Executable M Rewrite

I’ll be honest, it’s been a rough couple of years for me.

It all started around the mid 2010’s or so. I’m this super bad demonic entity, I saw another super bad demonic entity was extremely successful at being evil by possessing a video game cartridge and assuming the main character’s identity. Yeah I’m a trend chaser and I know that but at the very least I tried to separate myself by using the name Executable M instead.

Still, I thought I could leech off of some of the fruits of this trend. Possess that character’s more successful rival, get a couple of kills myself, form my own cult and do some satanic rituals and get more kills, I had a whole five year plan made by the time I started all this! Too bad none of it came to fruition.

First year, immediately my plan becomes worthless. I don’t know if it’s just that Mario fans are better or Sonic fans are more autistic but jeez is it hard to kill people. I thought my first time in the field was gonna be some majestic experience: my first kill, a special victim that I’d forever remember as I grew more and more powerful, something like that. Nah, the first guy who downloaded my game was just some fat dude who immediately punched his screen as soon as he saw me. Every encounter was pretty much like that in terms of how unsuccessful each one was, in fact I’ll name off some of the more “breath-taking” experiences I had:

Guy died to the first enemy nine times a row before rage quitting and deleting my game off his computer.
Some dude used my game as a base to play Super KKK Bros. I couldn’t reveal myself throughout the entire experience - you know how bad it’d look if while wearing klan robes I pulled out a torch?
Being used as a way to further pile on malware onto an already dying computer.
Beaten at my own game, multiple times. Turns out no matter how unfair I make the experience there’s still a couple of people who just blaze past everything and end up completing it all before I have time to process what happened.
I think the only reason why I even set these rules that I can only kill someone if they fully play is just because the guy I copy does that as well. I still don’t have a proper explanation as to why he’s more successful than me other than good old fashioned Sonic Autism™.
Anyway second year comes around and though I still had issues with actually doing what a demonic entity is supposed to do - kill people and form a cult - at least by then I had gotten a few kills and recruited a couple of people to join my group, the “Cult of M.” Yes I know it’s a very original name and totally isn’t ripping off of that other cult that exists but hey, it’s not the name that matters it’s the purpose. Me and my followers had actually started to get pretty good at racking up kills by then, and though the chick I chose to help run the cult for me, Sharon Morgan, was quite the hideous woman, she actually was pretty good at helping me lead the cult.

Besides the killings and murders and occasional rapes that my Cult of M did we were a pretty chill group. Some of the guys there really knew their shit. Unlike the lame-o Cult of X half of my group wasn’t composed of morbidly obese losers, we had some genuinely productive people in our ranks. One of the higher-ups in the cult, Dave, not only did that guy have his own small business that was ranked as one of the best restaurants by the city’s biggest newspaper but he also had a damn good eye for catching people that were trying to spy on us.

David Red, a local detective, also a total nerd. I hated that guy so much not only because of how much of a loser geek he was but also because he was being a little peeping tom on my cult and was trying to take me and my homies down. Now what he didn’t realize is that we were gonna rape and kill him, so when my main man Dave found out about what he was doing and kidnapped him back to the cult’s headquarters not only did we rape him but we also killed him. Good times. Good times were pretty much the main thing of the cult until the little incident that occurred soon after that great experience.

You know the Nintendo Ninjas, the haha hehe funny little joke about Nintendo’s legal team that takes down fan projects? Turns out there’s a Nintendo Swat Team as well. I wish I was joking but on a Saturday night in the middle of a recreational ritual performance they ended up raiding our cult headquarters and killing pretty much everybody, including that one ugly bitch cult leader and Dave the bro. Hindsight 20/20, it probably wasn’t a good idea to send a letter over to Nintendo asking them to fund my cult.

Now again, being a demonic entity I don’t have much of a physical existence so it’s not as though they could kill me, but I’m not gonna lie and say that this didn’t fuck me over. In fact it really fucked me over, so much so that for the rest of the year I didn’t really know what to do. Sure, I still killed people by myself and every time I did so I was getting better at it but overall things had really slowed down in terms of progress being made. Didn’t have any more real embarrassing incidents but I also didn’t have any more super intriguing things that were occurring in my life for a while there. That quickly ended as soon as I started to experiment again.

Started off small, did a remake of my game, didn’t change much gameplay wise but hey the graphics got a little better and I think that helped me in the soul stealing market. Besides that change I tried something just a little bigger right after and attempted to make my own artificial group of guardians, the “muardians,” because it’s not like the other dude is gonna take me to court. They were the following:

Mito - Muardian of Disgust
Men’O - Muardian of Prayer
Mofuku - Muardian of Joy
Mekido - Muardian of Despair
Metsubo - Muardian of Despair
Myofu - Muardian of Fear
Mokubo - Muardian of Desire
Mord X - Muardian of Friendship dedicated to the realest motherfucker out there Dave

To be truthful a lot of these “muardians” weren’t made with the clearest state of mind and I’m pretty sure I made one too many and mixed up their roles but in the end none of it mattered because all of them turned out retarded. I killed Mokubo because he was getting to be too annoying for my tastes and let the rest roam free and that they did. I don’t know where any of them are now. Maybe they’re dead maybe they’re alive raping and killing frankly I don’t care because at this point I’ve accepted the fact that they’re their own thing now that’s completely separate from me.

Overall the one and only good thing that’s come out of all of this is that I’ve been able to improve my English. No longer do people spend more time trying to figure out what I’m saying than actually being scared by my threats, that is if anybody is even scared of me now. All of my failed attempts throughout my life have caught up to the general public and since then it’s been the longest streak I’ve ever gone without killing or raping anybody. Everytime I show my face now or someone plays my game they point and laugh and make fun of me.

I hate this, I despise this, everybody now knows me as “Executed Miserably” instead of my new proper name which is supposed to be Executable M. No matter how hard I try I’m known as the demonic entity equivalent of the class clown, the school’s loser that gets his lunch money stolen and receives wedgies after class.

Someone please save me from this eternal nightmare.