A Four Year Old Wall: Broken

Ken somehow managed to stumble back to his apartment after an hour in the bar. He unlocked his apartment and looked into a dark and lonely apartment. Ken flicked a light switch on and saw his well kept apartment,in front of him a couch rarely used beyond himself. Despite the 100 dollars worth of whiskeys on the rocks, Ken still didn’t feel ready yet to do what he had to.Ken walked to his kitchen and pulled a bottle of sake from his fridge and poured himself a shot before sitting at a bar stool. Ken stared at the shot glass, the cocktail of emotions under his skin so close to reaching the surface, yet so far. He debated just not calling, he knew it would only end in getting another call from Cassie , but at least he could have a conversation with her. Ken sighed and downed the sake with one final debate on whether he should call, but he knew he had to whether he wanted to or not.Ken stood up and pulled his phone out, staring at it again for a moment before swallowing what doubts he had left.

The call went straight to voicemail, “Good to know she remembered” Ken thought to himself. Ken paused, still not sure what to say before blurting out “Hey. Sunny it’s.” Ken paused, not sure what he can let out,”... Ken, heard from your mom that you told the truth to your friends, wish you would have told them four-” Ken cut himself off, not wanting that to get out. “Well I just wanted to say that it’s good that you told the truth and that you recover soon.” Ken looked down not knowing how to say goodbye before just hanging up. Ken stared at his phone, his head full of conflicting thoughts of what he said and whether he should have called at all.Ken decided to do what he would always do to relax, whether it was a long and stressful day at work or a coworker who thought he was their therapist. Ken went to his cabinet and pulled out his favorite record ‘Cozy Tatsuro Yamashita’ read on its sleeve in red. Ken carefully took it out the sleeve to not damage the memories within its grooves.He placed it on the turntable and let it play. The cheery guitar and band played like it always would but this time it wouldn’t be able to penetrate the thick clouds of thoughts circling within his mind. Ken sat down on his couch hoping he could just zone out to the music, but the pot just kept bubbling; this wasn’t something he could just run away from, not again.

Ken’s fist tightened as his thoughts reached a boiling point until he couldn’t hold it in anymore.
“Why should I be sorry for that little shit?!” Ken said as he shot up from the couch “he waited four years to confess, knowing he wouldn’t face the consequences now!” Ken’s face began to turn red. “He waited four years, doing jack shit rotting away. And when he finally confesses to killing her, my daughter, I’m supposed to give him a pat on the back?!” Four years of hatred and anger finally releasing, “he doesn’t even deserve the voicemail! I should have just told Cassie off, she’s the one who let him rot, willing to keep up a lie and spit in the face of Mari!” Ken paused when he said her name out loud, a moment of sadness before the rage returned. “He doesn’t deserve to hear my voice!” Ken’s breathing became more intense and sporadic,”Why should I even have to think about him,” He began to grit his teeth. “He took away my own flesh and blood, the most important person in my life, he doesn’t deserve to be my son.” Ken again paused, that word reminding him for a moment of better times before, trying to wipe away any doubts about his feelings. “I don’t deserve to be straddled with that little twerp. I don’t deserve to see him because I..” The storm was broken and what he had built up everything against was broken with six words. In the new silence, the music broke through “Thank you for your love, thank you for the heart,” Ken fell back into his couch “That was our song,” he thought as everything he built to protect himself broke. As he looked down, his mind dotted with photos, he saw two lovers on their wedding day, a mother and father with their new born daughter, a father holding his son for the first time and a brother and sister playing as their parents watched. He slumped into himself surrounded by an apartment that never had more than one person within its walls, 500 miles away from them. Ken got up and went to the drawer next to the couch and pulled out a photo buried under dusty books. Ken starred at the photo showing a husband and wife, their daughter and new baby son all posed for a family photo. Ken stared for almost a minute at the photo, his mind flooded with the good times of old.His eyes began to tear up knowing he lost his last chance to see them, to have anything close to what they used to.However he knew that this time would be different ,Ken pulled out his phone and dialed his boss.

“K-Ken, why the hell are you calling me at 9 PM? I'm eating dinner with my family?”

“Just calling to tell you I’ll be taking a week off with my vacation days starting tomorrow.”

“Wait, you have to inform me two weeks in advance for this kind of stuff.”

“It’s a family emergency.”