, /funkg/-tan lunging out of the screen and into the fight. He lands on the deserted battlefield, striking a rhythmic pose as his name is finally revealed in bold, flashy text:
"/funkg/-tan Joins The Battle!"
CUT TO:
Gameplay of /funkg/-tan going head-to-head with various Smash characters.
In quick successions we see Bowser being blown back by a microphone stand swing, Link caught mid-air by a series of rapid, rhythmically timed strikes, and Samus struggling to dodge /funkg/-tan's Up Smash – an assault of floating arrow notes reminiscent of Friday Night Funkin' gameplay.
In between matches, /funkg/-tan is showcased inviting other characters to a dance-off, with flashy and rhythmic animations emphasizing his music-based fighting style.
We see him launch a special attack, "FUNKIN' BEATDOWN," where he drops beats faster than projectiles, bombarding his opponents to the rhythm.
A meter is slowly filled as /funkg/-tan hits the right notes. Once the meter is full, we see him unleash his Final Smash – "GROOVE OVERLOAD".
Cut to a cinematic: The screen darkens and /funkg/-tan takes center stage under a spotlight. He holds up his microphone, and a circle of arrows appears around him. As the beat intensifies, the arrows illuminate one by one in sync with the rhythm. His enemies are caught in this rhythmic barrage, unable to escape the mesmerizing beats.
Once all the arrows light up, /funkg/-tan slams down his microphone stand onto the stage.
A huge shockwave emanates from it in rhythm with a massive beat drop, sending opponents flying.
The screen then explodes with vibrant colors and soundwaves that ebb away slowly, leaving the stage as it was before, but with /funkg/-tan the last one standing.
Cut to a stylish pose of /funkg/-tan, his confident smirk accompanied by a thumbs-up, and the tagline "/funkg/-tan: Bringing The Beat!" on the screen.
Suddenly, we hear the revving of an engine. The camera swings to reveal /sthg/-tan on her motorcycle, Sonic's sidekick Tails behind her flashing a V-sign. She races towards /funkg/-tan, who grins and lifts his microphone again, ready for the next dance-off.
CUT TO:
The familiar Super Smash Bros. Ultimate logo again.
FADE OUT:
The screen goes black for a moment before displaying
"SUPER SMASH BROS. ULTIMATE x /VG/"
FADE TO BLACK:
Suddenly, distorted laughter echoes ominously. On the black screen, a pair of glowing red eyes emerge, followed by a hauntingly familiar text:
"Are you proud of me, dad?"
The screen then cuts out completely, leaving only the threatening message and the laughter that sends a chill down our spines.
FADE OUT.
FADE IN:
ON SCREEN:
A familiar face, Masahiro Sakurai, presents himself with his usual upbeat demeanor.
SAKURAI:
"Hello everyone, I'm Masahiro Sakurai, Director for Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. Today, I will introduce you to three new fighters joining the battle!
CUT TO:
Gameplay footage showing /funkg/-tan bouncing energetically to a catchy beat.
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"Meet /funkg/-tan, representative of the notorious Friday Night Funkin’ /vg/ threads on 4chan. He is a rhythm-based fighter and his move-set is as unique as it is dynamic."
CUT TO:
A detailed breakdown of /funkg/-tan's move-set. His standard attack swings his microphone stand. His smash attacks release arrow notes that fly rhythmically. He blocks and parries by performing quick dance steps.
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"/funkg/-tan's special attacks also incorporate aspects of the rhythm game mechanics. His side special, 'Beat Barrage,' allows him to fire a series of arrow notes towards his opponents, while his up special, 'Rhythm Rise,' propels him upward with a burst of musical energy.
CUT TO:
The reveal of /funkg/-tan’s Final Smash: "Groove Overload."
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"When the meter is full, /funkg/-tan can unleash his Final Smash. He takes center stage, causing all opponents within range to become trapped in a rhythmic barrage. The climax sees /funkg/-tan slam down his microphone stand, sending opponents flying."
CAUTION NOTE:
"Remember to hit the arrows in time with the rhythm to maximize your damage."
CUT TO:
Montage of /funkg/-tan's home stage – a stylized black-and-white valley with houses on top of each hill representing various /vg/ generals
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"His home stage is 'General Valley,' a unique, neon-infused landscape that represents the various /vg/ generals. The stage travels through different settings reflecting the diverse games discussed in the threads."
CUT TO:
Mii costumes of characters from Friday Night Funkin', including Boyfriend and Girlfriend.
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"We have also added Mii Costumes from key Friday Night Funkin' characters for you to enjoy."
Transition to footage of /sthg/-tan.
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"Up next is /sthg/-tan, embodying the Sonic thread on 4chan. She brings speed and agility into her fights like never before seen."
