some of said irons (rants) in one of many fires (this url)

i kind of want to throw up

nov 15 '25 I'M LOSING IT! I AM LOSING IT. WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT JAKE ENGLISH. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS DOING I WANT TO KILL YOU.
STEPS:
1. learn about jane crocker, and care about her, for real
2. learn about roxy lalonde, and care about her, for real
3. if you dislike tavros, lock the fuck in and care about him (for real)
4. reread act six of homestuck

nov 10 '25 on: what i said on sep 17.
I was not only super right , but it feels like something that so many people just be not getting! And let it be known, this would i think, depend on if ure a june canon believer. And i dont think theres anything wrong w anything . This is just what i think.

The way john and jake think about movies is so different! Mainly, Jake Thinks he was like John. Without knowing it of course, but he did bro like come awwnn now!!

in retrospect, it really really really could not have been more obvious.

i'd like to say, relatively, i think the most talked about crossgen characters like parallels are probably like

• rose to roxy
• dave to roxy

and oh. oh wait thats it cuz noooo one talks about their parallels and also the strilondes win everything . ok well whatever.

point being: how the FUCK do people believe his fuck ass persona bro ohhh my god.

maybe it is because a lot of people domt realize what exactly he's failing to steal from john?

i wish more people actuallu #GOT john's nonchalance. but for the sake of what im saying about jake here, that is all that need be mentioned.

jake is the least nonchalant, obvious. and everyome legit legit be saying it's form the heart from the soul.

i think this is just cuz, with jake, ALMOST more than jane, is being seen purely as his pre-scratch counterpart. this obviously wouldn't apply to dirk and roses mom, as they already have characters (bro and momlonde) that people care about on their own. this is why real nanna fans like jane, and real jade fans like jake. or...care about them at least. but the average readers lets say, who doesn't care that much about jake and jane, as their roles pre-scratch were sorta meaningless to this reader, jake and jane are going to be seen as just, some sort of character to fulfill whats needed of them.

i'd say overall, dirk and roxy are certainly seen as more interesting and separate characters than jane and jake.

i can say fairly confidently, jane is barely seen as nanna at all, while jake is seen as nothing but grandpa. it's kinda lame. kinda very lame.

in some part, this is likely just due to strilonde favouritism. but jane and jake deserve special attention i think. they are the #coolest. <== don't get me wrong, roxy is the best homestuck character terezi aside, but gosh if jake isn't very obviously my Fucking Favourite.

between them, jakes relationship to john is certainly more spoken of than janes relationship to jade, which is just as interesting, and oh m god someone fucking Care about Jane hse is so cool man. what the fuck. whatever. i digress.

it just so happens i think, that part of jake and janes characters are their coincidental absorption of their tropes. like, roxy with her drinks, sure, but she is so quickly much more than that--in ways jane isnt, really, and her crocker stuff kinda makes up for it. and dirk with his puppets, sure, but he is SO QUICKLY much more than that--in ways jake isnt, really, and his monster stuff kinda makes up for it. so i think its def more natural people dont be giving too many fucks about them, esp at the start. for so so so soooo many reasons, just as a few have been listed.

jane is inconsiderate of others like john, and jake is always doing his own stupid bullshit like jade. the same way jane is trying too hard like jade, and jake is oblivious like john.

these traits of theirs are just traits that happen to, i think, isolate people, in their nature! oblivious and known for isolating and inconsiderate and trying too hard (so, not listening really genuinely, not treating her friends like real life people)? no balls they are plainer! its in the nature, like real people :P

nov 10 '25 oh my god dudeeeee FUCK!!! JAKE englishhhh dude. Jake english. Oh my God. He just liked bad movies. He wouldve lov3d so so so so many good Movies . If only he lived as long as dirk or Past Fhe Age od Homestuck like oh my gawddffdss h ewkyld eloved LAL FHIS SHIF so autbentically amd shit xuz hes fucking like that ohhhh my glddddddddd englisb what is your PROBLEM

nov 3 '25 ok so i preordered the 70 dollar jakedirk standees. fuck my life is so beautiful. i am so fucking excited you have no idea. fem jake. will be on my desk. and also on my Jeans every Day as she Already is. WOw. wow. wow owwoow. wife. wife... fiwife

but holy shit he was legit just the most pathetic useless character the entire series. nepeta did more than this guy. that's fucking unreal.

sep 22 '25 I MISS JAKE NEGLISH jake english cardboard cutout happening SOON don't any of you fucking worry. i have this huge blank uh spot on my wall for him. he's going to gohtere. and i'll wake up in the mornin (FEELIN LIKE DIRK STRIER!!!! FUCKKKKKK... TIK TOK ROXY PARODY MENTION FUCKK) and he'lkl be right there. yesssirrrrrrr.

sep 21 '25 alright. i finished homestuck yesterdya. as in, the original. uhhh. i takeit back. ok. well i dont. yes jake you are so fucking embarrassing but oh my god dude its kinda not even your fault like no one even fucking told you no one was direct enough with you and the one guy who WOULDVE been happens to be ANTI COMMUNICATION THAT OPPOSES HIS OWN FUCKING IDEA OF HOW THE PEOPLE IN HIS LIFE ARE!!! FML!! or. more like. FUCK YOUUUUR LIFE I GUESS!! :( OH JAKE!!! gosh!

i guess thats just the way it be sometimes. if you act like you be knowing the way you are, but you really don't, people will just think youre an ass (which may be true!) thinking you truly know and understand the extent (which may be false!) and stuffs.

sep 19 '25 oh my god

sep 18 '25 god he's just actually so goddamn embarrassiing. how can you not know that you're a coward!!! me after sitting around doing nothing ignoring my bf: yess i am the strong one.

the whole thing w/ dirk being clingy kinda kills me. like, thats...what he was doing, obviously; testing jake, the way he does. but...in my experience (which is obviously comparable to that of homestuck characters), the way to get over that is to just lock in and start answers the tests? or calling them out? and calling them out is what they did. but you gotta keep doing it obviously. you can't just go Hey you're too self aware and you never trust what i'm saying due to some weird complex you have that places me above and below you at the same time, and then, like, everythings fixed! you gotta lock in to constantly going Hey talk to me like i'm a normal person!!! which is hard to do since jake is so dense. but i think that's kinda the point, right? Like?

and that's kinda such a sad reason to break up. i mean it wasn't contextually really since they had other shit to be doing, but i mean, dirk is al like

TT: I guess the real problem is our clique was too small.
TT: Poor Jake was the only viable romantic target. I mean, considering our respective orientations.

and he's right obviously. but that's such a wild way of saying something so fucking insane. yeah dude. you were one of the last two people alive. and you were talking to a boy from the past. uh, yeah, like, he's a special case. its not like youre all... like... attending school together, bro. it was special either way.

of course i am also of the belief that it woul dbe special even if they were some school friend group. just cuz someones the "only option" doesn't mean it all meant nothing ?? or was ... really ruined at all, imo...

sep 17 '25 ok so everything below this i wrote before i got to the arc where jake literally says he thinks all the stuff i was talking about and umm basically ... what i got from all that ... is that ...? i'm a genius? and i recognized his one (1) personality trait like the story wanted me to? life is ........ beautiful? in fact, i was really only like 30 pages before all that.

sep 17 '25 why does he think he's the way he makes himself, like, out to be? is that what watching that many movies about how men are supposed to be does to you?

it affected John in a similar way, i think. uhh like how the actors he looked up to impacted and almost entirely shows what he deems admirable, while with Jake i think what he took from movies was a whole lot more contextual and situational...uh, like, while John took the chance to feel like his Goat Cameron, it's not like he actually generally associates himself with anyone like that, because they're above him, and he recognizes that—to be admired and looked up to and shit.

but i don't think this would ever even really occur to Jake. its like he's supposed to be the main character and his life is its own movie and any time anything too convoluted happens, it, like, can't be his fault, since he's a Simple Hero.

the fact he talks to uu at all sorta shows this i think. John would literally never....handle that the way Jake did. he doesn't seem to grasp that his actions reflect who he is, and he can't just,,,say who he is like that makes it true.

GT: I have no intention of serving you. In fact im not even sure why im still talking to you!
GT: Youre lucky that my manners are impeccable otherwise i would have blocked you already, what with the scandalous way you have characterized my ladyfriends alone.

like, whatre we doingggg Jake.

and the way he thinks about hope and stuff. its sorttaaa like...if he wills himself into being a good enough person (while in his mind doing it for other people's sake, always), then it'll be true, and he cannot make wrong choices persey. every choice is good intentioned which means everything.

GT: Hope to me is all about believing in stuff.
GT: If you believe in stuff then everything feels like its going to turn out ok.
GT: And if you believe in stuff with enough gusto i dare say it imbues that stuff with a pinch more chutzpah. Even the fake stuff!
GT: And then if you keep an open mind and adventurous spirit, that chutzpah flows directly into your heart, and thats when YOU have the power.
GT: So i think if hope grants one the power to smite villainy and vanquish hooligans thats probably where it comes from!

gosh, and all this bullshit

GT: Ok then. I will choose to believe you.
GT: See what i did there? I just scored a few more hope points!
GT: By strengthening my trust in you as well as our burgeoning friendship.
GT: Oh also, friendship is a HUGE key to being good at hope. I forgot to mention that.

like, its like, if he's Spreading Hope! to uu, then he's a good guy, and he can follow what uu says, since REALLLYYY Jake has the power, since he's like, uh, spreading hope! and! being a good guy! and stuff.

it seems like he just doesn't see anyone as irredeemable. which is a problem. maybe John could never be like this cuz his goat Cameron felt the same way, like, some people aren't worth working with, even for the sake of better people. Jake doesn't grasp this.

and when he apologies to jane:

GT: I dunno about that. I dont think i care about becoming a great hero and challenging a weird grumpy alien all that much.
GT: Not nearly as much as my friendship with you.

I...can believe that he means this, true, but this doesn't change that he shouldn't have been talking to uu in such a manner anyhow! you can't just go around befriending people then turning around and saying no no no we aren't actually friends,,,and it's realllyyy. obviously fucking hard to watch this little fucking dweeb think otherwise.

aboutthis page&& &me

piccie of me if ure curious

i like:

• jake english
• stating the obvious
• citing nothing
  • i know the sources are there i swear to god i just dont wanna look pelasee pleas pela dont make me cite m fycing sources bro

i dislike:

• jake english