CUT TO:
A detailed examination of /sthg/-tan’s moveset. Her normal attacks are swift punches and kicks while her smash attacks display Sonic's trademark spin dash. Being adept at tech, she employs gadgets such as Enerbeams as ranged weapons or quick getaways during battles
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"/sthg/-tan's special attacks primarily mimic Sonic’s. Her Up Special is the 'Spring Jump,' which propels her upwards with incredible speed, while her Side Special, 'Enerbeam Whip,' acts both as an offensive move and a tether recovery."
Transition to /sthg/-tan using her Final Smash: “Sonic Boom”.
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"For her Final Smash, /sthg/-tan charges up and uses 'Sonic Boom.' This sends out a series of powerful shockwaves that push back opponents and deal hefty damage."
CUT TO:
/ sthg/-tan's home stage - A science-filled lab full of technological Easter eggs representing various Sonic games.
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"Her home stage is 'Emerald Laboratory', reflecting the variety of locales seen in different Sonic games."
CUT TO:
Mii Costumes for characters from the Sonic franchise including Fang, Bark, and Bean.
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"We also have Mii costumes of popular characters from the Sonic The Hedgehog franchise available for your customization needs."
Transition to footage of /exeg/-tan.
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"Finally, we introduce you to /exeg/-tan. Born out of /vg/'s creepypasta threads, he brings a slice of horror to every fight."
CUT TO:
A closer look at /exeg/-tan's moveset - normal attacks involve unnerving slashes using elongated finger claws while smash attacks reveal spine-chilling transformations into various creepypasta entities.
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"/exeg/-tan utilizes unsettling tactics in his fights. His special attack 'Haunting Guise,' allows him to morph temporarily into different forms inspired by renowned creepypastas adding unique properties to his moves."
For his Final Smash – "Terrifying Tale,"
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"/exeg/-tan's Final Smash is the 'Terrifying Tale.' On activation, he begins to narrate a horrifying story. Throughout his tale, the stage darkens and his opponents are entranced by fear, taking continuous damage as long as the narration lasts."
CUT TO:
/exeg/-tan's home stage - A gloomy forest setting with various creepy pasta references lurking in the shadows.
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"His battleground is aptly named ‘Creepy Forest,’ an eerie location filled with unnerving silhouettes and haunting noises that would unsettle any brave heart."
Transition to Mii Costumes for characters from popular Creepypastas such as Ben and Ethan.
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"We have also included Mii costumes of some of your favorite creepypasta entities to add more horror elements to your battles."
As Sakurai wraps up,
SAKURAI (V.O):
"We are ecstatic to welcome /funkg/-tan, /sthg/-tan, and /exeg/-tan into the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate roster! We hope you enjoy playing as these unique characters straight from 4chan's /vg/ threads."
Cut to teaser footage of all three new fighters in combat.
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"Thank you for joining us today, we can't wait to see how these additions shake up your matches!"
FADE OUT:
The screen fades back to black before displaying...
"SUPER SMASH BROS. ULTIMATE x /VG/"
...one last time.
Suddenly, it flickers ominously with static interruption. A distorted voice chuckles menacingly in the background echoing 'Ready for Round Two?' The ominous red eyes reappear on the black screen once more, hinting at forthcoming horror elements yet to unfold.
CUT TO:
The familiar SEGA logo appears.
FADE IN:
The SEGA logo fades, introducing a new segment. It's Sonic The Hedgehog, running at blistering speed through Green Hill Zone.
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"Seeing as we've just discussed /sthg/-tan, it seems appropriate to delve into some Sonic lore."
Suddenly, the blue blur stops abruptly on his track, looking towards the hidden bushes with a cautious expression. From the shadows emerges... Metal Sonic!
SAKURAI (V.O.)
"And look who has joined him! Metal Sonic!"
CUT TO:
Gameplay of a fierce battle between /sthg/-tan and Metal Sonic on Green Hill Zone stage.
SAKURAI (V.O):
"A new boss character - Metal Sonic adds another level of challenge in your Smash gameplay. Be prepared for intense matches!"
In the demonstration, /sthg/-tan uses her quick reflexes to dodge Metal Sonic's abrupt charges and retaliates swiftly with accurate punches,
SAKURAI (V.O.):
"Observe how /sthg/-tan uses her speed to outmaneuver Metal Sonic's attacks. Speed is key here, and timing your moves accurately will give you the advantage."
FADE OUT:
The screen fades into black one last time before displaying...
"SUPER SMASH BROS. ULTIMATE x SEGA"
Again, a moment of silence.
Quick CUT TO:
SAKURAI
"Well, that wraps up today's presentation. We hope you're as excited as we are about these added characters and challenges!"
He briefly pauses, clasping his hands together in anticipation.
SAKURAI (grinning):
"And don’t forget: always stay on beat with /funkg/-tan! Keep your speed high with /sthg/-tan! And… try not to let /exeg/-tan scare you too much."
“That is all from Director Sakurai. Thank you for watching.”
With this final remark, Sakurai sends us off into an electrifying new chapter of Super Smash Bros Ultimate.